TITLE: Teardrops
AUTHOR: Anansay
SUMMARY: Sara stumbles upon a rare occurrence.
RATING: G
SPOILERS: None
DISCLAIMER: Not mine.
December 20, 2003 ~*~
I can see his tears, even though he tries to hide them. A sniffle, bowed head, a hand coming up to quickly wipe at the face and then I am presented with what is supposed to be the same Grissom: emotionless.
But I can still see it, I can still see them: the tears. The streaks they've left on his face, the salty lines from his eyes down his cheeks. A quick glance down shows me water stains on the papers on his desk. Along with a few drops on his shirt.
It wasn't an all out crying fest, but the tears were real and they were there. His red eyes call out to me, begging me to see. And I see. Only too well.
He stands then, behind his desk, hands on his desk, like a man taking a stand, showing bravado in the face of defeat. He says nothing, only looks at me, trying so hard to hide that he is, indeed, a human being.
I stand and stare. I can do nothing else, what I see has me spell-bound and shocked. Like anything new and different, I cannot take my eyes away from his. I need to see this, I need to stare and burn the image on my mind to remember a long time from now that Grissom had actually felt something so strongly that it seeped through his defenses and came pouring down his face.
As I look I see his face wrinkling, I see his lip beginning to tremble and before my eyes a tear escapes and rolls down his cheek. His eyes close and his head drops forward, a man defeated.
With no more thought left in my head I step forward and around his desk to stand beside him. My hand reaches out and my fingers touch his tear. I can feel the wetness, that little bit of tangible proof. I touch his cheek and smear the wetness trying to take it way. I spread it across and down, taking it on my skin, pulling it into me and making him share it.
He doesn't move, just lets me touch him. With no hands out to stop me, with no words to shut me down, I move forward and my other hand touches his back. I feel the warmth of his body through his shirt. It sends shivers down my body. I cannot believe I am standing so close to this man, that I am touching him, that he is letting me, that he is letting me see his pain. I can feel my own lips beginning to tremble. I can't help it, I can feel his pain.
My hands on his body isn't enough. I step forward and allow more of my body to touch his. My hand moves on his back to his shoulder and I pull, gently. I turn him and pull him into me and he doesn't resist. He allows me to maneuver his body and I wrap my arms around him, holding him to me, his head against my shoulder, my chin by his head.
Like a crack in a dam as it begins to trickle water, the dam soon bursts open with a magnificent crackling explosion and I feel his body begin to tremble in my arms. I can hear the barely withheld sobs that he releases into my neck, his arms coming around to hold on tight. He doesn't want to fall, he doesn't want to be hurt, so he holds on, for dear life.
We stand in his office, my arms around this man of supposed steel as he melts in my arms and becomes human. My neck is damp with his tears but that's alright. That's nothing at all.
In time his breathing becomes deep and slowed and I know he's hardening again, becoming Grissom again. I swallow my own pain and keep my arms around him as he pulls himself away, hiding his face with his hand, trying to wipe away the evidence of his slight fluctuation.
I keep my own eyes down. I really don't want to see it, I don't want to see this man disappearing into stone again. I want to keep that image of a feeling person in my mind, so I keep my eyes down, away from his.
A small hiccup startles me and my head jerks up in response, against my better judgement. I just don't want to see!
But it's okay; it's different. He's looking at me with these strange new different eyes. He's really looking at me, seeing me. And I'm caught. I can't look away. His red-rimmed eyes bore into mine and keep me here, gawking wide-eyed.
The sides of lips turn up into a small and brief smile. "Thank you," he whispers, his voice hoarse.
I can only nod, keeping my eyes on his.
He's let me in and then he thanks me.
Once again, he's tripped me up and I'm dumbfounded.
But I still love him so damn much.