A/N: This is my absolute favorite song, called I Love You This Much, by Jimmy Wayne. I was listening to it one day, and I thought, "Hey! This sounds like Draco and Lucius!" So here I am, writing a ficlet to go with this wonderful song. Hope you like it!
Some parts don't really make sense…like Draco seeing his father only about "once a year"…but hey, it's possible, isn't it?
This does apply H/D, so if you don't like these two together, then don't read. The only reason that I only put "Draco" for the characters is because it really isn't about Harry…OR, you can copy and paste this all down, and change the "Harry"s into whatever character you like to be with Harry. Oh, and I plan to produce a short sequel to this, which will also have more of our "favorite couple"…I also need to find a song for that one…
Oh…and you might need to read the lyrics to understand a few things…
I Love You This Much
He can't remember,
The times that he thought,
"Does my Daddy love me? Probably not."
But that didn't stop him,
From wishing that he did;
Didn't keep him from wanting, or worshiping him.
He guesses he saw him, about once a year,
He can still feel the way he felt, standing in tears.
Stretching his arms out, as far as they'd go,
Whispering "Daddy, I want you to know,"
I love you this much,
And I'm waiting on you,
To make up your mind,
Do you love me too?
However long it takes,
I'm never giving up,
No matter what,
I love you this much…
~*~
"Put your arms down!" Lucius snapped, annoyance on every edge of his voice. "Don't you know how pathetic you look?"
Draco dropped his arms to his side, where they hung limply. He was disappointed. Why wasn't he appreciated, like others? Why couldn't his father see him as a son, and not a nuisance?
Why did Lucius have to hate him?
All the eight-year-old really needed was his father's trust…he wanted his father's approval of the things he did…
He wanted his father's love…
And he wanted to let his father know how much he actually cared…
But whatever he did, however hard he tried, nothing worked.
He couldn't even tell Lucius how much he loved him…he tried, really, he did. He thought it was brilliant, extending his arms to their farthest length…wanting to show his father the great deal of love he had for him…but it didn't work.
It didn't matter, really…nothing ever worked.
He only saw Lucius ever so often…it seemed that he never had time for his son…or his family. They were always alone…Draco, Narcissa, and the house elves. His father was always gone…for large period of times…Draco thought that he only saw him once a year…if he was lucky, twice.
He felt like crying sometimes…but no, he couldn't. It would annoy his father even further. Malfoy's could never cry…they could never show any sign of weakness…it just wasn't proper…
But sometimes…Draco wanted to…
~*~
He grew to hate him, for what he had done,
'Cause what kind of father, could do that to his son?
He said, "Damn you Daddy", the day that he died,
The man never blinked, but the little boy cried,
I love you this much,
And I'm waiting on you,
To make up your mind,
Do you love me too?
However long it takes,
I'm never giving up,
No matter what,
I love you this much…
~*~
"I knew you were a mistake from the moment I saw you!" Lucius roared, his face clouded with anger and detestation.
Draco lay on the ground, making no sound or movement…but feeling the pain creep through his body like poison in his veins.
"You disobeyed me…do you have no honor in your blood? You are a Malfoy, for God's sake! Act like one!"
Draco was still silent, unmoving, afraid that if he did open his mouth…words distasteful to his father's ears would come tumbling out…
"Answer me…" Lucius hissed, striding closer to the immobile body, his voice filled with malice. "Answer me, Draco!"
He was afraid…yes…he admitted it. Nothing could save him now…no one knew where he was…who would care, after all?
"Draco…" Lucius said softly, crouching down next to the now trembling figure. "You're not making me happy, Draco…"
He gripped his son's hair into his hands, and pulled. Draco's head lifted from the ground, and he looked directly into his father's eyes.
"Why did you disobey me, Draco?" Lucius whispered, his eyes never wavering.
Draco took a deep breath and, shuddering, spoke.
"You never…told me…not…to fall in love with him…" he said in a low voice.
With an angry growl, Lucius slammed his head back onto the hard, concrete ground. Draco couldn't help but let one whimper slide from his lips.
"What was that, Draco?" Lucius asked quietly, lowing his head toward Draco's. "Are you…crying?"
"Do you see tears on my face?" Draco snapped back, turning his heavy eyes toward his father.
"Why do you hate me so much?" Lucius asked calmly, as if he did not hear Draco's last statement.
"It's your fault…" Draco answered softly. "If you paid more attention to me…if you…loved me…"
"Love is a weakness!" Lucius shouted. "You sound just like a fucking Gryffindor? Tell me…why weren't you in that filthy house with your fucking boyfriend?"
"Damn you!" Draco yelled, just as loudly as his father.
"Don't speak to me like that!" Lucius thundered, his eyes glowing like fireworks. "You are just asking for punishment…are you not?"
He rolled up his sleeves slowly, as if savoring every moment of fear pressed into Draco.
Raising his wand up delicately, he swirled it around, and then pointed it directly at his son.
"Cruci-" he suddenly cut off, as if something had distracted him.
"You…how did you get in here?"
Draco still lay quietly, wondering who had come to rescue him…who his hero was…his mother, perhaps? But no…his mother would be too afraid to stop his father from anything…
"What did you do to him?"
Draco's heart leapt. He knew that voice! He never would have dreamed…it was…
"Potter…I asked you a question! How did you get in?"
"Easy," Harry answered calmly. "Your 'loyal' wife opened the door for me."
"Narcissa? Why that…wait until I get my hands on her…"
"That's not going to happen. First of all, she's been taken into safe custody, and second of all, you're going to Azkaban."
Lucius laughed. "And what makes you think I'm going to let you?" he asked.
"Because you can't apparate. Dumbledore has put a spell on your house."
"Well then, I can just kill you, and go to my secret passage."
"Dumbledore has the whole mansion surrounded."
"Or so he thinks…"
"What the fuck do you mean by that?"
"You'll see…or, you won't…seeing that you're going to die…"
"You wish…"
"Crucio!"
Draco's heart jumped, and he turned around. What he saw was his father, but no Harry.
"Hiding under an Invisibility Cloak, Potter?" Lucius sneered. "You'll never defeat me that way…"
"Expelliarmus!"
"Protego!" Lucius laughed. "Still onto your childhood hexes, Potter? I would have thought that you've grown up…"
Draco looked around desperately. He knew that Harry would never be able to defeat his father…even if Harry was under an invisibility cloak…his father had his own tricks and spells…
Damn it! Where was his wand? His father had thrown it someplace…it was here…somewhere…
"Where are you…Potter?" Lucius said quietly. "You can't escape me…"
And where was Dumbledore? That old fool…sending Harry in here alone…he was obviously out of his mind…
"I'm giving you to the count of three to get your arse out of that cloak…" Lucius said calmly. "One…two…"
He had spotted it! There it was…lying under that bench just feet away from him…now if only he could reach it…
"…three…" His father finished. "Fine. Guess I'll have to do things my way…"
Draco crawled toward his wand…his fingers inches from it…
"Accio Invisibility Cloak!" Lucius roared, and Draco couldn't help it. He turned his head back, and saw Harry, standing with his wand raised, in front of Lucius.
"Were you going to grab my wand?" Lucius smirked. "Too bad it didn't work…"
"Avada Kadevra!" Harry closed his eyes, as if waiting for Death to strike him, but opened them immediately again. For one, he wasn't dead. And two, it was not one voice that uttered the curse, but two, and one had been yelled before the other.
And what did he see before him? Nothing. Lucius was not in front of him anymore, and was instead, lying, crumpled on the ground. Harry scanned his eyes around the room, until they landed on Draco, who was half-sitting, half-lying, with his left elbow supporting him. Harry watched as Draco stared horrifically at his father, and then down at his wand. Eyes widened, he dropped it, as if it had burnt his hands. Then, he picked his head up slowly, and stared into space, almost like a mad man.
Striding forward immediately, Harry gathered Draco into his arms and held him. The blonde's shoulders shook, but he did not shed a single tear.
"Come on…" Harry said, minutes later, in a muffled voice. "Let's go home."
~*~
Half way through the service,
While the choir sang a hymn,
He looked up above the preacher,
And he sat and stared at him.
And he said,
"Forgive me father,"
When he realized,
That he hadn't been unloved,
Or alone all his life.
His arms were stretched out,
As far as they'd go,
Nailed to the cross,
For the whole world to know,
I love you this much,
And I'm waiting on you,
To make up your mind,
Do you love me too?
However long it takes,
I'm never giving up,
No matter what,
I love you this much…
~*~
They sang beautifully, but he didn't take in a word. All he could do was sit, and stare at his hands. What did he do? He was horrified with himself…he was terrified at himself. He was a murderer…he had done that…
He had killed his own father.
It was almost like…cutting off your own hand. It hurt…it stung…and…it was never going to come back. It was never going to be replaced.
Draco laughed at himself silently. It was amusing…how he was referring to Lucius as "it". It this…it that…it was practically like Lucius never existed…like he was a fairy tale that had taken a long time for Draco to read…and now…he had finished the book.
He was moving on. Forgetting about the story. Thinking about it, sometimes, but not always.
It was like a dream.
"…our Father…"
Draco's head snapped up. But no…it was just the choir…singing God-Knows-What. Trust Harry to bring him to a muggle church. He almost put his head down again, when he spotted something. There was a statue above the preacher…and it was Jesus Christ. He was nailed to that cross…his arms opened wide…and Draco was suddenly swept into a memory of his when he was eight…
"Put your arms down!" Lucius snapped, annoyance on every edge of his voice. "Don't you know how pathetic you look?"
Draco dropped his arms to his side, where they hung limply. He was disappointed. Why wasn't he appreciated, like others? Why couldn't his father see him as a son, and not a nuisance?
Why did Lucius have to hate him?
But now…he knew. Lucius did not hate him. He did love him…but not a way that a usual father would. He showed his love complicatedly…through his wealth. The thing was…Lucius did not know how to show love. He thought that love was money…pride…
But it wasn't.
Love was hugs…kisses…the look of affection when eyes were placed upon him…
Love was Harry.
Through Lucius' love, Draco had found another kind. A gentler kind…sweet…soft…unlike Lucius' harsh kind.
He had found Harry.
It's my fault…Draco suddenly thought. If I had realized that Father did love me sooner…if…if…
If if if…that's all that Draco thought.
But in truth…he really did have to give Lucius credit. If he did not have his harsh love…then Draco would never have found Harry.
And if Draco had never found Harry, then he would have never learned what love really was…and how to love…
But Harry had done that. He had taught Draco love.
And Draco had ended Lucius' life for giving him this gift…
"Draco…" Harry murmured from his right. "It's over…let's go…"
Draco got up slowly, and followed Harry out of the chapel. It was raining hard, and you could barely see where you were going.
"Shit…" Harry muttered. Then, turning to Draco, he said, "You stay here and keep dry, alright? I'll go find us an umbrella…I don't think we could apparate in this kind of storm.
Draco nodded, but when Harry had gone, he stepped out into the gray world.
He stood there, getting soaked by the storming shower…lifting his hands so that the rain danced on his fingertips. He was strangely silent…strangely beautiful…the rain perfected his mood.
And Draco did not know if the wetness on his face was from the downpour, or from something else…
And he felt his heart give way, as he looked around at the infinite amount of water around him, and whispered these five words out loud…
"I love you this much."¹
~*~
¹ - This was really meant as in…Draco loved Lucius as much as all the water around him…which was…a lot…
A/N: Yay…finished…Ummm…I can't really think of anything to say…so…umm…
Review?