Ok so here's the deal. I didnt notice that i had divided up the end into two chapters so there is another chapter after this. BUT i will have them both posted today so you dont have to actually wait TOO long for the next one. Sorry about the mix-up!
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Chapter 5
Tara pulled away from Willow's loving embrace as soon as her memory came back. She gave her lover a look that conveyed her disbelief, betrayal, and disappointment. Willow went to reach for her but Tara backed away.
"Tara? Baby?" Willow asked uncertainly.
"Don't baby me." Tara said in a cold voice. Willow went to reach for her again but Tara slapped her hand away. "What did you do?"
"I-it was just a little spell for you and Buffy. I didn't mean…"
"You NEVER mean Willow!" Tara yelled and the other turned to look at her in surprise. "You can't accept things the way they are and you play GOD and try to change things to suit your wishes. You can't do that!"
"You're just jealous." Willow snapped and then slapped her hand over her mouth. She looked at Tara in horror as tears welled up in both their eyes. Tara sighed and looked at Willow sadly and took another step away from her.
"I'm really not Willow." She said quietly before turning and walking out of the hall. Willow burst into tears and collapsed on the ground. Xander looked away from his friend and over to Giles and Anya. Giles was still holding onto Anya to steady her.
"Hey!" Xander cried and pulled Anya away from him. Giles tightened his grip for a moment but quickly moved away from the young couple. "Anya, are you ok?" Anya looked between Giles and Xander in confusion, but she was saved from giving an answer.
Buffy ran from the office with tears in her eyes. She didn't spare any of the others a glance as she pushed open the door and left the building. Dawn sighed as she looked after her sister, wondering if things would go back to the way they were before the memory spell. She turned to see Spike in the doorway of the office looking sadly at the door that Buffy had just exited.
"I'll go find her Spike." Dawn said quietly. He couldn't answer her, only blink and try to hold in his tears. All of his dreams had come true for a few short months and now he was back to where he had been before, except now he knew what it was like to be with her.
"I'll be at my crypt Nibblet." He choked out and Dawn went over to give him a hug before going to find Buffy.
*~*~*~*~*~
Dawn walked into the Summers house uncertainly. She had checked out the Bronze and was about to go to look in a few cemeteries but had decided to change out of her bridesmaid dress first. She heard sniffling noise upstairs though and decided to check that out first. She found Buffy lying face down on her old bed. Dawn hesitated for a moment before entering the room.
"Leave me alone." Buffy said without looking up at her sister.
"So we're back to that then?" Dawn asked coldly. Buffy sat up and looked at her sadly.
"You don't understand. None of you can possibly understand…"
"Yeah. You're right. Especially since you won't tell us." Dawn glared at her. "Don't lay this off on me. I'm trying to help but you don't let me!"
"Oh yeah. Tell me how you were trying to help by skipping all your classes and sneaking out at night when anything could have killed you!"
"Better than being here with you being all oh poor me!"
"Don't you get it? I was pulled out of heaven! This is like living in hell!" Dawn stepped back as though she had been slapped.
"I'm sorry if my presence is so hellish to you."
"Dawn, I didn't mean that." Buffy started but Dawn stopped her.
"I get that it's hard Buffy. I have no idea how hard. But you have no idea how hard it was with you dying a few months after mom did. Did you even think about that before you jumped off the tower? What I would have to deal with?"
"Dawn-"
"No. I know that you didn't. You didn't want to lose anyone else but what about what I would have wanted."
"To die?" Buffy stood up and looked at her in shock. "You wanted to die?"
"Not really. But you were right about one thing. Living is the hardest thing. So why don't you do that try to live?" Buffy sighed and sat down on the bed. Dawn tentatively sat down next to her.
"It's just this spell…it made everything that was so obvious so confusing now." Buffy said and Dawn nodded her encouragement.
"Like?"
"Like Spike. I mean what I am supposed to do now? He thinks that I love him-" Dawn bolted off the bed and glared at Buffy. "What?"
"What?! What?! You do love him!"
"No, I can't!"
"Yes. You can and you do! The spell didn't make you say that to him every day. It just made you forget about all the reasons that you couldn't be with him."
"No one would understand Dawnie."
"Stop it Buffy. Stop trying to think up reasons. He made us both happy and he made us a family." Dawn walked to the door and turned around to look at Buffy. "Everyone already knows how you feel Buffy. They know that you love him. You just have to get over yourself now and actually be happy." Dawn flounced out of the room and slammed the door closed to her room.
Buffy looked after her younger sister and frowned. Had she really been in love with Spike all this time? She looked down at the engagement ring on her hand felt a tear fall from her eye. Could it really just be that easy to let Spike back in knowing all that had once been to one another?
*~*~*~*~*~*
Anya stared across the table at Xander as he stared back at her. They had left the wedding together and were supposed to be talking over their relationship in a neutral place. But so far they hadn't said anything. Just stared.
"Did you ever really love me?" Anya finally asked when the silence became too much for her to bear. Xander sighed as she asked the question that he knew she was going to ask.
"I don't know." He admitted and looked down at his hands. "You're still married to Giles." He pointed out and Anya looked down at her hands and slowly nods her head. Her eyes begin to water and Xander sucks in a deep breath. "Do you love him?"
"I don't know anymore." Anya replied and looked up at him sadly.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Giles backed away from the shelf and bumped right into another patron of the "Mom and Pop's liquor."
"Pardon me." He said and turned around to see…Spike. Giles promptly glared at the blonde vampire and starts to say something sarcastic but Spike holds up a bottle of scotch, the same brand that Giles has clutched tightly in his fist. Giles sighed and nodded to Spike and they leave the store together. "My place?"
Spike merely grunts in reply and they head out with their booze quickly arriving at Giles' apartment. By the time they enter, Spike already has his bottle open and started. Giles frowns at him and quickly goes to the bar in search of glasses.
"Not exactly how you planned on spending the wedding night is it Rupes?" Spike asks with a smirk. Giles groans and takes a rather large gulp of scotch.
"I'm married. I can't believe that I'm really married." Spike frowns and takes another swig from the bottle as Giles pours himself another glass. "I've always found her attractive and I will admit that some her more, err, colorful phrases were embarrassing, her honesty was quite refreshing."
"You're talking like it was real." Spike snorts and proceeds to finish off his bottle and pull another- unpaid- bottle from the folds of his duster. Giles frowns at that but sighs and pours out another large glass of scotch for himself.
"It was real to me." He sighs and downs his glass in one swallow. Spike looks up with tears in his eyes.
"Me too." Giles moves over and pats Spike on the back. Spike looks up at him in shock. "What was that for?"
"Don't really know." Giles says turning away and pouring more scotch. "You were my son for the past four months."
"Best four months of my life." Spike replies despondently and gulps down some more scotch. Giles can't help but chuckle at that as he downs another glass.
"Just be patient. She obviously cares for you." Giles slurred and looked blearily at Spike, who was blinking uncertainly. "She just has to work through some things."
"Too many deep thoughts Watcher." Spike says and finishes off his second bottle, quickly producing a third.
"Good lord Spike! How many do you have in there?" Spike smirks and pulls out four more bottles from his coat. "Jolly good." Giles says and tosses back another glass.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dawn knocked on Buffy's door the next morning feeling guilty about some of the things that she had said to her. After all, Buffy had died for her.
"Buffy?" Dawn called cautiously. There was no answer and Dawn quietly made her way through the other rooms, frowning when she couldn't find her. She finally made her way downstairs and her frown deepened when she saw Buffy sitting on the couch with a distraught Willow. They looked up as Dawn entered the room. "Are you happy now Willow?"
"Dawnie" Buffy tried to stop her but a glare from Dawn silenced her.
"Are you? Magic seems to be so much more important to you than any of us. You didn't even try to talk to us!" Buffy looked down at the couch unable to descry anything that Dawn was saying.
"I'm sorry." Willow mumbled.
"Save it." Dawn whispered harshly. "I don't want to talk to you again." And she turned and flounced up the stairs.
"Buffy? Say something." Willow pleaded. "Can I still move back in?"
"You can. But you'll have to pay rent Wills. And help out around the house." Willow readily agreed and Buffy sighed. "I had better go up and check on Dawn. It is a school day after all."
Dawn was in her room angrily throwing her school stuff into her backpack. She opened her closet door and slammed it shut. Feeling slightly better she did it again.
"Dawn?" Buffy knocked hesitantly on the door and entered Dawn's room.
"You're letting her move back in aren't you?" Dawn asked with her back still turned to Buffy.
"Yes." Buffy paused. "She's my best friend Dawn. I can't just turn my back on her. But I am going to have her pay rent and help out more." Dawn sighed and turned around with a sad look on her face.
"How can you just forgive Willow so easily? What about Spike?" Dawn asked hoping her sister would see the similarities.
"It's complicated Dawnie." Buffy said while sitting on Dawn's bed and fiddling with the blanket. Dawn's hopeful expression vanished in an instant and she closed herself again.
"Tell that to Anya." She said and stormed out of her room leaving Buffy to her thoughts.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Anya walked into the Espresso Pump hesitantly. Buffy's call that morning had surprised her. She always thought of Buffy as Xander's friend who reluctantly put up with her. But she was glad to meet up with another women who would be able to sympathize with what she was going through. She saw Buffy waving her over and went to join her.
"I want vengeance on Willow." Anya said bluntly and Buffy couldn't help but laugh a little.
"A part of me does too." Buffy reluctantly admits and they both smile sadly at each other. "What are you going to do now Anya?"
"I'm not sure." Anya says and looks off into space. Rupert of Xander? She shakes herself from her reverie and focuses on Buffy for the first time since arriving. "You look sad too. Why are you sad?" Buffy looks up in surprise.
"You do remember that Spike and I are engaged?" Buffy tries to joke but it falls flat.
"Well. Yes. But he loved you before and you obviously have feelings for him." Anya paused and looked at Buffy as she shrugged and looked down at her coffee. "You're not going to let this come between you are you?"
"I don't know what to do." Buffy admitted and swirled her cooling coffee slowly with her finger.
"It's clear to me that you love each other very much." Anya stated firmly and Buffy looked at her curiously wondering how Anya could be so certain…unless…
"What about you and Giles?" Buffy asked and Anya looked down at the tabletop.
"I do feel a lot for Giles." Buffy reached out to take her hand, encouraging her to continue. "And you know, I'm pretty miffed at Xander because he wasn't jealous of me and Giles. He was jealous of you and Spike." Anya paused and looked back up at Buffy. "What am I going to do?"
"Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what everyone thinks." Buffy said firmly. Anya smiled.
"Same to you."
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Keep the reviews coming! Thanks for all your encouragement after chapter 4. It really prompted me to get going!
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Chapter 5
Tara pulled away from Willow's loving embrace as soon as her memory came back. She gave her lover a look that conveyed her disbelief, betrayal, and disappointment. Willow went to reach for her but Tara backed away.
"Tara? Baby?" Willow asked uncertainly.
"Don't baby me." Tara said in a cold voice. Willow went to reach for her again but Tara slapped her hand away. "What did you do?"
"I-it was just a little spell for you and Buffy. I didn't mean…"
"You NEVER mean Willow!" Tara yelled and the other turned to look at her in surprise. "You can't accept things the way they are and you play GOD and try to change things to suit your wishes. You can't do that!"
"You're just jealous." Willow snapped and then slapped her hand over her mouth. She looked at Tara in horror as tears welled up in both their eyes. Tara sighed and looked at Willow sadly and took another step away from her.
"I'm really not Willow." She said quietly before turning and walking out of the hall. Willow burst into tears and collapsed on the ground. Xander looked away from his friend and over to Giles and Anya. Giles was still holding onto Anya to steady her.
"Hey!" Xander cried and pulled Anya away from him. Giles tightened his grip for a moment but quickly moved away from the young couple. "Anya, are you ok?" Anya looked between Giles and Xander in confusion, but she was saved from giving an answer.
Buffy ran from the office with tears in her eyes. She didn't spare any of the others a glance as she pushed open the door and left the building. Dawn sighed as she looked after her sister, wondering if things would go back to the way they were before the memory spell. She turned to see Spike in the doorway of the office looking sadly at the door that Buffy had just exited.
"I'll go find her Spike." Dawn said quietly. He couldn't answer her, only blink and try to hold in his tears. All of his dreams had come true for a few short months and now he was back to where he had been before, except now he knew what it was like to be with her.
"I'll be at my crypt Nibblet." He choked out and Dawn went over to give him a hug before going to find Buffy.
*~*~*~*~*~
Dawn walked into the Summers house uncertainly. She had checked out the Bronze and was about to go to look in a few cemeteries but had decided to change out of her bridesmaid dress first. She heard sniffling noise upstairs though and decided to check that out first. She found Buffy lying face down on her old bed. Dawn hesitated for a moment before entering the room.
"Leave me alone." Buffy said without looking up at her sister.
"So we're back to that then?" Dawn asked coldly. Buffy sat up and looked at her sadly.
"You don't understand. None of you can possibly understand…"
"Yeah. You're right. Especially since you won't tell us." Dawn glared at her. "Don't lay this off on me. I'm trying to help but you don't let me!"
"Oh yeah. Tell me how you were trying to help by skipping all your classes and sneaking out at night when anything could have killed you!"
"Better than being here with you being all oh poor me!"
"Don't you get it? I was pulled out of heaven! This is like living in hell!" Dawn stepped back as though she had been slapped.
"I'm sorry if my presence is so hellish to you."
"Dawn, I didn't mean that." Buffy started but Dawn stopped her.
"I get that it's hard Buffy. I have no idea how hard. But you have no idea how hard it was with you dying a few months after mom did. Did you even think about that before you jumped off the tower? What I would have to deal with?"
"Dawn-"
"No. I know that you didn't. You didn't want to lose anyone else but what about what I would have wanted."
"To die?" Buffy stood up and looked at her in shock. "You wanted to die?"
"Not really. But you were right about one thing. Living is the hardest thing. So why don't you do that try to live?" Buffy sighed and sat down on the bed. Dawn tentatively sat down next to her.
"It's just this spell…it made everything that was so obvious so confusing now." Buffy said and Dawn nodded her encouragement.
"Like?"
"Like Spike. I mean what I am supposed to do now? He thinks that I love him-" Dawn bolted off the bed and glared at Buffy. "What?"
"What?! What?! You do love him!"
"No, I can't!"
"Yes. You can and you do! The spell didn't make you say that to him every day. It just made you forget about all the reasons that you couldn't be with him."
"No one would understand Dawnie."
"Stop it Buffy. Stop trying to think up reasons. He made us both happy and he made us a family." Dawn walked to the door and turned around to look at Buffy. "Everyone already knows how you feel Buffy. They know that you love him. You just have to get over yourself now and actually be happy." Dawn flounced out of the room and slammed the door closed to her room.
Buffy looked after her younger sister and frowned. Had she really been in love with Spike all this time? She looked down at the engagement ring on her hand felt a tear fall from her eye. Could it really just be that easy to let Spike back in knowing all that had once been to one another?
*~*~*~*~*~*
Anya stared across the table at Xander as he stared back at her. They had left the wedding together and were supposed to be talking over their relationship in a neutral place. But so far they hadn't said anything. Just stared.
"Did you ever really love me?" Anya finally asked when the silence became too much for her to bear. Xander sighed as she asked the question that he knew she was going to ask.
"I don't know." He admitted and looked down at his hands. "You're still married to Giles." He pointed out and Anya looked down at her hands and slowly nods her head. Her eyes begin to water and Xander sucks in a deep breath. "Do you love him?"
"I don't know anymore." Anya replied and looked up at him sadly.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Giles backed away from the shelf and bumped right into another patron of the "Mom and Pop's liquor."
"Pardon me." He said and turned around to see…Spike. Giles promptly glared at the blonde vampire and starts to say something sarcastic but Spike holds up a bottle of scotch, the same brand that Giles has clutched tightly in his fist. Giles sighed and nodded to Spike and they leave the store together. "My place?"
Spike merely grunts in reply and they head out with their booze quickly arriving at Giles' apartment. By the time they enter, Spike already has his bottle open and started. Giles frowns at him and quickly goes to the bar in search of glasses.
"Not exactly how you planned on spending the wedding night is it Rupes?" Spike asks with a smirk. Giles groans and takes a rather large gulp of scotch.
"I'm married. I can't believe that I'm really married." Spike frowns and takes another swig from the bottle as Giles pours himself another glass. "I've always found her attractive and I will admit that some her more, err, colorful phrases were embarrassing, her honesty was quite refreshing."
"You're talking like it was real." Spike snorts and proceeds to finish off his bottle and pull another- unpaid- bottle from the folds of his duster. Giles frowns at that but sighs and pours out another large glass of scotch for himself.
"It was real to me." He sighs and downs his glass in one swallow. Spike looks up with tears in his eyes.
"Me too." Giles moves over and pats Spike on the back. Spike looks up at him in shock. "What was that for?"
"Don't really know." Giles says turning away and pouring more scotch. "You were my son for the past four months."
"Best four months of my life." Spike replies despondently and gulps down some more scotch. Giles can't help but chuckle at that as he downs another glass.
"Just be patient. She obviously cares for you." Giles slurred and looked blearily at Spike, who was blinking uncertainly. "She just has to work through some things."
"Too many deep thoughts Watcher." Spike says and finishes off his second bottle, quickly producing a third.
"Good lord Spike! How many do you have in there?" Spike smirks and pulls out four more bottles from his coat. "Jolly good." Giles says and tosses back another glass.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dawn knocked on Buffy's door the next morning feeling guilty about some of the things that she had said to her. After all, Buffy had died for her.
"Buffy?" Dawn called cautiously. There was no answer and Dawn quietly made her way through the other rooms, frowning when she couldn't find her. She finally made her way downstairs and her frown deepened when she saw Buffy sitting on the couch with a distraught Willow. They looked up as Dawn entered the room. "Are you happy now Willow?"
"Dawnie" Buffy tried to stop her but a glare from Dawn silenced her.
"Are you? Magic seems to be so much more important to you than any of us. You didn't even try to talk to us!" Buffy looked down at the couch unable to descry anything that Dawn was saying.
"I'm sorry." Willow mumbled.
"Save it." Dawn whispered harshly. "I don't want to talk to you again." And she turned and flounced up the stairs.
"Buffy? Say something." Willow pleaded. "Can I still move back in?"
"You can. But you'll have to pay rent Wills. And help out around the house." Willow readily agreed and Buffy sighed. "I had better go up and check on Dawn. It is a school day after all."
Dawn was in her room angrily throwing her school stuff into her backpack. She opened her closet door and slammed it shut. Feeling slightly better she did it again.
"Dawn?" Buffy knocked hesitantly on the door and entered Dawn's room.
"You're letting her move back in aren't you?" Dawn asked with her back still turned to Buffy.
"Yes." Buffy paused. "She's my best friend Dawn. I can't just turn my back on her. But I am going to have her pay rent and help out more." Dawn sighed and turned around with a sad look on her face.
"How can you just forgive Willow so easily? What about Spike?" Dawn asked hoping her sister would see the similarities.
"It's complicated Dawnie." Buffy said while sitting on Dawn's bed and fiddling with the blanket. Dawn's hopeful expression vanished in an instant and she closed herself again.
"Tell that to Anya." She said and stormed out of her room leaving Buffy to her thoughts.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Anya walked into the Espresso Pump hesitantly. Buffy's call that morning had surprised her. She always thought of Buffy as Xander's friend who reluctantly put up with her. But she was glad to meet up with another women who would be able to sympathize with what she was going through. She saw Buffy waving her over and went to join her.
"I want vengeance on Willow." Anya said bluntly and Buffy couldn't help but laugh a little.
"A part of me does too." Buffy reluctantly admits and they both smile sadly at each other. "What are you going to do now Anya?"
"I'm not sure." Anya says and looks off into space. Rupert of Xander? She shakes herself from her reverie and focuses on Buffy for the first time since arriving. "You look sad too. Why are you sad?" Buffy looks up in surprise.
"You do remember that Spike and I are engaged?" Buffy tries to joke but it falls flat.
"Well. Yes. But he loved you before and you obviously have feelings for him." Anya paused and looked at Buffy as she shrugged and looked down at her coffee. "You're not going to let this come between you are you?"
"I don't know what to do." Buffy admitted and swirled her cooling coffee slowly with her finger.
"It's clear to me that you love each other very much." Anya stated firmly and Buffy looked at her curiously wondering how Anya could be so certain…unless…
"What about you and Giles?" Buffy asked and Anya looked down at the tabletop.
"I do feel a lot for Giles." Buffy reached out to take her hand, encouraging her to continue. "And you know, I'm pretty miffed at Xander because he wasn't jealous of me and Giles. He was jealous of you and Spike." Anya paused and looked back up at Buffy. "What am I going to do?"
"Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what everyone thinks." Buffy said firmly. Anya smiled.
"Same to you."
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Keep the reviews coming! Thanks for all your encouragement after chapter 4. It really prompted me to get going!