Fanatic: Cloud Strife

By Tifa Gainsborough

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Tifa G: Welcome to Fanatic! I will be your host Tifa Gainsborough, with my trusty bodyguards, Casey Crystal and Kinneas!

Casey and Kinneas stand behind Tifa G each wearing a Turk uniform. They are each wearing Turk sunglasses, arms crossed. For once they are looking very intimidating. Tifa G holds Rufus' shotgun, resting it against her right shoulder.

Casey: Question!

Tifa G: Who will be interview today?

Casey: Not exactly. I was wondering, where did you get Rufus' shotgun? Last I saw Aurora had it over in Lila's MST of A Rose By Any Other Name.

Kinneas: Is that a shameless plug?

Casey: Nah, just stating something. Well…

Tifa G: It's like Sephiroth's Masamune. He leave's one behind and gets a new one… nobody knows how. Or do they know why.

Kinneas jumps Casey for some odd reason

Kinneas: No shameless plugs!

Casey: You plug your wall!

Tifa G: Well… they looked intimidating for a few minutes. Today on Fanatic, Sakura Blackwolf will be interviewing… oh dear. The day has finally come.

Cloud: has wandered in, stepping around Kinneas and Casey What day has come?

Tifa G: You are being interview.

Cloud: EEP! passes out

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Tifa G, Kinneas, and Casey have traveled into the land of Bishounen Haven. Casey is holding on to Kinneas who is trying to jump Tasuki who is lighting a fire with his flame fan. He misses and catches Kamui, who is wandering, by on fire.

Kinneas: I just want to touch one of them!

Tifa G: NO! We must get Sakura Blackwolf. Look! There she is! Talking to…. TALKING TO MY TOUYA!!!!!!!!!!

Tifa G runs launching over a few random bishounen and crashes into Sakura Blackwolf! Touya runs.

Sakura: Tifa G! I'm on Fanatic!

Tifa G: Yes! Now stop talking to my Touya! You can talk to Cloud!

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First Impression

Cloud: dancing I HAVE FANS, I HAVE FANS, I HAVE FANS, I HAVE FANS, I HAVE FANS!!! This world so rocks!

Sakura: I get to interview Cloud! This has to be the greatest day of my life! I can't wait to meet his, I'm going to poke his hair and ask him all these questions!

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A sandstorm is kicking up as Tifa G, Sakura, Kinneas, and Casey walk towards the sand pits that surround the Gold Saucer.

Tifa G: Now this has got to be the weirdest location I have ever had. Do you have all your questions?

Sakura: YEAH!

Sakura walks out to greet Cloud.

Sakura: Hi Cloud!

Cloud: Are you my fan?

Sakura: YEAH!

Cloud: Can I hug you!

Tifa G: Well now… that's a first.

Sakura: YES! jumps Cloud and gives him a huge hug. Ten minutes later Kinneas and Casey are able to detach Sakura and she begins asking her questions Do you think of yourself as emotionally unstable?

Cloud: People seem to think that a lot. But I have gotten my emotions under wrap since Meteor.

Tifa G: JENOVA!

Cloud screams and bursts into tears.

Tifa G: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gets nailed in the head by Cloud shoe OUCH!

Cloud: Okay, so I have a few kinks to work out. Next questions.

Sakura: If you had a chance to kill yourself, would you?

Cloud: I don't think so.

Sakura: That is so good to hear! Would you attempt to kill me if I were to write many a shounen ai story with you and Sephiroth?

Cloud: I could never kill a fan!

Tifa G: Oh really…

Sakura: You have tried to kill Tifa G?

Cloud: NO! NEXT QUESTION!

Sakura: Uh… okay. How does your sword stick to your back? Is there like some invisible sheath we can't see, or do you super glue it to your back?

Cloud: I think it's magnetic. Although I'm not really sure how. You see I got this outfit from Zack and something he did to it made it so the swords just stuck to it. It's magic!

Sakura: Interesting. Why does your hair look like a chocobo?

Cloud: It's all natural!

Sakura: Whatever you say. It's tradition, boxers or briefs?

Cloud: Boxers and that is a dumb tradition! Gets hit by his own shoe I don't care! It's dumb!

Sakura: How did you feel when you found out you were a Sephiroth clone?

Cloud: DO YOU SEE A NUMBER! WHERE IS MY NUMBER!

All: Uh…

Sakura: I'm just going to move onto the next question. Do you feel any sort of… attraction towards any of the guys.

Cloud: I'm a straight man, but Sephiroth has a butt that won't quit.

Sakura: How close were you to Zack?

Cloud: Zack was one of my best friends.

Sakura: How close were you to Sephiroth?

Cloud: I got pretty close when he impaled me on his sword, other than that, not really.

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Second Impression

Cloud: What a nice fan I have, very nice. But I don't understand what was up with all those yaoi questions. I'm a straight man I tell you! STRAIGHT!

Sakura: That was really nice and fun! Cloud is so amazing, although a little on the strange side. Very interesting answers.

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Tifa G and her bodyguards are hanging out in the Gold Saucer watching the Chocobo races. One of the chocobo's crashes into the giant clam and begins to try to eat the other chocobo's. The three are very absorbed in the chocobos and don't notice Sephiroth and Rufus, who are sneaking up behind them.

Casey: I'm going to go catch that runaway chocobo and make it my own!

Casey runs off and Kinneas runs after her

Kinneas: NO! That's my chocobo!

Sephiroth and Rufus grin to each other as Tifa G laughs evilly watching her bodyguards fight over the chocobo. The two pounce and drag Tifa G out of the scene. Kinneas and Casey return a few minutes later, each sporting chocobo bites. They chocobo is doing a victory dance.

Kinneas: Where did Teef go?

Lila pops up

Casey: AHHHHHH!!!

Lila: She has been kidnapped! dun dun dun

Casey and Kinneas: Oh…

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Authors Note: Here, another chapter. Will I escape! Or will Lila get her dream and be able to host an episode of Fanatic! Tune in for our next episode!