Fanatic: Lucrecia

By: Tifa Gainsborough

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The scene opens up to reveal Tifa Gainsborough standing in the Chocobo Racing area of the Gold Saucer. Behind her Kinneas and Casey Crystal are trying to look intimidating. Both are wearing their Turk sunglasses, milling around, trying to scare people. The effect is ruined when the two collide, taking out each other and five bystanders.

Tifa G: Welcome to Fan…

Cloud: HOLD IT!

Cloud comes running in. Not seeing the heap of seven people on the floor he crashes into them and skids on his face, stopping in front of Tifa G. Jumping to his feet he makes a graceful landing. Judges standing by hold up three nines.

Tifa G: What do you want Cloud, I was just about to start the show.

Cloud: I haven't been in an episode in a long time. It's rather depressing.

Tifa G: You are appearing in this episode.

Cloud: I am?!?

Tifa G: You just did! Bodyguards! Please escort Cloud off the set!

Kinneas and Casey walk over, having detangled themselves from the heap. They drag Cloud off the set. From off screen, screams can be heard.

Cloud: NO! Not the wall! Anything but that again!

Kinneas: Yes! The Wall! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!


Tifa G: Frightening sight, isn't it folks. Today on Fanatic, Lucrecia is going to be interview by…. Oh help us!

Casey: What's the matter?

Tifa G: The person interviewing today call's themselves the Great Sephiroth.

Sephiroth floats down from the ceiling, looking very impressive. Rufus falls from the ceiling and makes a nice Rufus shaped whole where that information desk use to be. It doesn't look very impressive.

Sephiroth: There is only one Sephiroth and that is I! I, the original, am the only one allowed to be called the Great Sephiroth! So there can only be one and that is I!

While Sephiroth is ranting, Tifa G, Kinneas, and Casey slowly sneak away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A big house is sprawled out in front of the three girls. The windows are rattling and from the inside the familiar cords of "One Winged Angel" can be heard. Kinneas and Casey give Tifa G a shove in the direction of the door.

Tifa G: I will be brave, I will be brave! Damn it! This is my show, I won't let some Sephiroth wannabe scare me!

Tifa G knocks on the door and it swings open.

Great Sephiroth: Who dares to knock at the door of the Great Sephiroth!

Tifa G: I'm… I'm with Fanatic, you have been chosen to interview Lucrecia…. passes out

Great Sephiroth: Really! Excellent!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

First Impressions

Great Sephiroth: This is excellent news. I have so many questions that I want to ask Lucrecia. I feel that I will be able to get some spending answers out of her. If she shows up long enough.

Lucrecia: I can't believe that people actually want to interview me. I mean, I am hardly even in the game and I still have wonderful fans. This is really amazing, I hope they will have news of my son and of Vincent.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The setting is Lucrecia's cave, with the glowing lights and everything. The Great Sephiroth is standing on the side with Kinneas and Casey. Tifa G is cowering behind her two bodyguards. She has yet to get it through her head that this isn't the Sephiroth that is trying to mutilate her with tacks.

Tifa G: Do you have all you questions? And do you have any tacks?

Kinneas: smirks Tacks…

Great Sephiroth: Yes I have all my questions and no I do not have any tacks.

Kinneas: TACK! HAHAHAHA

Tifa G: You may go ahead. turns to Kinneas It was you that gave Sephiroth the idea for the tacks!

Tifa G jumps Kinneas and the Great Sephiroth goes out to greet Lucrecia. Casey stands on the sidelines, mourning the loss of her Rufus now turned stalker creepy villain. Oh, how pathetic are the host and her bodyguards.

Great Sephiroth: Hello Lucrecia.

Lucrecia: Hello, it's nice to meet you.

Great Sephiroth: I must start off with the questions that is on everybody minds. Why did you have a child with HOJO of all people?!?!

Lucrecia: I was stupid.

Great Sephiroth: That's for sure.

Lucrecia: HEY! I made a mistake, I'm sorry. I was trying to improve science, I thought was Hojo was doing was right, little did I know what the results would be in the long run.

Great Sephiroth: Yeah, a megalomaniac who has a fixation with giant meteors and sharp pointy objects. Why did you let Hojo take Sephiroth and do all those nasty experiments on?

Lucrecia: I was weak, the Jenova cell's were effecting me more than I thought. I wanted to keep him, but Hojo took him away, bastard!

Great Sephiroth: Exactly. Why do you keep giving Vincent all of those items and limits?

Lucrecia: I wanted to help Vincent out. I was responsible for so many of his problems. It was the least I could do.

Tifa G: Lets face it! You are responsible for everything! gets tackled by Kinneas GAH!

Lucrecia: Now that's not…. Well I see where you are coming from.

Great Sephiroth: Why did you name Sephiroth what you named him?

Lucrecia: I didn't name him, Hojo did. I wanted to name him Bob.

Great Sephrioth: You know…The great villain Bob wouldn't really scare people the way Sephiroth did. Explain to me, why did you spend the ENTIRE GAME in a FREAKIN CAVE?!?!

Lucrecia: Because it's comfy and homey… I was stuck here! I would have rather been anywhere but here.

Great Sephiroth: How did Sephiroth grow a freakin wing at the end?

Lucrecia: That was more Jenova than Sephiroth. Sephiroth had been killed in Nibelhiem by Cloud. But his spirit had too many questions to rest peacefully. Through his will and with the help of Jenova he created another body. But in the end Jenova began to take control.

Great Sephiroth: Whoa…. Why was Hojo so obsessed with Jenova?

Lucrecia: Jenova was something Gast was working on. Hojo always wanted everything Gast had, he was his biggest rival.

Great Sephiroth: Did you marry Hojo or was Sephiroth a bastard?

Lucrecia: That is none of your concern. Sephiroth was loved, whether or not we were married.

Great Sephiroth: Oh yeah, Hojo loved him. Loved to do experiments on him. What is happening between you and that VAMPIRE Vincent?

Lucrecia: Vincent and I are simply friends now.

Great Sephiroth: Why are there so many Sephiroth/Vincent couplings on the net?

Tifa G: OH NO! That's eleven questions! whips out a gun and blows up the camera

Director: Smooth move genius! That was our last camera! Now we have to order more!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Second Impressions

Great Sephiroth: Lucrecia seems very nice, although she does have a few problems. Like having a kid with Hojo for one thing. But she was nice, I was glad I was able to interview her.

Lucrecia: I've decided… I am never coming out of my cave again. But really nice fan, it's just those other people, the host for one, that scare me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tifa G: Well, I survived a whole episode! dances

Casey: Good news! We got a legal binding thing that says Sephiroth or Rufus are not allowed to kill you on TV!

Tifa G: That is wonderful news!

Sephiroth falls from the ceiling again, making another graceful entrance. The three girls look up, waiting for Rufus to fall from the sky. Instead he comes in through a door.

Rufus: We are not allowed to kill you?

Kinneas: That's right!

Sephiroth. pulls out tacks and some ropes It says nothing about maiming or hurting. Just killing and on TV!

Tifa G: Eep…

Rufus: And since you destroyed the last camera, you aren't on TV.

Tifa G: Double eep. Stay tuned for the next episode! runs!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Authors Note: I am so evil! If you are wondering about the wall, go check out Kinneas' Muse War! And don't forget to visit the Library of Centuries! You can find the link via Arcadia Silver's author profile! I recommend everybody go check out both! Look forward to the next chapter soon. And don't forget, people are still open for interviews!