Echoes
by aki midori
Summary: When love, once so strong, falters, all will be gone. All that's left are silent echoes of the pained beating of a broken heart. Sequel to Crucified.
Rating: PG for implied *Shounen ai*
Genre: Angst (Oh, the Christmas Angst!)
Archive: +crucifixum+. Zero Hour. AxKML by default.
Pairing: Aw, come on!
Warnings: Another Psycho fic. Psycho Rukawa. OOC Rukawa.
Author's Blah:
And yet, another experiment from me to you. This one's another Psycho-Rukawa fic. Ultimately weird. My only defense is that when we lose our sanity, we lose every-damn-thing.
diSCLAimeRS: Said characters aren't mine, but I wouldn't mind if somebody gave them to me for Christmas.
-----------------------------------
Echoes
It felt like spring time on this solitary morning
in a courtyard, birds were singing your praise
I'm still recalling things you said to me me feel alright
I carry them with me today
-As I Lay Me Down. Sophie B. Hawkins
Merry Christmas, you moron. How are you doing? Matte yo! I asked you first! Oh... so you're fine?
You're happy? That's good. I am, too, sometimes... when they're not hurting me.
Oh? You want to protect me? That's okay. I'm fine, anyway. It doesn't hurt much.
Sometimes, anyway.
Hey, don't frown so! It's a pretty day! Look at the green, green grass, Akira! And we can't hear those stupid carols here. They're all so loud! Let's hear the songs of the pretty birds and the calming wind, instead. Don't mind them. They won't find me here. We're free to do as we like. Now come over here and let me give you a hug.
You're so warm, Akira. So unlike me. I'm all cold.
That's why I love you so much.
Yes, Akira. Smile for me. Your smile is the most beautiful thing in the world. Thank you for smiling.
It's so quiet here. I could almost hear our hearts beating in tandem. One heart, one soul, remember, Akira?
Yes, Akira, I know. I love you, too.
What was that? Tell you about my day?
Oh, at first it was sad because I wasn't able to wake up with you, like before. But now I'm okay 'coz you're hear with me now.
What? No, they won't catch me here. Why are you so afraid, anyway?
You don't want me to get hurt?
I won't be hurt, Akira. Worry not for me. I can take care of myself.
The wind's getting colder, Akira.
Here. Let me snuggle closer with you. You're warm.
I love you.
What? You love me, too?
I know.
That's why I have to keep you all to myself. I did what I had to do. I don't want to share you with anybody else. You're happy this way, ne, Akira? Tell me you are, otherwise, I'd die. I hate to see you sad.
Yes? You're fine with this? I'm glad. Thank you for understanding, Akira. You see, if things went the other way around, they'd all steal you away from me, like they did before. They try to steal you away from me, always. They won't leave us alone. I have to own you like this. Take you away from them, so they won't hurt us anymore.
I don't want to cry at night anymore. I don't want to sleep alone anymore. I don't want to see you smile at them anymore. I don't ever want you to leave me. You're my life. My salvation. My everything.
I worship the ground you walk upon.
I bow to your holy presence.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Don't ever leave me.
Let's stay this way forever.
What? You don't want me to cry? Okay. I'll stop crying. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to cry like that. It's just that... everytime I remember those times, it makes me want to cry.
I can't live without you, Akira.
Oh, you're crying, too! Stop crying! I'm sorry! Look, I'm not crying anymore! See? See?
Hmmm... hmmm... Let's just sing, Akira.
Oh holy night, the stars are brightly shining! Sing with me, Akira.
Sing with me, little birdies.
Sing with me, pretty flowers! It's Christmas! A time to be with the ones you love. I'm with Akira... and that's all that matters.
Sing with me, Akira.
It is the night of our dear savior's birth. Long lay the world, in sin and error pining.. till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
Akira...
You're crying!
No, no, no! Don't cry! I want you to be happy! See, it's Christmas, and I'm here with you, and this whole place is pretty! Don't cry!
Wait...
What's that?
Sirens!
Run with me, Akira! Help! Save me! Don't let them catch me!
Faster, faster!
Past the stones, into the trees, deeper into the forest! My hand in yours... faster! Take me away from them, Akira. Faster!
They're catching up! Help me remove my clothes! They're in the way!
What, you can't?! Wait, don't cry, Akira! Don't panic! I won't let them take me! What? Yes, I'll stop crying, too. I'll try to stop panicking...
Just take me away!
"Stop! You!"
Akira!
Akira, they caught me! Akira! Help me! Akira!
"Stop struggling, dammit!"
No! I want my Akira! Please don't take me away. Please let me go! Akira! Save me!
Try harder, Akira. Reach for my hand! Closer, Akira! They're taking me away!
Ow! That hurts!
What did you...
Akira... I'm... getting sleepy.
They're taking me away again.
I can't stop crying, Akira. I love you.
What? Take your hand? Okay.
Demo, Akira...
My hand went right through yours.
******
"Si...lent night... Ho-ly night.. All is calm. Sing with me, Akira. All is bright..."
Mitsui held Kogure tighter as they both looked at Rukawa through the small window. He was confined in his straightjacket, curled up in a fetal position on his bed. Scars peeked out from beneath the sleeves and legs of his white dress. Slashes marred his once-flawless face. Tears continuously flowed from his eyes as he achingly, brokenly sang an age-old christmas carol.
"We found him at Sendoh's gravestone earlier this morning. How he escaped, we don't know. He put up quite a fight when we caught him. He was struggling and reaching for something. We have to give him a shot of tranquilizer before we could take him back here."
"I see," Mitsui muttered. He held his lover tighter as Rukawa's pained voice echoed the ache of his broken heart. No one deserved that pain. Not Rukawa. Not even Sendoh.
"A happy song now, Akira... Let's try Rudolph, ne? Rudolf, the red-nosed raindeer! ..."
"Kaede..." Kogure whispered, trailing his fingers along the thick glass- the only window to his friend's bleak room.
This wasn't meant to happen.
Rukawa... a once-proud man.
Now a broken, battered soul.
******
Hmmm... hmmmm... They're gone.
Look, Akira... Let me show you a secret.
Wait for a while, Akira. These clothes are annoying. I can't move.
Here you go! Slash here, cut there... I'm free!
Remember this knife? They thought they have it. They didn't know I stole it back again.
Remember how we played with this knife? Like this? And this? And this?
Akira...
Don't cry.
Your tears are red again.
Red...
The color of Christmas, ne?
Merry Christmas, Akira.
I love you.
*********
o.wa.ri
*********
Okay. Kill me now.
19 December 2003
by aki midori
Summary: When love, once so strong, falters, all will be gone. All that's left are silent echoes of the pained beating of a broken heart. Sequel to Crucified.
Rating: PG for implied *Shounen ai*
Genre: Angst (Oh, the Christmas Angst!)
Archive: +crucifixum+. Zero Hour. AxKML by default.
Pairing: Aw, come on!
Warnings: Another Psycho fic. Psycho Rukawa. OOC Rukawa.
Author's Blah:
And yet, another experiment from me to you. This one's another Psycho-Rukawa fic. Ultimately weird. My only defense is that when we lose our sanity, we lose every-damn-thing.
diSCLAimeRS: Said characters aren't mine, but I wouldn't mind if somebody gave them to me for Christmas.
-----------------------------------
Echoes
It felt like spring time on this solitary morning
in a courtyard, birds were singing your praise
I'm still recalling things you said to me me feel alright
I carry them with me today
-As I Lay Me Down. Sophie B. Hawkins
Merry Christmas, you moron. How are you doing? Matte yo! I asked you first! Oh... so you're fine?
You're happy? That's good. I am, too, sometimes... when they're not hurting me.
Oh? You want to protect me? That's okay. I'm fine, anyway. It doesn't hurt much.
Sometimes, anyway.
Hey, don't frown so! It's a pretty day! Look at the green, green grass, Akira! And we can't hear those stupid carols here. They're all so loud! Let's hear the songs of the pretty birds and the calming wind, instead. Don't mind them. They won't find me here. We're free to do as we like. Now come over here and let me give you a hug.
You're so warm, Akira. So unlike me. I'm all cold.
That's why I love you so much.
Yes, Akira. Smile for me. Your smile is the most beautiful thing in the world. Thank you for smiling.
It's so quiet here. I could almost hear our hearts beating in tandem. One heart, one soul, remember, Akira?
Yes, Akira, I know. I love you, too.
What was that? Tell you about my day?
Oh, at first it was sad because I wasn't able to wake up with you, like before. But now I'm okay 'coz you're hear with me now.
What? No, they won't catch me here. Why are you so afraid, anyway?
You don't want me to get hurt?
I won't be hurt, Akira. Worry not for me. I can take care of myself.
The wind's getting colder, Akira.
Here. Let me snuggle closer with you. You're warm.
I love you.
What? You love me, too?
I know.
That's why I have to keep you all to myself. I did what I had to do. I don't want to share you with anybody else. You're happy this way, ne, Akira? Tell me you are, otherwise, I'd die. I hate to see you sad.
Yes? You're fine with this? I'm glad. Thank you for understanding, Akira. You see, if things went the other way around, they'd all steal you away from me, like they did before. They try to steal you away from me, always. They won't leave us alone. I have to own you like this. Take you away from them, so they won't hurt us anymore.
I don't want to cry at night anymore. I don't want to sleep alone anymore. I don't want to see you smile at them anymore. I don't ever want you to leave me. You're my life. My salvation. My everything.
I worship the ground you walk upon.
I bow to your holy presence.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Don't ever leave me.
Let's stay this way forever.
What? You don't want me to cry? Okay. I'll stop crying. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to cry like that. It's just that... everytime I remember those times, it makes me want to cry.
I can't live without you, Akira.
Oh, you're crying, too! Stop crying! I'm sorry! Look, I'm not crying anymore! See? See?
Hmmm... hmmm... Let's just sing, Akira.
Oh holy night, the stars are brightly shining! Sing with me, Akira.
Sing with me, little birdies.
Sing with me, pretty flowers! It's Christmas! A time to be with the ones you love. I'm with Akira... and that's all that matters.
Sing with me, Akira.
It is the night of our dear savior's birth. Long lay the world, in sin and error pining.. till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
Akira...
You're crying!
No, no, no! Don't cry! I want you to be happy! See, it's Christmas, and I'm here with you, and this whole place is pretty! Don't cry!
Wait...
What's that?
Sirens!
Run with me, Akira! Help! Save me! Don't let them catch me!
Faster, faster!
Past the stones, into the trees, deeper into the forest! My hand in yours... faster! Take me away from them, Akira. Faster!
They're catching up! Help me remove my clothes! They're in the way!
What, you can't?! Wait, don't cry, Akira! Don't panic! I won't let them take me! What? Yes, I'll stop crying, too. I'll try to stop panicking...
Just take me away!
"Stop! You!"
Akira!
Akira, they caught me! Akira! Help me! Akira!
"Stop struggling, dammit!"
No! I want my Akira! Please don't take me away. Please let me go! Akira! Save me!
Try harder, Akira. Reach for my hand! Closer, Akira! They're taking me away!
Ow! That hurts!
What did you...
Akira... I'm... getting sleepy.
They're taking me away again.
I can't stop crying, Akira. I love you.
What? Take your hand? Okay.
Demo, Akira...
My hand went right through yours.
******
"Si...lent night... Ho-ly night.. All is calm. Sing with me, Akira. All is bright..."
Mitsui held Kogure tighter as they both looked at Rukawa through the small window. He was confined in his straightjacket, curled up in a fetal position on his bed. Scars peeked out from beneath the sleeves and legs of his white dress. Slashes marred his once-flawless face. Tears continuously flowed from his eyes as he achingly, brokenly sang an age-old christmas carol.
"We found him at Sendoh's gravestone earlier this morning. How he escaped, we don't know. He put up quite a fight when we caught him. He was struggling and reaching for something. We have to give him a shot of tranquilizer before we could take him back here."
"I see," Mitsui muttered. He held his lover tighter as Rukawa's pained voice echoed the ache of his broken heart. No one deserved that pain. Not Rukawa. Not even Sendoh.
"A happy song now, Akira... Let's try Rudolph, ne? Rudolf, the red-nosed raindeer! ..."
"Kaede..." Kogure whispered, trailing his fingers along the thick glass- the only window to his friend's bleak room.
This wasn't meant to happen.
Rukawa... a once-proud man.
Now a broken, battered soul.
******
Hmmm... hmmmm... They're gone.
Look, Akira... Let me show you a secret.
Wait for a while, Akira. These clothes are annoying. I can't move.
Here you go! Slash here, cut there... I'm free!
Remember this knife? They thought they have it. They didn't know I stole it back again.
Remember how we played with this knife? Like this? And this? And this?
Akira...
Don't cry.
Your tears are red again.
Red...
The color of Christmas, ne?
Merry Christmas, Akira.
I love you.
*********
o.wa.ri
*********
Okay. Kill me now.
19 December 2003