Fanatic: Elena

By: Tifa Gainsborough

~*~*~

The scene opens to an empty classroom. Casey Crystal and Kinneas are hovering near the back, staring down at the only other occupant. Tifa Gainsborough is slumped over her desk, either asleep or dead.

Kinneas: I'm wagering on dead.

Casey: She may just be. But I doubt she would let Fanatic end until she finished it all. And if she did die, she would just come back as a ghost and finish it.

Kinneas: Then haunt us for letting her die. I can just hear her scolding us for being such bad bodyguards. We are not being paid to guard her from school. Then again, we aren't being paid at all. Not getting paid, then why are we here?

Casey: looks deep in thought Because we like her? At least, I think we like her. Is it time we went to check on her?

Kinneas and Casey happily skip down the steps, occasionally trying to send the other one flying. Sliding into the row, they sneak up to the slumped over Tifa G. Kinneas and Casey both take a deep breath.

Kinneas and Casey: TIFA G!!!

Tifa G bolts into a sitting position.

Tifa G: Diffusion occurs whenever there is some inhomogeneity! What is inhomogeneity? Why the hell aren't you a better professor!

Tifa G suddenly realizes that the classroom is empty and Kinneas and Casey are roaring with laughter behind her. Turning in the chair, she gives them an icy glare.

Tifa G: What exactly are you two laughing about? I just happened to be resting my ey- glances up and sees the camera. Grinning madly, she wipes away some drool. Well, hello! Welcome to Fanatic! The show that WON'T end! I'm serious, it seems to be endless. I really have no idea how other people were able to do this and have the show actually end. It just doesn't seem po-

Kinneas, in between laughing, deals Tifa G a swift kick to the back on the leg. Swearing, Tifa G drops to one knee.

Tifa G: OUCH!

Kinneas: Sorry! Was the only way to make you shut up. Please, do continue.

Tifa G: Thank you. As I was saying, the show that doesn't end. On today's show, because we will actually have somebody interviewing somebody, Angelknight will be interviewing Elena.

Casey: Does that mean you will be finished with the Turks?

Tifa G: nodding happily YES! It is about freakin time. I would also like to point out that this request for the interview is over a year old.

Kinneas: Are you serious? climbs to her feet, finally gaining her composure. It took you over a year to do her interview?

Tifa G: I'm afraid so. See my faithful viewers have stuck with us. At least, I hope they have stuck with us.

Casey: Can we have new viewers?

Tifa G: Of course! All right ladies, today, Angelknight will be interviewing Elena! puts her hand in. Ti!

Casey: Ca!

Kinneas: Ki!

All: TiCaKi! YEAH!

The director rolls his eyes at the blatant Final Fantasy X-2 reference.

Tifa G: You want blatant? I can do blatant! coughs and begins to sing 1000 Words off key Oh a thousand words, one thousand embraces, will cradle you. Making all of your we-eep!

Kinneas and Casey tackle Tifa G, remembering the last experience when their friend tried to sing. From under the pile, Tifa G's hand emerges, waving frantically at the camera.

Tifa G: Fade to black! Fade to black!

Scene fades to black.

~*~*~

Scene reopens to reveal Tifa G and Casey latched to the train window, watching the scenery of Midgar speed past the window. Kinneas is pestering a random passenger.

Casey: Do you think we can see Rufus' house from here?

Tifa G: Dunno. I hope not. He may be trying to point weapons in our direction from his windows.

Casey: Why would he be doing that?

Tifa G: Because he doesn't like us.

Casey suddenly pales and Kinneas groans. Tifa G looks surprised and suddenly finds her face smashed against the window.

Casey: TAKE IT BACK! Rufus loves me! I love Rufus! We are just having a bad moment. TAKE IT BACK OR I KILL YOU!!!

Kinneas: I would do what she says.


Tifa G: But it's true. He really doe-AHHH!!!

Casey shoves Tifa G's head through the window and glass goes flying. The few people in the car run screaming for the nearest exit. Kinneas makes a half hearted attempt to pull Casey back. A random person wanders up and beings to watch the scene curiously.

Casey: TAKE IT BACK!!! DON'T MAKE ME USE BAD GRAMMAR!!!

Tifa G: All right! I take it back! Pull me back in! PULL ME BACK IN!

Casey pulls Tifa G back into the train and through the magic of games she is completely healed. Random person plops down next to Tifa G.

Random Person: Hi! I was told I could find you here.

Tifa G: Oh? Excuse me for not being more enthusiastic. I did just get my head shoved through a window.

Random Person: So I noticed. I'm Angelknight. The director said I could find you here.

Tifa G: Oh? OH! Hi Angelknight! I'm Tifa Gainsborough, as you already know. Welcome to Fanatic! On today's episode you will be interviewing Elena! What? Not excited. Usually people get excited.

Angelknight: I already knew all that. Gets the evil eye from Tifa G. I'm excited!

Casey: Me too!

Kinneas: I swear, you both will be the end of me. Don't give me those puppy dog eyes because they don't work on me. But we should fade to black before those puppy dog eyes gather you some fan boys.

Tifa G: I don't have fan boys. I'm not sexy enough for fan boys. I'll never be sexy enough for fan boys!

Angelknight: Can I do my interview now?

Tifa G, Casey and Kinneas both turn and give the girl a funny look.

Angelknight: What?

Scene fades to black

~*~*~

First Impression

Angelknight: You know, Tseng was actually my first choice. But I suppose Elena will just have to do. Besides, she is a great Turk as well. And you can never go wrong with the Turks.

Elena: Finally! I finally get to be interviewed. Even Rude, who never speaks, was interviewed before me! I do hope I get a nice fan. Nobody like Tseng's though, I don't want to loose a chunk of my hair. I happen to like my hair.

~*~*~

The scene shifts to Goblin Island, to reveal Elena sitting on a blanket on a grassy field. Casey and Kinneas are fighting off random monsters that are trying to get fresh with Elena. Tifa G and Angelknight stand a few feet away.

Tifa G: Are you ready for the interview?

Angelknight: I am. Notices Tifa G is staring off into a nearby forest Something wrong?

Tifa G: Uh, no of course not. Go do the interview.

Angelknight skips out onto the field and Tifa G begins to stalk the forest. Elena smiles and motions for Angelknight to have a seat.

Elena: Hi! You must be my fan? Correct?

Angelknight: That is correct. How are you today?

Elena: I am doing just fine. Thank you for interviewing me. Questions?

Angelknight: I do have questions. Did you ever feel left out being the only female Turk?

Elena: Not really. Rude and Reno were always very good at including me in the group. They respected my skills as a Turk. Besides, I could have easily kicked their asses if so inclined. Besides, Tseng thought I good enough to be a Turk and everybody respected that.

Angelknight: That really is a good thing. To be respected, especially by Reno. Do you still have a crush on Tseng?

Elena: looks away I will always like Tseng. He was probably the first I ever liked. But most of all, I really respected him as my leader. He was amazing and that really caught my attention.

Angelknight: Oh I completely agree! Tseng is pretty amazing. If you weren't a Turk, what do you think you'd be doing?

Elena: I'm not entirely sure. Probably would have worked my way up to a desk job in Shinra. I like being a Turk so much better. Gets me out into the field. I think I would just waste away on a desk job, just not a thing for me.

Angelknight: That is a good point. Who is your closest friend in Shinra.

Elena: I know this might surprise some people, but Scarlet. It was easy to relate to her because we were both women in what is normally considered a male position. And she is a very nice person. Having been with Shinra longer then I, she gave me many tips when it came to dealing with the suits of the company.

Angelknight: What ab-

Angelknight is cut off by a loud scream emitting from the forest. Tifa G emerges a few second later beating on a very embarrassed looking Cloud.

Tifa G: What the hell were you thinking? You scared me half to death!

Cloud: I just wanted to be in the fic! Stop pummeling me! It hurts!

Angelknight: Okay, that is interesting. As I was saying. What about enemies? Do you have any?

Elena: Most of the time, the Turks gain enemies of the friends and families of people that happen to get on the bad side of a Turk. I have a few enemies. Most can't really do anything to harm me.

Angelknight: Must pay to have powerful friends. Do Reno and Rude get on your nerves? Sometimes? Always?

Elena: At first they really did. But I think I have gained their respect now. They really gave me crap at the beginning, well at least Reno did. Then I gave Reno a black-eye and he shut up real fast.

Angelknight: Way to go Elena! Okay, what do you like to do when you're not killing someone or blowing something up?

Elena: I actually like drawing. It's rather fun to do. But that's all I'm saying on that topic.

Angelknight: Understandable. What is your favorite weapon?

Elena: Well, I don't really have a favorite. A big gun is nice. Hopefully, when an enemy sees a girl with a big gun, they will think they can't handle it. I was trained in all forms of firearms. I could handle a big gun.

Angelknight: Is your hair naturally blonde?

Elena: Yes it is. If it wasn't, I don't see how I could have time to color it. I'm not very vain.

Angelknight: Okay, I ran out of questions so this one might be stupid. What is your favorite fruit and why?

Elena: I suppose a peach would be my favorite. Not really sure why, I like it I suppose. Thank you for the interview.

Angelknight: No! Thank you!

~*~*~

Second Impression

Angelknight: Wow, I can't believe how nice Elena is. She is very polite and answered all of my questions with interesting answers. It was interesting to hear the way she talked. Really didn't think she would be like that.

Elena: What a wonderful fan! I can't wait to tell Tseng that my fan was better then his fan!

~*~*~

Tifa G: CLOUD! I'm going to kill you! Resumes beating on him. I thought you were Sephiroth. Don't scare me like that!

Cloud: I said I was sorry! I didn't mean to scare you. Stop hitting me!

Kinneas: I think this chapter has probably had the most use of CAPLOCKS ever.

Casey: And you had to emphases that why?

Kinneas shrugs nonchalantly and plops down on a couch. They just happened to be in the villa at Costa del sol, so Tifa G could beat on Cloud in private. Casey grabs a slip of paper and begins to write something down. She then holds it up for Tifa G to read.

Tifa G: What! Seriously! Yippee! Stops beating on Cloud and holds him in a big hug. Cas just informed me, we are almost finished with Fanatic. Although I need one thing of you people. Somebody needs to interview Barret! Please! Tune in next time! For a brand new episode. Don't forget, somebody interview Barret!

~*~*~

Standard disclaimer applies. I own nothing, other then myself. Please, I am only taking requests to interview Barret! Just e-mail me!