When he landed the pod in Moya's bay, Chiana was already waiting for him. Her face lit up in pleasure. "I knew you would be on time. The others didn't have faith, but I did."
She ran to Crais and embraced him vigorously. When the embrace was only tentatively returned, she looked at him with surprise. "Anything wrong, Crais?"
"I will explain on the way down," he replied.
Chiana took the seat next to him, while he went through the flight sequence. She looked at him with an odd expression. "Something is wrong, Crais. You aren't having a relapse, are you?" There was worry on her face.
Crais shook his head. He guided the pod down.
Chiana looked at him again, moving her hand up to his jawbone. Crais instinctively drew back. "What happened to your scar? It's gone." She drew back in fear. "Who are you?"
The corner of Crais' mouth drew up in amusement. She had been the only one to notice that he wasn't 'their' Bialar Crais. He looked quickly at her and than returned his attention back to the controls.
"Don't be afraid, Chiana. I am Bialar Crais. But I am not the Bialar Crais who left Moya 3 monens ago.
"The others know now, although none of them realized that as quickly as you.
"We had a long talk a while ago, planet side. As far as we've been able to determine, my history and yours are identical up to the point of the Command Carrier's destruction. I also StarBurst with Talyn, and destroyed it. But in my experience, this happened just days ago, and Talyn and I received only minor injuries."
Chiana cocked her head and gave him a long considering look. "So you aren't my Bialar Crais?"
Crais considered this for a moment.
"No, I am not 'your' Bialar Crais. We have arrived at no explanation for what has happened, whether Talyn, my Talyn, and I, have been transported to a parallel universe or some kind of alternate time line."
Chi was uncharacteristically quiet for a bit. She kept turning to stare at him, breaking eye contact, and then catching his eye again. Each time she seemed about to blurt out something, she would turn away.
Crais finally asked, "Is there something I should know?"
The corner of his mouth quirked, "That was poorly worded. Apparently there is a considerable amount that I should know, but don't. Let me be more specific.
"I get the impression that we are rather more familiar with each other than I remember. Aeryn and the others made a few references to the night that 'I' left, and to a 'certain show that you put on', as I believe they referred to it. Would you care to expand upon that?"
"Bialar," Chi said, "No, Crais, if you are not my Bialar... you really aren't, are you?"
Crais was silent. She continued, "I didn't want you to go. But you insisted. You said you wouldn't betray your friend. I love D'Argo. But I love you too. I didn't see the problem, but you did.
"When we found you two cycles ago, you were so badly hurt. Jool was still with us at the time. You remember Jool?"
Crais nodded.
"She was the one who nursed you back to health in the beginning. I helped, but she had more medical training. Then she left. She found a way to get transport back to her home planet. Said something about how her people wouldn't understand any more about you than they would have about D'Argo.
"After she left, I took over caring for you. You were much better by then. I spent a lot of time with you... the other you... and we came to really care about each other.
"I tried to convince you not to go, but you insisted that you had to. I danced for you that last night at the inn, and then I dragged you outside to try to convince you to change your mind. Well, you dragged me right back in, and over to D'Argo."
She looked at Crais directly now with a long, challenging stare.
Crais felt uncomfortable with her stare and he coughed lightly,
"Chiana, I am sorry that your love was not returned but I can understand my
other self. I could not... take you away from Ka D'Argo either. I could not take the mate of someone else, however briefly, especially not a friend's."
She continued staring at him and he looked away, set on concentrating on guiding the pod down.
"But you were a Peacekeeper," she blurted out. "Don't they recreate to relieve tension... with anyone? Or is it because I am not a Sebacean!" She had tears forming in her eyes.
Crais looked at her quickly and then back at the controls.
"I ceased to be a Peacekeeper a long time ago, and my counterpart for twice that long. By the time we StarBurst in the Command Carrier, we had already put those notions of contamination by other species behind us. It has nothing to do with the fact that you are Nebari."
He smiled wryly. "You look very nice for a non-Sebacean but I... he would not even have done that to Crichton, and Aeryn is a Sebacean and like me an Ex-Peacekeeper."
She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her hand.
"Then why, Bialar... Crais? You tried to steal Aeryn away from him once, maybe even more than once."
He produced a handkerchief from one of his inside pockets and handed it to her.
"It was when Aeryn and the other Crichton were on Talyn that I came to understand what love was... the love between two people. We were never allowed that in the Peacekeepers, and the concept was alien to us. It was only when they were on board that I came to realise what it was, and how it could tear people up inside when that love was taken away."
She blew in the handkerchief and began to pass it back to Crais, but with a wave of his hand he let her keep it.
"After that, I no longer wanted to take Aeryn away from Crichton. Neither would, or even could, my counterpart do that to you and Ka D'Argo."
She sniffled softly.
"Chiana," he said softly, "I am sure that the other Bialar, your Bialar, felt a deep friendship for you, especially if you had nursed him back to health. But that is what it would have been for him, a friendship, nothing more and nothing less."
Chi looked away, a strangely grief-stricken look on her face.
After a moment of silence she said, even more softly, "That's not what you... my Bialar... said before. He said he loved me too. But he said that Ka D'Argo was his friend, and that he knew how D'Argo felt about me and that he could never hurt him like that."
She slowly leaned over and gently stroked his jaw with her thumb, right where she had expected the scar to be. Then she kissed him on the same spot. Her head moved upwards, tracing his jaw line up to the lobe of his ear. She nuzzled it for a moment, while Crais sat frozen, controlling an instinct to withdraw from her.
She whispered, "I don't want to lose you again. Please don't leave this time. I'll do whatever you want."
Crais sat rigid in his seat, at first not quite sure how to react. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, Chiana, I didn't know. But don't you see? I would only hurt your feelings. You would see 'your Bialar' in me, but I am not him. What he feels for you but walked away from for the love of two friends, I do not feel for you. You would only come to resent me... and him, because I can not reciprocate."
The eyes that rested on hers were sad. "I do not belong here. He does. I am not sure anymore where I belong or if there is any place left for me to go."
Chiana had listened to his words, and her heart cried out to him. She knelt in front of him.
"If I accept your friendship... as it is, not as what could have been, will you stay? Even if it is only for a short while? You don't have to be alone, Bialar. I will not try again to see what I saw when I looked in... my Bialar's eyes. I promise."
She smiled her playful little smile while she wiped at her nose.
Crais had to smile back. As infuriating as she could be at times, and as playful at others, it was difficult to stay upset with the little Nebari.
"I will consider it very carefully.
"Our immediate concern is the competition. The others are waiting for us at the stadium. Your condition seems to be steadily improving. We should discuss what sort of contribution you think you will be able to make, if any. Even if you only lend support from the sidelines, your presence will be both appropriate and appreciated."
Chiana sat back down in the seat next to Crais and looked at him. This Bialar was so serious. She had never realised how serious he could be, had been. Her Bialar had learned to laugh, to be less serious despite his injury. This Bialar was still so conflicted.
She looked out, saw how the planet grew bigger the closer they got. She looked back at Crais. "I will give support from the sidelines. I have not fully recovered yet."
She wrung the handkerchief of Crais, who noticed this.
"You and... the other Crais performed together, didn't you?"
Her tear-filled eyes looked at him and she nodded.
"I understand," said Crais gently. Chiana looked out again.
Crais landed the pod in the spaceport and they made their way to the stadium. The others were already waiting for them. "We will be on in about a quarter of an arn. You're cutting it very close. Have you decided yet?"
Crais nodded. He watched as Chiana walked over to Ka D'Argo and hugged him tightly. It surprised the big Luxan, "What have I done to deserve this?"
"Nothing, I just love you," replied Chiana as she stole a covert glance at Crais. He blinked his eyes in understanding. Ka D'Argo was too happy with the proceedings to notice the silent communication.
Crais walked over to Aeryn and whispered something in her ear. She nodded. "I will tell the others when we get on."
Crais stepped back and adjusted his shirt. He ran his hands quickly through his hair. A few loose curls fell along the side of his face. He took a deep breath. "I am ready."
They all stood together at the side of the stage and watched another group of competitors. They were not familiar with the species that two members of the group belonged to. The third was a Delvian female.
The audience seemed very pleased with their performance, but all the contestants who had made it this far would have had to be very good.
Crichton found himself thinking how once upon a time, he would have thought that one blue plant would probably look very much like any other. This Delvian bore only the most fleeting likeness to the Zhaan he had known and loved, though. After all this time, his heart still ached for 'his' Delvian.
Crais looked at the performance of the group before them and a twitch of nervousness assaulted him. He hadn't felt this way since he had to do his first Officer's pass out. He didn't want to let the others down.
He looked over at Aeryn but saw only reassurance in her eyes. She nodded. She had passed on Crais' request and the others had understood what was wanted. They knew what she was referring to.
Crais looked back at the stage. The other competitors had finished and the applause was overwhelming.
Finally it was their turn and they walked on stage. Chiana stood in the wings and watched with sadness. She would have liked to join them but at the moment there was too much emotion coursing through her. She would probably break out in tears.
John and Aeryn stood to Crais' right and Ka D'Argo had brought his lyre and stood to his left.
Crais looked at the assembled crowd. A calm had settled on his face. "The song we would like to sing for you is about lost love but also of renewal."
Ka D'Argo's lyre was playing the intro gently, the music bringing some of the audience to tears. Aeryn and John hummed to Ka D'Argo's music. Crais closed his eyes and asked Talyn to join. Talyn sang quietly to make sure that Ka D'Argo's lyre could still be heard. The audience was quiet. The ethereal sound of a Leviathan had never been heard before.
Then Crais added his rich baritone voice to it:
Where did you go my winged friend?
Where did you spread your wings?
Never dare I hope to see you again
or let you know that my heart sings.
I shed the tears of love gone by.
Where did you go?
Where did you fly?
Where did you go my friend?
The little group on stage was in close harmony, adding and enhancing the rich and gentle voice of Crais.
The song continued for four more verses but Chiana cried softly in the wings. Crais' song put more into words than he could explain to her.
Finally the song ended with Talyn's singing being the last to be heard. Crais opened his eyes. The crowd was still silent. Was this a bad sign?
Then the applause started, the people stood up and the applause became deafening. Crais smiled and looked at the others. The smiles on their faces were like a balm to him.
He looked at the wings and saw Chiana run to them... to him and embrace him, the tears flowing freely from her eyes.
Crais took her hand in his and they all stepped forward to take their bows.
When Crais straightened up, he could feel the joy of everyone wash over him. He could feel Talyn's happiness, and he could feel a smile come to his face. Maybe they would stay for a bit longer.
The End
She ran to Crais and embraced him vigorously. When the embrace was only tentatively returned, she looked at him with surprise. "Anything wrong, Crais?"
"I will explain on the way down," he replied.
Chiana took the seat next to him, while he went through the flight sequence. She looked at him with an odd expression. "Something is wrong, Crais. You aren't having a relapse, are you?" There was worry on her face.
Crais shook his head. He guided the pod down.
Chiana looked at him again, moving her hand up to his jawbone. Crais instinctively drew back. "What happened to your scar? It's gone." She drew back in fear. "Who are you?"
The corner of Crais' mouth drew up in amusement. She had been the only one to notice that he wasn't 'their' Bialar Crais. He looked quickly at her and than returned his attention back to the controls.
"Don't be afraid, Chiana. I am Bialar Crais. But I am not the Bialar Crais who left Moya 3 monens ago.
"The others know now, although none of them realized that as quickly as you.
"We had a long talk a while ago, planet side. As far as we've been able to determine, my history and yours are identical up to the point of the Command Carrier's destruction. I also StarBurst with Talyn, and destroyed it. But in my experience, this happened just days ago, and Talyn and I received only minor injuries."
Chiana cocked her head and gave him a long considering look. "So you aren't my Bialar Crais?"
Crais considered this for a moment.
"No, I am not 'your' Bialar Crais. We have arrived at no explanation for what has happened, whether Talyn, my Talyn, and I, have been transported to a parallel universe or some kind of alternate time line."
Chi was uncharacteristically quiet for a bit. She kept turning to stare at him, breaking eye contact, and then catching his eye again. Each time she seemed about to blurt out something, she would turn away.
Crais finally asked, "Is there something I should know?"
The corner of his mouth quirked, "That was poorly worded. Apparently there is a considerable amount that I should know, but don't. Let me be more specific.
"I get the impression that we are rather more familiar with each other than I remember. Aeryn and the others made a few references to the night that 'I' left, and to a 'certain show that you put on', as I believe they referred to it. Would you care to expand upon that?"
"Bialar," Chi said, "No, Crais, if you are not my Bialar... you really aren't, are you?"
Crais was silent. She continued, "I didn't want you to go. But you insisted. You said you wouldn't betray your friend. I love D'Argo. But I love you too. I didn't see the problem, but you did.
"When we found you two cycles ago, you were so badly hurt. Jool was still with us at the time. You remember Jool?"
Crais nodded.
"She was the one who nursed you back to health in the beginning. I helped, but she had more medical training. Then she left. She found a way to get transport back to her home planet. Said something about how her people wouldn't understand any more about you than they would have about D'Argo.
"After she left, I took over caring for you. You were much better by then. I spent a lot of time with you... the other you... and we came to really care about each other.
"I tried to convince you not to go, but you insisted that you had to. I danced for you that last night at the inn, and then I dragged you outside to try to convince you to change your mind. Well, you dragged me right back in, and over to D'Argo."
She looked at Crais directly now with a long, challenging stare.
Crais felt uncomfortable with her stare and he coughed lightly,
"Chiana, I am sorry that your love was not returned but I can understand my
other self. I could not... take you away from Ka D'Argo either. I could not take the mate of someone else, however briefly, especially not a friend's."
She continued staring at him and he looked away, set on concentrating on guiding the pod down.
"But you were a Peacekeeper," she blurted out. "Don't they recreate to relieve tension... with anyone? Or is it because I am not a Sebacean!" She had tears forming in her eyes.
Crais looked at her quickly and then back at the controls.
"I ceased to be a Peacekeeper a long time ago, and my counterpart for twice that long. By the time we StarBurst in the Command Carrier, we had already put those notions of contamination by other species behind us. It has nothing to do with the fact that you are Nebari."
He smiled wryly. "You look very nice for a non-Sebacean but I... he would not even have done that to Crichton, and Aeryn is a Sebacean and like me an Ex-Peacekeeper."
She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her hand.
"Then why, Bialar... Crais? You tried to steal Aeryn away from him once, maybe even more than once."
He produced a handkerchief from one of his inside pockets and handed it to her.
"It was when Aeryn and the other Crichton were on Talyn that I came to understand what love was... the love between two people. We were never allowed that in the Peacekeepers, and the concept was alien to us. It was only when they were on board that I came to realise what it was, and how it could tear people up inside when that love was taken away."
She blew in the handkerchief and began to pass it back to Crais, but with a wave of his hand he let her keep it.
"After that, I no longer wanted to take Aeryn away from Crichton. Neither would, or even could, my counterpart do that to you and Ka D'Argo."
She sniffled softly.
"Chiana," he said softly, "I am sure that the other Bialar, your Bialar, felt a deep friendship for you, especially if you had nursed him back to health. But that is what it would have been for him, a friendship, nothing more and nothing less."
Chi looked away, a strangely grief-stricken look on her face.
After a moment of silence she said, even more softly, "That's not what you... my Bialar... said before. He said he loved me too. But he said that Ka D'Argo was his friend, and that he knew how D'Argo felt about me and that he could never hurt him like that."
She slowly leaned over and gently stroked his jaw with her thumb, right where she had expected the scar to be. Then she kissed him on the same spot. Her head moved upwards, tracing his jaw line up to the lobe of his ear. She nuzzled it for a moment, while Crais sat frozen, controlling an instinct to withdraw from her.
She whispered, "I don't want to lose you again. Please don't leave this time. I'll do whatever you want."
Crais sat rigid in his seat, at first not quite sure how to react. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, Chiana, I didn't know. But don't you see? I would only hurt your feelings. You would see 'your Bialar' in me, but I am not him. What he feels for you but walked away from for the love of two friends, I do not feel for you. You would only come to resent me... and him, because I can not reciprocate."
The eyes that rested on hers were sad. "I do not belong here. He does. I am not sure anymore where I belong or if there is any place left for me to go."
Chiana had listened to his words, and her heart cried out to him. She knelt in front of him.
"If I accept your friendship... as it is, not as what could have been, will you stay? Even if it is only for a short while? You don't have to be alone, Bialar. I will not try again to see what I saw when I looked in... my Bialar's eyes. I promise."
She smiled her playful little smile while she wiped at her nose.
Crais had to smile back. As infuriating as she could be at times, and as playful at others, it was difficult to stay upset with the little Nebari.
"I will consider it very carefully.
"Our immediate concern is the competition. The others are waiting for us at the stadium. Your condition seems to be steadily improving. We should discuss what sort of contribution you think you will be able to make, if any. Even if you only lend support from the sidelines, your presence will be both appropriate and appreciated."
Chiana sat back down in the seat next to Crais and looked at him. This Bialar was so serious. She had never realised how serious he could be, had been. Her Bialar had learned to laugh, to be less serious despite his injury. This Bialar was still so conflicted.
She looked out, saw how the planet grew bigger the closer they got. She looked back at Crais. "I will give support from the sidelines. I have not fully recovered yet."
She wrung the handkerchief of Crais, who noticed this.
"You and... the other Crais performed together, didn't you?"
Her tear-filled eyes looked at him and she nodded.
"I understand," said Crais gently. Chiana looked out again.
Crais landed the pod in the spaceport and they made their way to the stadium. The others were already waiting for them. "We will be on in about a quarter of an arn. You're cutting it very close. Have you decided yet?"
Crais nodded. He watched as Chiana walked over to Ka D'Argo and hugged him tightly. It surprised the big Luxan, "What have I done to deserve this?"
"Nothing, I just love you," replied Chiana as she stole a covert glance at Crais. He blinked his eyes in understanding. Ka D'Argo was too happy with the proceedings to notice the silent communication.
Crais walked over to Aeryn and whispered something in her ear. She nodded. "I will tell the others when we get on."
Crais stepped back and adjusted his shirt. He ran his hands quickly through his hair. A few loose curls fell along the side of his face. He took a deep breath. "I am ready."
They all stood together at the side of the stage and watched another group of competitors. They were not familiar with the species that two members of the group belonged to. The third was a Delvian female.
The audience seemed very pleased with their performance, but all the contestants who had made it this far would have had to be very good.
Crichton found himself thinking how once upon a time, he would have thought that one blue plant would probably look very much like any other. This Delvian bore only the most fleeting likeness to the Zhaan he had known and loved, though. After all this time, his heart still ached for 'his' Delvian.
Crais looked at the performance of the group before them and a twitch of nervousness assaulted him. He hadn't felt this way since he had to do his first Officer's pass out. He didn't want to let the others down.
He looked over at Aeryn but saw only reassurance in her eyes. She nodded. She had passed on Crais' request and the others had understood what was wanted. They knew what she was referring to.
Crais looked back at the stage. The other competitors had finished and the applause was overwhelming.
Finally it was their turn and they walked on stage. Chiana stood in the wings and watched with sadness. She would have liked to join them but at the moment there was too much emotion coursing through her. She would probably break out in tears.
John and Aeryn stood to Crais' right and Ka D'Argo had brought his lyre and stood to his left.
Crais looked at the assembled crowd. A calm had settled on his face. "The song we would like to sing for you is about lost love but also of renewal."
Ka D'Argo's lyre was playing the intro gently, the music bringing some of the audience to tears. Aeryn and John hummed to Ka D'Argo's music. Crais closed his eyes and asked Talyn to join. Talyn sang quietly to make sure that Ka D'Argo's lyre could still be heard. The audience was quiet. The ethereal sound of a Leviathan had never been heard before.
Then Crais added his rich baritone voice to it:
Where did you go my winged friend?
Where did you spread your wings?
Never dare I hope to see you again
or let you know that my heart sings.
I shed the tears of love gone by.
Where did you go?
Where did you fly?
Where did you go my friend?
The little group on stage was in close harmony, adding and enhancing the rich and gentle voice of Crais.
The song continued for four more verses but Chiana cried softly in the wings. Crais' song put more into words than he could explain to her.
Finally the song ended with Talyn's singing being the last to be heard. Crais opened his eyes. The crowd was still silent. Was this a bad sign?
Then the applause started, the people stood up and the applause became deafening. Crais smiled and looked at the others. The smiles on their faces were like a balm to him.
He looked at the wings and saw Chiana run to them... to him and embrace him, the tears flowing freely from her eyes.
Crais took her hand in his and they all stepped forward to take their bows.
When Crais straightened up, he could feel the joy of everyone wash over him. He could feel Talyn's happiness, and he could feel a smile come to his face. Maybe they would stay for a bit longer.
The End