Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Sev's love... hahaha.... as if he loves....
Okay, so I got the third part out. Don't worry the good stuff will come soon enough, I just figure I should build the characters a bit so everything seems more believable. Okay well enjoy! And please review! I got five reviews really fast so to make sure I have chance to write all of these chapters I am gonna change it to ten reviews for next installment. Sorry, ^ ^;;;; anyway enjoy!
Lampshadesrgreat: Thank you for revewing, Im glad you liked it.
Pyrefly: Im glad you liked it, I shall update as soon as possible. Thanks for reviewing.
Freeze Up: Well, Im very glad that you decided to reveiw my story! Heh, I love getting reviews, especially good ones. I didnt mean to make Draco completely in character anyway... haha I probably couldn't if I wanted to. I should put that somewhere though. Im glad you like the story and the poem and don't worry Im fine. Just some dehydration and anemia. Thanks for asking though, it was very nice ^__^ Haha I dont think you are a loser. Thanks for the nice review!
Courtney: Your forgiven, lol, many a times I dont sign in either. Haha, Im glad you liked it and dont worry the fith one followed soon after yours. ^ _ ^
NayNymic: Thanks for reviewing. Haha yeah I had a feeling I spelled many things wrong in the first. I shall fix it in a bit. Thanks
Rose Creighton: Thank you, I shall keep it up try to put forth more confidence. I have written for nearly all my life but this is the first time I have really ever shown anyone my writting. Im glad you like it!
Malfoyrage: Sorry hun, I shall remember to tell you when it is updated. Until then.
Chapter 3: "Regret"
####################################################
"I'm so sorry Harry, I bet it's gonna be horrible," Ron stated as he took a bit into his food while giving his best friend a sympathetic look.
"I'll manage... somehow," Harry responded just toying with his food not really having a large appetite.
"Well don't worry too much, I'm sure if you just don't think about it things will be easier. I can't imagine Malfoy is that bad," Hermione stated rather thoughtfully as she glanced over to Draco's table.
Ron scowled at this. "Yeah at least that's what you wanted to believe last year!"
Harry raised an eyebrow and turned with confused eyes to Hermione. "'Mione?"
The girl with the curly hair blushed slightly before she began to speak. "Well to tell you the truth Harry... I know it seems insane but I had a small crush on Malfoy last year. I don't know why... I mean he was so cruel and still is so cruel to me. But, well, he's hot!"
"Ugh, she told me the same thing last year and I would have told you Harry but I didn't want you to become as disgusted as I did."
"Well," retorted the bushy haired girl, "I certainly don't like him anymore! Haha, but what about you Harry? I haven't heard you speak about any person you had a crush on in a long time."
Hermione was right, Harry hadn't talked about liking anyone in over three years. But the truth was he hadn't found himself attracted to anyone, at least not any girls. In all honesty, Harry wasn't even sure he liked girl all that much. To him, personally, there was something more attractive about the male's body than the females. Of course that didn't mean he was gay... did it? No, it didn't, Harry decided although the back of his mind still wondered.
"Harry?"
Harry shook his head so to clear his mind. "Well, anyway I better get going."
"Harry where are you going?" Ron asked through a mouthful of food.
"Well I thought I would visit Hagrid before meeting up with Malfoy. Malfoy and I agreed to meet in my room to work on the project in a about thirty minutes."
"Have fun."
"Yeah, I'm gonna have a blast," Harry responded his words dripping with sarcasm.
######################################################
Harry arrived at Hagrid's hut and didn't even need to knock on the door before Hagrid greeted him and invited the boy who lived inside.
"Harry come on in! What brings you to my estate today?"
Harry sighed a bit and took a seat on a nearby chair. "I just wanted to talk I guess."
"Hmm, you don't sound too good. What's the matter? Is something bothering you?"
Harry was ready to tell Hagrid of all the many things that had been on his mind, about his hatred towards his uncle, his insecurities, his inevitable fear of everything he didn't know and wasn't ready to know. But then reality came back and he felt a bitter disgust towards himself. He hated self-pity and he wasn't about to start complaining about every little problem he thought he had. That was last thing Harry wanted and he wasn't worthy... his problems or himself. He never was and never would be worthy of a damn thing.
"It's just.... nothing, never mind it's not important..."
"Harry, if you ever have a problem you can talk to me. Listen, everyone has issues and something that troubles them and it's not important what other people's problems are. I know you have always thought you weren't important compared to others despite how everyone fussed over you. But that was just your sinister Uncle that wanted you to think that way. It doesn't matter what caused you to feel upset but the fact that you do feel that way. That is what's important. Do you understand Harry?"
"Yes, thank you Hagrid"
Harry knew that Hagrid was probably right but still he didn't feel like pouring out his soul at the moment. He wanted someone to hear him though, Harry knew that... But not Hagrid, someone who was truly hurt like him and lost. Someone...
"Hey Harry, can you bring me some towels from the bathroom?"
"Sure..."
Harry headed to the bathroom and returned with the towels but with a puzzled look on his face. He handed Hagrid the towels and moved towards the door.
"Well I better get going..."
"Okay Harry nice to see you!"
"Umm... Hagrid?"
"Yes?"
"What was that in the toilet?"
"Oh... beans... they were old."
Hagrid said that with something of a guilty expression as he closed the door. Harry stared at the closed door for a moment, Hagrid is a strange one he thought to himself. At any rate he better hurry and meet Malfoy, he didn't want the slytherin to bother him about being late.
##############################################################
Perhaps Harry rushed over a bit quick because it turned out that he had arrived back to his room quite early. He settled himself into the empty room, glanced out the window next to his bed and watched the last few golden rays of light fade as the sun admired defeat and set beneath the fragrant earth. His room was now slightly darkened the fading light of the sky causing shadows to appear in on his carpet. Harry sighed and moved away from his window and headed to a small table against the wall where he came across a picture of Ron, Hermione, and himself. He took a good look at it before setting it done. Harry knew all of his friends truly cared about him but still he couldn't find himself able to confide in them. They just wouldn't understand and there was something else... Besides the fact that he hated pity if he were to share his worries he would like to comfort at the same time. But a such a situation would not happen with Ron or Hermione. And as much as he loved his friends he was also terribly envious of them. Hermione was so very smart, completely brilliant... Harry only wished for a bit of her swift intelligence. And then there was Ron, perhaps he wasn't the smartest one in Hogwarts but still he was always smiling and keeping thing optimistic and positive. That was a trait Harry always wished for. But no, Harry wasn't like that and he hated himself for it.
Suddenly in all his bitterness, Harry felt the craving to hurt himself once again. He wanted nothing more than at that moment to feel a sharp blade enter his useless flesh and take everything away. He wanted the pain for so many reasons, to comfort himself, to prove he could still feel, to express his anger. He needed, craved the agonizing pain. Harry scanned over the table and found a razor laying there, as if it were awaiting him. He lifted the blade slowly and held it to over his flesh when he heard a familiar voice behind him.
"Don't cut yourself Harry, it won't solve a thing in the long run," the familiar voice drawled.
Harry turned around and found himself face to face with Draco Malfoy. He dropped the razor and angrily and flushed a bit, angry at being caught again by the arrogant slytherin.
"What do you care?" Harry hissed with contempt, but something else as well. Draco locked eyes with the boy who lived and noticed a bit of a pleading expression in the dark emeralds.
Draco took a moment again hypnotized by Harry's deep eyes which carried interminable pain and mystery. At the moment all Draco wanted was to discover the many secrets that lay inside but then he caught himself. Of course he didn't want to discover anything about the boy, nothing at all. And he didn't care... did he? Of course not, he told Harry to stop cutting himself out of mere consideration, that was all. But Malfoy's didn't have consideration. Nothing even close to it. With that Draco broke the eye contact once again and smirked.
"I don't..," he sneered.
Harry couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed at this but he quickly hid the hurt expression in his face before Draco could detect it. Harry took the books that were in Malfoy's hand and set them on the table.
"Good... now let's start our project."
******************************************************************************
Those pained eyes stare blankly at me
Silent tears are unavoidable
You wanted to move closer and take my hands into yours
to comfort the miserable look in your face
I wanted to give you everything right there
but im just a lost child indeed.....
I wanted to save your from drowning in youe endless pain
and yet all I could do was stare with no expression
it seemed I was cold....
If only I would have been able to wrap my arms around your trembling body
But I was foolish...
You cried a thousand tears that night
I silently walked away
***********************************************************
Okay there is the third part. Might I ask most of the readers not to mind some of the strange parts with Hagrid, I wrote that only because of a few inside jokes with my beta and I. Speaking of Beta's, my beta takes a bit of time to check my chapters so if anyone is interested in betaing this story and is semi-quick I would really appreciate it. Thanks much! Im not sure here this story is going to go... Hmmmm... oh well I'll figure it out and you know the deal... Ten more reviews for the next chapter!
Okay, so I got the third part out. Don't worry the good stuff will come soon enough, I just figure I should build the characters a bit so everything seems more believable. Okay well enjoy! And please review! I got five reviews really fast so to make sure I have chance to write all of these chapters I am gonna change it to ten reviews for next installment. Sorry, ^ ^;;;; anyway enjoy!
Lampshadesrgreat: Thank you for revewing, Im glad you liked it.
Pyrefly: Im glad you liked it, I shall update as soon as possible. Thanks for reviewing.
Freeze Up: Well, Im very glad that you decided to reveiw my story! Heh, I love getting reviews, especially good ones. I didnt mean to make Draco completely in character anyway... haha I probably couldn't if I wanted to. I should put that somewhere though. Im glad you like the story and the poem and don't worry Im fine. Just some dehydration and anemia. Thanks for asking though, it was very nice ^__^ Haha I dont think you are a loser. Thanks for the nice review!
Courtney: Your forgiven, lol, many a times I dont sign in either. Haha, Im glad you liked it and dont worry the fith one followed soon after yours. ^ _ ^
NayNymic: Thanks for reviewing. Haha yeah I had a feeling I spelled many things wrong in the first. I shall fix it in a bit. Thanks
Rose Creighton: Thank you, I shall keep it up try to put forth more confidence. I have written for nearly all my life but this is the first time I have really ever shown anyone my writting. Im glad you like it!
Malfoyrage: Sorry hun, I shall remember to tell you when it is updated. Until then.
Chapter 3: "Regret"
####################################################
"I'm so sorry Harry, I bet it's gonna be horrible," Ron stated as he took a bit into his food while giving his best friend a sympathetic look.
"I'll manage... somehow," Harry responded just toying with his food not really having a large appetite.
"Well don't worry too much, I'm sure if you just don't think about it things will be easier. I can't imagine Malfoy is that bad," Hermione stated rather thoughtfully as she glanced over to Draco's table.
Ron scowled at this. "Yeah at least that's what you wanted to believe last year!"
Harry raised an eyebrow and turned with confused eyes to Hermione. "'Mione?"
The girl with the curly hair blushed slightly before she began to speak. "Well to tell you the truth Harry... I know it seems insane but I had a small crush on Malfoy last year. I don't know why... I mean he was so cruel and still is so cruel to me. But, well, he's hot!"
"Ugh, she told me the same thing last year and I would have told you Harry but I didn't want you to become as disgusted as I did."
"Well," retorted the bushy haired girl, "I certainly don't like him anymore! Haha, but what about you Harry? I haven't heard you speak about any person you had a crush on in a long time."
Hermione was right, Harry hadn't talked about liking anyone in over three years. But the truth was he hadn't found himself attracted to anyone, at least not any girls. In all honesty, Harry wasn't even sure he liked girl all that much. To him, personally, there was something more attractive about the male's body than the females. Of course that didn't mean he was gay... did it? No, it didn't, Harry decided although the back of his mind still wondered.
"Harry?"
Harry shook his head so to clear his mind. "Well, anyway I better get going."
"Harry where are you going?" Ron asked through a mouthful of food.
"Well I thought I would visit Hagrid before meeting up with Malfoy. Malfoy and I agreed to meet in my room to work on the project in a about thirty minutes."
"Have fun."
"Yeah, I'm gonna have a blast," Harry responded his words dripping with sarcasm.
######################################################
Harry arrived at Hagrid's hut and didn't even need to knock on the door before Hagrid greeted him and invited the boy who lived inside.
"Harry come on in! What brings you to my estate today?"
Harry sighed a bit and took a seat on a nearby chair. "I just wanted to talk I guess."
"Hmm, you don't sound too good. What's the matter? Is something bothering you?"
Harry was ready to tell Hagrid of all the many things that had been on his mind, about his hatred towards his uncle, his insecurities, his inevitable fear of everything he didn't know and wasn't ready to know. But then reality came back and he felt a bitter disgust towards himself. He hated self-pity and he wasn't about to start complaining about every little problem he thought he had. That was last thing Harry wanted and he wasn't worthy... his problems or himself. He never was and never would be worthy of a damn thing.
"It's just.... nothing, never mind it's not important..."
"Harry, if you ever have a problem you can talk to me. Listen, everyone has issues and something that troubles them and it's not important what other people's problems are. I know you have always thought you weren't important compared to others despite how everyone fussed over you. But that was just your sinister Uncle that wanted you to think that way. It doesn't matter what caused you to feel upset but the fact that you do feel that way. That is what's important. Do you understand Harry?"
"Yes, thank you Hagrid"
Harry knew that Hagrid was probably right but still he didn't feel like pouring out his soul at the moment. He wanted someone to hear him though, Harry knew that... But not Hagrid, someone who was truly hurt like him and lost. Someone...
"Hey Harry, can you bring me some towels from the bathroom?"
"Sure..."
Harry headed to the bathroom and returned with the towels but with a puzzled look on his face. He handed Hagrid the towels and moved towards the door.
"Well I better get going..."
"Okay Harry nice to see you!"
"Umm... Hagrid?"
"Yes?"
"What was that in the toilet?"
"Oh... beans... they were old."
Hagrid said that with something of a guilty expression as he closed the door. Harry stared at the closed door for a moment, Hagrid is a strange one he thought to himself. At any rate he better hurry and meet Malfoy, he didn't want the slytherin to bother him about being late.
##############################################################
Perhaps Harry rushed over a bit quick because it turned out that he had arrived back to his room quite early. He settled himself into the empty room, glanced out the window next to his bed and watched the last few golden rays of light fade as the sun admired defeat and set beneath the fragrant earth. His room was now slightly darkened the fading light of the sky causing shadows to appear in on his carpet. Harry sighed and moved away from his window and headed to a small table against the wall where he came across a picture of Ron, Hermione, and himself. He took a good look at it before setting it done. Harry knew all of his friends truly cared about him but still he couldn't find himself able to confide in them. They just wouldn't understand and there was something else... Besides the fact that he hated pity if he were to share his worries he would like to comfort at the same time. But a such a situation would not happen with Ron or Hermione. And as much as he loved his friends he was also terribly envious of them. Hermione was so very smart, completely brilliant... Harry only wished for a bit of her swift intelligence. And then there was Ron, perhaps he wasn't the smartest one in Hogwarts but still he was always smiling and keeping thing optimistic and positive. That was a trait Harry always wished for. But no, Harry wasn't like that and he hated himself for it.
Suddenly in all his bitterness, Harry felt the craving to hurt himself once again. He wanted nothing more than at that moment to feel a sharp blade enter his useless flesh and take everything away. He wanted the pain for so many reasons, to comfort himself, to prove he could still feel, to express his anger. He needed, craved the agonizing pain. Harry scanned over the table and found a razor laying there, as if it were awaiting him. He lifted the blade slowly and held it to over his flesh when he heard a familiar voice behind him.
"Don't cut yourself Harry, it won't solve a thing in the long run," the familiar voice drawled.
Harry turned around and found himself face to face with Draco Malfoy. He dropped the razor and angrily and flushed a bit, angry at being caught again by the arrogant slytherin.
"What do you care?" Harry hissed with contempt, but something else as well. Draco locked eyes with the boy who lived and noticed a bit of a pleading expression in the dark emeralds.
Draco took a moment again hypnotized by Harry's deep eyes which carried interminable pain and mystery. At the moment all Draco wanted was to discover the many secrets that lay inside but then he caught himself. Of course he didn't want to discover anything about the boy, nothing at all. And he didn't care... did he? Of course not, he told Harry to stop cutting himself out of mere consideration, that was all. But Malfoy's didn't have consideration. Nothing even close to it. With that Draco broke the eye contact once again and smirked.
"I don't..," he sneered.
Harry couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed at this but he quickly hid the hurt expression in his face before Draco could detect it. Harry took the books that were in Malfoy's hand and set them on the table.
"Good... now let's start our project."
******************************************************************************
Those pained eyes stare blankly at me
Silent tears are unavoidable
You wanted to move closer and take my hands into yours
to comfort the miserable look in your face
I wanted to give you everything right there
but im just a lost child indeed.....
I wanted to save your from drowning in youe endless pain
and yet all I could do was stare with no expression
it seemed I was cold....
If only I would have been able to wrap my arms around your trembling body
But I was foolish...
You cried a thousand tears that night
I silently walked away
***********************************************************
Okay there is the third part. Might I ask most of the readers not to mind some of the strange parts with Hagrid, I wrote that only because of a few inside jokes with my beta and I. Speaking of Beta's, my beta takes a bit of time to check my chapters so if anyone is interested in betaing this story and is semi-quick I would really appreciate it. Thanks much! Im not sure here this story is going to go... Hmmmm... oh well I'll figure it out and you know the deal... Ten more reviews for the next chapter!