Fanatic: Yuffie Kisaragi
By: Tifa Gainsborough
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kinneas and Casey Crystal are standing around, looking rather bored. Occasionally they toss pieces of cheese at each other, but that's about it. Tifa Gainsborough is nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, a storm of Sakura blossoms blow in and Tifa G appears.
Kinneas: You find the most interesting ways to appear.
Tifa G: It's a gift.
Casey: That you stole from Seishirou.
Tifa G: If I stole it, it wouldn't be a gift. turns to the camera and waves happily Welcome to Fanatic, I'm your host as always, Tifa Gainsborough. I also have my two trusty and I use that in the lightest terms, bodyguards. Casey Crystal and Kinneas.
Kinneas: Glad to know we are loved.
Tifa G: I know, I just radiate love.
Casey: That's not the only thing you radiate.
Tifa G: face turns into an ugly mask What…
Casey hides behind Kinneas who tries to hide behind Casey who tries to hide behind Kinneas. Tifa G turns and points to the camera.
Tifa G: Guess what everybody! We survived our little run-in with Sephiroth's Meteor! And I nearly got smooshed!
Kinneas: And you are proud of this?
Tifa G: Of course!
Casey: Simply proves you are more insane than the normal human.
Tifa G smiles politely and bashes Casey over the head with a mallet. Casey grins, points at the blue pock dotted chocobo's circling her head and passes out.
Kinneas: Was that really necessary?
Tifa G nods happily and bashed Kinneas over the head also.
Tifa G: Of course. Anywho… on today's Fanatic, the wonderful Scarr will be interviewing Yuffie Kisaragi. claps her hands cheerfully I get to have Scarr on the show… this is really a honor. Let's go get her!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The three walk into a chess hall slash bar. Boys in three inch thick glasses are intermingled with men drunk off their ass talking to their reflections. Tifa G looks a little unsure as to which section to look in first. But looking unsure isn't a new thing for Tifa G. Grabbing a beer bottle from a passing waitress, she breaks it on the table. Everybody looks up. Casey and Kinneas make a quick retreat.
Tifa G: Hello! I am looking for -
Random drunk person: Bar fight!
Everybody launches themselves towards Tifa G.
Tifa G: Eep…
A few painful minutes later, Tifa G extracts herself from the bottom of the pile looking a little worse for wear. The group of drunken men continue to fight their drunken bar fight. Soon though they are sprawled out on the floor, hugging, and telling each other how much they truly love one another.
Drunk 1: I love you man!
Drunk 2: No way man, I love you!
Casey: I think I'm going to hurl.
Tifa G: Well now, that is interesting. As I was trying to say before being so rudely interrupted, I am looking for Scarr!
Random mingling person: She is in the back playing a game of chess with Jennifer.
Somebody in back: THAT'S JENZY!
Random mingling person: Um… yeah, Jenzy. wanders off kooks.
Tifa G: skips towards the back happily humming a tune to herself This has got to be my lucky day!
Casey: Please don't butcher another song!
Tifa G: WHAT THE!!! jumps up, nearly striking the ceiling Where the hell did you come from?
Kinneas: Well you see, many years ago a man and woman fell in love…
Tifa G: LALALALALALALA, I'm not hearing this!
Kinneas: raises her voice to be heard Then they get married or not. On the wedding night is when all the fun is suppose to being. You see they-
Casey covers Kinneas mouth as they reach the back room.
Tifa G: Thank you. reaches the table where Scarr and Jenzy are busy playing a game of chess. Hello, I am here because-
Scarr: I know why you are here. I know everything! I see all! climbs up on the table and chess pieces go flying I am-
Jenzy: Ruining a perfectly good chess game. A game, I might add, that I was winning!
Tifa G: Are you ready to interview Yuffie?
Scarr: That's the reason you where here? I didn't know…
Everybody stares blankly. Scarr walks out of the room looking very amused at something. Tifa G, Casey, and Kinneas follow with dumbstruck looks on their face.
~*~*~*~
First Impression
Scarr: I greatly look forward to interviewing Yuffie. I do have some wonderful questions. And it's about damn time Tifa G got around to doing my interview! And this better be good or heads will roll!
Yuffie: I always thought everybody hated me! But this just proves me wrong, I have a fan! A most wonderful and loyal fan. Who must love me, if they want to interview me. I hope it's a hot guy with tons of Materia!
~*~*~*~
Everybody is mingling around 64th floor of the Shinra building. Yuffie is sitting at a table near the Turks lounge. Occasionally a familiar red head sticks his head out then quickly escapes back into the shelter of the lounge.
Tifa G: Ready?
Scarr: Of course. walks over to the table and has a seat across from Yuffie. Good day Yuffie.
Yuffie: Hello!
Scarr: First question, what's with the fishing nets? Some fashion statement?
Yuffie: I suppose you could say I got into a fight with a fisherman and lost, horribly. Actually yes, it is just a strange fashion statement.
Scarr: Thought so. All right, this is a classic. I notice your fly is open, why?
Yuffie: Would you believe that my shorts are to small?
Scarr: No…
Yuffie: Thought so… it's just another strange fashion statement I have.
Scarr: You have a very strange sense of style. Okay, you know you can stop the little charade with Reno! We know the both of you are pointlessly denying your affections for each other.
Reno: from inside the lounge, fearful to emerge I don't like her!
Yuffie: He's lying. Our relationship is very complex actually. That whole opposites attract is what you could call it. Besides, he has a fine ass! And he loves to dance in the nude!
Reno: YUFFIE! You are so dead!
Scarr: Is that so? In the nude… is he, you know?
Yuffie: Oh yes!
Reno: YUFFIE!!!
Scarr: Okay, interesting. Next question. What was your mother like?
Yuffie: My mother was a very kind woman. When she died I was devastated, even though I was very young. She had a great compassion for Wutai and all of it's people. I miss her very much.
Scarr: Speaking of Wutai, what are your dreams for it?
Yuffie: I want it returned to the way it was before the war. Now, it's too much of a tourist attraction.
Scarr: Who would you rather spend a gondola ride with: Heidigger, Scarlet, Elena, Aerith, Sephiroth, the unfortunate male in Rocket Town's laboratory or Tifa Gainsborough.
Tifa G: HEY! That's not funny.
Yuffie: Damn straight it's not funny. The thought of having to ride in a gondola with her is just scary. I suppose I would choose Scarlet. There are so many interesting questions I would like to ask her.
Scarr: If you could alter any part of your body…
Yuffie: People seem to think that I am unhappy with my body. I'm a ninja, I don't want major curves and breasts that hang to me knees slowing me down. But I would change… probably my ears I guess.
Scarr: If you could be any other Final Fantasy VII character for a day, who would the coughbloodyunluckycough person be?
Yuffie: I suppose it would be interesting to be Nanaki for a day. To see what it was like to be a talking cat!
Scarr: If you had to form a band with any three people in Avalanche or Shinra, who would you choose?
Yuffie: I guess I would choose Reno, Aerith, and perhaps Cloud. But defiantly Reno, I would molest him onstage grins
Tifa G and Kinneas: Molesting… sigh Gackt.
Scarr: Um… frightening, very frightening. Last question. If you were a guy, would you go out w- um, scratch that!
Yuffie: Would I what?
Scarr: I didn't say anything! You can't prove it! I'm innocent! Scarr bolts into the lounge, a few seconds later Reno runs out screaming
~*~*~*~
Second Impression
Scarr: Yuffie was very nice and answered my questions wonderfully. Although that was an interesting bit of information about Reno. If it ever came down to it, I could use it as blackmail! HAHAHAHA!
Yuffie: Nice fan I have, although a little on the odd side near the end. Her questions were very nice, although some where a bit strange. And it is always fun to torture Reno.
~*~*~*~
Tifa G: Well, that does it for another fanatic. I only have, begins to count the ones left Oh man…
Casey: Tifa G, have you writ-
Tifa G: NO!
Kinneas: Ender e-mailed wanting to kn-
Tifa G: NOOOO!
Casey: Tifa G, Andreah wis-
Tifa G: NOOOO runs screaming from the scene. Flailing her arms wildly she screams all the way to the happy house.
Kinneas: Do you suppose it was something we said?
Casey: Doubt it… Bye everybody!
Kinneas: BYE! See you next time!
~*~*~*~
Authors Note: Look! I got Yuffie's fanatic out, finally… Forgive me Scarr for the very long wait, I am dreadfully sorry. Up next… Tseng! Remember people, I own nothing.