Okay, this time I'm trying to work with the storyline they've got going… so this would be happening right after Pulse Rate. We'll see if I can write faster than they can…

I don't own anything about JAG, although if I did, my sons would probably steal Catherine Bell.

Deal

JAG Headquarters

1445

Harm's Office

Commander Harmon Rabb sat with the receiver at his ear, playing with a paperclip as he sat hunched over his desk, talking quietly. "Look, Mattie. He probably just likes you."

"Right. He made fun of me in front of everybody. I hate school. It's stupid." The young voice on the other end was clearly trying not to cry.

"Mattie… you know how it is. He was probably just looking for attention. Don't let it bother you."

"Easy for you to say. You weren't the one they were staring at."

"Mattie…" Harm hesitated. The female mind in general was often beyond him, and as far as teenagers went, well… he hadn't been the easiest to deal with either. "Just ignore him."

"I've been ignoring him! It just seems to make it worse." The voice cracked this time, and he shifted uncomfortably as she sniffled. Part of him wanted nothing more than to head out to her school and pop this kid, whoever he was. Jason? Jimmy? He sighed. The words came out before he had a chance to think about them.

"Well, sometimes people get worse when they're ignored. They want to see if they can make you feel anything, even angry or hurt, so they…" His eyes widened as he saw himself in the courtroom yesterday. A clear vision of him lashing out at Mac's weak spot. "They just want to know if they can affect you at all." He trailed off, and the girl seemed to sense his shift.

"Harm? You okay?"

"Yeah, it's nothing. I just –"

"Harm. If we're going to be a family…"

The naval officer, reduced to being reprimanded by his would-be ward, chuckled in spite of himself. "Fair enough. Okay, Mattie, but this is embarrassing, alright? It's personal."

He sounded serious enough for her to pause. "Okay. I'm listening."

He smiled as he realized she was parroting him. "I think I did exactly what Jimmy-"

"Jason."

"Right. Jason. I think I did exactly what he did. Except I did it to Mac. And in court."

"She probably deserved it."

Harm paused for a moment, rubbed his forehead with his other hand. Mattie exhaled. "Well? She probably did."

"Did you deserve it?"

"No! And at least I like Jason."

"Mac is my best friend, Mattie." He frowned at himself, but it was true. It still felt perfectly natural to say that.

"Right. She sure doesn't act like it."

"Yeah. Like I did in court yesterday."

"But…" she hesitated. "You still like her that much, even after she was so nasty to you?"

"Yeah, Mattie. Friends find the way to forgive. Just like family." He sighed. It was so much easier to say than to do. "Even if it's hard." Shaking his head, he looked out through his office blinds. "And friends don't take shots at people just to see if it will hurt."

"Harm?"

"Yeah."

"You know I'm not crazy about her."

He grinned. "I believe you've made that abundantly clear."

"But I'll try not to say anything… if you still think she's your friend."

Smiling at the concession, Harm nodded. "Thanks, Mattie." His smile changed to a frown. "Did you say you like Jason? You mean like like?"

There was a teenaged pause. "Yeah. You know, to tell you the truth, that's probably why it hurt so much when he acted that way." A series of noises made it clear that dishes were moving around. "Did Mac get real upset when you took a shot at her?"

Harm stared out the window again, his stomach tightening in a compact little knot. "Yeah."

"Hmh."

"Hey. Don't change the subject. Tell me about this Jimmy character."

"Jason!"

1510

Colonel Sarah Mackenzie's Office

Mac sighed at the phone as she hung it up carefully. Clay was pushing for more time together, and as fond as she was of him lately, she was in no mood to rush. A knock on the door made her look up, and Commander Harmon Rabb stood in the doorway, his arms folded tightly across his chest.

"Yes?"

"Ah... Mac. Do you have a minute?"

"Yeah. What is it."

He paused, looked at her face. "You know, if you're busy…"

"No, I just –" she stopped, shook her head. Getting into a discussion with Harm about Clay would not be on her top ten list of fun things to do. "My head was still on the phone, but I'm here. What's up?"

He stepped into the office but left the door half open. He wasn't sure if that made her feel safer, or gave him a less claustrophobic feeling about being in her space. "Mac, I wanted to apologize."

She frowned, her eyes darting as she tried to figure out what he needed to apologize for. Today.

"For?"

Stepping closer to her desk, he consciously unfolded his arms. "Do you still want to be friends?"

Visibly taken aback, Mac sat back in her desk chair. "Do you?"

"I asked you fir-" he stopped, smiled at himself with downcast eyes. "Yes. I would. But it takes two, and I need to know if you're interested."

Mac watched his eyes for a long moment. "Yes. Our friendship has always meant a lot to me." She gave him a futile little smile. "You mean a lot to me, Harm."

He smiled, a bit resigned but warm. "Then I think I need to be honest with you. I haven't always told you things."

"Reaally." She drawled the word, and they both laughed.

"Yeah. Well. It's always been easier for me to say what I'm thinking than what I'm feeling. Probably easier for me to understand what I'm thinking. Anyway."

She watched him struggle curiously. Where this was going was a mystery, but she did want to remain friends with him. "And this means…?"

Harm was staring at the floor again, seemed to argue with an inner voice. "Okay. What I want to say is this."

With an act of will he shifted his gaze to her eyes, and she could feel the openness. The vulnerability. It was attractive, damn him.

"I was really out of line yesterday in court. I had no right to say anything about your personal life to begin with, and taking a shot like that was more than unprofessional, it was unkind. I'm sorry." She blinked at him, nodded.

"Thank you, Harm. But I thought we-"

"And the reason that I did it was because I still have feelings for you, and I guess some adolescent in my mind wanted to see if I could make you feel anything at all. Even hurt."

Her eyes dropped to her desk. "Harm-"

"Wait." He shook his head. "I'm not looking for anything you can't give, really. There's no sense in that, and I accept it. But I want you to know that I'm still… well… healing, I guess. I just want to be able to do it as an adult, not a teenager." He paused, smiled lightly. "I want to be a better friend."

Mac looked back up into his eyes, and felt the sincerity. These were not the kind of feelings he was accustomed to admitting to. She stood up and moved to the other side of her desk, leaned against it. "Thank you. I know that wasn't easy to say." He shrugged. "For what it's worth, I think we're both 'healing'. This has felt like more than a friendship and less than a relationship for a very long time. I just hope someday we figure out what the hell it is."

They were looking at each other, their eyes trying to continue the conversation, when Bud knocked on the door and stuck his head in. "Excuse me. Commander?"

"Yeah, Bud. What is it?"

"There's a Judge Alberti on the phone?" The look in Bud's eye made Mac think there was something he wasn't saying. Harm, still distracted by his conversation with her, frowned.

"Alberti?"

"Yes, Sir. You wanted to talk to the judge that would be assigned to the, ah…custody case…" he faltered, and Harm's eyes widened.

"Right. Thanks." He barely nodded to Mac and was halfway out the door before she could call to him.

"Is everything alright? What's going on?"

He looked back, opened his mouth and closed it again. "I'm adopting a daughter. Later." And he was gone. Mac stared after him, then narrowed her eyes and looked at Bud.

"Well?"

Bud looked at her, shrugged. "I really can't say, ma'am."

Mac stared for a moment longer, as her temper flared. "Right. He wants to be friends, but he can't tell me what the hell that meant before he flies out of here." Sitting down at her desk, her voice dropped to a dangerous mutter. "Why do I even bother." Bud, who had been diplomatically heading for the door, paused.

"Ma'am. I'm sure he'd tell you if he-"

"No, Bud. Don't bother doing the good ol' boy defense. I'm sick and tired of him acting like things will be different and then shutting me out. 'Adopting a daughter'. Right." Her voice was a bit sharper, a bit louder than she intended, but she didn't look back up at Bud to ease it. She just slammed a folder open and began shifting through papers. Realizing, after a few moments, that Bud had not left her office, she finally looked up. "Lieutenant?" Her voice was chilly.

Lieutenant Bud Roberts, the kindest, most patient man in the office, looked more angry than she had ever seen him.

"Bud?" The look in his eyes threw her, and she backpedaled. "What-"

"He's doing something important. Alright? Important. Cripe, I can see why he didn't want to tell you."

Mac looked at him in shock. First because Bud was clearly angry with her, which she had never seen, and secondly because it sounded like Harm was involved with something... Her defenses got to her mouth first, and she continued to sound angry. "What do you mean? He's not really adopting -"

"Never mind."

He was almost out the door when she pushed it shut and leaned on it. "Lieutenant, I don't want to order you…" she stopped, caught herself.

"Good, Colonel, because you couldn't."

"Bud!"

"I'd think you, of all people, would understand. Would back him up on this."

"And why would I do that? Harm, adopting a child?"

"He'd be her legal guardian. And she's not exactly a child, not at fourteen."

"Fourteen? Dear Lord, a teenage girl? Is he-"

Bud rounded on her, his tone cold as if he was addressing a murderer in court. "She's alone, Colonel. Alone. Her mother is dead. Her father is an alcoholic who ran away from the responsibility. She's been working on her own for years… and Harm is trying to help her. Is that so crazy? Is that so stupid and irresponsible?" His voice had risen to a near yell by the end of his sentence, and he stopped, going on more quietly. "I thought you would understand, but he was right."

She was more than confused now, but clearly there was nothing she could say, not when he had that expression on his face. She crossed her arms and looked down for a minute. "I'm sorry if you think I'm being insensitive." When she looked up, her eyes looked a little watery, and he seemed to sag at that. "I'm sorry you're mad at me, Bud. I never thought that would happen, and now I know why the image of it worried me." She put out her hand, touched his arm. "Can you please tell me what's going on? If I promise not to make a scene?"

"I'm sorry, Colonel. I'm sorry I was out of line. But I can't say."

"It wasn't out of line between Mac and Bud, and this doesn't sound like a military matter. Look, I know things are weird with Harm and me right now, but I'd like to know if he's getting into something that might be over his head. Please?"

Bud sighed. "Ma'am…"

"Please, Bud. I promise I won't say a word."