Authors note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter – ER FANatic, Tracey, mandi, Lizzi1, Taz Maniac, Brookestar, kla and starbuckmeggie.

Well I can't believe I've actually finished this, but here it is, the last chapter. Hopefully it doesn't fall too flat – I hate writing endings, though I suppose this can be seen as more of a beginning than an ending.

I just want to mention two people: starbuckmeggie – thank you for all your support and brookestar, who has reviewed every chapter so far, – thank you for sticking with me.

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Chapter 8 – Conscious Dreams

There is something magical about the rain - something infinitely beautiful, yet indescribably powerful. A force bold and overbearing that can beat weakened bodies to the ground, but yet so calm and gentle that it can trace the most intricate of patterns on a windowpane. It causes me to breathe in deeply and for a moment I stand breathless, body aching, among eternal rows of carved stone, feeling the finality intrinsic to each one in the stinging droplets that caress my cheeks time after time.

This feeling is unlike any I've ever experienced. That I should give myself so freely, expecting nothing in return, but yet receive what I've so deeply wanted truly leaves me breathless, speechless, knowing that finally I cannot ask for more. There from the moment those words left his lips this feeling, this sense of wonder, has not been lost. I feel it pulsating around in my veins, until it reaches my heart causing it to skip a beat, making me smile. It's new, unforeseen but yet so comfortable and familiar I can no longer imagine feeling any other way. I don't want to feel any other way.

I bite my lip and kneel down. Instinctively my hand reaches out to feel the cool stone; my fingers begin their gentle tracing of her name. Gold letters carefully carved, beautiful gold letters like the glimmer of warmth I saw in her eyes once upon a time. Are you there, Mom?

Loss, to me, has never been like this. I don't know what to say, because you won't answer. There's so much I need to tell you, so much I have left unsaid, words I should have spoken such a long time ago. Before this, loss has never been so final. There was always a chance that the person could return to me, a sense of uncertainty that exploded into shards of hope. Death extinguishes all of that hope. I won't see you again – at least not in this lifetime. It's up to me to talk to you and though I'm as close as I can be I'm afraid that I'll fail again. My breaths are shallow and rapid, my throat as dry as my chapped lips. I'm not one for communication. Sporadic outbursts of pent up emotion are more my style, though lately I can see I've become more open, more honest with how I'm feeling.

I shiver slightly as the wind brushes delicate fingers though my hair, tickling the back of my neck. I inhale sharply, realising that now I feel your presence, your hands rubbing my cheeks, as though you're standing right next to me. It's calmer now. I'm calmer now. An eerie silence fills my ears, not unlike the silence in the room where you once slept. A peaceful silence, one that tenderly drains away fear and inhibitions, one that brings comfort and warmth beyond compare despite its bitter coolness.

We've always let things go. We've let them run, watched them as slowly they fade into the distance, small figures on a red horizon. My Dad, Richard - things we allowed fade away, and perhaps rightly so. But this time it was different, there was something inside, something that never let me stop thinking about him, something that lead me back to him. It's foundations lie in that numbness, that emptiness I feel when we are apart. That's why I didn't run. I couldn't. I thought that if I shut him out, he'd leave and I'd continue existing, if that were possible. But he never gave up on me. He stayed.

I've spent my life looking for something right, trying to scavenge whatever happiness I could from a chain of ruined relationships. I blamed it on you, on everything but myself - my childhood, my emotional scarring, all good reasons, yet when it comes down to it I see how easily I give up, afraid to face the future or allow myself to become too involved. The regret I feel now that I've left it too late to tell you what you mean to me deepens my numbness. Some part of me hopes that maybe you already knew, the same part that realises I've still got the chance to tell him how I feel – if I'm brave enough.

I've come to trust him as I trusted you. During your good times I told you my secrets. During your bad times you never gave them away. You knew me, sometimes even better then I knew myself and although I'll get used to your absence, I'll still miss you more than you can imagine, more than I'll let myself feel.

You smile out at me now, just as you'll smile at the earth around when I'm gone. The picture is of you, but it isn't you. Dull enamel fails to show your life, your vibrant personality, as it fails to show the darkness of those times that slowly fade from my memory. Kneeling down I place a kiss on the stone, cold as your cheek that last night. I shine away the droplets left by my breath. You smile still, out at a world that no longer holds great significance to you.

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Soft footsteps rumble, and hearing a sharp, unexpected noise, I turn to find Carter stealing slowly up behind me.

"I thought I might find you here," he whispers, his voice tender, as compassionate fingers reach up to trail along my cheek. I nod and bite my lip, unable to stop the tears from falling. This time I don't turn away from him. He bends down to me, his face creased with worry, clouded with concern. He places his hands firmly on my shoulders.

"Don't cry, Abby." His voice rings with gentle notes of sadness. His brown eyes shine with pain - my pain - and for a moment I feel him wonder if he should have stayed away and given me more time alone. I put my hands on top of his and our fingers entwine immediately. His grip is strong, comforting and I will him to stay with me, to hold me tightly, not to leave. He understands and embraces me warmly. I press my lips against his ear.

"Do you remember when you told me how the bad times fade? That all you remember are the good times?"

"I remember," he counters, sweetly rubbing the small of my back.

"Well you were right," I swallow, "Not just about her. But about us."

He smiles a sweet knowing smile and scoops me into his arms. His cheeks are flushed from the cold, but in his eyes dance a mischievous grin. He spins me around, before placing me back on the ground.

I shut my eyes momentarily, to feel the soft flakes of snow as they brush my cheeks, and in that instant a vague sense of familiarity fills me. The ground is white. It's heaven on earth. I've visited this place before, felt this loss.

Only this time I'm not alone. I feel his arm tighten around my waist.

We turn to walk away, slowly, knowing that with each step I'm leaving a part of my life further behind. She'll never know how often I swore I hated her, just as she'll never know that now all that remains is love - the love between a mother and child, that which will some day guide me back to this spot, back to her. I gaze around one more time, then meet his eyes as he steals a soft kiss from my lips.

There's a calm to be felt in shutting the gate, and I turn back before finally letting go. Tucked in safely by the surrounding trees, she sleeps under a snowy blanket. In its sadness this place is truly beautiful. I shut my eyes because I can still remember her, hear her laughter. Carter's hand is warm in mine. We both stand motionless, gazing at the land, thinking, wondering where we will go from here. We don't speak, for fear of breaking the moment. There's nobody about, just him and I, sharing a memory that no one else can see. As the world wanders it is precious to think we are alone, two people realising that this space in time is ours - a picture to be held in thoughts for years to come, a scene to be painted only in dreams.

Completion. This is where it all begins.

In a moment when nothing seems to matter anymore, except that he's here with me and I with him. Together.

Silence casts soft shadows, and the breeze whispers warmly.

This moment, I realise, is just for us.

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The End

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Comments: Well there you have it. Thank you very much for reading through this story. I hope the ending wasn't too disappointing. Anyway I'd be very grateful if you'd leave a review and let me know what you think.. even if it's just one word!