(Nothing is Ever Truly Closed)
"I don't think this is a good idea," Yuugi was saying as Yami walked up to the gate of the Kaiba estate. "I mean, who knows what Kaiba has planned?"
Yami was shaking his head. "He just wanted to talk."
Yuugi answered, "Well, talking is fine, but what if you two…? I mean, if he just broke up with Jou-"
"He and Jou weren't in any sort of relationship, Yuugi; they were just having sex."
Yuugi was silent in his mind as the gates opened; someone must have been watching for Yami. "Nothing is going to happen," Yami said, his tone more gentle. He could tell Yuugi was troubled. "You can even watch, just to prove it. We swore once it was done, and we meant it." Yami was walking into the house, through the halls he still remembered, going to Seto's home office. He knocked on the door; he was no longer Seto's lover, no longer free to walk in as he pleased. He was a guest now.
"Come in." Seto sounded business-like as ever. Yami entered; he left the door open. "Sit down." Seto motioned to a chair across from him, on the other side of the desk. Yami almost sighed with relief; there would be a desk between them. He sat, watching Seto.
"What do you need?" Yami asked.
"We haven't talked in four years."
"That's right."
Seto was looking down at his desk, and then he looked back up at Yami. "Do you know why?"
"Because it would have been difficult to resist each other."
Seto was nodding, leaning back in his chair, his hands folded together. "Isn't it sad that our old rivalry has fallen apart? I miss dueling you. You were a worthy adversary. Irritating, but worthy."
Yami had never heard Seto describe him as worthy. "Thank you."
"Its not flattery, it's the truth." Seto looked sad and amused all at once. "We were in love once." Yami stared, shocked; what was Seto getting at? "I never said it - I figured it would be useless to tell you when we were on the verge of leaving each other. But I felt it."
"It's a shame things didn't work out."
Seto nodded. "It came down a choice, and we made ours." He sat straight again, hands resting on the desk. His tone was softer as he added, "I haven't been able to let go of you in four years."
Yami felt a small smile grace his features; ah, he understood. He had always been able to understand Seto, whether they were fighting or just talking. "And you called me here today to do that."
Seto nodded. "I need to be sure that I can look at you and not feel those old feelings."
"And do you? 'Feel those old feelings', that is."
Seto paused, staring at Yami intently. Yami was content to let him examine for as long as he needed. Finally Seto said, "Not the way I used to."
Yami nodded, and as happy for Seto as he was, a small part of him was sad. "I'm glad." It was all he needed to say. He stood, walked towards the door. He was at the threshold when Seto's voice called out to him, making him pause.
"We'll have to duel soon."
Yami looked over his shoulder with a cocky grin. "I look forward to it."
Seto stormed crossly around the manor. Damn it, which one of the attendants had moved his bed? Everyone he asked told him the same thing: they weren't sure, and - of course - no one knew which storage shed the bed was hidden in, not even the people who were paid specifically to make sure the stuff in storage was well cared for and clean. When had he started hiring people who were apparently brain-dead?
He wanted to call Jounouchi. He had resolved things with Yami, which meant Jounouchi was next… but first he wanted his old bed back. He hated the new one, and he was finally able to admit it out loud. He told everyone he saw. There was a strange catharsis in letting things go and realizing feelings that he had ignored. More than enough times his workers looked nervous as he ranted to them about how much he hated his bed, and how he was going to kick someone's ass if he didn't find the old one soon.
But the emotional outbreak hadn't come suddenly, or easily.
He had spent a week trying to figure what to do. He kept hearing Jounouchi in his head. "You want more from me than my body." At first he had told himself that Jounouchi was just being imbecilic as always. What would he possibly want with such a nuisance? The mutt was always talking, eating, making an idiot of himself... He was just the sort of person Seto couldn't stand.
And then he had gotten to thinking… Jounouchi had some admirable qualities. He had stood by his sister whenever she needed him, he was loyal to his friends, and he loved Mokuba; they had at least that little bit in common. Not to mention he had a body that Seto couldn't help but adore: it seemed to fit so well against his own, and he missed it in all its warmth and loveliness. He even admitted to himself that it had felt nice to hold Jounouchi, even though the moment had been brief and mocking.
He remembered himself in his own office, telling himself he needed to stop avoiding his issues with love and sex and start coming to terms with them. He hadn't really solved anything by telling Jounouchi he hated him.
The final factor was his memory of Mokuba at thirteen, looking over him at dinner, his tone all business: "You're like that little boy who always yanks a girl's hair because he likes her. It's third grade logic - if you don't know the words to express your feelings, then just pick on the one you want."
Seto and Jounouchi hated each other. They had hated each other from the first time they met. He had hurt Jounouchi; he always had, and he had enjoyed it.
And somewhere along the line, Seto had done a complete turn-around...
He didn't love the mutt the same way he had once loved Yami - he doubted that it was possible to duplicate that feeling - yet love him Seto did. That concept, the idea of loving different people in different ways with an equal amount of emotion, was foreign to him. He didn't quite understand it, but maybe it was one of those things that wasn't meant to be understood… Funny, really; all he had ever taken the time to do was heckle the blond. At least Jounouchi always fought back. That had to stand for something: love, hate, malicious indifference… Seto wasn't sure. In any case, he wasn't afraid of taking risks.
But first things had come first: Yami. That had been the hardest. Seto would have rather braved a thousand deaths than bring himself to talk to Yami again. That was the x-factor, the one unpredictable element in all his planning, all his thinking… if he looked at Yami and was still in love with him, it would all be brought to shambles, and it would leave Seto more confused and miserable than when he had started. When he saw Yami his bewilderment ebbed. He loved Yami, and Seto was sure that probably wouldn't change. But at the same time he wasn't in love with him, not like he had been, not anymore…
All that had brought him to the moment after Yami had left his office; he had been staring at his bed, and he hated it. He wanted his old bed, his cream-colored sheets. And then he wanted to pin Jounouchi against them… and kiss him. Nothing more. Seto just wanted to kiss him.
Of course, that was going to be impossible if he couldn't even FIND the damn bed! He fumed.
"Damn it!" He walked into Mokuba's room. Mokuba was lying on his bed, pouring over homework. "Mokuba, do you have any idea where my bed is?"
Mokuba blinked at him. "In your room?"
Ask a stupid question… "No, my old one."
"You got a new one?"
"Never mind." He could search the storage sheds himself. There were only, what, four of them?
As it turned out, the "sheds" were better described as "warehouses." So, he had started at the beginning.
In the first one, he had managed to find clothes from when Mokuba was young, old toys, stuffed animals, even a test from when he had been in third grade… but no bed.
So he figured if the first warehouse housed things from their childhood then the bed - having been stored away just four years ago - would be the last one; he looked there.
No such luck.
While he was in the third warehouse he got frustrated and kicked a long, flat crate… and in that unusual display of emotion one side of the badly closed crate fell open. Inside he found his mattress and the pieces to the bed frame; on top of the crate was a box that held his sheets. Great. All he needed now was to find someone to move that bed back into his room. If he hadn't been so relieved that the bed was found he would have wondered why the crate hadn't been closed properly.
He needed a moment; getting all worked up had taken a lot of energy out of him. Where did people get the much energy to be so emotional? He didn't think he was going to make it a habit, even if things did go well… He sat on the crate, smiling softly. A moment later the door to the warehouse opened.
"What are you doing in here?" Jounouchi asked, and then sneezed. "It's like a dust collection from hell."
Seto stared at Jounouchi, letting his smile fall. "How did you find me?" Maybe that wasn't the best opening line. Opening lines had never been a strong point for him.
Jounouchi pointed out of the warehouse. "Some guy told me that you were out here."
"Obviously. What do you need?"
"I just… ugh, never mind, I-" Jounouchi was turning to leave.
"Wait."
Jounouchi turned back, looking at Seto. "What?"
Seto kept his expression calm as he used Jounouchi's own words. "You want more from me than my body." He focused completely on Jounouchi, watching as he fidgeted, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
"So what if I do?" Jounouchi looked apprehensive… and he had every right to be. Seto knew he was acting strange, sitting casually in a dusty warehouse, saying things he wouldn't have normally said.
"Come here." Jounouchi walked over, still looking wary. He lowered himself down beside Seto, watching him curiously. Seto looked back… he didn't REALLY need his bed for the moment; the warehouse seemed to have enough atmosphere to it. He leaned forward, kissing him softly. It sent a shiver down his spine. Jounouchi was still for a moment, unmoving… and then he was giving in, letting Seto deepen the kiss. The taste of Jounouchi was almost intoxicating, and he was glad he had decided the way he had… He was just about willing to sacrifice his own need for air to continue the kiss, but Jounouchi pulled back.
"I'm not here for sex," he said breathed, almost as though he couldn't comprehend what was happening.
Seto nodded minutely, his head bumping against Jounouchi's just a little. "I know."
- author thoughts… -
Credit for the title of this part goes to Kalynn, who coined those very wise words… I guess that seems more like the name of a final chapter, but I think it described the whole Seto & Yami thing well… Maybe I'm strange?
Originally when I wrote this part, Seto only answered "No." to Yami's question. Thing was, he spent an entire 8 parts pining over Yami… it made no sense for *poof!* magical getting-over-ness. It made more sense that he could move on, move past that old feelings and let them live on in a different way. But I really like that scene between the two…
Then comes the rest of the part. I like it, I really do, but I think it was more for a bit of humor before it got serious. Because it's almost done; you know it's gonna get serious. *sniffle*