Title: The Prince Of Tides-
Author: Kaitlyn
Summary: "Man wonders and God decides When to kill the Prince of Tides"
Rating: PG-13
It always came back to this.
Somehow, it always came back to that bedroom. No matter where they went, or what happened between them, that bedroom was their touchstone. They always ended up lying awake in the middle of the night, neither really sure of the other's consciousness, and praying to God for something that would undoubtedly never be granted. It was sad, but it was all they had anymore.
She had succumbed to it. In retrospect, she couldn't really recall when the absolution at come, but she realized in that moment that the feeling of utter exhaustion and apathy towards her life and everything in it that she felt was far too intense and lonely a feeling to be new. It must have happened sometime between the diagnoses and the failed pregnancy test. It didn't really matter.
She turned her head to look at him. She had done it so many times before, and it seemed to lose a little meaning and comfort each time. Even witnessing the sweet, familiar things that he did in his slumber had no solace left to offer. The soft batter of his eyelashes, the sweet cadence of his breathing, the rhythmic rise and fall of chest- they were only pieces of the whole that she had once loved with her entire being, and seeing them now merely reminded her that she was no longer strong enough to love him that way. It was the deepest, most sorry pain she had ever felt. The cancer, the lost child...they were nothing compared to the knowledge that she would never again love this man with the all-consuming intensity that had, at one time, been the only thing she'd known.
Hesitantly, she moved her hand along the cool sheet beneath the covers. She found his resting stilly at his side, and she burrowed her own beneath it. She did not have even the strength to grasp it. Somehow, feeling the weight of his hand resting heavily atop hers was the most satisfying thing she could think of at the moment. Feeling as tired and as broken as she did, it was enough.
*********************************************************************************
When he awoke, she was not beside him. It would have felt almost foreign if she had been. He had not awoken with her in the same bed in a very long time. This morning seemed different, though.
He climbed out of bed and threw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He could feel the emptiness of the apartment around him; it felt cold and barren. She was not there- he knew it.
He walked out into the living room, only to confirm his suspicion. No Rachel. Being as it was a Saturday morning, he had no idea where she could be. Upon making his way into the kitchen, he found a half-empty mug of coffee sitting on the counter that had not been there the previous night. Sitting next to it was a white sheet of paper. He picked it up and read it.
Ross,
"Look at me.
I'm in a place
I never thought I'd be.
I don't have the strength to fight anymore,
or a reason not to leave.
So, tell me why I keep holding on
to something I just cannot see.
What makes you stay,
when your world falls apart?
What makes you try one more time,
when its not in your heart?
At the end of your rope,
when you cant find any hope,
you still look at him and say
'I just cant walk away'.
Tell me, what makes you stay?"
What makes you stay, Ross?
Rachel
He could feel his knees buckling. What did this mean? A sudden panic manifested itself in his heart, and he thought for a moment that it might beat right out of his chest. Dear God, please say she hadn't left. Things had not been right between them- not REALLY right- in almost a year. He had never possessed the answer- he'd never claimed to. He had not seen the woman he had first fallen in love with in close to twelve months, but oddly enough, his entire world still flipped off it's axis when she wasn't around. He could not be without her, and that was the bottom line. No matter how far away from his Rachel she managed to venture, no matter how distant she grew, he would always need her.
After a few deep breaths, he picked up the phone and called Monica. She answered after the first ring.
"Monica?!" His voice broke, partly because it had been his first word of the morning and partly because he was trying to conceal the approaching tears that were welling up behind his eyes.
"Ross? Calm down..."
"No, no, you don't understand. Rachel's gone. She left this note- it's some kind of poem. I have no idea where-"
"Ross, I know." He skipped a beat.
"What?! What do you mean 'you know'? Where the hell is she? What is this about? Where did she-"
"She came by here earlier this morning. She wasn't carrying a suitcase and she asked me to tell you not to worry. That's really all I can say."
"That's all you CAN say? Monica, if you know anything about where she is, I HAVE to know! You have to tell me! I mean, I can't just go on like nothing's wrong! She's gone!"
"Ross, Ross, calm down! Look, Rachel's a big girl. She's gone through a lot in the past few months. You, of all people, know that. She just needs some time."
"No, I won't accept that! She's my goddamn WIFE. She's irritable, and scared, and TIRED! She's out there by herself somewhere, doing God knows what! I can't...There's no..." He put the phone down and closed his eyes. He was too shaken up to continue, but too devastatingly terrified not to.
"Ross? Are you there? Look, she loves you. I promise you. She didn't leave you and she's not just wandering around the streets of Manhattan somewhere. You're just going to have to let her handle this one on her own."
He hung up. The last thing he wanted to be hearing was that there was something for Rachel to handle and she couldn't trust him with it. He hated the idea of her being that torn and lost and not being able to talk to him about it. Hell, they hadn't talked about ANYTHING for as long as he could remember. He realized that he was still clutching her note in his fist. He held it up and read it again. After a few beats, he whispered his answer.
"You, Rach. You make me stay."
(Just when you think you're out, I DRAG you back in! :-) Review, my good fellow! Review!)
Author: Kaitlyn
Summary: "Man wonders and God decides When to kill the Prince of Tides"
Rating: PG-13
It always came back to this.
Somehow, it always came back to that bedroom. No matter where they went, or what happened between them, that bedroom was their touchstone. They always ended up lying awake in the middle of the night, neither really sure of the other's consciousness, and praying to God for something that would undoubtedly never be granted. It was sad, but it was all they had anymore.
She had succumbed to it. In retrospect, she couldn't really recall when the absolution at come, but she realized in that moment that the feeling of utter exhaustion and apathy towards her life and everything in it that she felt was far too intense and lonely a feeling to be new. It must have happened sometime between the diagnoses and the failed pregnancy test. It didn't really matter.
She turned her head to look at him. She had done it so many times before, and it seemed to lose a little meaning and comfort each time. Even witnessing the sweet, familiar things that he did in his slumber had no solace left to offer. The soft batter of his eyelashes, the sweet cadence of his breathing, the rhythmic rise and fall of chest- they were only pieces of the whole that she had once loved with her entire being, and seeing them now merely reminded her that she was no longer strong enough to love him that way. It was the deepest, most sorry pain she had ever felt. The cancer, the lost child...they were nothing compared to the knowledge that she would never again love this man with the all-consuming intensity that had, at one time, been the only thing she'd known.
Hesitantly, she moved her hand along the cool sheet beneath the covers. She found his resting stilly at his side, and she burrowed her own beneath it. She did not have even the strength to grasp it. Somehow, feeling the weight of his hand resting heavily atop hers was the most satisfying thing she could think of at the moment. Feeling as tired and as broken as she did, it was enough.
*********************************************************************************
When he awoke, she was not beside him. It would have felt almost foreign if she had been. He had not awoken with her in the same bed in a very long time. This morning seemed different, though.
He climbed out of bed and threw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He could feel the emptiness of the apartment around him; it felt cold and barren. She was not there- he knew it.
He walked out into the living room, only to confirm his suspicion. No Rachel. Being as it was a Saturday morning, he had no idea where she could be. Upon making his way into the kitchen, he found a half-empty mug of coffee sitting on the counter that had not been there the previous night. Sitting next to it was a white sheet of paper. He picked it up and read it.
Ross,
"Look at me.
I'm in a place
I never thought I'd be.
I don't have the strength to fight anymore,
or a reason not to leave.
So, tell me why I keep holding on
to something I just cannot see.
What makes you stay,
when your world falls apart?
What makes you try one more time,
when its not in your heart?
At the end of your rope,
when you cant find any hope,
you still look at him and say
'I just cant walk away'.
Tell me, what makes you stay?"
What makes you stay, Ross?
Rachel
He could feel his knees buckling. What did this mean? A sudden panic manifested itself in his heart, and he thought for a moment that it might beat right out of his chest. Dear God, please say she hadn't left. Things had not been right between them- not REALLY right- in almost a year. He had never possessed the answer- he'd never claimed to. He had not seen the woman he had first fallen in love with in close to twelve months, but oddly enough, his entire world still flipped off it's axis when she wasn't around. He could not be without her, and that was the bottom line. No matter how far away from his Rachel she managed to venture, no matter how distant she grew, he would always need her.
After a few deep breaths, he picked up the phone and called Monica. She answered after the first ring.
"Monica?!" His voice broke, partly because it had been his first word of the morning and partly because he was trying to conceal the approaching tears that were welling up behind his eyes.
"Ross? Calm down..."
"No, no, you don't understand. Rachel's gone. She left this note- it's some kind of poem. I have no idea where-"
"Ross, I know." He skipped a beat.
"What?! What do you mean 'you know'? Where the hell is she? What is this about? Where did she-"
"She came by here earlier this morning. She wasn't carrying a suitcase and she asked me to tell you not to worry. That's really all I can say."
"That's all you CAN say? Monica, if you know anything about where she is, I HAVE to know! You have to tell me! I mean, I can't just go on like nothing's wrong! She's gone!"
"Ross, Ross, calm down! Look, Rachel's a big girl. She's gone through a lot in the past few months. You, of all people, know that. She just needs some time."
"No, I won't accept that! She's my goddamn WIFE. She's irritable, and scared, and TIRED! She's out there by herself somewhere, doing God knows what! I can't...There's no..." He put the phone down and closed his eyes. He was too shaken up to continue, but too devastatingly terrified not to.
"Ross? Are you there? Look, she loves you. I promise you. She didn't leave you and she's not just wandering around the streets of Manhattan somewhere. You're just going to have to let her handle this one on her own."
He hung up. The last thing he wanted to be hearing was that there was something for Rachel to handle and she couldn't trust him with it. He hated the idea of her being that torn and lost and not being able to talk to him about it. Hell, they hadn't talked about ANYTHING for as long as he could remember. He realized that he was still clutching her note in his fist. He held it up and read it again. After a few beats, he whispered his answer.
"You, Rach. You make me stay."
(Just when you think you're out, I DRAG you back in! :-) Review, my good fellow! Review!)