The next day, I once again went to the Slider Research Labs in San Francisco. Quinn showed me pictures taken in other versions of Earth, such as a green Golden Gate Bridge.
I attended a meeting in a conference room where the lab results were discussed.
"As you see here," said Dr. Conrad Bennish, "we detected radiationemanating from Mr. Mallory's body, which was not present in the control subjects.This raidation is the same type of radiation emmitted by the wormholes when we open them. Furthermore, the radiation being emitted is increasing. This watch here seems to have been designed to measure the radiation, and predict when the dimensional bonds breka down."
"So this means he's unstuck?" asked Quinn.
"We don't know," said Dr. Bennish. "Colin Mallory here claims the watch keeps track of the radiation and predicts he will go to the next universe. Whoever built this thing is way ahead of us."
"That's right," I said. "Your duplicates from another world built the watch."
"Well, according to Mr. Mallory here, he'll slide out on his own when the lab is open. We'll get to see."
After a few minutes, we left the conference room. "Well," I said, "will you be able to find my friends?"
"Maybe you should have asked one of my counterparts who is familiar with unstuck matter," said Quinn. "We thought that unstuck matter was just a theory. Most of the staff still doubts your story."
"They can watch me slide out next week," I said.
"We'll do what we can, but we can't make any promises."
That night, I decided to watch the television show Hollywood Detectives. It was on UPN at 8 P.M. and it lasted for an hour. I watched it while drinking a cold Corona. The setting of the show was a police precinct in the Hollywood neighborhood of Los Angeles, California. My duplicate played Detective Chuck Connor, who was one of the supporting characters. His character was a womanizing cigar-smoking fellow. The other main cast included Luke Perry, Damon Wayans, Christina Applegate, Vivica A. Fox and Sonny Bono.
The primary focus on the show was the lives of the main characters; the work that they do is simply the backdrop. In the episode I was watching, the detectives learn that a forensic specialist is targeted by killers. The episode is generally lighthearted, although there are a few serious moments.
I never thought I would actually be on the show itself. But then my life since 1998 has been full of day-to-day surprises.
It was on Friday when my visit to this world started to get interested. For the past few days, when I was not being a lab rat, I spent my time browsing through Internet web pages to learn more about the world. There are many references to sliding; sliding was public knowledge here. A contemporary describes exploring other versions of Earth to be more exciting than exploring other worlds in outer space. Indeed, the chief researchers at Slider Research Labs all received Nobel prizes.
Quinn told me that I would have two visitors. I told him that it would not be nice to invite one of my duplicate's fans here, thinking I was the TV star. Quinn said it would be a surprise.
He was right; it was a surprise. One of them was a rather pretty lady with brown hair, who was visibily pregnant. The other was a man in his late twenties with brown hair. He was dressed in a nice sweater, appropriate attire for San Francisco in January.
His face was what I noticed, for it was identical to the face I see in the mirror!
He was as surprised as me, although he must have been expecting to see me.
"I guess you never met an other-dimensional duplicate before," I said, extending my hand. "My name is Colin Mallory."
"Well, that's my name too," he said.
"I can not believe this," said the woman who accompanied this world's version of me. "I know that Quinn told me about parallel universes and that we have counterparts in some of them, but I'd never thought I'd see one of my husband."
"Well, you'd better believe it," said Quinn. "I've done some sliding myself, and I've seen other versions of myself."
"Hello, my name is Molly," the woman said to me. "I'm your..I mean, his wife."
I remembered where I met Molly-or rather, one of her duplicates-before. It was in the previous world. She mistook me for her version of Colin Mallory just before I slid out.
We all sat down at the dining table. "So, Colin," said the native Colin, "tell me about yourself."
So I did. I told him how my brother built a sliding generator, and he took me on a trip through the multiverse with two of our friends. I told him how I got separated about seven months ago, and how I had been sliding without a timer or any external equipment.
"You live an interesting life," he said. "And I thought my life was interesting. You get to see different versions of the same places and the same people and different versions of yourself."
"Tell me about yourself," I said.
"Well, I didn't live as interesting a life as you did, but anyway, I grew up in San Francisco. After graduating from high school, I signed up with an agent in Los Angeles and I moved there. I was acting in low-budget films and small parts on TV shows. I even had a supporting role in some teen movie. The Robotech movie was my big break. I remember when it was on back in the 80's. I've appeared in a few movies and TV shows since, and I landed a regular role in Hollywood Detectives back in the fall of 1998."
"Why did you choose acting?" I asked.
"I wanted to be a basketball star," he said. "But I shattered my knee back in my sophomore year of high school. I decided to take drama classes, and I found a different path. If I hadn't shattered my knee, I would have pursued basketball and never became an Oscar-winning actor. I won best actor back in 1992 for my role in Robotech, you know."
"Well, my experiences showed me there are trillions of possibilities."
"So there's another version of me who's a basketball star."
"Maybe. I've seen or observed other versions of you that were gangster rappers, astronauts, militant Christian terrorists, con artists, and sadistic police state interrogators."
"Well, you've met a lot of asshole versions of you."
"So have you come all the way here to see me?"
"Acually, Molly and I came here to visit our families. And there's a litte favor I'd like to ask of you."
"What?" I asked.
"I;'d like you to take my place for a while."
"What? You can't be serious!"
"What's the problem?" Colin asked. "I have a nice house in Beverly Hills."
"The last time I did that, I got in a lot of trouble. My duplicate was a two-bit crook who wanted me to take the fall for his crimes."
"I assure you that my husband is not a two-bit crook," said Molly. "He calls me whenever he gets a break on the set. He never goes out except with me, so I know he's not cheating. We're asking you this because Colin's work schedule keeps him very busy, and he just wants time to spend with me. And we have a baby on the way, in case you didn't notice."
I looked into Molly's eyes; I could see why my duplicate married her. "Okay, I'll do it," I said. I hoped I wouldn't regret it.
"Pack your bags," said the native Colin. "We'll schedule you for a trip to Beverly Hills tonight."
A Lincoln limousine drove us to San Francisco International Airport. Colin was wearing a hat and sunglasses. "I wear this so fans will not recognize me when I don't want them to," he had said. Anyway, we reached the airport terminal.
"I hoped you booked a flight," I said.
"Listen," said Colin, "Just go to the ticket counter. They'll think you're me, so they will give you a seat as long as you present my credit card."
I looked ahead and saw the counter for Pacific Airways. In my hand was a Discover Platinum Card. "You seem to be too trusting," I said. "I mean, you don;t really know me."
"I had my bank accounts frozen until Saturday of next week," he said. "Only my wife Molly can unfreeze them before then. You are welcome to use my credit card. It has a credit limit of fifty thousand dollars, so don't exceed it or else you'll have nothing left."
"Okay," I said.
"take care."
"Watch our house, will you?' asked Molly.
I lined up behind the Pacific Airways ticket counter, and in a few minutes I was at the front.
"Hello," said the lady.
"I'd like an available seat," I said, presenting the Discover Platinum Card.
"Oh," she said, looking at the name and apparently recognizing whom she thought I was. "I can get you a seat-first class. The fliught leaves at 7:30."
I went to the boarding lounge for Pacific Airways. It was small, with a bunch of plastic seats with people sitting in some of them. There were viewscreens showing arrivals and departures. I saw flights heading to Sacramento, Reno, Redding, Crescent City, and Fresno. And I saw Flight 187 which was heading to Los Angeles.
Just before 7:30, I heard the announcement. "Pacific Airways Flight 187 now boarding for Los Angeles," said a voice over the speaker. So I went to the boarding gate and displayed my ticket. I then took my seat in the plane, which was a window seat.
I read the safety brochure, which revealed this plane to be a Boeing 727. I reviewed the procedures for using the emergency slide and the flotation devices.
"All passengers, this is the captain speaking," a voice said over the intercom. "We are ready for takeoof. Please fasten your seatbelts and place all trays and tables into their upright positions."
So that's what I did.
I felt the plane pick up speed and I looked out the window. I could see the airport and itsa surroundings. I saw them become smaller, and I knew the plane was flying into the air. Soon I could see a good portion of the San Francisco peninsula.
"Hey!" one of Flight 187's passengers shouted. "That's Colin Mallory! The guy from Hollywood Detectives! He's here!"
I guessed I was a celebrity.
The flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles took about forty minutes. I could see from my window a huge portion of Los Angeles County, from the Pacific coastline to the San Gabriel Mountains. It was night, and I could see a sea of lights. As the 727 descended, I could see more detail. I could see the outlines of buildings, and I could see moving lights indicating vehicles and roads. I felt a thump as the 727's landing gears touched the runway, and I knew we were on the ground.
The plane hooked up with a jetway at the Pacific Airways terminal in Los Angeles International Airport. The captain announced we could leave. So I exited the plane and walked through the jetway to the boarding gate.
I could hear the click of flashbulbs. I looked and noticed photographers taking pictures of me.
I decided to have dinner at a Burger King located in the airport. After eating my hamburgers and drinking my Coke, I decided to get transportation to my duplicate's home in Beverly Hills. As I walked to the terminal entrance, there were signs advertising places such as Disneyland, the Los Angeles Airport Marriott, Universal Studios, and Blake Museum. The plkace to arrange transportation was near the terminal entrance as I suspected. I saw desks for Hertz and Avis. There were signs advertising taxi and airport shuttles.
I wanted a limousine. There was a desk for LAX Limousine rentals. A caption read, "Get to your hotel (or home) in style!"
"Hello," I said to the receptionist.
"You're that guy on TV!" he exclaimed.
"So I've noticed," I said. I present my duplicate's Discover card. "I want to rent a limo."
And so a black Lincoln limousine was provided for me. It was parked on the curb outside the terminal. I went out and I noticed photographers taking pictures of me.
"Ready to go, sir?" asked the limo driver.
"Sure," I said. I gave him the address of where I wanted to go. I got in and soon the limousine pulled into traffic.
"You didn't pack that much," said the limousine driver.
"I pack light when I travel," I replied.
And so the limousine left the airport and headed north on the San Diego Freeway. The freeway was a little crowded; serviving a major international airport might have something to do with it. After a few minutes, the Lincoln exited on Santa Monica Boulvard and made a right turn. Soon we entered Beverly Hills.
The limousine turned on a residential street. It parked near the address. The house looked familiar, for I had lived in another version of this house about four months ago.
I just hoped that tobacco gangsters would not come looking for me this time around.
I got off and went to the front door of what was now my house. I inserted the key and I unlocked the door. I stepped in and turned on the lights.
The lights revealed a living room whose floor is covered in a white carpet. There are sofas and a coffee table in the middle of the room, and a huge Magnavox color television with a cable box, a Sony VCR, and a Toshiba DVD player connected to it. In the corner was an Aiwa stereo system. I saw some magazines on the coffee table. there was Time, Newsweek, People, and Us. I saw a picture of some fellow named Scott Bakula on the cover of People, which was apparently the most recent issue. Flipping through the pages, I read that Scott Bakula was an actor who had been in the 1989-1996 television series Quantum Leap, and was going to star in some new movie due in summer 2000. I decided to read more magazines; I read in the Us magazine that an actress named Kristen Miller was signed up to be in a movie called Voltron: Defender of the Universe, which was based on an imported cartoon series from Japan.
Exploring the house further, I found a formal dining room with a hand-assembled wooden dining table. A gold candlestrick at on the table. The kitchen was fully stocked, with frozen meats and microwave dinners and vegetables and milk and orange juice and Coca-cola and Budweiser beer.
I went upstairs to explore further. I entered my duplicate's study. The study appeared to be a showcase of the native Colin's performing career. There were posters for movies such as Robotech and Scream and The Siege. A Power Macintosh G4 sat on a compuiter desk together with a LaserWriter printer and a Hewlett Packard Scanjet 2000c and some floppy disks and CD-ROM's. I also looked at a stautue of an Academy Award for Best Actor, awarded for my duplicate's role in the Robotech movie.
I went into the master bedroom. My duplicate and his wife slept in a bed covered with a canopy. A huge TV was in the corner, complete with a Panasonic VCR. As for the bathroom, it was something you would find in a luxury suite in the Chandler or the Dominion.
I lay on the bed and decided to turn on the television. This television had cable, so I tuned in to Fox News. I watched a report about the upcoming trial of the Reverend Paul Hill, who is suspected of leading the terrorist group the Sword of the Lord and masterminding the 1996 Academy Awards bombing which killed thirty people.
After watching a few more news shows, I decided to check out the Cartoon Network. It showed this cartoon show called Voltron. I remembered reading in a magazine that a live-action version was going to be filmed. Anyway, the show was about a princess and four fighter pilots who flew robot lions that could combine into one mighty robot called Voltron. Anyway, their enemies were an invading alien army who had these giants called robeasts. There were two episodes and each one ended with Voltron destroying the robeast.
Anyway, there was not much else, so I decided to cook a Stouffer's microwave macaroni and cheese for my dinner before I went to sleep.
It was on Monday that I first arrived on the set of Hollywood Detectives. From what I found, the show is taped at Sunset-Gower Studios in the Hollywood neighborhood of Los Angeles, and I, or rather my duplicate, was scheduled for rehearsal and filming tomorrow aty 7:30 AM.
I skimmed the Los Angeles Times, which was delivered to this house every day. the only thing of note that I reads was that King Leonard of the United States of America had just left to meet with the Emperor of China. I decided to take the newspaper with me.
I went into my duplicate's car, a silver Mercedes. I started the engine and drove off to the studio.
There were no freeways between Beverly Hills and Hollywood, so I had to drive down Sunset Boulevard all the way there. The studio was located at the cornet of Sunset Boulevard and Gower Street. I pulled in to a parking garage.
"Hello, Mr. Mallory," the parking attendant said. "Here for another day of shooting?"
"Yeah," I said.
I parked into one of the reserve spaces, since there was a permit attached to the windshield of the Mercedes. I got out and locked the car and walked outside.
The studio consisted of sound stages and production offices. I could see various people walking to various places. I saw a catering truck parked in some courtyard. I looekd around the palce, hoping to familiarize myself.
"Hey Colin," someone said. I turned my head and saw a bald Negro man whom I recognize as Damon Wayans, one of the regular cast members on the show.
"Hi," I said. "I'm ready when you are."
"Well, it's time to earn our keep. We'd better see the director."
We all met in one of the sound stages-me, the regular cast, the guest cast members who would be appear in the scenes being filmed, the camera crew, and the directors and producers. We were all given scripts for this episode that was being filmed.
"Here are your scripts," said the director, whose name was Angus Rickman. "I;ve outlined the scenes to be rehearsed. We'll rehearse and film the on-set scenes first, asnd the on-location scenes will be done later this week."
I read through the whole script. Apparently, the episode dealt with a college student dying from an Ecstasy overdose. Because of the filming locations in the studio and at the University of Southern California campus, the scenes will be shot out of order from the way they will appear when the episode is finally broadcast.
"Well, Mallory," said Rickman. "You'll start the rehersal of your scene right now with Miss von Oy here."
"I'm going first?" I asked. "Well, okay."
"This is gonna be great!" said my costar int he scene, whose name was Jenna von Oy. She was a short lady with long brown hair and she was dressed in a USC sweatshirt.
We were led to this set which was decorated as a classroom. We would film here in the afternoon. Both Jenna von Oy and I had our scripts.
"I remember seeing you in that Robotech movie," she said. "You know, I used to watch the cartoon when I was a kid. It was such a romantic..."
"That's not part of the script, Jenna," said Rickman. "Now let's take some camera angles to see which would look best for filming." I had my script in hand, ready to read. "And go."
I took out a prop, which was a mock police badge. "LAPD," I said. "Are you Lucy Moody?"
"Yeah," replied Jenna von Oy, reading from her script. "What's this about?"
"Do you know Billy Dean?"
"I had a class with him last semester. I've seen him at parties. Why do you ask?"
"Well, he just overdosed on Ecstasy."
"You mean he's dead?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so."
"Oh. Well, that sucks."
"Did Billy Dean have a reputation for drug use?"
"Not that I know of."
"You were at the party where he overdosed. Did you see him use any drugs?"
"No, but then I wasn't checking to see if he did any drugs. I'd better be going, Detective. Is there anything else?"
"Yes. If you come up with something, we can discuss it, preferably over lunch."
"And cut!" shouted Rickman. He approached. "Colin, there seems to be a problem."
"What?" I asked.
"You act so, so wooden. That may be fine when you;re playing Pinnochio, but you;re playing Chuck Connor, the hip, cool detective who always macs on the ladies."
"How do I mac on the ladies?" I asked.
"I can't believe you asked that. You won the Oscar for Best Actor in 1992. What happened to your acting ability?"
"This is a rehearsal."
"You do much better than that in your rehearsals. We'll do this scene again. Colin, pretend that you're talking to your wife and you haven't seen her and you want some."
"Okay," I said.
"And action!"
"LAPD. Are you Lucy Moody?"
"You know, Mallory," said Luke Perry,"That was such a piss-poor performance. It makes me wonder how you could possibly win an Oscar."
"Yeah," said Damon Wayans. "You need to have that spark."
I was sitting down on a table for lunch with the cast. Beef and vegetables was being served. I had a can of Coca-cola to drink.
"Are you having any personal problems?" asked Christina Applegate. "I mean, being an big-time actor can put a strain on your schedule and I know you're married."
"Colin," asked Vivica A. Fox, "have you gotten some from your wife recently?"
"No," I said, which was definitely the truth.
"Well," said Sonny Bono, who played Detective Lieutenant Rooney, "it's easy to understand; Mrs. Mallory is pregnant. Lovin' was scarce when my wife had a baby coming."
"I think you should spend some time with your wife," said Damon Wayans.
"Yes, I agree," I said.
"Well, I suggest you practice your scene with your costar," said Luke Perry. "We're about to start filming after lunch break.
So that's what I did.
It was time to actually film the scene I was rehearsing earlier, so I had to get dressed. My duplicate had his own private trailer. I noticed some paperback books; I guessed he came to to read during his break. My character was dressed in a sophisticated stylish business suit. I finished buttoning my coat when it was time to get on the set.
I went into the sound stage and into the mockup classroom that was built. I noticed a lot more people in there; I figured they were extras. They were all college students, and they appeared to be between eighteen and thirty years of age. The crew was getting ready to film the scene. A huge boom mike was held right above my head.
What I had to do was simple. On action, I would walk onto the set and talk to Jenna von Oy just as she and the others gets up off their desks.
"I hope you do this right," said Jenna von Oy.
"Quiet on set!" shouted Angus Rickman. "Roll tape."
"A marker," someone said.
"B marker," someone else said.
"Background," said the director. "And action!"
"LAPD," I said. "Are you Lucy Moody?"
"Yeah," replied Jenna von Oy. "What's this about?"
"Do you know Billy Dean?"
"I had a class with him last semester. I've seen him at parties. Why do you ask?"
"Well, he just overdosed on Ecstasy."
"You mean he's dead?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so."
"Cut! Cut!" shouted Rickman. "Colin, you act like as if you are reading from a damn instruction manual. Chuck Connor is supposed to have passion. I suyggest instead of reading the words, feel the words.Let's try this again, one more time."
Once again everything is set, and then Director Rickman shouted action.
"LAPD," I said. "Are you...uh, are you..uh, what's your name?"
"Cut!" shouted Rickman.
"You said I should not read the words."
"But you're supposed to know them!"
"So let's try this again, shall we?" asked Rickman.
Action was called, and I walked over to her. I reached into my pocket, but I couldn't find my badge.
then it hit me, or rather, I hit her. She fell into one of the extras who had been sitting behind her and just gotten up.
"Cut!" shouted Rickman.
"Maybe we should include this in the scene," someone said. "We could use comedy relief."
Jenna von Oy picked up the guy whom she knoeced over after I knocked her over. He looked familiar somehow.
"I know you," I said to him. "you worked at Prudential."
"Uh, no," he said.
"Well, you look like him."
"And you look like that Chuck Connor guy on TV."
"You see, Colin," said Jenna von Oy. "He could act better than you are acting now. This was my first scene with an Oscar-winning actor, but judging by your performance, I can't see how you were even nominated."
I could tell she was quite frustrated.
"Let's start this again," said Rickman. "And action!"
"Yes. If you come up with something, we can discuss it, preferably over lunch," I said.
"And cut!" shouts Rickman. "Let's review what we have and use what at least is acceptable." The director walked to me. "Mallory, what is wrong with you. Your acting is so out of line with what I've come to expect from you. Now you won an Oscar, damnit!"
"I guess I'm not really myself," I said.
"At least your character won't be in any of the other scenes being filmed today. I suggest you shape up."
I attended a meeting in a conference room where the lab results were discussed.
"As you see here," said Dr. Conrad Bennish, "we detected radiationemanating from Mr. Mallory's body, which was not present in the control subjects.This raidation is the same type of radiation emmitted by the wormholes when we open them. Furthermore, the radiation being emitted is increasing. This watch here seems to have been designed to measure the radiation, and predict when the dimensional bonds breka down."
"So this means he's unstuck?" asked Quinn.
"We don't know," said Dr. Bennish. "Colin Mallory here claims the watch keeps track of the radiation and predicts he will go to the next universe. Whoever built this thing is way ahead of us."
"That's right," I said. "Your duplicates from another world built the watch."
"Well, according to Mr. Mallory here, he'll slide out on his own when the lab is open. We'll get to see."
After a few minutes, we left the conference room. "Well," I said, "will you be able to find my friends?"
"Maybe you should have asked one of my counterparts who is familiar with unstuck matter," said Quinn. "We thought that unstuck matter was just a theory. Most of the staff still doubts your story."
"They can watch me slide out next week," I said.
"We'll do what we can, but we can't make any promises."
That night, I decided to watch the television show Hollywood Detectives. It was on UPN at 8 P.M. and it lasted for an hour. I watched it while drinking a cold Corona. The setting of the show was a police precinct in the Hollywood neighborhood of Los Angeles, California. My duplicate played Detective Chuck Connor, who was one of the supporting characters. His character was a womanizing cigar-smoking fellow. The other main cast included Luke Perry, Damon Wayans, Christina Applegate, Vivica A. Fox and Sonny Bono.
The primary focus on the show was the lives of the main characters; the work that they do is simply the backdrop. In the episode I was watching, the detectives learn that a forensic specialist is targeted by killers. The episode is generally lighthearted, although there are a few serious moments.
I never thought I would actually be on the show itself. But then my life since 1998 has been full of day-to-day surprises.
It was on Friday when my visit to this world started to get interested. For the past few days, when I was not being a lab rat, I spent my time browsing through Internet web pages to learn more about the world. There are many references to sliding; sliding was public knowledge here. A contemporary describes exploring other versions of Earth to be more exciting than exploring other worlds in outer space. Indeed, the chief researchers at Slider Research Labs all received Nobel prizes.
Quinn told me that I would have two visitors. I told him that it would not be nice to invite one of my duplicate's fans here, thinking I was the TV star. Quinn said it would be a surprise.
He was right; it was a surprise. One of them was a rather pretty lady with brown hair, who was visibily pregnant. The other was a man in his late twenties with brown hair. He was dressed in a nice sweater, appropriate attire for San Francisco in January.
His face was what I noticed, for it was identical to the face I see in the mirror!
He was as surprised as me, although he must have been expecting to see me.
"I guess you never met an other-dimensional duplicate before," I said, extending my hand. "My name is Colin Mallory."
"Well, that's my name too," he said.
"I can not believe this," said the woman who accompanied this world's version of me. "I know that Quinn told me about parallel universes and that we have counterparts in some of them, but I'd never thought I'd see one of my husband."
"Well, you'd better believe it," said Quinn. "I've done some sliding myself, and I've seen other versions of myself."
"Hello, my name is Molly," the woman said to me. "I'm your..I mean, his wife."
I remembered where I met Molly-or rather, one of her duplicates-before. It was in the previous world. She mistook me for her version of Colin Mallory just before I slid out.
We all sat down at the dining table. "So, Colin," said the native Colin, "tell me about yourself."
So I did. I told him how my brother built a sliding generator, and he took me on a trip through the multiverse with two of our friends. I told him how I got separated about seven months ago, and how I had been sliding without a timer or any external equipment.
"You live an interesting life," he said. "And I thought my life was interesting. You get to see different versions of the same places and the same people and different versions of yourself."
"Tell me about yourself," I said.
"Well, I didn't live as interesting a life as you did, but anyway, I grew up in San Francisco. After graduating from high school, I signed up with an agent in Los Angeles and I moved there. I was acting in low-budget films and small parts on TV shows. I even had a supporting role in some teen movie. The Robotech movie was my big break. I remember when it was on back in the 80's. I've appeared in a few movies and TV shows since, and I landed a regular role in Hollywood Detectives back in the fall of 1998."
"Why did you choose acting?" I asked.
"I wanted to be a basketball star," he said. "But I shattered my knee back in my sophomore year of high school. I decided to take drama classes, and I found a different path. If I hadn't shattered my knee, I would have pursued basketball and never became an Oscar-winning actor. I won best actor back in 1992 for my role in Robotech, you know."
"Well, my experiences showed me there are trillions of possibilities."
"So there's another version of me who's a basketball star."
"Maybe. I've seen or observed other versions of you that were gangster rappers, astronauts, militant Christian terrorists, con artists, and sadistic police state interrogators."
"Well, you've met a lot of asshole versions of you."
"So have you come all the way here to see me?"
"Acually, Molly and I came here to visit our families. And there's a litte favor I'd like to ask of you."
"What?" I asked.
"I;'d like you to take my place for a while."
"What? You can't be serious!"
"What's the problem?" Colin asked. "I have a nice house in Beverly Hills."
"The last time I did that, I got in a lot of trouble. My duplicate was a two-bit crook who wanted me to take the fall for his crimes."
"I assure you that my husband is not a two-bit crook," said Molly. "He calls me whenever he gets a break on the set. He never goes out except with me, so I know he's not cheating. We're asking you this because Colin's work schedule keeps him very busy, and he just wants time to spend with me. And we have a baby on the way, in case you didn't notice."
I looked into Molly's eyes; I could see why my duplicate married her. "Okay, I'll do it," I said. I hoped I wouldn't regret it.
"Pack your bags," said the native Colin. "We'll schedule you for a trip to Beverly Hills tonight."
A Lincoln limousine drove us to San Francisco International Airport. Colin was wearing a hat and sunglasses. "I wear this so fans will not recognize me when I don't want them to," he had said. Anyway, we reached the airport terminal.
"I hoped you booked a flight," I said.
"Listen," said Colin, "Just go to the ticket counter. They'll think you're me, so they will give you a seat as long as you present my credit card."
I looked ahead and saw the counter for Pacific Airways. In my hand was a Discover Platinum Card. "You seem to be too trusting," I said. "I mean, you don;t really know me."
"I had my bank accounts frozen until Saturday of next week," he said. "Only my wife Molly can unfreeze them before then. You are welcome to use my credit card. It has a credit limit of fifty thousand dollars, so don't exceed it or else you'll have nothing left."
"Okay," I said.
"take care."
"Watch our house, will you?' asked Molly.
I lined up behind the Pacific Airways ticket counter, and in a few minutes I was at the front.
"Hello," said the lady.
"I'd like an available seat," I said, presenting the Discover Platinum Card.
"Oh," she said, looking at the name and apparently recognizing whom she thought I was. "I can get you a seat-first class. The fliught leaves at 7:30."
I went to the boarding lounge for Pacific Airways. It was small, with a bunch of plastic seats with people sitting in some of them. There were viewscreens showing arrivals and departures. I saw flights heading to Sacramento, Reno, Redding, Crescent City, and Fresno. And I saw Flight 187 which was heading to Los Angeles.
Just before 7:30, I heard the announcement. "Pacific Airways Flight 187 now boarding for Los Angeles," said a voice over the speaker. So I went to the boarding gate and displayed my ticket. I then took my seat in the plane, which was a window seat.
I read the safety brochure, which revealed this plane to be a Boeing 727. I reviewed the procedures for using the emergency slide and the flotation devices.
"All passengers, this is the captain speaking," a voice said over the intercom. "We are ready for takeoof. Please fasten your seatbelts and place all trays and tables into their upright positions."
So that's what I did.
I felt the plane pick up speed and I looked out the window. I could see the airport and itsa surroundings. I saw them become smaller, and I knew the plane was flying into the air. Soon I could see a good portion of the San Francisco peninsula.
"Hey!" one of Flight 187's passengers shouted. "That's Colin Mallory! The guy from Hollywood Detectives! He's here!"
I guessed I was a celebrity.
The flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles took about forty minutes. I could see from my window a huge portion of Los Angeles County, from the Pacific coastline to the San Gabriel Mountains. It was night, and I could see a sea of lights. As the 727 descended, I could see more detail. I could see the outlines of buildings, and I could see moving lights indicating vehicles and roads. I felt a thump as the 727's landing gears touched the runway, and I knew we were on the ground.
The plane hooked up with a jetway at the Pacific Airways terminal in Los Angeles International Airport. The captain announced we could leave. So I exited the plane and walked through the jetway to the boarding gate.
I could hear the click of flashbulbs. I looked and noticed photographers taking pictures of me.
I decided to have dinner at a Burger King located in the airport. After eating my hamburgers and drinking my Coke, I decided to get transportation to my duplicate's home in Beverly Hills. As I walked to the terminal entrance, there were signs advertising places such as Disneyland, the Los Angeles Airport Marriott, Universal Studios, and Blake Museum. The plkace to arrange transportation was near the terminal entrance as I suspected. I saw desks for Hertz and Avis. There were signs advertising taxi and airport shuttles.
I wanted a limousine. There was a desk for LAX Limousine rentals. A caption read, "Get to your hotel (or home) in style!"
"Hello," I said to the receptionist.
"You're that guy on TV!" he exclaimed.
"So I've noticed," I said. I present my duplicate's Discover card. "I want to rent a limo."
And so a black Lincoln limousine was provided for me. It was parked on the curb outside the terminal. I went out and I noticed photographers taking pictures of me.
"Ready to go, sir?" asked the limo driver.
"Sure," I said. I gave him the address of where I wanted to go. I got in and soon the limousine pulled into traffic.
"You didn't pack that much," said the limousine driver.
"I pack light when I travel," I replied.
And so the limousine left the airport and headed north on the San Diego Freeway. The freeway was a little crowded; serviving a major international airport might have something to do with it. After a few minutes, the Lincoln exited on Santa Monica Boulvard and made a right turn. Soon we entered Beverly Hills.
The limousine turned on a residential street. It parked near the address. The house looked familiar, for I had lived in another version of this house about four months ago.
I just hoped that tobacco gangsters would not come looking for me this time around.
I got off and went to the front door of what was now my house. I inserted the key and I unlocked the door. I stepped in and turned on the lights.
The lights revealed a living room whose floor is covered in a white carpet. There are sofas and a coffee table in the middle of the room, and a huge Magnavox color television with a cable box, a Sony VCR, and a Toshiba DVD player connected to it. In the corner was an Aiwa stereo system. I saw some magazines on the coffee table. there was Time, Newsweek, People, and Us. I saw a picture of some fellow named Scott Bakula on the cover of People, which was apparently the most recent issue. Flipping through the pages, I read that Scott Bakula was an actor who had been in the 1989-1996 television series Quantum Leap, and was going to star in some new movie due in summer 2000. I decided to read more magazines; I read in the Us magazine that an actress named Kristen Miller was signed up to be in a movie called Voltron: Defender of the Universe, which was based on an imported cartoon series from Japan.
Exploring the house further, I found a formal dining room with a hand-assembled wooden dining table. A gold candlestrick at on the table. The kitchen was fully stocked, with frozen meats and microwave dinners and vegetables and milk and orange juice and Coca-cola and Budweiser beer.
I went upstairs to explore further. I entered my duplicate's study. The study appeared to be a showcase of the native Colin's performing career. There were posters for movies such as Robotech and Scream and The Siege. A Power Macintosh G4 sat on a compuiter desk together with a LaserWriter printer and a Hewlett Packard Scanjet 2000c and some floppy disks and CD-ROM's. I also looked at a stautue of an Academy Award for Best Actor, awarded for my duplicate's role in the Robotech movie.
I went into the master bedroom. My duplicate and his wife slept in a bed covered with a canopy. A huge TV was in the corner, complete with a Panasonic VCR. As for the bathroom, it was something you would find in a luxury suite in the Chandler or the Dominion.
I lay on the bed and decided to turn on the television. This television had cable, so I tuned in to Fox News. I watched a report about the upcoming trial of the Reverend Paul Hill, who is suspected of leading the terrorist group the Sword of the Lord and masterminding the 1996 Academy Awards bombing which killed thirty people.
After watching a few more news shows, I decided to check out the Cartoon Network. It showed this cartoon show called Voltron. I remembered reading in a magazine that a live-action version was going to be filmed. Anyway, the show was about a princess and four fighter pilots who flew robot lions that could combine into one mighty robot called Voltron. Anyway, their enemies were an invading alien army who had these giants called robeasts. There were two episodes and each one ended with Voltron destroying the robeast.
Anyway, there was not much else, so I decided to cook a Stouffer's microwave macaroni and cheese for my dinner before I went to sleep.
It was on Monday that I first arrived on the set of Hollywood Detectives. From what I found, the show is taped at Sunset-Gower Studios in the Hollywood neighborhood of Los Angeles, and I, or rather my duplicate, was scheduled for rehearsal and filming tomorrow aty 7:30 AM.
I skimmed the Los Angeles Times, which was delivered to this house every day. the only thing of note that I reads was that King Leonard of the United States of America had just left to meet with the Emperor of China. I decided to take the newspaper with me.
I went into my duplicate's car, a silver Mercedes. I started the engine and drove off to the studio.
There were no freeways between Beverly Hills and Hollywood, so I had to drive down Sunset Boulevard all the way there. The studio was located at the cornet of Sunset Boulevard and Gower Street. I pulled in to a parking garage.
"Hello, Mr. Mallory," the parking attendant said. "Here for another day of shooting?"
"Yeah," I said.
I parked into one of the reserve spaces, since there was a permit attached to the windshield of the Mercedes. I got out and locked the car and walked outside.
The studio consisted of sound stages and production offices. I could see various people walking to various places. I saw a catering truck parked in some courtyard. I looekd around the palce, hoping to familiarize myself.
"Hey Colin," someone said. I turned my head and saw a bald Negro man whom I recognize as Damon Wayans, one of the regular cast members on the show.
"Hi," I said. "I'm ready when you are."
"Well, it's time to earn our keep. We'd better see the director."
We all met in one of the sound stages-me, the regular cast, the guest cast members who would be appear in the scenes being filmed, the camera crew, and the directors and producers. We were all given scripts for this episode that was being filmed.
"Here are your scripts," said the director, whose name was Angus Rickman. "I;ve outlined the scenes to be rehearsed. We'll rehearse and film the on-set scenes first, asnd the on-location scenes will be done later this week."
I read through the whole script. Apparently, the episode dealt with a college student dying from an Ecstasy overdose. Because of the filming locations in the studio and at the University of Southern California campus, the scenes will be shot out of order from the way they will appear when the episode is finally broadcast.
"Well, Mallory," said Rickman. "You'll start the rehersal of your scene right now with Miss von Oy here."
"I'm going first?" I asked. "Well, okay."
"This is gonna be great!" said my costar int he scene, whose name was Jenna von Oy. She was a short lady with long brown hair and she was dressed in a USC sweatshirt.
We were led to this set which was decorated as a classroom. We would film here in the afternoon. Both Jenna von Oy and I had our scripts.
"I remember seeing you in that Robotech movie," she said. "You know, I used to watch the cartoon when I was a kid. It was such a romantic..."
"That's not part of the script, Jenna," said Rickman. "Now let's take some camera angles to see which would look best for filming." I had my script in hand, ready to read. "And go."
I took out a prop, which was a mock police badge. "LAPD," I said. "Are you Lucy Moody?"
"Yeah," replied Jenna von Oy, reading from her script. "What's this about?"
"Do you know Billy Dean?"
"I had a class with him last semester. I've seen him at parties. Why do you ask?"
"Well, he just overdosed on Ecstasy."
"You mean he's dead?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so."
"Oh. Well, that sucks."
"Did Billy Dean have a reputation for drug use?"
"Not that I know of."
"You were at the party where he overdosed. Did you see him use any drugs?"
"No, but then I wasn't checking to see if he did any drugs. I'd better be going, Detective. Is there anything else?"
"Yes. If you come up with something, we can discuss it, preferably over lunch."
"And cut!" shouted Rickman. He approached. "Colin, there seems to be a problem."
"What?" I asked.
"You act so, so wooden. That may be fine when you;re playing Pinnochio, but you;re playing Chuck Connor, the hip, cool detective who always macs on the ladies."
"How do I mac on the ladies?" I asked.
"I can't believe you asked that. You won the Oscar for Best Actor in 1992. What happened to your acting ability?"
"This is a rehearsal."
"You do much better than that in your rehearsals. We'll do this scene again. Colin, pretend that you're talking to your wife and you haven't seen her and you want some."
"Okay," I said.
"And action!"
"LAPD. Are you Lucy Moody?"
"You know, Mallory," said Luke Perry,"That was such a piss-poor performance. It makes me wonder how you could possibly win an Oscar."
"Yeah," said Damon Wayans. "You need to have that spark."
I was sitting down on a table for lunch with the cast. Beef and vegetables was being served. I had a can of Coca-cola to drink.
"Are you having any personal problems?" asked Christina Applegate. "I mean, being an big-time actor can put a strain on your schedule and I know you're married."
"Colin," asked Vivica A. Fox, "have you gotten some from your wife recently?"
"No," I said, which was definitely the truth.
"Well," said Sonny Bono, who played Detective Lieutenant Rooney, "it's easy to understand; Mrs. Mallory is pregnant. Lovin' was scarce when my wife had a baby coming."
"I think you should spend some time with your wife," said Damon Wayans.
"Yes, I agree," I said.
"Well, I suggest you practice your scene with your costar," said Luke Perry. "We're about to start filming after lunch break.
So that's what I did.
It was time to actually film the scene I was rehearsing earlier, so I had to get dressed. My duplicate had his own private trailer. I noticed some paperback books; I guessed he came to to read during his break. My character was dressed in a sophisticated stylish business suit. I finished buttoning my coat when it was time to get on the set.
I went into the sound stage and into the mockup classroom that was built. I noticed a lot more people in there; I figured they were extras. They were all college students, and they appeared to be between eighteen and thirty years of age. The crew was getting ready to film the scene. A huge boom mike was held right above my head.
What I had to do was simple. On action, I would walk onto the set and talk to Jenna von Oy just as she and the others gets up off their desks.
"I hope you do this right," said Jenna von Oy.
"Quiet on set!" shouted Angus Rickman. "Roll tape."
"A marker," someone said.
"B marker," someone else said.
"Background," said the director. "And action!"
"LAPD," I said. "Are you Lucy Moody?"
"Yeah," replied Jenna von Oy. "What's this about?"
"Do you know Billy Dean?"
"I had a class with him last semester. I've seen him at parties. Why do you ask?"
"Well, he just overdosed on Ecstasy."
"You mean he's dead?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so."
"Cut! Cut!" shouted Rickman. "Colin, you act like as if you are reading from a damn instruction manual. Chuck Connor is supposed to have passion. I suyggest instead of reading the words, feel the words.Let's try this again, one more time."
Once again everything is set, and then Director Rickman shouted action.
"LAPD," I said. "Are you...uh, are you..uh, what's your name?"
"Cut!" shouted Rickman.
"You said I should not read the words."
"But you're supposed to know them!"
"So let's try this again, shall we?" asked Rickman.
Action was called, and I walked over to her. I reached into my pocket, but I couldn't find my badge.
then it hit me, or rather, I hit her. She fell into one of the extras who had been sitting behind her and just gotten up.
"Cut!" shouted Rickman.
"Maybe we should include this in the scene," someone said. "We could use comedy relief."
Jenna von Oy picked up the guy whom she knoeced over after I knocked her over. He looked familiar somehow.
"I know you," I said to him. "you worked at Prudential."
"Uh, no," he said.
"Well, you look like him."
"And you look like that Chuck Connor guy on TV."
"You see, Colin," said Jenna von Oy. "He could act better than you are acting now. This was my first scene with an Oscar-winning actor, but judging by your performance, I can't see how you were even nominated."
I could tell she was quite frustrated.
"Let's start this again," said Rickman. "And action!"
"Yes. If you come up with something, we can discuss it, preferably over lunch," I said.
"And cut!" shouts Rickman. "Let's review what we have and use what at least is acceptable." The director walked to me. "Mallory, what is wrong with you. Your acting is so out of line with what I've come to expect from you. Now you won an Oscar, damnit!"
"I guess I'm not really myself," I said.
"At least your character won't be in any of the other scenes being filmed today. I suggest you shape up."