Legolas suddenly woke up. Looking around, he sighed in depression. It been a dream that he'd been put in an asylum. He stood up and stretched, then realized he was cold. Glancing down he froze.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY SHIRT!!!!" he shouted, whirling around in his little corner.

Faramir looked at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He pointed up into the…rafters?

Legolas stared up at them, then looked back at Faramir. "Why are there rafters here…?"

"Rachael's parents made us build them. Rachael lives up there during…well…most of her day…" he sighed.

Legolas just stared. "What…?"

"Rachael. She's more than a Jekyll and Hyde. Much more. She's got about twenty different personalities that we know of, and she takes on more every day. Like last night? You saw her Jekyll and Hyde personalities. After you fell asleep, she took on her Creature of the Night personality. She stole your shirt…and Cody's…and fled up into the rafters where we could hear her cackling insanely. Then she went all pyromaniac"—He shuddered –"and she tried to set Aragorn on fire, but we stopped her. Now, she's hiding up in the rafters, probably talking to her Voices…"

Legolas stared in a mixture of surprise and…something else. Suddenly, he could hear the chiming of a bell. He glanced around, the sound was distant, but he could hear it with his Elf hearing. He glanced at Faramir.

"Where are there bells?"

Faramir jumped to his feet and glanced around. He walked over to the corner across from Legolas. "New people have arrived, stay there, don't move…"

"Why—?" Legolas started.

Tseeeeer!

"AIIIEEEEEE!" Came a voice, shooting from the rafters. Rachael streaked through the halls like a hawk, heading for the bell chimes. "NEWBIES!!!!!"

Legolas glanced at Faramir who was watching after her, looking annoyed. Shrugging to himself, Legolas followed behind, have no clue why though.

He entered a room that, like the others, was extremely white. Bright. He flinched and looked for a shadowy corner. He couldn't find one and sighed, crossing his arms.

Rachael was walking around what appeared to be a pirate. She was jumping up and down, looking excited. When she saw Legolas standing there, she raced over to him.

"Captain Jack Sparrow!!!!!!!!!!!" she shouted at him.

"What?" he asked, looking confused.

She pointed at him. "Cute look!" She smiled and pointed at the pirate. "Captain Jack Sparrow!"

The pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow, smiled and turned to the young man at his side. "Finally! At leas' someone got it right!"

The young man rolled his eyes and sighed. Rachael turned to look at him. "WILL TURNER!" she squealed and got on her knees. She began to worship him.

Legolas looked at the Will Turner and frowned. He looked a little familiar, but brushed it off. Being around Mary-Sues was getting to him too much. That is why I'm here, he thought.

Will watched the girl worship him and raised and eyebrow. He picked her up by the arm and looked in her eyes. "Stop…"

"Yes master…" she muttered, looking around. Her eyes landed on a young woman, dressed in strange, yet fancy, clothing. She hissed and hid behind Jack.

Jack half turned to look at her, and then looked back. "I don't think the girl likes you, Liz."

"It's Miss Swann. And do I care?" the young woman said, snobbily.

Legolas stared, then shouted. "Mary-Sue!"

Will whipped around to look at him, then stared around, paranoid. "Where?! Where's the Mary-Sue?" He pulled out a sword "I must kill it!"

Legolas pointed at the woman, who was staring at him, smiling…

Will glared at her, "Elizabeth! You've been possessed by a Mary-Sue!" He launched himself on her and started hitting her head with his fists. "Come out of Miss Swann you foul…dreadful…Mary-Sue!"

Rachael hissed and leapt up into the rafters. Jack looked up and started to try and coax her back down. "C'mere, love. Liz won't hurt ye. I promise! C'mon, git outta those…rafters. I'll protect ye," he said in a low, soothing voice.

Rachael watched him, her back arched like a cat's. She hissed again, then disappeared into the rafters.

Jack looked at Legolas, "We've lost her, mate."

Legolas wasn't paying attention. He was looking up into the rafters. A shadow was crawling overhead, closing in on…

Tseeeeeer!

Rachael shot out of the rafters and landed on the woman, Elizabeth. She began to claw, bite, and pull hair. Will backed off and watched in amusement. Glancing at Jack, Legolas was surprised to see he was gone. Legolas turned around in a small circle, looking for him. Finally he saw Jack, hunched over in a corner, stroaking what appeared to be a model ship. 

"Mine, my own. My preciousssss…" Jack said, giving Legolas the impression of a larger Gollum. He shivered and looked back at Will.

Will watched the girl-creature attack his love and smiled. Finally he pulled the girl off, and set her on the ground. Rachael froze at his touch and sat there in shock. She continued to growl at Elizabeth, snarling every once in a while.

Will pulled out a lighter and started to light his clothes on fire. Rachael stared at his nakedness and smiled. She glanced over at Legolas, remembering he was shirtless. She smirked and stood up.

Legolas stared at her, and she walked slowly over to him. He backed into a wall and she reached him, pressing into his bare chest. He watched her, and she kissed him softly before walking away. He stared after her as she leapt deftly up into the rafters again.

Will was watching him, standing there naked. He smiled and walked down the hall, his "sword" sticking out proud and straight. Elizabeth watched him walk away, hunger in her eyes. She started after him, but heard a growl and a snarl above her head.

Looking up she saw Rachael and, shrieking, ran down a different hallway…straight into the arms of Faramir. He sighed and handed her over to his brother, who took her away to be straight-jacketed.

Legolas could hear Boromir promising Elizabeth she would be safe from Rachael all the way down the hall. He looked back at Faramir who was scolding Rachael.

"You know better than to attack people!" he shouted up at her. "Get down out of those rafters  now!"

Rachael dropped slowly to land on the balls of her feet. She stood up straight, only to cower.

"What do you have to say for yourself, young lady?!" he shouted.

"Stop yelling…" she muttered.

"I'm not finished yet! I'm tired of you attacking any female that comes in here!" Faramir shouted.

"Stop yelling…" she growled.

"No! Also! Stop flirting with every single male in here too! You've already got Cody in your web, leave Jack and Will alone!"

At his name, Jack looked up and snarled. "My preciousss!" he hissed and did a very good impression of Gollum's snarling scream.

"STOP YELLING!" Rachael yelled and leapt up into the rafters.

Legolas could hear her footsteps running away.

"I hate you, Faramir!" she screamed.

Faramir sighed and put his head in a hand. "I need a drink."

Suddenly Jack stood up and appeared normal. "Did somebody say drink? Got rum?"

The man looked at the pirate in disgust, then motioned for him to follow. "Come on…"

Jack shot Legolas a superior look and swayed off after.

Legolas looked around, noticing he was alone. He sighed and, shivering, started down the hall he thought Rachael had fled down. I'm not afraid of being alone, I'm not afraid of being alone, I'm not afraid of being alone, I'm not afraid of—

BAM!

He ran into something, but didn't fall on his ass. Instead, the other someone did. He stared in shock. It was Frodo!

"Frodo? I'm sorry, are you alright?" he asked, offering him a hand to pull him up.

 Frodo stared up at him and tilted his head, looking scared. "Fagot?"

Legolas shook his head emphatically. The Hobbit smiled and accepted his hand, standing up.

"Why are you here?" Legolas asked, looking innocent.

"Afraid of homos…homophobic!" Frodo said, glancing around nervously. "They're everywhere! They are taking over society!" he whispered. "Make them go away…"

Legolas glanced around. "There are no homos around here. Don't worry."

Frodo crouched down, "Yes there is. They hide in the shadows. That's why I never come out except at noon. No shadows at noon!" He smiled and took off at a dead run down the halls. "It was nice seeing you, Legolas! But it's past noon, and the shadows will be back anytime now! Good-bye! Beware Sweet Stuff!" and then he was gone.

Legolas stared. "What the hell is Sweet Stuff? Or who?" he muttered to himself, turning to keep going down the corridor.

Suddenly Rachael dropped from the rafters. She smiled and hugged him tightly. "Good morning, Legolas! How was your sleep?" she asked, pulling back to look in his eyes.

Legolas stared at her, wondering what personality she had at the moment. "It was ok, but you stole my shirt…" he said carefully.

She looked stricken. "Did I really?" she paused, and tilted her head as if listening to someone else. "I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. Revelin says Alastair did it. Sorry…but I know where he took it. He always steals guys shirts from them when they are sleeping. He has like a closet of Cody's shirts…" she winced.

He just raised an eyebrow, having no idea what else to do. It was pretty obvious she was in her Jekyll mode.

Rachael took his hand and pulled him a little. "Follow me," she said. "I'll take you to your shirt." She started walking down the corridor.

Legolas followed.

"It's easier to get around in the rafters…I hate the floor. I should take up never touching the ground again…" she muttered to herself. Legolas couldn't tell if she was talking to him or not.

Rachael suddenly stopped and stared into a shadow with horror on her face. "The girl went on her knees, and bent over me, simply gloating. There was a deliberate voluptuousness which was both thrilling and repulsive, and as she arched her neck she actually licked her lips like an animal…I could feel the soft shivering touch of the lips on my throat, and the hard dents of two sharp teeth just touching and pausing there," she said, her voice low and in a male's tone. She shook her head and glanced around. Seeing him she smiled again. "Hullo there, what're you doing here?"

He sighed, "You were taking me to get my shirt back…"

"Oh. Yeah. About that, I'm sorry Alastair always steals guys shirts from them when they are sleeping. He has like a closet of Cody's shirts…" she winced. "Follow me…" she saw his face. "What?"

"Why'd you say that? About the girl licking her lips…and…" he stopped, looking suspiciously disgusted.

Rachael blinked at him, then raised an eyebrow. "I what? Oh! Eadoin! He's obsessed with Dracula, you know…the book?" she said.

Legolas nodded, having no idea what or who Dracula was. But Eadoin, he was a Voice. He just wanted his shirt back. "Yeah…can we get my shirt now?"

"Oh, of course! Follow me," she muttered, heading down the hall again.

Legolas sighed and started after her. He wasn't going to kill something, but he was a little frustrated that she was so…insane. Oh well, so was he, after all, he was there too.

Rachael led him to a door. She opened it and walked in. He followed and gasped. There was Pippin, a collar around his neck. A chain attached him to the floor in a corner, it allowed him to run around the small room. Rachael patted him on the head, he purred, and she went over to a pile of clothes. Legolas started after her, but Pippin leapt in front of him and hissed. He stopped and watched him. Pippin scratched himself behind his ear, like a dog, and then rolled over on his stomach. Rachael walked past him, giving him a hug, and handed Legolas his shirt. She smiled. He smiled back and put it on.

"Thanks, Rachael."

"You're welcome." She threw Pippin a small bag.

Pippin tore into it. "MUSHROOMS!" and started to eat them like he was starved.

Rachael pulled Legolas out of the room. "This is wear I leave you. I've got to go feed Merry, the poor lad," she whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" he asked.

"Don't let Pippin hear you mention Merry…" she whispered back.

"Why can't he hear me say Merry?" Legolas said, loudly.

Suddenly there was a clank as Pippin threw himself at the iron door. It was followed by shouts and screams, all in a language unknown to him. Rachael rubbed her temples with her fingers and sighed. "That's why."

"Sorry…" he muttered.

Rachael leaned against the metal door. "Pippin calm down. He meant merry, as in a merr-go-round."

Suddenly Pippin's voice came drifting out. "I love merry-go-rounds!!!!" then there was silence save for crunching as he went back to eating his mushrooms.

Rachael sighed and leapt up into the rafters. "See you around, Legolas!"

"Wait! How do I get back to that one room I was in last night?!" he shouted.

"Follow the blue arrows to the Grey Room…" came her voice, from a distance.

Good Eru, she's fast…he thought and looked at the blue arrows on the wall. Smiling, he started off to follow them. He was going to have himself a nice long talk with Aragorn, and maybe get to know Cody, depending on if he was rabid or not.

At least it'll never be boring here…

-

A/N: That is really a quote from Dracula written by Bram Stoker. I don't own his works, but I do own a copy of his book.

Thanks:

short one

Nienna Calafalas

Scitzy

Thinlammothiel

For reviewing. And Cody hasn't read this yet, he can't kill me! WOOHOO! Hehe. But neither is he on, so I can't ask him what to update. Maybe I'll write a new fanfic…since I deleted two others…hmm…

R&R!!!

I get to go see LOTR:ROTK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!! HEH SORRY…ENDLESS BLABBERING…OH WELL…