In this chapter and a few chapters to come, there are/will be mentions of
other
~*~
Elrond sat, looking at the circle that sat inside the private party room at the Tea Shop. Nikki and Legolas were snogging, Aragorn was looking at the lyrics card for his new Bruce Spingsteen CD, the two Sams were playing cards, Nikki and Rachel were deep in discussion about 'Orange' and 'Orange', Leah was telling Frodo about the last ten years of her life, and the four troublemakers (AKA "The_twits_and_company") were talking in tones the rest of the group could not overhear, presumably discussing their next prank.
The Elf lord sighed and stood up. He cleared his throat and said, clearly and loud, "We are screwed."
Everyone looked up at this except Nikki and Legolas, who continued snogging.
"Nikki?" Leah said, trying to get them to participate in the discussion of tactics she knew was coming.
"Legolas!" Frodo said, sharp and commanding.
"Call him 'Leggy-lou-lou'," Rachel said. "He hates that."
Ignoring this, Leah beckoned Frodo to help her. She walked up behind Legolas, and Frodo behind Nikki.
"One.Two.Three." mouthed Leah, and they pulled the two apart on "Three".
"Aww." Nikki said. "What'd you do that for?"
"We need to discuss things," Aragorn said, a phantom of a smile playing around his lips. "Tactics for defeating Sauron. You'll have time to make out all you want to, once we've killed him off once and for all."
"You realize we've 'destroyed' Sauron twice now, and he still is in power?" Leah asked. "Do you think it will work?"
"Well," said Elrond, considering, "There's a branch of- er- magic that Elves seldom use. Gandalf knew a lot about it, but unfortunately he is not here, so we will need to use what we know. Apparently you used it to defeat the Balrog in Khazad-Dum. It is not uncommon in this world, but commonly looked down upon."
"Elrond," Leah said, frustrated, "Are you gonna tell us or make us play twenty questions?"
the Elf lord looked at her but ignored the comment. "Elemental magic. I, however, know very little about this subject. Does anyone here know of it?"
Leah spoke tentatively. "I think I know a bit," she said. "Air, Water, Earth, and Fire. It's common in a few different belief systems. You can also be delegated as an 'element' based on your birthdate and astrological sign."
Rachel nodded slightly. The Nikki from Leah's world frowned for a second, but her face smoothed as she understood, and she nodded as well.
"Alright," she said, looking nervous. "Elrond, what do we- er- do with elemental magic?"
"I think we just need to have the elements present as we destroy Sauron."
"For the third bloody time," Legolas muttered moodily.
"What's wrong, Leggy, on your period?" Ivy said. Legolas looked at her.
"Kay.so. umm.. Why don't we figure out who here is what element? Fire in that corner-" She said, pointing, "Earth over there, Air over there, and Water in that area. If you don't know your element, come over here."
She picked up a newspaper she had been reading that morning and flipped to the Horoscope section.
"Frodo- Virgo. Earth," she said. He walked to the corner she had delegated, leaving her sniggering lightly. "Virgo.the virgin.yeah, right."
"Aragorn. When were you born?"
"March first," he answered.
"Pisces..ah, Water. Sam?"
"July fourteenth."
"Cancer- Water again. Other Sam?"
"August twelfth."
"Ah. Leo. Fire. Nikki? Oh.you're Gemini. Air."
"Other Nikki.Scorpio. Water. Merry?"
"December twenty-seventh."
"Capricorn. That'll be.. Earth. Pippin?"
"November twenty-seventh."
Leah did a double-take. ".you're Sagittarius. Fire, hun."
"Hee hee..Merry, she called me 'hun'."
Leah rolled her eyes. "Leggy?"
Legolas glared at her, and made an action as if he were drawing a bowstring tight. "October eleventh."
"Libra.Air." She flipped him off as he walked away, grinned, and then turned to Elrond, who was glowering at her.
"March twenty-first," he said, through slightly pursed lips.
"Aries. Fire, Smith." She said, as he turned his back. He turned back to face her and replied,
"It's 'Agent Smith'."
Seeing no one else who needed to be sorted into their appropriate element groups, she turned to look at them. Rachel, Pippin, Elrond, and Samwise stood in the "Fire" section, Aragorn, Sam, and Nikki stood in the "Water" corner, Her daughter, Legolas, and Andrea stood in the "Air" group, and she joined Ivy, Merry, and Frodo in the "Earth" section.
"So." she said slowly, "I think we have a guy and a girl from each world in each element. Oh, that worked out rather well. So..let's see..I think the elemental magic will work if we just have all the elements equally present when we destroy Sauron, which we are planning on doing.how?"
"Well," Elrond said, "Sauron is not as strong in Middle Earth. The inhabitants of Middle Earth are more pure-hearted. Whereas.here. the inhabitants are full of greed, hatred, lies, deceit. which is why he chose to come here. He's stronger where the powers he uses are stronger naturally. So, I think if we can get him back to Middle Earth, his threat will be so miniscule it can be ignored. And we can get him back to Middle Earth by luring him into a world-portal."
Leah spoke up. "Okay. So, Aragorn, you said you had a chat room printout, showing when and where the attack should take place?"
"Central Park at midnight on Wednesday," Aragorn replied.
"Alright.that gives us three days. Easy enough."
"Easy?!" Frodo exclaimed.
"You trust my judgment, don't you?"
"Yes, Leah," he said, by way of apology.
"Now," I said, "We'll need the elements present. We'll need disguises to get in there without being seen. We'll need the world-portal able to be conjured very quickly. Elrond, you can take care of the portal?"
Elrond nodded.
"Okay..and..all of the natives pick two of Middle-Earth natives to get disguises for."
"What type of disguises?" Ivy asked.
"That's a good question, I'm glad you asked that. Umm. well, I think that just disguising them enough that someone from Middle-Earth wouldn't recognize them would be good. Also, disguises that give them excuses to be skulking around at midnight in Central Park would earn extra brownie points."
Everyone from my world paired up with two people from Middle Earth.
"Alright. Rendezvous, same place, same time tomorrow. Everyone has to find disguises for themselves and their people, okay?"
There was some mumbling, and everyone trickled out of the room, until just Frodo and I were left. I sighed and he stood and stretched.
"Leah," he said, coming over and sitting next to me.
"What is it, my little Fro-Fro?"
"Fro-Fro?"
"Sorry, Ivy and Andrea's cruel sense of humor is rubbing off on me. Anyway, what is it?"
"Well, I just wanted to say that I love you, and that I think it's wonderful that you've just taken control of this. No one else really could step up and do it, no one had enough knowledge of both worlds."
"Thanks."
"Sure thing. Back to the apartment?"
"Sure..but I've got to do some shopping later today."
"Uh-oh..what kind of shopping?"
"Oh, costumes, maps, and some other supplies."
"Alright."
~*~
I browsed the racks once more, looking for a disguise for Elrond. I had already found one for Frodo- I was turning him into a punk. I would do a haircut and dye his hair dark black. In addition to the dye, I'd gotten a false nose stud and several small silver clip-on earrings, dark sunglasses, and tight black leather wrist cuffs. Also, I'd gotten a large, baggy t- shirt with the name of some obscure band on it, baggy black pants, a studded belt, and a large silver ball chain for around his neck.
I glanced over and saw a cluster of racks I'd somehow missed before, and grinned.
~*~
We all stood there, most of us wearing shocked expressions, others wearing very satisfied ones.
It turned out that the only people who had actually gone out costume shopping were Rachel and I, and neither of us had gotten costumes for ourselves. Aragorn was now dressed as a cop, with Legolas as his "criminal". Apparently she had had the same idea as I in dressing Legolas as a punk. Legolas, much to his dismay, now had short, spiky hair in a shade that was not a native hair color to middle earth- blue. Frodo was at first unwilling to dye and cut his hair, but I reminded him it was only temporary and he gave in. Elrond was shocked at my choice of outfit for him, and he retained a rather sour expression, which only furthered the hilarity of the outfit. He donned a full-length black trenchcoat that swept the ground, large black boots, and dark sunglasses.
Aragorn, however, had news that came as a relief to the alarm of most of the group not having costumes. When I began talking about how important it was to get costumes, he went over to check on the status of the chatroom he was monitoring from his laptop computer.
"OH MY GOD," he said.
"What?" I asked, slightly annoyed at having been interrupted.
"Santana is giving a concert! Yes!"
"What?!" Elrond asked, standing up.
"Santana's doing a concert in Central Park!"
"Awesome!" Elrond said. "How much are tickets?"
"I don't know."
"Let's find out! We have to go!"
I cleared my throat. "Boy, calm down. There's not going to be a Central Park if Sauron succeeds.. Hang on a second. Aragorn, I thought your computer was monitoring that chatroom."
"It was."
I was suddenly filled with dread. "When's the concert?"
"Wednesday night."
"Shit..He's using the concert as a cover."
~*~
connectserv_101102 andmbvalue=713 CONNECTING TO "LORD OF THE RINGS: POST AND DISCUSS"
USERS: Frodo_rocks_1984 I_heart_purple_dinosaurs When_all_else_fails_murder_your_husband Sauron
SAURONS_HELPER HAS ENTERED THE CHATROOM
Sauron: It's about time, damnit!
Saurons_Helper: sorry, my lord.
Sauron: Well, to business. I have learned that, the night of the 22nd, there will be a concert in Central Park.
Saurons_Helper: A concert, My lord?
Sauron: yes, a band called "Santana" is giving a concert, starting at ten PM and going until one.
Saurons_Helper: but that will ruin the plan!
Sauron: It doesn't have to.
Saurons_Helper: but the park will be occupied, my lord!
Sauron: exactly.
Saurons_Helper: but we will have nowhere to gather!
Sauron: we don't need to. We surround the crowd. If the band is popular enough to hold a concert in the center of the city, it will attract quite a crowd. This will give us a head start- raising panic.
Saurons_Helper: are you sure this is a good idea, my lord? I though we were going for stealth.
Sauron: shut up, idiot! Listen to me. this plan will work!
~*~
connectserv_101102 andmbvalue=713 CONNECTING TO "LORD OF THE RINGS: POST AND DISCUSS"
USERS: Elessar Agent_Smith
Agent_Smith: okay, we'll meet tomorrow. Nine AM sharp. Just look after Leah and the others. If they try to attack, they'll do it soon, and they'll most likely target Leah.
Elessar: Why do they always target Leah, anyway?
Agent_Smith: Leah doesn't know this. And no one can know this- it might put them in danger. But I trust you with this. They target Leah for two reasons which combined make her our most powerful asset.
Eleassar: what are those reasons?
Agent_Smith: I'm getting to that. The first reason is that she has a powerful tool that no almost no one else has- extensive knowledge of both her world and its modern technologies as well as much knowledge of Middle Earth.
Elessar: and the second reason?
Agent_Smith: She and Frodo are both the Ringbearers who brought down Sauron's power.
Elessar: And that means what? How does that make them different?
Agent_Smith: If one or both of them are killed, it makes Sauron much more powerful.
THE_FOOL_ON_THE_HILL HAS ENTERED THE CHATROOM
The_fool_on_the_hill: hello, boys. Long time, no see.
Agent_Smith: who are you?
The_fool_on_the_hill: I think I'll leave you in the dark for a while.
Elessar: what do you want?
The_fool_on_the_hill: I want to help you.
Elessar: with what?
The_fool_on_the_hill: you know.
Elessar: how can you know this and why should we trust you?
The_fool_on_the_hill: well, if I told you that you alone have no chance against the dark lord, would you have a choice?
Agent_Smith: are you offering help?
The_fool_on_the_hill: yes.
Agent_Smith: well, okay then. Offer away.
The_fool_on_the_hill: tell you what.. you want to know who I am? Go to the Black Cat Nightclub on 26th and Abbey tomorrow night at 10 PM. Then, all day on the 22nd, we can all gather and plan out the whole attack. Have members of your group do three different karaoke songs from the same Musical and, immediately after the last one, meet me in the back by the pay phone.
Elessar: why the wait and why the Karaoke?
The_fool_on_the_hill: the wait because I'm not currently in New York and I've got some travel to do tomorrow afternoon. The karaoke because I'm amused to see Frodo sing.
Elessar: We'll pass that on.
THE_FOOL_ON_THE_HILL HAS LEFT THE CHATROOM
~*~
The man leaned back on two legs of his chair and put his feet on the desk. He looked much different from how he had back home- for which he was thankful. He had arrived several months before they had, setting himself up with an apartment in London and creating a false life to live under until they arrived and gathered. He would help them, and then maybe he'd stay in this world. He quite liked it here.it was more corrupt than back home, but there were some good things. There was more culture in this place. Especially New York, where he'd be going. The whole city came alive after dark, with the lights.the people. the sights, sounds, and smells of millions of people living their lives in complete ignorance of the threat which had so terrified Middle Earth for centuries.
~*~
Elessar: So, do we trust him?
Agent_Smith: I'd say so. But we have to be careful.
Elessar: okay, I'll be on guard. Meet tomorrow, Nine AM, tea shop?
Agent_Smith: okay.
~*~
The next afternoon, we had all gathered at the small apartment that Frodo and I now shared, overlooking Central Park.
"But this guy can't be good, can he?" Ivy asked thickly through a mouthful of pizza.
"Well." Elrond said, "He could be. There are forces in Middle Earth who are strong enough to come here. And It's a worthwhile gamble, providing we are careful."
"So what's this he wants us to do?" I asked.
"He wants us to go to the Black Cat Nightclub, 26th and Abbey, at ten tonight. Then he wants us to do three Karaoke songs from the same musical and meet him by the pay phone in the back right after the third one."
"Hmmm." I said, stroking my chin.
"Leah!" My friend Nikki practically yelled at me. "You do NOT have a goatee!"
I ignored her, continuing to stare off into space.
"That look can only mean one thing." Frodo said.
"I've got an idea!"
"Uh-oh," chorused everyone in the room except Elrond and Aragorn, who exchanged amused glances, and Merry and Pippin, who exchanged evil looks.
"What is it?" Legolas asked, afraid.
"Karaoke."
"Uh-Oh," Andrea said, starting to panic.
"Okay," I said, looking around the circle. "Do I make Frodo sing the Shipoopi or that song that Billy Flynn sings?"
"The Shipoopi?" Legolas said, bewildered.
"Ye Gads!" Andrea said. "Not the Shipoopi!"
"Oh, why do I have to sing?" Frodo asked.
"Because you're you."
"Why me? Why not.Legolas?" he asked, pinning the focus on the oblivious elf.
"Wha-What?" Legolas asked. I giggled.
"You just have to, Fro-Fro."
"And don't call me Fro-Fro!"
"Why not?"
"It's not manly."
"You? Manly? Ha."
"Yes, Manly," he said, flexing.
"Anyway, it looks like you're stuck as Billy Flynn."
"No. I refuse to sing."
"You sing in the shower."
"That's besides the point."
"But you've got a great voice!"
"No, I haven't. And I don't want to sing."
"Then I'll make you want to."
"How?"
"Hey.Frodo," Elrond cut in. "the stranger DID say he wanted to hear you sing karaoke."
"Well, Frodo," I said, crossing my arms and legs, "Don't think you're getting any unless you sing."
"Oooh.going Lysistrata on him, eh?" Rachel said, grinning evilly.
"Ooh..while we're talking Chicago, maybe we should 'convince' the guys to sing the Cell Block Tango?" Nikki said.
"Hehe.excellent idea." I said.
"Oh, shit." Legolas said.
"Kay..I'll let you off the hook if you sing with the other guys."
"But what if they don't want to?"
"I think they can be convinced. Right, ladies?" I looked at both Nikkis, Rachel, Andrea, and Ivy.
" I think so," Ivy said.
"Oh, shit," chorused the guys.
~*~
I wrote down on a scrap of paper:
"Pop" - Merry
"Six" - Sam G.
"Squish" - Leggy
"Uh-Uh" - Sam B.
"Cicero" - Frodo
"Lipschitz" - Pippin
"hehe," I said. "Perfect."
~*~
"Now," Frodo said, after having gone through the simple dance and the song for the eighteenth time, "What song are you going to sing, Leah?"
"Huh? Me?" I asked, feigning innocence.
"Yes, You."
"Hehe.. Leah, you oughta sing the Billy Flynn song." Nikki said.
"Which one?" I asked.
"You know, 'All I Care About is Love'?"
"Hmmm..I guess I could. What about the third song?"
"Ooh..how about getting your daughter to sing Roxie's first song?"
"What?"
"You know, the one dedicated to her dearest darling husband?"
"Oh, THAT song. You sure Leggy would be okay with that little.twist?"
"Oh, I'm sure he'd love it," She said, snickering.
"Uh-Oh," Frodo and Legolas said.
"Okay, will you sing, Nikki?" I asked my daughter.
"I'll give it a shot," She said. "If I can get the words."
Seeing as how we still had a few hours left, I asked Nikki, the other Nikki, and Rachel to come into the other room, with the other CD player. Luckily, Rachel had brought her CDs too, so we had a spare copy of the disk. I told the guys to keep practicing.
When we entered the other room and closed the door, I put the CD in the stereo. "Okay then. From the top." My friend Nikki pushed play and the music filled the room. I learned that my daughter had a pretty good voice, and she was quick to learn the words. After about four times of listening to the song, she had learned most of the words.
~*~
"Alright," Elrond said at nine as we left the apartment. "I'll meet you there."
"Where are you going?" Aragorn asked.
"I gotta swing by the apartment and pick up a couple of things. See you at the Black Cat Nightclub."
"Okay." We all piled into my car, Aragorn's car, and Andrea's car. Aragorn started to drive, and Andrea and I followed him.
~*~
Elrond snickered as he piled the wigs and the pants into a plastic bag. The six pairs of pants were fixed with some of the same magic as was used on rings of power, so that they would fit anyone. Ah, it was irony that something that could rule the world could have the same properties as kinky clothing. Also, he had a couple of wigs with a similar property that would allow the fake hair to change style, length, and color.
~*~
"No!" Frodo said. "I refuse."
"They turn you into a sex bomb." Legolas said, admiring his own reflection in the mirror. A disgusted look came over Frodo's face. "I don't even want to know how you know that." He said.
"Aww, c'mon, Frodo," Pippin said. "They're quite stylish."
"No. No, No, NO!"
"Dad," Sam said, "If you don't wear them, I'll tell mom about that thing at the Prancing Pony."
"What thing?"
"You know.THE THING?"
"Oh.the thing. Okay, fine, I'll wear them. On one condition."
"Which is?" Merry asked.
Frodo rounded on Elrond. "That you NEVER tell me where you got these pants or why you just happened to have them lying around."
~*~
The six shirtless, leather-pants-clad men got up onstage. They were wearing nothing but leather pants, which actually were slit to mid-thigh and fastened, as far as anyone could tell, with only Velcro on either side and were sewn together in the crotch. The crowd, now mostly consisting of straight women and gay men, whistled and cheered as the six stood there. The music cued, and they began to sing as the crowd quieted slightly. Soon, it was time for Merry's big solo.
"You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like.Bernie. Bernie, he liked to chew gum. No, not chew. POP. Well, I came home this one day and I'm really irritated, and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy and there's Bernie- Lyin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. POPPIN'. So, I said to him, I said, "You pop that gum one more time..." and he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots... In.to.his.head."
Then they all sang.
"He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have dome the same!"
Now Samwise stepped forward. "I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake city about two years ago. And he told me he was single and we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, We'd have dinner. And then I found out, "Single" he told me? Single, my ass. Not only was he married ...oh, no, he had six wives. One of those Mormons, you know. So that night, when he came home, I fixed him his drink as usual. You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic."
They sang the chorus again and the crowd cheered madly. I was thoroughly enjoying the sight of them being so foolish and, I couldn't deny, the eye candy of Frodo in leather.
Then Legolas stepped up and my daughter grinned.
"Now, I'm standing in the kitchen carvin' up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business. In storms my husband Wilbur, in a jealous rage. 'You been screwin' the milkman,' he says. He was crazy. And he kept screamin', 'You been screwin' the milkman.' And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times!"
Then my son stepped up and mouthed the part that wasn't in English. I had asked the karaoke DJ, who, fortunately, knew the musical well, to turn up the lyrics on that verse so Sam would just have to mouth it. Sam didn't do too good of a job, and everyone laughed. He blushed but grinned.
Then Frodo stepped up. I catcalled loudly. A few people eyed me, but I didn't care.
"My sister, Veronica and I had this double act and my husband, Charlie, used to travel around with us. Now, for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row. One, two, three, four, five...splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other. Well, this one night before the show, we were down at the hotel Cicero, the three of us, boozin' havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice. So I go out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie doing Number Seventeen- the spread eagle. Well.I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead."
The others joined in.
"They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?"
Finally, it was Pippin's turn.
"I loved that Lipschitz more than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy... sensitive... a painter. But he was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving. I guess you can say we broke up because artistic differences. He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead."
They sang through the ending chorus and then it was the finale.
"You pop that gum one more time!" Merry said.
"Single my ass." Sam practically yelled.
"Ten times!" Legolas bellowed.
"Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe." The lyrics said, as Sam mouthed it.
"Number seventeen-the spread eagle." Frodo said, with an eyebrow raised at me.
"How about that? We've never tried it that way before." He asked, mentally.
"Not tonight."
"Aww, Why not?"
"Too busy saving the world."
"Artistic differences." Pippin finished off.
Then they all sang:
"I betcha you would have done the same!"
They ended this as Elrond instructed, by ripping off the pants, revealing white boxers with big red polka dots. The crowd roared and laughed, some cheering through tears of mirth. They walked offstage, and several cries of "Encore!" could be heard.
~*~
Forty-five minutes later, we decided it was time for Nikki's song. I approached the DJ once more.
"Chicago again?" She asked. "Boy, I don't know when I've had so much fun."
They're taken," I said, with just a hint of aggression so she would get the point. I didn't want her trying anything with any of them.
"Ooh, aren't you the lucky one? Which one is yours?"
I grinned. "Cicero," I said. "Ooh, he's a cutie. Almost as sweet as my Joey."
"Joey?" I asked. I knew my old friend Joey had moved to New York, and I knew he had a wife now. "Joey Hohler?"
"Yes!"
"Really? I used to be good friends with him."
"Oh, wow! It really is a small world!"
"So, what's he up to now?"
"Well, he's got a temp job right now as one of the publicity managers for Santana. It's an old musical group."
"Santana?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"Yeah."
"Wow.cool! Hey, can I get your guys' number? Maybe we could get together sometime. I haven't seen Joey in years. It'd be nice to see him again. Platonically, of course," I said, noticing the slightly alarmed look on her face.
"Sure." She grabbed one of her business cards and jotted down her phone number on the back.
"Here ya go! Now, what'll it be?"
"Chicago again. Ummm..Funny Honey. Roxie's first song."
"Ooh, I love that one. Who's singing?"
"You know the blonde from Cell Block Tango? The 'Ten times' guy?"
"Him?"
"No, his girlfriend."
She laughed and pulled out the disk. "Hey, what's your name, anyway?"
"Leah. And you're.?"
"Ellie."
"Nice to meet you." I held out a hand and she shook it and popped in the disk.
"There ya go. It'll be up at the end of this song, 'bout forty seconds."
"Kay, thanks!"
"No problem. You oughta sing something.maybe a Billy Flynn tune or something."
"Maybe I'll do that."
I ran to find Nikki. She was standing with Legolas near the place where the Karaoke singers got on and offstage. He had his arms wrapped around her waist and was whispering in her ear. He refrained from the whisper just long enough to place kisses all over her face and look into her eyes. She smiled, laughed a bit. I caught her eye over Legolas' shoulder and she nodded.
~*~
I was onstage, and I was nervous as hell. Why did I have to sing? Why not someone who had grown up with the words? I was superconcious of every little thing- my hair, my clothing, what I was doing with my hands. The music started and Leah ran up and grabbed the black and silver thing- a microphone, she'd called it- from my hand.
"For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart would like to sing a song of love and devotion, dedicated to her dear husband." She paused for a split second. "Leggy."
"Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong, but he doesn't care- he'll string along. He loves me so, that funny honey of mine," I sang. I could see him, grinning. I flashed him a winning smile.
"Sometimes I'm down, sometimes I'm up- but he follows round like some droopy-eyed pup. He loves me so that funny honey of mine." He continued to smile.
"He ain't no sheik.that's no great physique. And lord knows he ain't got the smarts." His smile dropped a bit, and he looked confused.
But look at that soul- I'll tell you that whole is a whole lot greater that the sum of his parts And if you knew him like me I know you'd agree What if the world slandered my name? Why he'd be right there, taking the blame. He loves me so, and it all suits me fine.that sunny funny honey hubby of mine. He loves me so- that funny honey of mine." The smile was back.
"Lord knows he ain't got the smarts. Now he shot off his trap- I can't stand that sap! Look at him go.rattin' on me.with just one more brain, what a half-wit he'd be. If they string me up, I'll know who brought the twine. That scummy. crummy. dummy. hubby of mine."
I finished, and the smile was gone, replaced by a smirk of laughter. The younger people in the crowd wondered what all these old-timers were doing in the club. The older women in the crowd clapped and the older men in the crowd catcalled and yelled rude or suggestive comments. When I heard a few of these, I winked suggestively, and raised an eyebrow.
~*~
"M'kay, El.I'm ready. Billy Flynn number one." It was nearing eleven thirty, and we had to meet this contact and go home to sleep so that, the next day, we'd have time to plan.
"Damn.not the puppets? That would have been great."
"Well, it would have taken more time to prepare for than I had."
"Ah..well.track five it is, then."
"Memorized it? That's impressive. And weird."
"Thank you. About two minutes."
I went back into the crowd, where a guy who was completely smashed was incomprehensibly banging out the lyrics for some rap song. I walked over to my friends. I went up to my friends- Nikki, Rachel, Andrea, and Ivy and asked them to back me up for the song. Elrond looked up at this.
"No." I said. "It's weird enough to be singing a guy's song, but the skimpy outfits would be excessive weirdness and it would scare me, too."
They agreed, and soon they were up onstage, and I was waiting to the side.
"We. want. billy.Where. is. billy.Give. us. billy.We. want. billy. b... i. double l. y, we're. all. his. he's. our. kind of a guy.and ooh, what luck, cause here. he. is." My friends sang, and I came onstage.
"Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the silver-tongued prince of the courtroom, the one, the only, Billy Flynn!" Nikki said into the mike, and handed it off to me.
"I don't care about expensive things- cashmere coats, diamond rings. Don't mean a thing, all I care about is love- that's what I'm here for. I don't care for wearing silk cravats, ruby studs, satin spats- don't mean a thing, all I care about is love.Give me two eyes of blue, softly say, "I need you", let me see her standing there and- honest mister- I'm a millionaire. I don't care for any fine attire Vanderbilt might admire, No, no, not me, all I care about is love. Show me long, Raven hair, flowing down 'bout to there.When I see her running free, keep your money, that's enough for me." I sang. Frodo beamed at me, and I winked at him.
"All I care about is doing a guy in who's picking on you- twisting the wrist that's turning the screw.All I care about is love."
I finished off, and was assaulted by clapping and catcalls. I could see Elrond and Aragorn, waiting in the back and, as I headed offstage, saw a person in black with short brown hair come up to them. I frowned and the five of us walked back to the group. We then all headed back to where the three now stood talking.
~*~
"Now, then- how exactly do you plan to conquer.him?" The stranger asked.
"Who are you?" Elrond asked.
"You still haven't figured that out? Well, I shall leave you in the dark for now. So, what's your plan?"
"Not until we know your name." Aragorn said.
"Alright." The stranger said. "But do not mention any names! The enemy has spies, we must be careful. It is I, the white rider."
Aragorn smiled in recognition of the face he'd hoped belonged to the one he hadn't seen in so long.
"Nice to meet you, Mr. White."
~*~
Long chapter. Savvy enough for you? Review! Do I even have any readers out there? You people looking for your one-shot NC-17 bits and your short, plotless mary-sues get here, read this and say, using the largest word in your vocabulary, "Huh?"
Lol.well, please leave me a review! This shall only be a few more chapters long.
~*~
Elrond sat, looking at the circle that sat inside the private party room at the Tea Shop. Nikki and Legolas were snogging, Aragorn was looking at the lyrics card for his new Bruce Spingsteen CD, the two Sams were playing cards, Nikki and Rachel were deep in discussion about 'Orange' and 'Orange', Leah was telling Frodo about the last ten years of her life, and the four troublemakers (AKA "The_twits_and_company") were talking in tones the rest of the group could not overhear, presumably discussing their next prank.
The Elf lord sighed and stood up. He cleared his throat and said, clearly and loud, "We are screwed."
Everyone looked up at this except Nikki and Legolas, who continued snogging.
"Nikki?" Leah said, trying to get them to participate in the discussion of tactics she knew was coming.
"Legolas!" Frodo said, sharp and commanding.
"Call him 'Leggy-lou-lou'," Rachel said. "He hates that."
Ignoring this, Leah beckoned Frodo to help her. She walked up behind Legolas, and Frodo behind Nikki.
"One.Two.Three." mouthed Leah, and they pulled the two apart on "Three".
"Aww." Nikki said. "What'd you do that for?"
"We need to discuss things," Aragorn said, a phantom of a smile playing around his lips. "Tactics for defeating Sauron. You'll have time to make out all you want to, once we've killed him off once and for all."
"You realize we've 'destroyed' Sauron twice now, and he still is in power?" Leah asked. "Do you think it will work?"
"Well," said Elrond, considering, "There's a branch of- er- magic that Elves seldom use. Gandalf knew a lot about it, but unfortunately he is not here, so we will need to use what we know. Apparently you used it to defeat the Balrog in Khazad-Dum. It is not uncommon in this world, but commonly looked down upon."
"Elrond," Leah said, frustrated, "Are you gonna tell us or make us play twenty questions?"
the Elf lord looked at her but ignored the comment. "Elemental magic. I, however, know very little about this subject. Does anyone here know of it?"
Leah spoke tentatively. "I think I know a bit," she said. "Air, Water, Earth, and Fire. It's common in a few different belief systems. You can also be delegated as an 'element' based on your birthdate and astrological sign."
Rachel nodded slightly. The Nikki from Leah's world frowned for a second, but her face smoothed as she understood, and she nodded as well.
"Alright," she said, looking nervous. "Elrond, what do we- er- do with elemental magic?"
"I think we just need to have the elements present as we destroy Sauron."
"For the third bloody time," Legolas muttered moodily.
"What's wrong, Leggy, on your period?" Ivy said. Legolas looked at her.
"Kay.so. umm.. Why don't we figure out who here is what element? Fire in that corner-" She said, pointing, "Earth over there, Air over there, and Water in that area. If you don't know your element, come over here."
She picked up a newspaper she had been reading that morning and flipped to the Horoscope section.
"Frodo- Virgo. Earth," she said. He walked to the corner she had delegated, leaving her sniggering lightly. "Virgo.the virgin.yeah, right."
"Aragorn. When were you born?"
"March first," he answered.
"Pisces..ah, Water. Sam?"
"July fourteenth."
"Cancer- Water again. Other Sam?"
"August twelfth."
"Ah. Leo. Fire. Nikki? Oh.you're Gemini. Air."
"Other Nikki.Scorpio. Water. Merry?"
"December twenty-seventh."
"Capricorn. That'll be.. Earth. Pippin?"
"November twenty-seventh."
Leah did a double-take. ".you're Sagittarius. Fire, hun."
"Hee hee..Merry, she called me 'hun'."
Leah rolled her eyes. "Leggy?"
Legolas glared at her, and made an action as if he were drawing a bowstring tight. "October eleventh."
"Libra.Air." She flipped him off as he walked away, grinned, and then turned to Elrond, who was glowering at her.
"March twenty-first," he said, through slightly pursed lips.
"Aries. Fire, Smith." She said, as he turned his back. He turned back to face her and replied,
"It's 'Agent Smith'."
Seeing no one else who needed to be sorted into their appropriate element groups, she turned to look at them. Rachel, Pippin, Elrond, and Samwise stood in the "Fire" section, Aragorn, Sam, and Nikki stood in the "Water" corner, Her daughter, Legolas, and Andrea stood in the "Air" group, and she joined Ivy, Merry, and Frodo in the "Earth" section.
"So." she said slowly, "I think we have a guy and a girl from each world in each element. Oh, that worked out rather well. So..let's see..I think the elemental magic will work if we just have all the elements equally present when we destroy Sauron, which we are planning on doing.how?"
"Well," Elrond said, "Sauron is not as strong in Middle Earth. The inhabitants of Middle Earth are more pure-hearted. Whereas.here. the inhabitants are full of greed, hatred, lies, deceit. which is why he chose to come here. He's stronger where the powers he uses are stronger naturally. So, I think if we can get him back to Middle Earth, his threat will be so miniscule it can be ignored. And we can get him back to Middle Earth by luring him into a world-portal."
Leah spoke up. "Okay. So, Aragorn, you said you had a chat room printout, showing when and where the attack should take place?"
"Central Park at midnight on Wednesday," Aragorn replied.
"Alright.that gives us three days. Easy enough."
"Easy?!" Frodo exclaimed.
"You trust my judgment, don't you?"
"Yes, Leah," he said, by way of apology.
"Now," I said, "We'll need the elements present. We'll need disguises to get in there without being seen. We'll need the world-portal able to be conjured very quickly. Elrond, you can take care of the portal?"
Elrond nodded.
"Okay..and..all of the natives pick two of Middle-Earth natives to get disguises for."
"What type of disguises?" Ivy asked.
"That's a good question, I'm glad you asked that. Umm. well, I think that just disguising them enough that someone from Middle-Earth wouldn't recognize them would be good. Also, disguises that give them excuses to be skulking around at midnight in Central Park would earn extra brownie points."
Everyone from my world paired up with two people from Middle Earth.
"Alright. Rendezvous, same place, same time tomorrow. Everyone has to find disguises for themselves and their people, okay?"
There was some mumbling, and everyone trickled out of the room, until just Frodo and I were left. I sighed and he stood and stretched.
"Leah," he said, coming over and sitting next to me.
"What is it, my little Fro-Fro?"
"Fro-Fro?"
"Sorry, Ivy and Andrea's cruel sense of humor is rubbing off on me. Anyway, what is it?"
"Well, I just wanted to say that I love you, and that I think it's wonderful that you've just taken control of this. No one else really could step up and do it, no one had enough knowledge of both worlds."
"Thanks."
"Sure thing. Back to the apartment?"
"Sure..but I've got to do some shopping later today."
"Uh-oh..what kind of shopping?"
"Oh, costumes, maps, and some other supplies."
"Alright."
~*~
I browsed the racks once more, looking for a disguise for Elrond. I had already found one for Frodo- I was turning him into a punk. I would do a haircut and dye his hair dark black. In addition to the dye, I'd gotten a false nose stud and several small silver clip-on earrings, dark sunglasses, and tight black leather wrist cuffs. Also, I'd gotten a large, baggy t- shirt with the name of some obscure band on it, baggy black pants, a studded belt, and a large silver ball chain for around his neck.
I glanced over and saw a cluster of racks I'd somehow missed before, and grinned.
~*~
We all stood there, most of us wearing shocked expressions, others wearing very satisfied ones.
It turned out that the only people who had actually gone out costume shopping were Rachel and I, and neither of us had gotten costumes for ourselves. Aragorn was now dressed as a cop, with Legolas as his "criminal". Apparently she had had the same idea as I in dressing Legolas as a punk. Legolas, much to his dismay, now had short, spiky hair in a shade that was not a native hair color to middle earth- blue. Frodo was at first unwilling to dye and cut his hair, but I reminded him it was only temporary and he gave in. Elrond was shocked at my choice of outfit for him, and he retained a rather sour expression, which only furthered the hilarity of the outfit. He donned a full-length black trenchcoat that swept the ground, large black boots, and dark sunglasses.
Aragorn, however, had news that came as a relief to the alarm of most of the group not having costumes. When I began talking about how important it was to get costumes, he went over to check on the status of the chatroom he was monitoring from his laptop computer.
"OH MY GOD," he said.
"What?" I asked, slightly annoyed at having been interrupted.
"Santana is giving a concert! Yes!"
"What?!" Elrond asked, standing up.
"Santana's doing a concert in Central Park!"
"Awesome!" Elrond said. "How much are tickets?"
"I don't know."
"Let's find out! We have to go!"
I cleared my throat. "Boy, calm down. There's not going to be a Central Park if Sauron succeeds.. Hang on a second. Aragorn, I thought your computer was monitoring that chatroom."
"It was."
I was suddenly filled with dread. "When's the concert?"
"Wednesday night."
"Shit..He's using the concert as a cover."
~*~
connectserv_101102 andmbvalue=713 CONNECTING TO "LORD OF THE RINGS: POST AND DISCUSS"
USERS: Frodo_rocks_1984 I_heart_purple_dinosaurs When_all_else_fails_murder_your_husband Sauron
SAURONS_HELPER HAS ENTERED THE CHATROOM
Sauron: It's about time, damnit!
Saurons_Helper: sorry, my lord.
Sauron: Well, to business. I have learned that, the night of the 22nd, there will be a concert in Central Park.
Saurons_Helper: A concert, My lord?
Sauron: yes, a band called "Santana" is giving a concert, starting at ten PM and going until one.
Saurons_Helper: but that will ruin the plan!
Sauron: It doesn't have to.
Saurons_Helper: but the park will be occupied, my lord!
Sauron: exactly.
Saurons_Helper: but we will have nowhere to gather!
Sauron: we don't need to. We surround the crowd. If the band is popular enough to hold a concert in the center of the city, it will attract quite a crowd. This will give us a head start- raising panic.
Saurons_Helper: are you sure this is a good idea, my lord? I though we were going for stealth.
Sauron: shut up, idiot! Listen to me. this plan will work!
~*~
connectserv_101102 andmbvalue=713 CONNECTING TO "LORD OF THE RINGS: POST AND DISCUSS"
USERS: Elessar Agent_Smith
Agent_Smith: okay, we'll meet tomorrow. Nine AM sharp. Just look after Leah and the others. If they try to attack, they'll do it soon, and they'll most likely target Leah.
Elessar: Why do they always target Leah, anyway?
Agent_Smith: Leah doesn't know this. And no one can know this- it might put them in danger. But I trust you with this. They target Leah for two reasons which combined make her our most powerful asset.
Eleassar: what are those reasons?
Agent_Smith: I'm getting to that. The first reason is that she has a powerful tool that no almost no one else has- extensive knowledge of both her world and its modern technologies as well as much knowledge of Middle Earth.
Elessar: and the second reason?
Agent_Smith: She and Frodo are both the Ringbearers who brought down Sauron's power.
Elessar: And that means what? How does that make them different?
Agent_Smith: If one or both of them are killed, it makes Sauron much more powerful.
THE_FOOL_ON_THE_HILL HAS ENTERED THE CHATROOM
The_fool_on_the_hill: hello, boys. Long time, no see.
Agent_Smith: who are you?
The_fool_on_the_hill: I think I'll leave you in the dark for a while.
Elessar: what do you want?
The_fool_on_the_hill: I want to help you.
Elessar: with what?
The_fool_on_the_hill: you know.
Elessar: how can you know this and why should we trust you?
The_fool_on_the_hill: well, if I told you that you alone have no chance against the dark lord, would you have a choice?
Agent_Smith: are you offering help?
The_fool_on_the_hill: yes.
Agent_Smith: well, okay then. Offer away.
The_fool_on_the_hill: tell you what.. you want to know who I am? Go to the Black Cat Nightclub on 26th and Abbey tomorrow night at 10 PM. Then, all day on the 22nd, we can all gather and plan out the whole attack. Have members of your group do three different karaoke songs from the same Musical and, immediately after the last one, meet me in the back by the pay phone.
Elessar: why the wait and why the Karaoke?
The_fool_on_the_hill: the wait because I'm not currently in New York and I've got some travel to do tomorrow afternoon. The karaoke because I'm amused to see Frodo sing.
Elessar: We'll pass that on.
THE_FOOL_ON_THE_HILL HAS LEFT THE CHATROOM
~*~
The man leaned back on two legs of his chair and put his feet on the desk. He looked much different from how he had back home- for which he was thankful. He had arrived several months before they had, setting himself up with an apartment in London and creating a false life to live under until they arrived and gathered. He would help them, and then maybe he'd stay in this world. He quite liked it here.it was more corrupt than back home, but there were some good things. There was more culture in this place. Especially New York, where he'd be going. The whole city came alive after dark, with the lights.the people. the sights, sounds, and smells of millions of people living their lives in complete ignorance of the threat which had so terrified Middle Earth for centuries.
~*~
Elessar: So, do we trust him?
Agent_Smith: I'd say so. But we have to be careful.
Elessar: okay, I'll be on guard. Meet tomorrow, Nine AM, tea shop?
Agent_Smith: okay.
~*~
The next afternoon, we had all gathered at the small apartment that Frodo and I now shared, overlooking Central Park.
"But this guy can't be good, can he?" Ivy asked thickly through a mouthful of pizza.
"Well." Elrond said, "He could be. There are forces in Middle Earth who are strong enough to come here. And It's a worthwhile gamble, providing we are careful."
"So what's this he wants us to do?" I asked.
"He wants us to go to the Black Cat Nightclub, 26th and Abbey, at ten tonight. Then he wants us to do three Karaoke songs from the same musical and meet him by the pay phone in the back right after the third one."
"Hmmm." I said, stroking my chin.
"Leah!" My friend Nikki practically yelled at me. "You do NOT have a goatee!"
I ignored her, continuing to stare off into space.
"That look can only mean one thing." Frodo said.
"I've got an idea!"
"Uh-oh," chorused everyone in the room except Elrond and Aragorn, who exchanged amused glances, and Merry and Pippin, who exchanged evil looks.
"What is it?" Legolas asked, afraid.
"Karaoke."
"Uh-Oh," Andrea said, starting to panic.
"Okay," I said, looking around the circle. "Do I make Frodo sing the Shipoopi or that song that Billy Flynn sings?"
"The Shipoopi?" Legolas said, bewildered.
"Ye Gads!" Andrea said. "Not the Shipoopi!"
"Oh, why do I have to sing?" Frodo asked.
"Because you're you."
"Why me? Why not.Legolas?" he asked, pinning the focus on the oblivious elf.
"Wha-What?" Legolas asked. I giggled.
"You just have to, Fro-Fro."
"And don't call me Fro-Fro!"
"Why not?"
"It's not manly."
"You? Manly? Ha."
"Yes, Manly," he said, flexing.
"Anyway, it looks like you're stuck as Billy Flynn."
"No. I refuse to sing."
"You sing in the shower."
"That's besides the point."
"But you've got a great voice!"
"No, I haven't. And I don't want to sing."
"Then I'll make you want to."
"How?"
"Hey.Frodo," Elrond cut in. "the stranger DID say he wanted to hear you sing karaoke."
"Well, Frodo," I said, crossing my arms and legs, "Don't think you're getting any unless you sing."
"Oooh.going Lysistrata on him, eh?" Rachel said, grinning evilly.
"Ooh..while we're talking Chicago, maybe we should 'convince' the guys to sing the Cell Block Tango?" Nikki said.
"Hehe.excellent idea." I said.
"Oh, shit." Legolas said.
"Kay..I'll let you off the hook if you sing with the other guys."
"But what if they don't want to?"
"I think they can be convinced. Right, ladies?" I looked at both Nikkis, Rachel, Andrea, and Ivy.
" I think so," Ivy said.
"Oh, shit," chorused the guys.
~*~
I wrote down on a scrap of paper:
"Pop" - Merry
"Six" - Sam G.
"Squish" - Leggy
"Uh-Uh" - Sam B.
"Cicero" - Frodo
"Lipschitz" - Pippin
"hehe," I said. "Perfect."
~*~
"Now," Frodo said, after having gone through the simple dance and the song for the eighteenth time, "What song are you going to sing, Leah?"
"Huh? Me?" I asked, feigning innocence.
"Yes, You."
"Hehe.. Leah, you oughta sing the Billy Flynn song." Nikki said.
"Which one?" I asked.
"You know, 'All I Care About is Love'?"
"Hmmm..I guess I could. What about the third song?"
"Ooh..how about getting your daughter to sing Roxie's first song?"
"What?"
"You know, the one dedicated to her dearest darling husband?"
"Oh, THAT song. You sure Leggy would be okay with that little.twist?"
"Oh, I'm sure he'd love it," She said, snickering.
"Uh-Oh," Frodo and Legolas said.
"Okay, will you sing, Nikki?" I asked my daughter.
"I'll give it a shot," She said. "If I can get the words."
Seeing as how we still had a few hours left, I asked Nikki, the other Nikki, and Rachel to come into the other room, with the other CD player. Luckily, Rachel had brought her CDs too, so we had a spare copy of the disk. I told the guys to keep practicing.
When we entered the other room and closed the door, I put the CD in the stereo. "Okay then. From the top." My friend Nikki pushed play and the music filled the room. I learned that my daughter had a pretty good voice, and she was quick to learn the words. After about four times of listening to the song, she had learned most of the words.
~*~
"Alright," Elrond said at nine as we left the apartment. "I'll meet you there."
"Where are you going?" Aragorn asked.
"I gotta swing by the apartment and pick up a couple of things. See you at the Black Cat Nightclub."
"Okay." We all piled into my car, Aragorn's car, and Andrea's car. Aragorn started to drive, and Andrea and I followed him.
~*~
Elrond snickered as he piled the wigs and the pants into a plastic bag. The six pairs of pants were fixed with some of the same magic as was used on rings of power, so that they would fit anyone. Ah, it was irony that something that could rule the world could have the same properties as kinky clothing. Also, he had a couple of wigs with a similar property that would allow the fake hair to change style, length, and color.
~*~
"No!" Frodo said. "I refuse."
"They turn you into a sex bomb." Legolas said, admiring his own reflection in the mirror. A disgusted look came over Frodo's face. "I don't even want to know how you know that." He said.
"Aww, c'mon, Frodo," Pippin said. "They're quite stylish."
"No. No, No, NO!"
"Dad," Sam said, "If you don't wear them, I'll tell mom about that thing at the Prancing Pony."
"What thing?"
"You know.THE THING?"
"Oh.the thing. Okay, fine, I'll wear them. On one condition."
"Which is?" Merry asked.
Frodo rounded on Elrond. "That you NEVER tell me where you got these pants or why you just happened to have them lying around."
~*~
The six shirtless, leather-pants-clad men got up onstage. They were wearing nothing but leather pants, which actually were slit to mid-thigh and fastened, as far as anyone could tell, with only Velcro on either side and were sewn together in the crotch. The crowd, now mostly consisting of straight women and gay men, whistled and cheered as the six stood there. The music cued, and they began to sing as the crowd quieted slightly. Soon, it was time for Merry's big solo.
"You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like.Bernie. Bernie, he liked to chew gum. No, not chew. POP. Well, I came home this one day and I'm really irritated, and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy and there's Bernie- Lyin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. POPPIN'. So, I said to him, I said, "You pop that gum one more time..." and he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots... In.to.his.head."
Then they all sang.
"He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have dome the same!"
Now Samwise stepped forward. "I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake city about two years ago. And he told me he was single and we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, We'd have dinner. And then I found out, "Single" he told me? Single, my ass. Not only was he married ...oh, no, he had six wives. One of those Mormons, you know. So that night, when he came home, I fixed him his drink as usual. You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic."
They sang the chorus again and the crowd cheered madly. I was thoroughly enjoying the sight of them being so foolish and, I couldn't deny, the eye candy of Frodo in leather.
Then Legolas stepped up and my daughter grinned.
"Now, I'm standing in the kitchen carvin' up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business. In storms my husband Wilbur, in a jealous rage. 'You been screwin' the milkman,' he says. He was crazy. And he kept screamin', 'You been screwin' the milkman.' And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times!"
Then my son stepped up and mouthed the part that wasn't in English. I had asked the karaoke DJ, who, fortunately, knew the musical well, to turn up the lyrics on that verse so Sam would just have to mouth it. Sam didn't do too good of a job, and everyone laughed. He blushed but grinned.
Then Frodo stepped up. I catcalled loudly. A few people eyed me, but I didn't care.
"My sister, Veronica and I had this double act and my husband, Charlie, used to travel around with us. Now, for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row. One, two, three, four, five...splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other. Well, this one night before the show, we were down at the hotel Cicero, the three of us, boozin' havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice. So I go out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie doing Number Seventeen- the spread eagle. Well.I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead."
The others joined in.
"They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?"
Finally, it was Pippin's turn.
"I loved that Lipschitz more than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy... sensitive... a painter. But he was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving. I guess you can say we broke up because artistic differences. He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead."
They sang through the ending chorus and then it was the finale.
"You pop that gum one more time!" Merry said.
"Single my ass." Sam practically yelled.
"Ten times!" Legolas bellowed.
"Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe." The lyrics said, as Sam mouthed it.
"Number seventeen-the spread eagle." Frodo said, with an eyebrow raised at me.
"How about that? We've never tried it that way before." He asked, mentally.
"Not tonight."
"Aww, Why not?"
"Too busy saving the world."
"Artistic differences." Pippin finished off.
Then they all sang:
"I betcha you would have done the same!"
They ended this as Elrond instructed, by ripping off the pants, revealing white boxers with big red polka dots. The crowd roared and laughed, some cheering through tears of mirth. They walked offstage, and several cries of "Encore!" could be heard.
~*~
Forty-five minutes later, we decided it was time for Nikki's song. I approached the DJ once more.
"Chicago again?" She asked. "Boy, I don't know when I've had so much fun."
They're taken," I said, with just a hint of aggression so she would get the point. I didn't want her trying anything with any of them.
"Ooh, aren't you the lucky one? Which one is yours?"
I grinned. "Cicero," I said. "Ooh, he's a cutie. Almost as sweet as my Joey."
"Joey?" I asked. I knew my old friend Joey had moved to New York, and I knew he had a wife now. "Joey Hohler?"
"Yes!"
"Really? I used to be good friends with him."
"Oh, wow! It really is a small world!"
"So, what's he up to now?"
"Well, he's got a temp job right now as one of the publicity managers for Santana. It's an old musical group."
"Santana?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"Yeah."
"Wow.cool! Hey, can I get your guys' number? Maybe we could get together sometime. I haven't seen Joey in years. It'd be nice to see him again. Platonically, of course," I said, noticing the slightly alarmed look on her face.
"Sure." She grabbed one of her business cards and jotted down her phone number on the back.
"Here ya go! Now, what'll it be?"
"Chicago again. Ummm..Funny Honey. Roxie's first song."
"Ooh, I love that one. Who's singing?"
"You know the blonde from Cell Block Tango? The 'Ten times' guy?"
"Him?"
"No, his girlfriend."
She laughed and pulled out the disk. "Hey, what's your name, anyway?"
"Leah. And you're.?"
"Ellie."
"Nice to meet you." I held out a hand and she shook it and popped in the disk.
"There ya go. It'll be up at the end of this song, 'bout forty seconds."
"Kay, thanks!"
"No problem. You oughta sing something.maybe a Billy Flynn tune or something."
"Maybe I'll do that."
I ran to find Nikki. She was standing with Legolas near the place where the Karaoke singers got on and offstage. He had his arms wrapped around her waist and was whispering in her ear. He refrained from the whisper just long enough to place kisses all over her face and look into her eyes. She smiled, laughed a bit. I caught her eye over Legolas' shoulder and she nodded.
~*~
I was onstage, and I was nervous as hell. Why did I have to sing? Why not someone who had grown up with the words? I was superconcious of every little thing- my hair, my clothing, what I was doing with my hands. The music started and Leah ran up and grabbed the black and silver thing- a microphone, she'd called it- from my hand.
"For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart would like to sing a song of love and devotion, dedicated to her dear husband." She paused for a split second. "Leggy."
"Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong, but he doesn't care- he'll string along. He loves me so, that funny honey of mine," I sang. I could see him, grinning. I flashed him a winning smile.
"Sometimes I'm down, sometimes I'm up- but he follows round like some droopy-eyed pup. He loves me so that funny honey of mine." He continued to smile.
"He ain't no sheik.that's no great physique. And lord knows he ain't got the smarts." His smile dropped a bit, and he looked confused.
But look at that soul- I'll tell you that whole is a whole lot greater that the sum of his parts And if you knew him like me I know you'd agree What if the world slandered my name? Why he'd be right there, taking the blame. He loves me so, and it all suits me fine.that sunny funny honey hubby of mine. He loves me so- that funny honey of mine." The smile was back.
"Lord knows he ain't got the smarts. Now he shot off his trap- I can't stand that sap! Look at him go.rattin' on me.with just one more brain, what a half-wit he'd be. If they string me up, I'll know who brought the twine. That scummy. crummy. dummy. hubby of mine."
I finished, and the smile was gone, replaced by a smirk of laughter. The younger people in the crowd wondered what all these old-timers were doing in the club. The older women in the crowd clapped and the older men in the crowd catcalled and yelled rude or suggestive comments. When I heard a few of these, I winked suggestively, and raised an eyebrow.
~*~
"M'kay, El.I'm ready. Billy Flynn number one." It was nearing eleven thirty, and we had to meet this contact and go home to sleep so that, the next day, we'd have time to plan.
"Damn.not the puppets? That would have been great."
"Well, it would have taken more time to prepare for than I had."
"Ah..well.track five it is, then."
"Memorized it? That's impressive. And weird."
"Thank you. About two minutes."
I went back into the crowd, where a guy who was completely smashed was incomprehensibly banging out the lyrics for some rap song. I walked over to my friends. I went up to my friends- Nikki, Rachel, Andrea, and Ivy and asked them to back me up for the song. Elrond looked up at this.
"No." I said. "It's weird enough to be singing a guy's song, but the skimpy outfits would be excessive weirdness and it would scare me, too."
They agreed, and soon they were up onstage, and I was waiting to the side.
"We. want. billy.Where. is. billy.Give. us. billy.We. want. billy. b... i. double l. y, we're. all. his. he's. our. kind of a guy.and ooh, what luck, cause here. he. is." My friends sang, and I came onstage.
"Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the silver-tongued prince of the courtroom, the one, the only, Billy Flynn!" Nikki said into the mike, and handed it off to me.
"I don't care about expensive things- cashmere coats, diamond rings. Don't mean a thing, all I care about is love- that's what I'm here for. I don't care for wearing silk cravats, ruby studs, satin spats- don't mean a thing, all I care about is love.Give me two eyes of blue, softly say, "I need you", let me see her standing there and- honest mister- I'm a millionaire. I don't care for any fine attire Vanderbilt might admire, No, no, not me, all I care about is love. Show me long, Raven hair, flowing down 'bout to there.When I see her running free, keep your money, that's enough for me." I sang. Frodo beamed at me, and I winked at him.
"All I care about is doing a guy in who's picking on you- twisting the wrist that's turning the screw.All I care about is love."
I finished off, and was assaulted by clapping and catcalls. I could see Elrond and Aragorn, waiting in the back and, as I headed offstage, saw a person in black with short brown hair come up to them. I frowned and the five of us walked back to the group. We then all headed back to where the three now stood talking.
~*~
"Now, then- how exactly do you plan to conquer.him?" The stranger asked.
"Who are you?" Elrond asked.
"You still haven't figured that out? Well, I shall leave you in the dark for now. So, what's your plan?"
"Not until we know your name." Aragorn said.
"Alright." The stranger said. "But do not mention any names! The enemy has spies, we must be careful. It is I, the white rider."
Aragorn smiled in recognition of the face he'd hoped belonged to the one he hadn't seen in so long.
"Nice to meet you, Mr. White."
~*~
Long chapter. Savvy enough for you? Review! Do I even have any readers out there? You people looking for your one-shot NC-17 bits and your short, plotless mary-sues get here, read this and say, using the largest word in your vocabulary, "Huh?"
Lol.well, please leave me a review! This shall only be a few more chapters long.