Divine Destiny

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Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura's characters, unfortunately. *tear*

Authoress Ramble: I have returned to the world of writing and fanfiction! Do I hear clapping? Hmm, what's that? *ducks as a rotten tomato is thrown at her* x.x;; Oh yes, uhm. This is very late, but, ahh, I ... my life got really hard for a while ... and I couldn't bear to write of love ...

But now I can again, so please, enjoy and tell me what you think of it.

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Sakura asked with a curious smile, playfully walking backwards ahead of him on the endless stretch of white sand so that she could face him, What is your favorite, uhm ... ice cream?

Syaoran raised an eyebrow at her. Their conversation had gone from deeply personal, if still vague and general, to cheerful and shallow in a matter of minutes. It was his fault, he mused with a tiny twinge of self-loathing. He'd said too much with too much bitterness, and it had made her melancholy, darkening her emerald eyes and frightening her into silence.

Then you've never loved, she said numbly, her mind gasping as the words rolled off her tongue. She hadn't meant to whisper that aloud ..

Syaoran turned to her, his amber eyes deep and distant, reminding Sakura very much of the ocean itself, of its calm, dark depths. Her heart nearly stopped beating as she took in his deep, unrelenting frown, his piercing gaze.

he whispered with terrible certainty, You're right.

Sakura pressed her lips together tightly as a single warm tear rolled down her cheek. His eyes looked so cold then ... how could she reach someone so lost that he had never loved?

 The awkward silence between them that had followed had fortunately been brief, as Sakura could not bear it for long ... she'd started up this game of random questions for the purpose of just that, murdering the silence.

she inquired again, smiling. Syaoran winced at the worry and sadness hidden behind that cheerful voice, the utter fragileness of that sweet little smile. What did it matter to her what flavor ice cream he preferred anyhow? What made her care enough to ask?

Mint chocolate chip, he answered idly. A better question was, what made her care enough to bring him here? To wish to waste an entire day with him? The first answer he summoned was that she had a crush on him; the lone wolf was always a tempting target for stupid airhead girls, he knew. But Sakura was no airhead, and she treated him more like a caring friend or sister that she did hit on him.

And besides, he had hurt her, and you didn't fall in love with people who immediately caused you pain. He eagerly dismissed that idea, his lips falling into a frown. His second answer seemed more logical. She felt sorry for him. This was some twisted act of charity.

Now you ask me a question, Sakura prompted. Syaoran looked up at her, startled slightly. Her emerald green eyes flashed him encouragement, and for a moment he was spellbound. He saw little sympathy in those eyes. What he saw instead was genuine interest and kindly-rooted curiosity.

he said, shifting his thoughts back into reality. What to ask her ...

What's your favorite animal?, he asked. He immediately felt ridiculous. What's your favorite animal? What the hell was he thinking, saying something as lame as that?

I like kittens, Sakura purred, still walking backwards. Especially tan and white ones ... with green eyes!

Like yours, Syaoran mused. She was so cute with her simple smile, but at the same time, he knew she was just covering up her deeper concern, her deeper sadness. He smiled falsely back.

And you?, Sakura asked, her long eyelashes batting lazily.

I like wolves, Syaoran purred with a smirk, and at this, his companion sweatdropped, brushing a long strand of red away from her face.

They suit you, Sakura said softly back. The long wolf, I mean. And even just a wolf in general ... alone or not alone ... noble but aloof ... proud ...

Syaoran frowned at this. You must know a lot about me to be able to make that assumption.

Anyone who looked at you properly could do the same, Sakura said back, biting her bottom lip gently. It's your turn again.

Syaoran said. He pursed his lips, thinking about his question carefully. He didn't feel like perpetuating the shallowness of their conversation, for something ... something inside himself told him to test her. If she could not handle his answers to meaningful questions, if they drove her away ... then maybe it was for the best. The best for her, in any case ...

He decided to ease away from the silly questions with one still lighthearted, but at the same time, slightly more personal. He repressed a mental purr, knowing what his question would be.

... how had she made him so damn playful?

Tell me about, Syaoran mouthed, his words spilling over his tongue with the forbidden sweetness of an alcoholic drink, Your first kiss.

Sakura froze in mid-step, her eyes locking with his as her lips parted slightly. A dark secret flooded her eyes, her emerald orbs dampening with liquid sadness. Syaoran clenched his teeth, immediately regretting his regress into personal questions. He'd reminded her of something painful.

Sakura's eyes were blank, her voice empty and hollow, laced with barely audible longing.

His name was Kenji, she whispered. He tilted my chin up and kissed me from above, and I think that's the way our relationship was from then on. I loved him with everything I used to have ...

Syaoran winced at this, wishing he had never opened his damn mouth.

I'm sorry, he muttered. I didn't mean to ...

Sakura turned to him with that horribly sad smile again, the one that made his stomach twist with guilt and longing to ease her pain. His eyes widened as she spoke.

It's all right, she said quietly, calmly. There is always hope, isn't there? We were happy together while we could be, and I ... I treasured that time, and those memories. I cherish them, and I will never regret their birth.

Syaoran said, not sure at all how to respond. I, ahh ... I'm glad that you ...

And yours?, Sakura asked, some of the immediate pain fading. Syaoran found himself sweating nervously, clenching and unclenching a wet palm. Her eyes were gorgeous, even when they were wounded.

My what?, he asked, his mind blank as he stared at her masked expression.

First kiss, Sakura whispered, accenting the words with surpressed sadness and a bit of curiosity.

I haven't been kissed yet, Syaoran muttered, blushing in shame.

Sakura said, her eyes widening slightly. She suddenly felt as though she should apologize, but she held her guilt in, knowing that it would most likely only make Syaoran feel worse.

I know what you're going to say, Syaoran whispered bitterly. Don't worry, you'll find that special someone soon.

Sakura whispered. She stopped walking backwards, her steps slowing to a halt, and looked deeply into him, using his amber eyes as gateways.

Syaoran stopped as well, his eyes locking with hers. She was strangely beautiful then, her eyes wide and empty of their usually upbeat cheerfulness. He wanted her to be happy, he realized, but he wanted to see her like this too. He wanted to see the core of her, the deepest part of her.

I was going to say, Sakura said, her voice quiet and hollow, That you might be ..

Might be what, Syaoran asked, spellbound by her terrible, morose beauty.

Might be lucky, she finished, sad emerald eyes meeting his as she began to cry.

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Love isn't so easy, is it, little girl?, Meiling mused, following the pair at a distance. Her magic was the only thing that allowed her to hear them, their words echoing unnaturally in her mind rather than in her ears.

They made a mistake sending her here, she thought idly, twisting a strand of sable hair around a long, pale finger. She's too new. She's still too human, too fresh from being alive ...

... but all the easier for me, her mind continued. Humans are weak and pathetic, victims of their own hearts. Their emotions command their minds, and in that aspect I have the upper hand. Sakura is too busy dealing with her own shattered heart to heal Syaoran's. Heh heh, yes ... he'll be ours soon enough ...

Her eyelids lowered halfway as her smirk at this thought was born, though it faded away just as quickly. Something about mocking Sakura's humanity had reminded her.

Had she ... hadn't she been a human once?
A human girl?

She looked down at herself, her eyes traveling over her pale skin and pleasant, perfect curves. Her blood had been running cold for years, and it had been seemingly forever since she had felt warmth in her skin, a blush in her face, lust between her legs. Everything human about her had faded into time, her humanity now lost dust.

The only thing left was the dull ache in her heart that told her that somehow, years ago, it had pulsed with blood and love and human pain, and that deep inside her it was dying, but was there just the same. Her heart.

Had she ever loved?

She clenched her teeth, suddenly feeling very eerie and uncomfortable. She flashed her ruby eyes back toward the couple, who now stood motionless in front of the crashing waves.

They were weak and pathetic, nothing when compared to what she had been given. Strength, power, release.

She had never been human.

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I'm not lucky, Syaoran snapped bitterly, frowning. Sakura's eyes softened from selfish pain into sympathy, empathy, and she frowned as well.

You're right, she whispered. It's foolish for me to say such a thing. Love is an amazing blessing, even if it can later become a curse. Love is ... always ... worth it.

You always see the beauty in everything, don't you?, Syaoran continued, still bitter. You look at my life and twist it into something worthwhile, something valuable. Well, it isn't. It just fucking isn't.

Never say that, Sakura warned, frowning in frustration. Life is always worth it, too. Never give it up. Life is short, it's precious! You never know when you're going to die and regret everything you didn't take advantage of, everything you didn't cherish! Don't be such a fool!

I'm not a fool, Syaoran said, his eyes narrowing dangerously. Just because I don't sugarcoat my perception of life doesn't make me a fool. Pain isn't a . Pain is pain, and for me, love has always been pain. There is no value in suffering.

Sakura only frowned at this, feeling desperate and frustrated and suddenly, in the mist of it all, utterly confused.

I wish we didn't have to suffer, Sakura whispered. But I do believe that it's a part of being alive, and therefore it's worth something. I truly do believe that.

I just don't understand, Syaoran said with barely controlled bitterness. I don't understand how you can see it that way.

Because there are good things in life, beautiful things, Sakura answered. And that's all the proof I need.

Syaoran scoffed. What beautiful things?! I haven't seen beauty in my life since I was a child.

Oh, Syaoran, Sakura muttered. She felt a warm, wet tear roll down her cheek, felt her bottom lip tremble. She looked at him, really looked at him, and a wave of emotion overtook her, a raw drive to comfort him that she couldn't control. Helpless, she gave into it.

She stepped forward and threw her arms around his neck, burying her wet face into his black t-shirt and crying, clutching at him as though he were her lifeline. She held him, crying for him, feeling his body stiffen at her sudden and irrational embrace.

A few moments later, she felt hesitant arms encircle her and pull her trembling body toward his, holding her close to him. She continued to cry, but as the minutes passed and she was still held, her tears ceased.

You're warm, Syaoran muttered into her ear, breathing in the scent of her hair mingled with the salty scent of her tears.

I, ahh, Sakura whimpered. She tightened her hold on him, and he made a sound that was a cross between a whimper and exhalation, a release of a held-in breath.

Please don't cry, Syaoran whispered shakily, his voice trembling and suddenly real, true and uninhibited. It clashed so violently with the bitter, protected Syaoran of a few minutes previous that Sakura could only widen her eyes and wonder who the tender, sad boy in her arms was.

Every inch of her body, it seemed, was pressed up again his. A sea breeze blew past them, but instead of passing through them, it was forced to part around their entwined bodies.

I'm not crying anymore, Sakura whispered. Syaoran's arms were warm on her back, warm and strong, and she found herself sighing contentedly into him.

whispered Syaoran. Reality was slowly beginning to filter back to him, thoughts of fear at what he was doing and feeling calling out to him, but resisted them, focusing instead on how warm and fragile she felt in his arms, how steady and sweetly pleasant her embrace was, how connected and whole he felt in spite of everything ...

He frowned when Sakura shifted away slowly, lifting her head away from his shoulder and pulling it back so that she could look up at him, gaze into his eyes.

She looked at him then, for in him she saw everything. She saw the simple happiness she'd had with Kenji, the contented and safe way she had loved him. She saw also, however, the pain of losing him, the pain of life and of love engraved into his amber eyes. She saw everything, joy and pain and love and loss, in him, and she suddenly wanted to taste it, to taste everything he was. She wanted to care for him and take from him and keep him forever balanced, keep him perfect in his humanity.

For one rushed moment, he was life and she loved him.

She smiled at him, a sad smile that was full of hope. He looked at her and lost himself in that smile, in her irrational faith ... he suddenly felt as though he, too, could hope ... could open his eyes to the beautiful things she had told him he was blind to.

Stop looking at me like that, Sakura whispered, staring back at him in the exact same way.

As you wish, Syaoran whispered back. He lifted a hand to her cheek and caressed it gently, slowly closing his amber eyes as he leaned forward and tilted his lips toward hers.

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I liked this chapter ... a lot ... heh heh.

I've been gone for a long time ... the Goddess knows how long it's been since I've last updated this story. My life had become too ... complicated to write well ... it was too hard, just too painful, for a while. But now I can again.

If you liked it, please review. Reviews make me smile. ^^;;;

And as always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.