I saw her, standing there with her friends. There were three adults,
Narcissa, and six children. Estelle and Isabel were there, and to my
surprise Blaise, my best friend, was too. There were also two extremely hot
guys and a girl about my age. Then Narcissa said something and they all
laughed. She yelled "Come here, Pansy!" I started to walk towards them, but
she yelled "You run when I want you!", and they all cracked up again, and I
started to run towards her. Anything Narcissa says. All the time. Whatever
she says. When I got there, she grabbed my arm and pulled me into the
middle of the group. Blaise didn't say anything. Then Narcissa goes "This
is one of the brats on my team." They all laugh again. Blaise still doesn't
say anything. Neither do I. She sends me to get some drinks for them. When
I get back, and am giving them to the boys, one of them is like
"Thanks.brat" and they practically kill themselves laughing. Narcissa grabs
my arm again and pulls me back next to her. The girl I don't know goes
"Thank god I don't have to let myself be pushed around by anybody" in this
really snooty voice, and, guess what, they all crack up again. Narcissa
thinks it's hilarious, and says "Oh, this one doesn't have to do anything I
say.unless she wants to be on any school teams ever again." And they all
have hysterics again. I still haven't said anything. I wonder if Blaise
will say something to me about it later. I mean, we're kind of best
friends. I don't look at her. Narcissa tells me to take Estelle away for an
hour, says "Run along now, we're tired of you" and shoves me down the
stairs. I wait for Estelle to catch up.
Before we get out of earshot, Estelle goes "Pansy, why was everyone laughing?" I know they're listening to me. I say "Because your Mummy's a funny person, Estelle." "But you weren't laughing, Pansy." We've stopped walking. I can hear them laughing, and I know they're waiting for my answer. "I guess it's funnier if I don't laugh." "Why, Pans?" Narcissa told her to call me Pans. She knows I loathe that name. "Because, well because if I laughed, I would, I don't know, spoil it, Estelle. You see the more I mind the funnier it is." I can hear them laughing. "I don't understand." "Don't worry; you'll understand when you're older." More laughter. I pick her up, even though she squirms, and start walking again. "Will I be funny like my mummy, Pans?" "I don't know, Estelle. Maybe." Blaise and that other girl catch up with us. I wait to see what will happen. Blaise doesn't look at me. She looks really embarrassed. I guess its not her fault. "Hey, brat." I don't answer. "Ooh, friendly, aren't we." I still don't answer. "Aunty Narcissa says to meet her in the gym in an hour." "She sent you to tell me that?" That can't be true. She would scream after me till she was blue in the face, before she sent her niece to give me a message. "Well, I said we would come and play with Estelle and she asked me to tell you." Play with Estelle? 'Play' with me more likely. I could see by the look in her eyes, and the way she was talking to me. That's how Narcissa looks when she's about to make some 'hilarious' joke. "This is my sister, Blaise. Don't get any ideas, brat, she's a young lady, not someone's kid slave, like you." I could see this was intended for Blaise as well as me; by the way Blaise turned bright red and mumbled something incoherent. I mean, Blaise never mumbles. And I mean never. I was annoyed. Who did this girl think she was anyway? I might have to be humiliated by Narcissa, but her niece? I mean. But I didn't say anything. Sticks and stones may break your bones.What was I supposed to do?
"So, brat, how do you like licking a six year olds boots?" She was talking about Genevieve, Narcissa's oldest daughter. While Estelle is sweet, Genevieve's awful. She knows her mum will let her say or do whatever she wants to us, and she takes advantage if it. She'll kick you, and slap you, and make you carry stuff, and insult you the whole time. She is the most unbearable six year old I have ever met. Obviously Narcissa makes no secret of that fact.
"I guess it'll be Estelle soon, and how will you like that?" I hope Estelle doesn't turn out like that, but Narcissa is always saying things like "Why don't you make Pansy carry that? She's big and strong." Oh well. I have at least six months left on Narcissa's team. I wasn't going to tryout this time, but my mum made me stay at school during all the tryouts, to try and pressure me into it, Narcissa dragged me by force to two of them, and Estelle asked me to come to one, otherwise she would be left with nasty girls. Estelle is adorable.
"You must be pretty desperate to play basketball to kiss Aunty Narcissa's boots every time she looks at you. I wouldn't demean myself like that if you paid me." Shut up, you stupid girl!!!
"Estelle, do you think your mummy is nice to Pansy?" Why did she have to ask that? "Umm, well, I don't know. She pushes her a lot." "Does your mummy push you and Genevieve and Blaisy as well?" "No, well she loves us. You don't push people you love." "So, brat, how does that make you feel? Even the four year old knows she pushes you around" I'm not stupid. I know Narcissa shoves me around for fun, and I put up with it because I have to. "Haven't you got a tongue, brat? Or do you exist to be Aunty Narcissa's slave?"
I haven't said anything yet. Blaise still hasn't looked at me, but she looks really embarrassed about her sister. The girl starts talking to Blaise. "Why don't you talk to her? You always pretend to be so clever and grown up. Can't you make her talk? Shouldn't be so hard for a debater, should it? If you put on your snooty voice she'll do whatever you say because she's got no brain of her own."
Blaise hesitates. "Umm, well, hi. I'm Estelle's cousin." She still doesn't look at me. The girl grabs me and tugs me towards Blaise. "Look at her, you little brat!" I look at Blaise. She shoves my arm at Blaise's hand. Blaise takes it reluctantly. I'm still carrying Estelle with the other arm, and she's jolly heavy. I put her down. We've come to a bench, and the girl sits down, and pulls Blaise down with her. She tells Estelle to sit on the bench too. I'm standing there, looking at all of them, and feeling like a complete fool.
"Sit down, brat." There's no room on the bench, and anyway I know she wants me to sit on the ground at her feet. Although I wouldn't just to please her, I'm tired because I've been carrying Estelle for about twenty minutes and she's heavy. "I said sit down!" I sat down, and instantly wished I hadn't, when I saw the smirk on her face.
"When am I going to see mummy again, Pans?" "In about half an hour, Estelle. We'll go to the gym, and mummy will be there." Woo hoo. Narcissa again. Our official practice only started half an hour after she told me to come. I knew she would probably be making an idiot if me in front of everyone again.
The girl carried on insulting me for a quarter of an hour. Then she turned her attention back to Blaise, who hadn't said anything, or looked at me. "So, Blaisy, you've been pretty quiet lately. Are you scared of not behaving like a lady in front of this brat?" Blaise mumbled something again. "Blaisy, I don't know why you're feeling sorry for her, but if you don't start falling in line, the guys will beat you up." This seemed more sisterly, though not much help from my point of view. "So, um, why do you let Aunty Narcissa do this to you, anyway?" I knew it was a real question, disguised as a pretty feeble jibe.
"When I get onto the quidditch team, she has to give a good report of
me for me to pass. My parents would blow their top if I failed
anything, and Narcissa forces me to tryout. I don't know why." There. The source of my constant humiliation for two years. In three sentences. I don't know why I just told it to someone who's trying to humiliate me, though. That was stupid. "So as long as you're in this school, you have to keep doing everything she says? Great life, kid." I'm only about a year younger than her. Although 'kid' is better than 'brat'. I'm wondering how its going to go with Blaise tomorrow at school. Hasn't anybody realised we're in the same classes? So, Blaise, about your sister degrading me every ten seconds. I mean, what am I supposed to say? "Maybe we'd better head back to the gym. You don't want to be late for Aunty Narcissa, do you? She might get angry, and thrash you." Ha ha ha. She probably would, as well, which makes it even less funny. That's the worst thing about all these jibes - they're actually true. Except that I'm not stupid. In fact, cancel that, I must be stupid to let this happen to me year after year. Damm. They're all true. Oh, this makes me feel so good about myself. "So what do you do in your quidditch practices, brat? Watch Aunty Narcissa show off and pretend to think she's amazing? Get shoved into the corner and told to look after Estelle? Run around for two hours trying to avoid Aunty? Hah ha ha!"
What should I say? Should I say anything? I decide not to. There's no point. She doesn't really want to know, she just wants to upset me. Don't show any emotion; don't show that you're upset; don't show any weakness or vulnerability; that's the only way to protect yourself. I know it well.
Before we get out of earshot, Estelle goes "Pansy, why was everyone laughing?" I know they're listening to me. I say "Because your Mummy's a funny person, Estelle." "But you weren't laughing, Pansy." We've stopped walking. I can hear them laughing, and I know they're waiting for my answer. "I guess it's funnier if I don't laugh." "Why, Pans?" Narcissa told her to call me Pans. She knows I loathe that name. "Because, well because if I laughed, I would, I don't know, spoil it, Estelle. You see the more I mind the funnier it is." I can hear them laughing. "I don't understand." "Don't worry; you'll understand when you're older." More laughter. I pick her up, even though she squirms, and start walking again. "Will I be funny like my mummy, Pans?" "I don't know, Estelle. Maybe." Blaise and that other girl catch up with us. I wait to see what will happen. Blaise doesn't look at me. She looks really embarrassed. I guess its not her fault. "Hey, brat." I don't answer. "Ooh, friendly, aren't we." I still don't answer. "Aunty Narcissa says to meet her in the gym in an hour." "She sent you to tell me that?" That can't be true. She would scream after me till she was blue in the face, before she sent her niece to give me a message. "Well, I said we would come and play with Estelle and she asked me to tell you." Play with Estelle? 'Play' with me more likely. I could see by the look in her eyes, and the way she was talking to me. That's how Narcissa looks when she's about to make some 'hilarious' joke. "This is my sister, Blaise. Don't get any ideas, brat, she's a young lady, not someone's kid slave, like you." I could see this was intended for Blaise as well as me; by the way Blaise turned bright red and mumbled something incoherent. I mean, Blaise never mumbles. And I mean never. I was annoyed. Who did this girl think she was anyway? I might have to be humiliated by Narcissa, but her niece? I mean. But I didn't say anything. Sticks and stones may break your bones.What was I supposed to do?
"So, brat, how do you like licking a six year olds boots?" She was talking about Genevieve, Narcissa's oldest daughter. While Estelle is sweet, Genevieve's awful. She knows her mum will let her say or do whatever she wants to us, and she takes advantage if it. She'll kick you, and slap you, and make you carry stuff, and insult you the whole time. She is the most unbearable six year old I have ever met. Obviously Narcissa makes no secret of that fact.
"I guess it'll be Estelle soon, and how will you like that?" I hope Estelle doesn't turn out like that, but Narcissa is always saying things like "Why don't you make Pansy carry that? She's big and strong." Oh well. I have at least six months left on Narcissa's team. I wasn't going to tryout this time, but my mum made me stay at school during all the tryouts, to try and pressure me into it, Narcissa dragged me by force to two of them, and Estelle asked me to come to one, otherwise she would be left with nasty girls. Estelle is adorable.
"You must be pretty desperate to play basketball to kiss Aunty Narcissa's boots every time she looks at you. I wouldn't demean myself like that if you paid me." Shut up, you stupid girl!!!
"Estelle, do you think your mummy is nice to Pansy?" Why did she have to ask that? "Umm, well, I don't know. She pushes her a lot." "Does your mummy push you and Genevieve and Blaisy as well?" "No, well she loves us. You don't push people you love." "So, brat, how does that make you feel? Even the four year old knows she pushes you around" I'm not stupid. I know Narcissa shoves me around for fun, and I put up with it because I have to. "Haven't you got a tongue, brat? Or do you exist to be Aunty Narcissa's slave?"
I haven't said anything yet. Blaise still hasn't looked at me, but she looks really embarrassed about her sister. The girl starts talking to Blaise. "Why don't you talk to her? You always pretend to be so clever and grown up. Can't you make her talk? Shouldn't be so hard for a debater, should it? If you put on your snooty voice she'll do whatever you say because she's got no brain of her own."
Blaise hesitates. "Umm, well, hi. I'm Estelle's cousin." She still doesn't look at me. The girl grabs me and tugs me towards Blaise. "Look at her, you little brat!" I look at Blaise. She shoves my arm at Blaise's hand. Blaise takes it reluctantly. I'm still carrying Estelle with the other arm, and she's jolly heavy. I put her down. We've come to a bench, and the girl sits down, and pulls Blaise down with her. She tells Estelle to sit on the bench too. I'm standing there, looking at all of them, and feeling like a complete fool.
"Sit down, brat." There's no room on the bench, and anyway I know she wants me to sit on the ground at her feet. Although I wouldn't just to please her, I'm tired because I've been carrying Estelle for about twenty minutes and she's heavy. "I said sit down!" I sat down, and instantly wished I hadn't, when I saw the smirk on her face.
"When am I going to see mummy again, Pans?" "In about half an hour, Estelle. We'll go to the gym, and mummy will be there." Woo hoo. Narcissa again. Our official practice only started half an hour after she told me to come. I knew she would probably be making an idiot if me in front of everyone again.
The girl carried on insulting me for a quarter of an hour. Then she turned her attention back to Blaise, who hadn't said anything, or looked at me. "So, Blaisy, you've been pretty quiet lately. Are you scared of not behaving like a lady in front of this brat?" Blaise mumbled something again. "Blaisy, I don't know why you're feeling sorry for her, but if you don't start falling in line, the guys will beat you up." This seemed more sisterly, though not much help from my point of view. "So, um, why do you let Aunty Narcissa do this to you, anyway?" I knew it was a real question, disguised as a pretty feeble jibe.
"When I get onto the quidditch team, she has to give a good report of
me for me to pass. My parents would blow their top if I failed
anything, and Narcissa forces me to tryout. I don't know why." There. The source of my constant humiliation for two years. In three sentences. I don't know why I just told it to someone who's trying to humiliate me, though. That was stupid. "So as long as you're in this school, you have to keep doing everything she says? Great life, kid." I'm only about a year younger than her. Although 'kid' is better than 'brat'. I'm wondering how its going to go with Blaise tomorrow at school. Hasn't anybody realised we're in the same classes? So, Blaise, about your sister degrading me every ten seconds. I mean, what am I supposed to say? "Maybe we'd better head back to the gym. You don't want to be late for Aunty Narcissa, do you? She might get angry, and thrash you." Ha ha ha. She probably would, as well, which makes it even less funny. That's the worst thing about all these jibes - they're actually true. Except that I'm not stupid. In fact, cancel that, I must be stupid to let this happen to me year after year. Damm. They're all true. Oh, this makes me feel so good about myself. "So what do you do in your quidditch practices, brat? Watch Aunty Narcissa show off and pretend to think she's amazing? Get shoved into the corner and told to look after Estelle? Run around for two hours trying to avoid Aunty? Hah ha ha!"
What should I say? Should I say anything? I decide not to. There's no point. She doesn't really want to know, she just wants to upset me. Don't show any emotion; don't show that you're upset; don't show any weakness or vulnerability; that's the only way to protect yourself. I know it well.