The Melody Medley of Feasts, a legend of zelda fanfic

Wow. I like parodying. This is MAAAAAAAAAAD old!!! Old as YOUR MOTHER! Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaa! ENJOY…this is what I like to call "a void filler."

Disclaimer: No own Zelda or any o' the songs.

The Melody Medley of Feasts.

Rauru's fatness redefined by Misty M!

scene. Rauru is behind a turntable. There is only a spotlight on him. He has dark shades on. The music plays

(to the tune of "Fantasy" by Ludacris)

Yum! *crunch* Yum! *crunch* Yum! *crunch* Yum! *crunch*

Let me eat it now, let me eat it now, let me eat it now, let me eat it now!

Yum! *crunch* Yum! *crunch* Yum! *crunch* Yum! *crunch*

Let me eat it now, let me eat it now, let me eat it now, let me eat it now!

I wanna, e-e-e-eat up all the cookies and chips

And I wanna move from the veggies down to the down to the carrot dips

And I wanna, *belch, burp* You make such a damn nice roast beef,

But I gotta, kn-kn-kn-know wh-wh-wh-where is the meat?

Rauru loses the shades, the turntable slides off to the left, and the spotlight turns off. A large light comes on, Rauru's sitting on a tuffet. Suddenly, a big bowl of curds and whey drops down in front of him, and he picks it up

(To the tune of "I'm Like a Bird" By Nelly Furtado)

You're so well made, that's for sure

You'll never lose the flav,

You're yummy, in the apple core

That is my fav flav.

And though the love is fake,

It's for a meal like you

I like the curds, and maybe even whey

I don't know where the salt is, I don't know where the sugar is

And curddy all I need for you to know is

I like the curds, and maybe even whey

I don't know where the salt is, I don't know where the sugar is

And curddy all I need for you to know is…

Rauru's curds and whey fly off the screen. His tuffet is gone, too. Suddenly, a large tie dyed sheet drapes over him, and a mike is handed to him, as well as a bottle of Diet Pills

(To the Tune of "White Rabbit" By Jefferson Airplane)

One pill makes you thinner

And one pill makes you fat,

And the ones that doctor gives you

Don't do anything, that's a fact.

Go ask Rauru

When he's not at all fat…

Suddenly, the tie dye drape is lifted off of him, and one of those folding curtains is put in front of him. After a few seconds, the curtain is lifted, and Rauru is standing there with a bikini top on, and pants. He begins to belly dance

(To the tune of "Whenever, Wherever" By Shakira)

Le Do Le Le Le Le…

Man, do I eat…Can't see my feet…

Whenever, wherever

I'll eat the ham left over

I'll be there, stuffed in the fridge,

And that's the way I binge.

The Twinkies, The Goldfish

Serve it all to me on a dish

We can always drink some beer

And when I burp, you fear!

Someone runs by, and puts a cap on Rauru backwards, and hands him a mike

(To the tune of "Forgot about Dre" By Eminem and Dr. Dre)

Nowadays everybody wanna fast if they got all fat rolls

But nothin results when they take diet pills

What a bunch of silly fools

And mother humpers act like they forgot about their weight.

The hat gets pulled upward, and a beter and chain are put on him

(To the tune of "U Remind Me" By Usher)

You remind me of a soup that I once chewed

I taste that taste whenever I

I look at food

Wouldn't believe all of the things

That was put in the stew

This is why I just can't taste your soup.

Suddenly, Rauru's in a monster tux. A piano is slid in front of him

(to the tune of "Just the Way You Are" By Billy Joel.)

Eat bananas, like the D Kong,

They never let me down before,

Yum mmm mmm mmm mmm…

I imagine them in a sundae,

Then I don't see them anymore.

I would not eat you, if I could help it,

I never could control the urge…

Yum mmm mmm mmm mmm

I'll take the choc sauce, Take the strawb'rries,

Never mind, I'll drink some Surge!!

Rauru's back in the bikini top, now with a snake on his shoulders

(To the tune of "I'm A Slave 4U" By Britney Spears)

Eat it eat it, eat it eat it, Uh!

Eat it eat it, eat it eat it, YuHUM!

Eat it eat it, eat it eat it, WOOT!

*Panting, slurp*

I'm a slaaaaave to food

I can't control it

I don't hide it well but

I'm a slaaaave to food

I shan't deny it

How the hell can I hide it

the snake slithers away. Rauru gets a red NYY cap put on him backwards, and a mike

(To the tune of "Nookie" By Limp Bizkit)

I did it all for the cookie!

Come on, the cookie! Come on!

So now I'll take the cookie,

And stick it in my mouth!

Stick it in my mouth!

Stick it in my…

I did it all for the cookie!

Come on, the cookie! Come on!

So now I'll take the cookie,

And stick it in my mouth!

Stick it in my mouth!

Stick it in my…

Rauru takes a guitar, smashes it, grabs the microphone and

MOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

~-end-~