A/N:  Like you'll read in the chapter in a second, the biggest part of this chapter really is written by Lenny.  All of you must review to tell her how awesome she is at torturing people.  You must also wish Cassi a happy birthday (hers was on July 2nd) and Carl a not happy birthday (his was on July 5th).  Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Chapter Nine and Three-Quarters – Round Two in Azkaban

Allee squealed as Lenny came flying towards her.  She quickly typed something on her laptop, and Lenny froze in midair.

"Jared's in Azkaban!!!  You tossed him in Azkaban!!!!!!  How could you????"

Allee winced.  "He shouldn't have been calling me a psychopath so much."

"But you call yourself a psycho."

"In a good way."

"Oh."  Lenny sulked for a second as she hovered in the air above the Quidditch pitch.  "Can I see him?" she finally asked hopefully.

Allee thought for a second.  "Sure."

Lenny jumped backwards, surprised that Allee had agreed so quickly.  "Really?"

Allee nodded.  "Yeah.  You can even get control of the fic for a few minutes while you do so."

Lenny's mouth dropped.  "REALLY?"  She was ecstatic.  Time to bust Jared out of jail.

"Yeah.  But I need to do one thing first…"

Allee typed some things into her computer, and Lenny's face suddenly stretched into a demonic smile.

"There.  Now you have no will to do anything good for Jared.  You'll just torture them, exactly like this fic is intended to do!"

Lenny cackled.  "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Pleased with her success, Allee pulled a piece of parchment and a quill out of midair and handed them to Lenny.

***

Jared lifted his head slowly as a familiar song rang in his ears. "Seventy-three people with happy thoughts in the jail! Seventy-three people with happy thoughts!"

He shuddered again and went back to rocking back and forth slowly. "It's all a bad dream," he muttered. "A bad dream…"

"DOOM!" He heard a voice shouting. "DOOM!"

Carl, who was being dragged by singing, dancing, skipping Demetors, was kicking and shouting as his captors threw him in Jared's cell. The Dementors skipped merrily away, leaving Carl and Jared alone.

Jared, who had become accustomed to eating his cowboy boots, offered Carl a piece of rubber from the sole. Carl grimaced. "No thanks."

Jared shrugged. "All right, man… but trust me it's better than what they try to feed you. So, what are you in here for?"

"Allee dumped me for some German guy. Heinrich," Carl spat as if it were a swear word.

"Wait… Allee? That psychopath who put me here? She's your girlfriend?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry…"

"Well it's better than dating Lenny."

Jared eyed Carl suspiciously. "How do you know I'm with her?"

Carl used the most patronizing voice he could muster. "Pictures."

"You talk to her?"

"Online," Carl appeared to be sizing Jared up. "She said you were tall."

"I am. Hello-o, I'm sitting down," Jared rolled his eyes and stood up. "So are you the dude from Texas?"

"My name's Carl."

"Yeah, uh-huh- bet I'm taller than you."

Carl stepped up to Jared. "No, I don't think so."

"No, I am."

"No, you're not."

"Oh yeah, I am. Don't let it get to you, man."

Carl stood up on his tip-toes. "No, see?  I'm taller."

Jared shook his head and stood on his tip-toes as well. "No, you're not."

"Yeah, I am."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am!"

"No, you're not! I can see over your head."

"That has nothing to do with it," Carl said. "If anything you're taller because of your hair."

Jared crossed his arms and sat down, pouting. "Why does everyone say that?"

"Maybe because it's true?"

"Yeah, well, whatever."

Carl shoved his hands in his pockets. "So, let's say I have to pee. Where do I go?"

Jared laughed. "You're a book character now. Since when do they pee?"

Carl shrugged. "It might come up."

"No, I don't think it will."

"Doom!" Carl yelled.

Jared looked at Carl as if he'd sprouted another head. "Right…"

Out of nowhere a small speaker appeared in the cell and Heinrich's voice boomed out, loud and annoying. Jared covered his ears. "What the hell is that?"

Carl glared. "That's Heinrich… I bet he's yodeling to Allee."

Jared looked confused. "Is that what he's doing? Yodeling?"

Carl nodded.

"I've never heard that before. I don't get out much. There's like two people who live in Lake-O."

"Yeah… it shows."

"Does it? Yeah, I know- hey!"

"Lenny said you were a hick… guess it's true."

"Damn proud of it, too."

"Yeah, I'll bet," Carl said dryly.

"I'm not going to say what she's said about you."

"What?"

"I'm not saying."

"What has she said?"

"Not telling."

"Doom!"

Heinrich's voice yodeled louder.

Jared paled. "This crap is making me sick."

"Doom!!!"

Again Heinrich's voice raised.

Jared shrank to the floor as if in pain. Carl stood up and kicked the speaker. "DOOM!"

Heinrich's voice was now so loud other prisoners started yelping in agony.

"This is why I never kissed Lenny… this is what happens! I get thrown in jail and I have to endure ear torture!  I want my country music back!" Jared babbled.

"DOOM!"

"Now, now, Carl. Let's not continue that." Heinrich's voice suddenly stopped and Lenny appeared on the other side of the cell door.

Jared looked up then jumped to his feet. "I'm saved!"

Lenny shook her head pityingly. "No… I'm afraid not, darlin.  Allee has threatened to give me to Taylor if I do anything not bad…  But it is kind of fun…"

Jared's face fell.

Carl glared at Lenny. "I hate you."

 "No, you don't. Deep down, beneath all that anger and resentment, you think I'm great."

"No," Carl said evenly. "I most definitely hate you."

"Well, Carl, that's just not going to help your situation at all," Lenny quipped, pulling a purple quill and a sheet of parchment out of her pocket. "Let's see…" she said, biting the quill in thought. "Ah, I know!" She quickly scribbled something down and grinned. "Carl, what's a better color for you? Pink or blue?"

"I don't have a choice in this, do I?"

"Oh, you might."

"Well… I'm going to go ahead and say blue."

"All right, pink it is."

Carl sighed. "Figured. Course, if I had said pink you'd have just agreed."

"Course. You just picked the wrong one."

Carl and Jared looked at each other questioningly for a second before Carl was suddenly dressed in a frilly, pink dress and a purple boa.

Carl glared at Lenny as Jared burst out in a fit of laughter. "I hate you sooo much."

Lenny smiled innocently. "Come on, Carl. If I suddenly died, you'd be sad."

"No, I wouldn't."

"But I would be!" Jared said, hopefully.

Lenny folded her arms. "I'm going to let Allee deal with you. That kissing comment just gained you another fifty years in here," she turned her attention to Carl again. "If I died you'd be saying "Oh, Lenny... I know I always said 'doom' but deep down... beneath the barbed wire in my soul... I thought you were kinda okay..."

"I hate you both," Carl said grabbing the bars of the door.

Lenny grinned knowingly. "You love Allee."

"I hope you get hit by a car… or a bus driven by monkeys."

"Shoot, Carl… Now I'm going to have to tell Allee what you said. God only knows what's going to happen to you now."

Jared bit his lip, containing his laughter. "Couldn't really get much worse."

"Couldn't it?" Lenny asked him.

He swallowed hard. "Maybe it could…"

"Good answer."

With that she whipped out her quill again, scribbling something down on the parchment, then looked up. Jared frowned. "What did you just do?"

Lenny looked down at her parchment again. "Apparently nothing…"

"Thank God."

"No worries though. I just need to figure out what's wrong."

"Her power's gone!" Carl shouted. "Life is good again!"

Lenny glared. "Not so much, C. If my power is in fact gone, then you're stuck in that dress the rest of the fic."

Carl paled.

"Hey, Allee!" Lenny shouted. "I need a hand!"

No more than a half a second later, Allee appeared next to Lenny. "Yes?"

Lenny nodded to the cell with Carl and Jared in it. "I can't seem to make anything more happen to them."

Allee looked at the two prisoners and sniggered. "That's a great look for you, Carl."

Carl crossed his arms and sulked as Lenny showed Allee the parchment she was writing on. "Well, here's you're problem! It isn't embarrassing enough! Try this…" Allee took Lenny's quill and wrote something down waiting to see the results of her handy work. "That's the trouble with quills and parchment," she said handing it back to Lenny, who began reading what Allee had written. "There's always a delay."

Seconds later Jared was dressed in a baby blue sundress covered in teddy bears and purple bows. "Ah!" He shouted, hiding behind Carl.

"So adding purple bows made the difference, huh?"

"Purple bows always make a difference."

"I'll remember that."

"NO!" Jared yelped. "Don't remember that!"

Lenny glared at him over her glasses. "This is revenge, darlin."

"For what? What have I ever done to you?"

Lenny raised her eyebrows. "Oh…" she said. "Never mind."

Carl grabbed the bars of the door. "Allee, you can't possibly let her to this to me!"

Allee smiled wickedly. "Why not? You and I are over. I have Heinrich now."

Lenny snapped her fingers. "Oh, Jeeves?"

A small Dementor came up behind the two girls, humming the tune that was now accustomed to Azkaban prison. Lenny patted him on the head. "Will you be a dear and fetch Carl and Jared's clothing?"

Jeeves nodded and floated off to do Lenny's bidding.

"Well… shall we get back to your story now?"

"I think so. But I have one last thing to do before we go," she pulled out her laptop typing something quickly. Jake appeared in front of her, looking very confused. "Jake, I need you to clear something up for my friend Jared here."

Jake looked apprehensive. "Okay…"

"Do book characters ever have to use the bathroom?"

Jake turned red. "Um…"

"I'd answer her, Jake," Lenny said. "You might end up in there with them."

Jake gulped. "Yeah… we do."

"Will you be so kind as to give Jared an example?" Allee asked sweetly.

"Page ninety-seven of Megamorphs two."

"Thank you, Jake. That's all we needed."

With that Allee and Jake disappeared.

Lenny grinned at Jared and Carl. "You two look so adorable. I wish I had my camera. Anyway, I've got to be going."  She wrote something down on her parchment and handed it to Carl. "You two have fun!" In a puff of violet smoke, Lenny was gone.

Carl looked at the parchment in his hand. "Carl, if you decide you have to pee just yodel and a toilet will appear. Best wishes!" Carl frowned. "This is not funny at all."

"Well… Lenny did send Jeeves to get us our clothes."

"Is that a good thing? You know her better than I do."

Jared shrugged. "Anything's better than this… The breeze is kinda nice, though."

"I want pants."

As if reading their thoughts (which he probably was) Jeeves floated back to their cell, humming merrily. He held up two pink and purple plaid shirts and two pairs of pink jeans. Jared and Carl reached out to take the clothing. Carl glared at Jared. "Anything's better, huh?"

Jared shrugged. "At least it's pants."

***

            Lenny appeared back on the Quidditch pitch, where everybody was eagerly waiting.  She looked around, blinked, and shook her head, trying to clear it.

            "So can I go see him now?" she asked.

            "You already did," Allee said.

            "What?"

            "You don't remember it.  Sorry.  I had to do that."

            "What happened?"

            Allee smirked.  "You can read it on the laptop.  It's all right there."

            "Okay, thanks!"  Lenny began to read, but her face paled as she did so.

            "ALLEE!!!!!!!  YOU MADE ME TORTURE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

            "Exactly.  Having your girlfriend turn on you is one of the biggest tortures you can have.  I'm sure that Carl…  or Jared… would be glad to tell you all about it."

            Lenny hung her head.  "Great.  Just great."

            "Yeah.  I love doing all this!"