A/N: This is the first chapter of a possible new series. Is you're still
waiting for the 5th beware chapter, do not worry! I'm getting there slowly
- for some reason, this chapter is evading me, but will be here soon (.
I think it almost broke Logan's heart when i told him i was
leaving. Of course i wasn't breaking up with him - i love him too
much to do that, and he loves me too much to let me go.
But i was still leaving him. I realised a week ago that i
didn't really know who i was now. Since the professor and Jean had
helped me to work through my mutation and control it easily (boy,
was Logan pleased about that), i had discovered i could keep the
voices in my head at bay, away from the forefront of my mind. This
way they weren't melding into my own personality and merging their
memories into mine to make us all one person, all the people i had
touched over the past five years. Although this was incredibly
liberating
and now peaceful inside my head, it meant that i was now
essentially Marie the seventeen year old hitchhiker again instead of
Marie/Rogue the 22 year old x-man with the experience and guidance
of over 6 people and the assorted memories influencing everything i
said and did.
After realising this, i decided that i had to do something about it
and soon or i would quickly become someone i'm not
supposed to be, picking up the character traits of other people to
build up my own, since i had such a lack of experience of myself, of
Marie, on my own.
So now i'm packing my bags, getting ready to load up my jeep
and 'find myself'. Where i'll find myself i'm not sure, could be
anywhere; from the deepest south of New Orleans or back near my
hometown of Mississippi (although i doubt i'll be welcomed back
with open arms there) or up in the canadian rockies, somewhere near
where i first met Logan. What i do know though is that i have to do
this alone. I'm not sure why, and its certainly not because i'm
unhappy with Logan, quite the opposite. I've promised him that i'll
write and call as often as i can - he even bought us each a cell
phone so i could contact him wherever i am. Driving away from the
mansion with Logan stood in the doorway in my rear mirror, i can't
help but wonder if this is really a good idea...
I think it almost broke Logan's heart when i told him i was
leaving. Of course i wasn't breaking up with him - i love him too
much to do that, and he loves me too much to let me go.
But i was still leaving him. I realised a week ago that i
didn't really know who i was now. Since the professor and Jean had
helped me to work through my mutation and control it easily (boy,
was Logan pleased about that), i had discovered i could keep the
voices in my head at bay, away from the forefront of my mind. This
way they weren't melding into my own personality and merging their
memories into mine to make us all one person, all the people i had
touched over the past five years. Although this was incredibly
liberating
and now peaceful inside my head, it meant that i was now
essentially Marie the seventeen year old hitchhiker again instead of
Marie/Rogue the 22 year old x-man with the experience and guidance
of over 6 people and the assorted memories influencing everything i
said and did.
After realising this, i decided that i had to do something about it
and soon or i would quickly become someone i'm not
supposed to be, picking up the character traits of other people to
build up my own, since i had such a lack of experience of myself, of
Marie, on my own.
So now i'm packing my bags, getting ready to load up my jeep
and 'find myself'. Where i'll find myself i'm not sure, could be
anywhere; from the deepest south of New Orleans or back near my
hometown of Mississippi (although i doubt i'll be welcomed back
with open arms there) or up in the canadian rockies, somewhere near
where i first met Logan. What i do know though is that i have to do
this alone. I'm not sure why, and its certainly not because i'm
unhappy with Logan, quite the opposite. I've promised him that i'll
write and call as often as i can - he even bought us each a cell
phone so i could contact him wherever i am. Driving away from the
mansion with Logan stood in the doorway in my rear mirror, i can't
help but wonder if this is really a good idea...