Fanatic: Tseng

By: Tifa Gainsborough

~*~*~*~

Tifa Gainsborough is sitting in a pretty white padded room. Wearing a spiffy white jacket. Rocking back and forth singing something off key to herself.

Tifa G: Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.

Kinneas: I know!

Tifa G: Nobody knows the pain.

Kinneas: I do!

Tifa G: Shut up! This is my moment!

Kinneas: It's always your moment! When's it going to be mine! Somebody has to love me too! runs out of the padded room screaming

Tifa G: It's raining men, do dodo do! It's raining men, do dodo do!

The camera pulls out of the room to reveal Casey Crystal standing by the door dressed in a doctors lab coat. She gives a bright smile and waves to the camera.

Casey: Welcome to Fanatic! Due to Tifa G's current mental breakdown and Kinneas' insane need for love, I will be today's host.

Tifa G: Casey?

Casey: Yes?

Tifa G: BRAINS! giggles madly

Casey: Yes, brains, weirdo. On today's show, Tseng will be interviewed by Andreah. Let's go get the lucky girl.

~*~*~*~

The camera zooms in on Casey, sitting at the bar of a cyber café, sipping a latte. In the back of the café, Andreah can be seen beating on her computer with a bat. Casey walks over, dodging the pieces of computer flying everywhere.

Andreah: You piece of SHIT why the hell won't you work I paid good money to come to this cyber café and you better work you piece of shit I hate you I hate you so very very much yes I loath you!

Casey: Somewhere, Quinctia fainted from the horrible grammar in that last sentence.

Random Flamer: That's grammer!

Casey: Like I really care. Andreah!

Andreah turns around, bat poised to strike. She lowers the bat temporarily when she sees it is in fact not a talking, walking, really big and scary computer. Seeing it's Casey, she raises the bat again.

Andreah: CASEY! Well… um… you see, I didn't like the cage. throws the bat away, nailing the random flamer and throws herself at Casey's feet Don't put me back in the cage! PLEASE!

Casey: Um, okay. But I am really here to tell you that you have been chosen to interview Tseng from the Turks on Fanatic!

Andreah: Where is Tifa G?

Casey: Gah! I tell you you can interview Tseng and the first thing you ask is where is Tifa G? Why does that worry me.

Andreah: Did you just say I get to interview Tseng?!?

Casey: Yeah, that's what I said.

Andreah: YAY! Tseng, Tseng, Tseng, Tseng!

Casey: I can see why Tifa G was driven crazy by this show.

~*~*~*~

First Impressions

Andreah: OH BOOOOOOOOOOOOY! I get to meet Tseng! squeezes her Tseng plushie I've got all of these great questions, yup, yup! gets a mad glint in her eye And if he doesn't answer, I'm gonna shove this plushie up his ass, yup, yup!

Tseng: I find it amazing, I am the leader of the Turks and both those screw ups Reno and Rude get to be interviewed before me. But the day has finally come. cackles A great fan has come to see me, the magnificent Tseng, leader of the Turks!

~*~*~*~

Casey and Andreah stand near the gate of Nibelhiem, watching Tseng do a balancing act of the well. Teetering, he takes a dive with a loud crash on the landing. Jumping to his feet, he looks around and sighs, seeing nobody saw his great diving act. Andreah walks over, smiling and waving madly.

Andreah: HI! Tseng I never knew you were so graceful.

Tseng: Uh blushes thanks, I think. So you are my fan?

Andreah: That's right! I'm Andreah, bringer of questions and wielder of the Tseng plushie! Now, onto the questions. Is that dot on your forehead real?

Tseng: Yes, it has to do with my… Tseng tries to make away and Andreah gets up close and peers at his dot heritage.

Andreah: Cool. What prompted you to be a Turk?

Tseng: I wanted to get away from my family. A Turk at the time was a great role model for me. I wanted to follow in his footsteps.

Andreah: So, have you had any past relationships?

Tseng: Off and on. But nothing too serious.

Andreah: TRADITION TIME!!! the force of her yell sends Tseng tumbling off the well yet again Boxers or briefs, Tsengie pooh!

Tseng: Briefs.

Andreah: Nifty. Do you know how sexy you are? Because you are extremely sexy.

Tseng: I have been told once or twice. But I tend to just pass it off.

Andreah: Poor Tseng. How can you put up with Elena?!

Tseng: She really isn't all that bad. But sometimes it takes talent to not stop and strangle her for releasing valuable information.

Andreah: If you had a choice, would you have chosen a different fate?

Tseng: I don't know. That is a difficult question. Can we skip it?

Andreah: Sure! Will you go out with me?

Tseng: Do I have to?

Andreah: NO! I ask the question here!

Tseng: I'll think about it.

Andreah: Score one point for Andreah! He's gonna think about it, praise the day, gonna think about it. Can I touch your hair?

Tseng: I guess that is reasonable.

Andreah reaches out and gently pets Tseng's hair. A few minutes later, Casey and Tseng are able to detach Andreah from Tseng's hair. Although she makes away with a big handful.

Andreah: Thank you! cuddles her new locks of hair May I kiss you now?

Tseng: Excuse me… makes a mad dash for the nearest train

~*~*~*~

Second Impressions

Andreah: I love Tseng, his hair is so beautiful. strokes the locks of hair. Yes hair, you are beautiful. And you are all mine!

Tseng: Oh dear lord, my hair! She stole some of my hair!!!

~*~*~*~

Back in the happy hospital, Casey decides it's time to visit with Tifa G. Peering in the special padded room, she sees Tifa G and Daze Riot engrossed in a game of Kingdom Hearts.

Tifa G: NO! You have to jump here.

Daze: He won't jump!

Tifa G: JUMP!

Daze: I CAN'T! Now look what happened, Donald is laughing at me and the heartless have made off with my soul.

Tifa G: You mean heart!

Daze: WHATEVER! throws the controller at the TV I give up… hey Casey.

Tifa G: CASEY! latches on to Casey Please don't leave me in this horrible place. You see, Conlan came to me in a dream and threatened to steal all my soda! I must protect my precious, precious soda!

Casey: So you aren't crazy anymore?

Tifa G: Let me check… has a deep meaningful bordering on crazy conversation with the wall Yep, I'm sane again!

Casey: Good! Let's go find Kinneas and get out of this crazy place! See you on the next Fanatic.

Daze and Tifa G: BYE BYE!

~*~*~*~

Authors Note: All standard disclaimers apply. Thanks for reading.