Author's Notes:

Hi!!! I'm here!!! * Shiomei is dancing around her PC * Yeah... I know that it was a long time ... sorry Minna-san but it wasn't my fault. Firstly, my grandmother passed away one month ago. Secondly, my mother was in the hospital for nearly two months. Lastly, university is driving me crazy!!!

I've checked my prologue and I could see very BIG mistakes. Anyway, Lily-chan helped me A LOT (Thank you Lily-chan, you are so cool!!! ). She made a revision of the prologue and of this chapter; she also added an excellent paragraph. So, if you want to read a BETTER prologue, go back and enjoy reading it without my horrible mistakes and please don't forget to tell me how it was. ^_^

Another little thing, in this chapter you'll see what really happened between Kenshin and Kaoru. So there will be a flashback ( obviously ! ^.^U ) and maybe you'll get more explanations about this story. Don't forget to review because it's important for me to know your opinions ^-^

Thanks to all the readers and my biggest thanks to:

Kamimura Kaoru: Hey!!! You wrote my first review and I am glad you liked my first attempt to write in English so please keep sending your reviews. They make me happy. I really love your stories, especially "Made for each other", I am also a dog lover!!!

Gypsy-chan: Thank you for the support!!! You are such a lovely person  :: sobs, sobs ::  So your Spanish is " muy malo"? I don't think so! But If one day you decide to write a fic in Spanish I'd be honoured to help you. Spanish is a bit difficult but nothing so bad… I'm looking forward for another review. Bye!!!

Hitokiri Hatokou: ¡¡¡Hola!!! ¿Que te enseñe inglés? Oh Dios, no te convendría para nada tener a una profesora con una gramática que está por los suelos (al menos en inglés)... créeme... pero gracias por el apoyo. ^-^ You are so kind to me. Please keep the reviews coming.

Wilow: Hi!!! Thank you for the offer!!! I already have an editor but she told me that it would be good to have another so would you like to be my second editor??? If you agree let me know your email so I can send you the chapters after Lily (my current editor)  revises it. What do you think??? I would be honoured to have you helping me!!! ^-^

Ali-chan: Are you sure that you are talking about my fic? I don't believe that my characterization is so good, but anyway you're so nice. Thank you for supporting me!

Chibi-Buta: Hi!!! Don't worry, my fic is not going to be like yours. "Evaporation" is a very good fic and I am not trying to copy your ideas because I will never be as good as you. Anyway, thank you very much for the review and for your advice to model my fic. I'll do it.

And to:

Yukoma,  K-chan, Tan Kimiko, Saby-chan, LittleDragon5, Blue and Sabrina. Thank you very very very much for the support and please keep your reviews coming ^-^


Disclaimer:

I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, nor the rights of this terrific anime. The genius who created this story is Watsuki-sama. He and the ones who are associated with him are the owners of everything. **that lucky people ** and I definitively do not belong to that group. Come on! I don't even know Japan! U_U u


Ah!!! don't forget this:

**Italics** is for thoughts



I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD

Written by Shiomei
& edited by Lily

Chapter one


Kaoru read the small piece of paper in her hand for the nth time. She had written it two hours ago in order to have everything as she had planned; she wanted it all to be perfect, if "perfect" is the accurate adjective in this kind of situations.

Nobody was in the house. Yahiko was with Sano training somewhere and the whereabouts of Kenshin were equally ignored. She was sure that Kenshin needed sometime alone to reflect on what had happened a few hours ago as she had been doing all this time. If it was not easy for her to cope with the results of her impulsive actions it was obvious that it wasn't any better for him.  Thousands of bothersome questions had been appearing in her mind for the last few hours. Her mind was in distress; she could not think straight, the regrets, the suffering, the humiliation… were too much for her. Even though she wanted to wipe out the terrible remorse and pain she was feeling, everything ended up centred on the memory of the expressionless face of Himura Kenshin while she confessed her feelings to him. She shook her head hoping to stop her trail of thoughts.

**Is it right to leave my own house because of him? Shouldn't he be the one leaving? **

Every time she asked herself this, her conscience categorically answered:

**No. He shouldn't. You are the one who must leave. Kami! Can't you understand it?! That's the only way you can fix up this mess without hurting the others in the process. This has become his home!  Yahiko, Sano, Megumi and the kids love Kenshin as a brother, so you can't sacrifice them just because of your stupidity! Do you want to hurt them?**

**No I don't.**

 **So, you can't hesitate, Kamiya. You decided to follow this path by committing that foolish mistake; you risked every chance of having him forever as a friend. Everything was destroyed by your impulsiveness…**

**I know but-**

**There are not buts... Now that everything is done, you must do what is right and finish it till the end. Where is your pride? Do you think that you are going to be able to look at their eyes when they will discover that you kick him off because pf his rejection? Just because you can't stand looking at him everyday and longing what you will never be capable to have? No. You know you cannot do that. You are not that kind of people, Kaoru. This is the best for the ones you love and even if it does not seem, it's also the best  for you. .. you need to think, to heal and forget…  Even if you feel that you are falling apart, even if your heart is breaking, you have to endure this and ignore the pain  it's causing to you.**


After she had come to terms with her conscience she entered the dojo for the last time. The floor was clean and shiny. "Yahiko works harder than I thought", she thought while a small smile appeared in her face to contrast her sadness. She was going to miss terribly her little battles with the little brat and the soft voice of Kenshin trying to calm her. "Maa maa Kaoru-dono, I am sure Yahiko is just joking. He doesn't mean it, that he doesn't ".


Who could have thought that she was also going to miss Yahiko calling her "busu" all day; Sanosuke chewing his fishbone and calling her "Jo-chan".  They were like brothers to her and she just hoped they already knew it. And also Megumi, the woman she was so jealous of; her friend and foe at the same time and her biggest rival. No; correction: her biggest living rival. She had learnt to put up with her hurtful comments and her annoying personality. After all, they usually got on well... She was going to miss her too. Dr. Genzai, little Ayame and Suzume, they were her only family when her parents died, her only support. When all was dark for her just by hearing their childish giggles and enthusiasm she would recover instantly her strength and decision to fight against her self-pity.


**Stop that! It will not help you if you keep remembering the people that make you attached to this place. Remember, now  you have another priority**

It was true but it seemed that her heart was reluctant to forget.

*_*_*_*_*_*_* Flashback *_*_*_*_*_*_*


It was a very nice afternoon. There was a very beautiful landscape in front of them: the sunset. The sun was a very big orange in the sky; its colours were a combination of pink, orange and dark yellow. Very slowly, the sun hid behind the mountains, which were very far away from them. It was marvellous. It is not everyday that you can see that kind of a natural miracle next to the person you love the most.

All the Kenshin-gumi were sitting near the river. Dr. Genzai was playing with Ayame and Suzume. Yahiko, who had offered to help him with the hyperactive girls, also played with them. Sanosuke and Megumi were sitting next to each other, apparently having a normal conversation and two seconds later they were having a very "nice" argument about Megumi being a stubborn and old kitsune while Sano being a stupid rooster head that was no more than a damn freeloader. There were also glares and some disgusting adjectives which are better not to be described. Anyway, everything was normal.

Meanwhile, Kenshin and Kaoru were staring at the sunset without talking. They had been walking when Kenshin decided to stop to stare at it. Kenshin seemed lost in his thoughts while Kaoru was hearing and at the same time smiling at the argument that Sano and the foxy doctor shared. For the first time of her life she felt envy of their relationship. She kept smiling no matter what, but this time it was a longing smile.

**If Kenshin and me just…**

"They are meant to be together, right Kenshin?" she asked turning her head to look at Kenshin directly. She had a forced smile on her face that could not hide the sad expression behind it. Kenshin observed her and wondered the reason of this reaction, she was very happy two minutes ago.

He realized that Kaoru was looking at him with curiosity waiting for the answer of the question he hadn't heard for having his mind occupied. "Excuse me Kaoru-dono, seesha was absorbed and didn't hear you..."

"I told you that our rooster head and the foxy doctor are going to be together one day and it seems to be soon."

"Do you think so, Kaoru-dono? Seesha really hopes so, de gozaru. Megumi-dono and Sano are very good people. They deserve a lot of happiness..."

"Hai," Kaoru replied looking at the beautiful view in front of her. Then she said, "Kenshin..."

"Yes Kaoru-dono?"

"Have you ever thought about being happy?" Kenshin seemed confused so she clarified her question "I mean, have you ever thought about your own happiness? You are always worrying about us and it seems that you don't have time to think about yourself. I don't think- "

"Kaoru-dono," he interrupted her breaking his gentle smile. "You don't have to worry about me. I am sure you have better things to think about."

Sadness flickered on Kaoru's eyes as she heard this. "Oh,  gomen Kenshin. I just wanted to - "

"Seesha knows Kaoru-dono. Seesha is aware of your good intentions but - "

"Kenshin, they are not just 'good intentions' as you say it. You don't understand," she cried out, her courage gathering up. "It's not just that I care about you because you are my friend . I think you know I have feelings for you... I...I..."

"Kaoru-dono don't-" Kenshin interrupted her again guessing what she wanted to say and at the same time afraid of the imminent truth.

"...love you... "  She finished softly, her voice carrying in the wind.

Kenshin just lowered his head avoiding Kaoru`s eyes. He was expecting those words but he didn't know what to do or what to say. He couldn't say a single word. In his mind were images of a woman dressed in a white kimono who tried to smile at him. Then the same woman naked in his arms hearing his promises of happiness...and lastly, that woman dying, by his own hands and trying to smile her last real smile for him. He could smell again the white plum perfume. In his mind was just a name...Tomoe...and all the feelings that name represented sprung up again: darkness, pain and his broken heart... he just could not live that hell again, he would never forgive himself if that happened.

"Kenshin did you hear me?" Kaoru asked, concern in her eyes.

No answer.

Concern was replaced with sadness as tears began to appear again in her eyes. She felt that a knife was cutting slowly inside of her, stabbing mercilessly her young heart.

"Kenshin please, tell me something."- She pleaded.

No answer, not even a simple stare.

She had felt so confident and sure of herself when she confessed her feelings for him and now here he was, saying not even a word, not even addressing her as "Kaoru-dono" or just a stupid "oro ". It wasn't until she saw him, still standing in the same place like a rock for nearly two minutes that realization came to her. She had opened her heart to him without even thinking beforehand what his feelings were... but… she had been was  that he corresponded hers, after all they had passed through: Jin´eh, Kyoto, many more and finally Enishi´s Jinchuu, there wasn't any possibility of rejection. She thought that he was only shy and that's why she decided to take the first step...

**Yes, you thought, Kaoru... you weren`t sure... you just managed to convince yourself of it.

You took too much for granted...**

Silly girl... Now, she understood everything.

Tears cascaded down in her porcelain face dropping on her kimono and on the ground. She didn't want him to see her like this. Not this time...not again...no more tears in front of him...So she did the first thing she could think: She began to run. Where? She didn't know it either. She just decided to run away from everybody and from everything. She needed to be alone so badly. She needed to think and to calm herself so she went to an old and hidden shrine in the forest, a peaceful and an isolated place far away from him and his unreadable expression that could only mean rejection.

Three hours later, she entered her dojo. Everybody saw her coming in and Sanosuke was the first one who interrogated her, playing the role of the over-protective older brother.

"Jo-chan, where have you been?!"

She didn't pay attention to him and carried on walking towards her room. As stubborn as she was, he was not going to let her elude him so easily. He had to know what had happened to his little sister so he continued to follow her until she gave up.

"Kaoru" calling her from her first name instead of his famous 'jo-chan' meant that he was serious. "What happened? Where is Kenshin? We thought that he was going to come back with you and - "

"Shut Up, for God`s sake!" she cried out, without facing him. "Nothing happened, Sanosuke, so don't worry. I don't know where Kenshin is because I came back alone. I decided to take a walk by myself so I left him where we were. Now could you do me a favour? Take Yahiko somewhere. Maybe he would like to train with you. You can teach him some techniques of yours so he can become stronger, I am sure he will accept immediately"

"Kaoru..." he started, knowing that something wasn't okay.

"Please..." she said turning to look at him with her sad eyes pleading for an affirmative answer. When he saw her in that state he couldn't do anything but agree.

"Ok Jo-chan," he said with a faked smile. "Are you sure you going to be okay? - he asked, almost whispering so that only she could hear. She nodded and hugged Sanosuke. Then she parted a little and smiled a very bad imitation of a bright smile.

"Thanks a lot Sano."

"Your welcome"

"And thanks for everything."

"Everything?" he asked.

"Thank you for being like a brother to me. I love you very much..."

"You know I love you too, Jo-chan," he said feeling a very odd sensation inside of him. It was like he was missing her. 'Never mind,' he thought. 'All this stuff is beginning to make me insane.'

"Hey you two, lovebirds! Aren't you ashamed of cheating on Kenshin and Megumi?!" Yahiko said and then he began to laugh his head off. Kaoru's expression changed into one of pure sadness. It seemed like everything reminded her of Kenshin. Sano was aware of her change and when he was about to ask her if Kenshin had done something to her, she turned her back at him and said in a low voice:

"Sano, I would like to be alone. Can you do this as a favour? Please?"

"Of course but-" he said in a serious tone again. "You know you can trust me, Kaoru. Whatever is happening to you can be solved with our help. Everybody here loves you and please, for once, don't let the suffering push its way into your heart... You are too kind to suffer. So," he said this time with a grin she couldn't see but she knew that it was there as always. "I am not going to repeat this stupid stuff so you better keep it in your mind. Did you hear me, Jo-chan?"

"Yes, I will always keep in mind what you have told me." *even if I know it's not completely true*' and thank you." she honestly said. "And," she began raising her voice. "Yahiko-chan!!!"

"Don't call me -Chan, busu! I am already a man!!! Are you blind???" Sanosuke began to laugh at that and Yahiko became every second angrier than before...

"You rooster head!!!!"

"Yahiko-CHAN!!!"

"Baka!!!"

"LITTLE JERK!!!!"

"Shut up the both of you!!!" yelled Kaoru.

What do you want busu? You don't have to ask. I will be present in your wedding but are you absolutely sure of this? I mean, Kenshin is much better than this stupid rooster head!" And he began to laugh again.

"YOU STUPID BOY. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? JO-CHAN AND I ..." shouted Sano.

"YOU BRAT!" - she said, enjoying the face of Yahiko, knowing that maybe this was the last time she was going to tease and be teased by the boy. She was already missing it...

"BUSU!!!!"

"Why can't you show more respect to your sensei!!! "

"I am sorry busu, but I think that respect was for people who deserved it"

"Oh God, this kid is very annoying!"

"What did you call me, hag?"

"I think she called you an annoying kid" said Sanosuke with a big grin in his face.

"BUSU!!!"

**Very good. All is normal again. They are not worried anymore**

"Whatever Yahiko, you have to go with Sanosuke.

" Me with the rooster head ? Why is that?"

"Because he is going to train you," she said in a very serious tone.

"I prefer Ken - " Yahiko started.

"You don't prefer anybody. It's an order. Even if you don't want to accept it, I am your sensei so you have to do whatever I tell you. End of this argument."

"Kaoru," said Yahiko realizing that he missed what have happened a few minutes ago. He remembered her expression and her eyes full of sadness. He was not stupid and he knew she had been crying for something or for someone and now she wanted to be alone and because of that she made an excuse to push them far away from her. She wanted to isolate herself. "Kaoru, why are you pushing out us? What happened today? You were sad and-"

"Yahiko I am not sad and I don't want to push you out of here. It's just that your busu and baka sensei have read a very sad story and began to cry and ... you know how I am... I just thought that it'll be good for you to train with Sano. He is a very skilled fighter so you will learn a lot from him. Just don't argue too much okay?"

**I don't believe her. She doesn't know how to lie**

'"Kaoru I - "

"Let's go kid, you heard Jo-chan. She wants you stronger when you come back here so you need lo learn a lot," said Sano giving Yahiko a 'You-better-do-it-if-you-don´t-want-to-die' look. "Well Jo-chan, we're going and remember what I told you. We'll talk later."

"Okay Sano. Bye and don't be so hard with the kid."

"Hey! I heard that!" said Yahiko who was waiting at the entrance of the dojo.

"Take care of him Sano, promise?" said Kaoru seriously.

"Kaoru it's not that we're not going to come back," said Sano, worried.

"Just promise me that..."

"Okay, I promise. Really Kaoru, you are acting very weird. I expect it's - "

"Shut up and go rooster head," she said with a grin in her face.

Sanosuke left the place with Yahiko next to him. None of them wanted to begin a conversation, not even a small talk. They were so busy thinking about Kaoru and her attempts to be alone. While they were going away, an odd presentiment about coming back and not leaving Kaoru alone grew inside them; however, they carried on walking towards God-knows-where.

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_* End of the flashback *_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*


**Kamiya Kaoru, you are doing this for both of your sakes. You really need to be far away from here. You need to give peace to Kenshin and get some yourself.  Do not hesitate anymore, Kaoru...not now…not when it is the first time that you are going to make the most important decision in your life... don't make a terrible mistake again  **

She left the note in the centre of the dojo and carrying a small bag, she began to walk towards the main door. She turned around for the last time and looked all her place. This was her pride, the legacy that was left to her by her father. Her memories as a child were treasured here; growing up with her parents; the gentle hands of her okaasan, her angelic face and soft voice; the commanding voice of her father telling her to be strong and not give up; the hardships that she suffered, the people who do not accept her way of the sword. Many things happened here and now, she was going to leave this place. She didn`tt know when she would be able to come back so she imprinted the dojo and the faces of her family in her mind. Then she said in a very low voice with tears falling over her cheeks "Good bye home, it was nice to live here".

The pain was increasing and it hurt her heart more than ever. Putting aside any hesitation, she crossed the threshold and decided to begin a new life smiling. She stopped crying and she managed to put a smile on her face. She needed to have some optimism to begin her journey. Where was she going to go? She didn't know yet. It was the difficult part… but, who said that it was going to be easy? Praying for the safety of her friends she began to walk quickly before they came back.


In a matter of seconds the figure of Kaoru Kamiya disappeared into the darkness of the night to become, the next day, the gossip of the entire town. But that's another day so by the moment this chapter ends here.

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REVIEWS PLEASE!!! LET ME KNOW IF THIS CHAPTER WAS BETTER THAN THE PROLOGUE AND GET A SOONER UPDATE!!!

Thank you for reading my story!!!

Shiomei