Fanatic: Reeve

By: Tifa Gainsborough

Featuring special guest host Lila

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Deep in the lair of Sephiroth and Rufus which is actually the basement of the Shinra Mansion. The cameraman peeks around the corner, remembering the fate that befell those that came before him. The camera is shaking so violently many on the set are getting motion sick…EEW!!!! Tifa G is trapped in the same tube as Zack was in, minus all that nasty looking liquid.

Rufus: We finally caught you! Mwahahahahaha!

Tifa G: That is so clichéd.

Rufus: SILENCE YOU! punches Tifa G, forgetting she is in the tube and ends up punching the glass, hurting his poor little hand OWIE!!!!

Sephiroth looks up from where he is carefully lining up his tacks and shrugs. He polishes each one with loving care. Smiling in that oh so evil but heartbreakingly beautiful way like all major villains can. Minus Kefka who simply smiles in that oh so evil and extremely frightening way and he scares Kinneas more than American cheese. Uh yeah… long live the power of CHEESE!!

Sephiroth: Now Tifa G, you shall suffer in extreme and very painful ways. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha five minutes later hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Ten more minutes pass. Rufus is reading a book and Tifa G has fallen asleep, drooling and snoring loudly.

Sephiroth: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha and did I mention, HA! looks around hmm…. resumes polishing his tacks

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The scene shifts to a new location, how about, lets see, where haven't we been? How about, hmm, lets see, we could go to, no been there. Maybe to the… no that defiantly won't work. Got it! The camera zooms in on Kinneas, Casey, and special very oh so special guest host Lila who are arguing loudly.

Kinneas: We all know Vincent is the best character!

Casey: That's insanity! Insanity speaking I tell you! Rufus!

Lila: Guys… where are we?

The look around the dark room and over at Yuffie, who is waving madly at them.

Kinneas: The Debug Room!

Casey: Yippee!

Kinneas and Casey go off to explore the many rooms

Lila: Uh… Oh HI!!! I'm Lila and I will be the special guest host of this episode of Fanatic. On today's episode I will be marrying Reno!

Lila is handed a few note cards. She reads over them quickly.

Lila: Whaddaya mean Reno filed a restraining order! Why does somebody else get the spotlight!?! It's just not fair! Fine, on today's episode Tricia-sama will be interviewing Reeve.

Camera fades to black.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Scene opens to the Turtle Paradise where Reno and Rude are passed out at one of the tables. Reno shoots straight up, recognizing Lila's voice. He runs screaming from the building. Lila, Kinneas, and Casey enter the building.

Lila: climbing up onto a table I'm looking for Tricia-sama!

A few minutes pass and somebody races into the bar. Everybody looks at Tricia-sama who is soaking wet, covered in mud, and very out of breath.

Lila: What happened to you? Did you run here?

Tricia-sama: Yes… weez all the gasp way from cough Junon.

Lila: Oh… sorry about that. You have been chosen by Fanatic, with super super super SUPER guest host, ME! LILA!

Tricia-sama: Oh wobbles boy! passes out on the floor from exhaustion.

Casey and Kinneas wander over, each looking a little wobbly themselves. Casey drops her arm over Lila's shoulder

Casey: giggling Oops… be a dear and help me attach that back to my body passes out

Kinneas: You know Lil-lil.

Lila: Lila.

Kinneas: Laura.

Lila: Lila!

Kinneas: Lulu.

Lila: LILA!

Kinneas: If you start killing the interviewers what's her face won't let you back onto the show, Lily. passes out on top of Casey, who is passed out on top of Tricia-sama, who is passed out on top of the floor.

Lila: Oh well… grabs a board and hits her head, passing out on top of Kinneas, who is passed out on top of Casey, who is passed out on top of Tricia-sama, who is passed out on top of the floor.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

First Impressions

Tricia-sama: Oh… I can't wait to get to interview Reeve! I really hope that he shows up and doesn't send Cait Sith. Or I shall hunt him down! Oh I just love Reeve so much! I'm gonna love him squeeze him, call him George!

Kinneas: HEY! That's my line! whips out clarinet TOOT

Reeve: safely many miles away It's really amazing that I have a fan. I mean, I'm not the normal bishounen but I am pretty damn sexy. checks himself out in a mirror I just hope I have a half way normal… What is that noise? OH NO! Clarinet of Doom™!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The scene reopens to the Shinra Library located in some area on some floor of the Shinra building. Reeve is sitting at a table looking around for his fan. A chibi Cait Sith is sitting on the table bouncing up and down and up and down and up and down… it's hypnotic. Casey and Kinneas are watching the chibi Cait Sith, bobbing their heads up and down in unison with the hyperactive chibi. Tricia-sama and Lila are watching them.

Lila: Should we be worried about them?

Tricia-sama: I WANNA INTERVIEW REEVE! grabs Lila's shirt NOW!

Lila: Don't hurt me! Go interview!

Tricia-sama throws herself, literally, in Reeve's direction. She takes out a table, some chairs, a stack of books, and Elena who just happened to be walking in front of her, yet wasn't there five seconds earlier. Ohhhhhh… plot hole!

Reeve: Hello.

Tricia-sama: jumps to her feet and takes a seat across from Reeve Hiya! It's so great to finally get to meet you. I'm super super, overly giggly, happy to meet you! I've got questions! waves the clipboard over her head

Reeve: Well, feel free to ask them.

Tricia-sama: YES! To ask the obvious, why did you create Cait Sith?

Reeve: I created Cait Sith because I had to find a way to infiltrate AVALANCHE and Gold Saucer without being labeled a spy right away. So I came up with Cait Sith… or it may have been a design I made when I was really drunk.

Tricia-sama: Is there anything going on between you and Scarlet?

Reeve: Nope, Scarlet is simply a fellow worker.

Tricia-sama: Thank you lord. If you had to be paired up with a guy, who would it be?

Reeve: Now I have never really given that much thought. But I would most likely say, uh… I guess I would have to say Tseng.

Tricia-sama: Awww… that's cute! What's your sign?

Reeve: Uh… Virgo I suppose.

Tricia-sama: Nifty. Do you ever leave the building?

Reeve: I've been to Junon a few times. It's not like a was born in one of the labs by Hojo.

Tricia-sama: Would you like to be president.

Reeve: I'd like to do the president.

Silence fills the air as everybody looks at Reeve. He glances at everybody.

Reeve: Er… I mean to say I would like to be the president. Yeah, that's it, want to do… arg! I mean be with… DAMNIT!

Tricia-sama: It's snorts o… laughs k… Next question, what's with the white shirt and red tie?

Reeve: I think it looks fashionable.

Casey: That's better than Rufus' answer. smirks

Tricia-sama: What's your idea of a perfect date?

Reeve: Dinner for two by candlelight. Then perhaps I ride in the gondola at the Gold Saucer. Something intimate for two.

Tricia-sama: That sounds heavenly. Okay, even though she's not here to kill me, I can't brake the tradition. Boxers or Briefs?

Reeve: Briefs.

Tricia-sama: Can I have a kiss before I leave?

Reeve: Uh…

Tricia-sama jumps across the table and kisses him firmly on the mouth. Kinneas and Casey run out and hold up a black sign that read "Censored" in front of their faces. Lila screams at them to hold it in front of Reeve and Tricia-sama, not Kinneas and Casey's own face. The scene fades to black and Kinneas and Casey attack Lila and a huge "Censored" sign appears. Stupid %&$*ing censors!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Second Impression

Tricia-sama: Reeve was great, all his answers were very nice and thoughtful. I enjoyed the time I spent with him very much.

Lila: Your just saying that cause you got to lock lips with him.

Tricia-sama: Oh boy… Can that man kiss. swoons

Reeve: That was interesting to say the least. I guess there really are no truly sane fans out their. I guess I got a really nice one. I'm not really sure how to judge them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The scene returns to Sephiroth and Rufus' secret lair, but everybody now knows it the basement of the Shinra building. Like it would be anywhere else. Rufus is sitting on a desk shooting the wall with his shotgun. Sephiroth is standing in front of Tifa G's tube teasing her with a Zack plushy.

Sephiroth: Come on, you know you want it!

Tifa G: GIMME!!! jumps at him smacking into the glass. Falls flat on her rear, stands up, and jumps again. Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

Sephiroth cackles evilly. There is a knocking at the door.

Rufus: Pizza!

Sephiroth: You ordered pizza? We are trying to be hidden, not inviting people over!

Rufus: I had a coupon!

Rufus rushes to the door, drool inching it's way down his chin. Oh… slimy. Rufus opens the door and screams. Lila, Kinneas, and Casey are standing at the door.

Rufus: YOU ATE MY PIZZA!!!

Casey: Sorry 'bout that. tosses the box away

Lila: We have come to… we have come to…

Kinneas: Save Tifa G.

Lila: Are you sure that was it? I thought it was something more important.

Tifa G: LILA! That's not funny! Save me!

A big battle ensues but the censors refused to allow the show to show it to you. Bloody hell censors!

Censor: You can't say bloody hell! Please change that to life source HFIL.

Okay, due to the an… not very nice censors, the big life source battle from HFIL could not be brought to you. We now move ahead to the aftermath.

Kinneas: We won!

Tifa G: Freedom! grabs the Zack plushy and kicks Sephiroth

Casey: Oh look… American cheese! chases Kinneas out of the room cause American cheese scares Kinneas.

Lila: Let me guess, I don't get to host another show.

Tifa G: Nope, I'm BACK!

Dead silence.

Tifa G: … ….. …. …. …. ….. …..damn

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Authors Note: Sorry it took so long! Thanks to everybody for being such a great sport, up next…. Uh… YUFFIE! Yeah, Yuffie will be next.

Disclaimers: I own a cheese log, okay, maybe I don't. But I would like to, okay, not really. Okay, I own nothing! You caught me… happy, happy, are you happy! sobs