A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated… I won't go into my excuses… I know, I should still try to update, even if I am trying to squeeze enough stuff into one day to fill an entire week… Please forgive me? Meh, here's the next chapter:
Chapter 10 – Pin the Tail on the Malfoy
"I can't believe it. I just can't ******* believe it!" Jared yelled to no one in particular.
"Whoa, calm down, Jared," Carl said. "I'm sure she didn't mean any of it."
"MY GIRLFRIEND MADE FUN OF ME IN PRISON! SHE'S MAKING ME WEAR ******* PINK PANTS!"
"You know, lots of guys' girlfriends won't even visit them in prison. You're lucky. But seriously, calm down. You're making Allee edit waaay too much of what you're saying. Tone down the ******* language, will you?"
"No! I won't 'tone down the ******* language,' *******! My dear, sweet Lenny was mean!"
Carl shrugged. "So maybe I'm just used to having a mean girlfriend… Dating Allee tends to do that to you…"
"But… But… ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jared walked over to the brick wall and started beating his head against it."
Carl looked concerned for a moment, but then shook his head. What was he thinking? He knew a much more appropriate response.
Carl pointed at Jared and started laughing.
***
"You're sick, you know that, don't you? Just sick. How can you make such a fine female specimen as Lenny go and make some poor guy think she hates him? It's sick!" said Marco. "Everything you've done so far! Sick! Sick! Sick!"
Allee was quiet for a few moments. When at last she spoke, it was very softly and very slowly. "Marco? I really would reconsider what you just said. As true as it is, I am the one controlling your fate right now. I don't suppose you want to go join Taylor by the lake, would you?"
Right on cue, Taylor's demonic laugh wafted through the air, followed by the screams of the centaurs.
Marco gulped.
"That's what I thought."
"Allee, that's mean!" Shawna said.
"That's the point of this fic."
"True… But still, I wouldn't be so mean to poor widdle Marco!" Shawna flashed him a bright smile and batted her lashes.
Marco smiled back weakly, trying to disguise the horror in his face.
"Right. Now, back to what you've made me do to my poor Jared…"
"Yes?"
"He's going to hate me! I have to tell him that I didn't mean any of it! I have to tell him that I'm going to bust him out!"
"Fine."
Lenny froze. "It's okay?"
"Yup."
"You're not going to mess with my mind so that I'm mean to him this time?"
"Nope."
Lenny paused. "I'm not dreaming? This is actually happening?"
"Yup."
"Um… Technically…" Cassi looked around for a second. "This is a fanfic, so technically it's not actually happening."
Shawna glared. "Yes, it is. All fanfics, stories, etc. actually do happen in a separate dimension, and therefore all of this is real in this universe. What people call 'fiction' is actually non-fiction if you're in the right place."
Cassi paused. "This is true. Ignore me. I was going sane for a second. I need some chocolate to put myself back into the right state of insanity."
In the Quidditch stands, Susan Bone overheard Cassi and, hoping that she could perhaps suck up to the psycho currently controlling the universe, ran onto the field and offered the last chocolate frog she had, the only one Ax hadn't touched when he attacked her food during the Quidditch game.
"Oh. Thank you."
"You're welcome." Susan continued to stand in the group of Quidditch players and real-worlders.
"Susan. You can leave now," Allee pointed out after a few moments.
"Oh."
"In fact, most of you can leave now. The game's over, people! Go away!"
In response to Allee's sudden outburst, everybody in the stands stampeded back towards the building. The further they were from Allee, the better. At last, the only people left were the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the Animorphs, Erek, Allee, Heinrich, Cassi, Remus, Shawna, and Lenny.
"Oliver, you probably need to get to Quidditch practice. You can leave, too."
Oliver disappeared, and Allee surveyed the remaining people. She smiled.
"So… um… When do I get to talk to Jared?" Lenny asked.
"Now."
"I can't believe any of this."
"No, seriously. Now. You get to write him a letter."
Allee typed a few words onto her laptop, and a quill and parchment appeared in the air before Lenny.
"I'm confused…"
"Just write him a letter. You can say whatever you want; I won't stop you."
"But… why?"
Everybody stared at Allee suspiciously, especially the book characters. This generous side to Allee was something new. The unfamiliar enemy was always more dangerous than the familiar.
"It's part of the next contest, of course!"
Cassi and Shawna squealed, both realizing what Allee was talking about.
"Yes! I love races!" exclaimed Shawna.
"Wiener Schnitzel! Frankfurter! Lass dich nur nich!" Heinrich agreed, pausing in his yodeling for just a moment.
Erek shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. "Races?"
"Yes, a race."
"With who? What kind of race?" Harry asked.
"You'll find out in a minute. You working on writing that letter, Lenny?"
Lenny bit her lip, grabbed the quill and parchment, and started scribbling.
"How many of us will the race involve?" said Zsa-Zsa Billy Bob.
"I told you, I'll tell you everything in a moment. Before we do anything, we need that letter Lenny is writing. We're going to play a short game while we wait. It's called 'pin the tail on the Malfoy'."
"Malfoy? I do not understand the meaning of a 'malfoy,'" Ax pointed out. Before he was even finished speaking, though, Draco Malfoy appeared.
"Anyway, Goyle, as I was-"
Malfoy blinked. Goyle had been replaced by Allee's evil grin.
"Bloody hell."
"You said that right. We all know that you looked great as a ferret, Draco, but I think I know of an animal that fits you even better."
Draco turned even paler than he normally was and turned to run.
"No, I don't think so," Allee said. She typed something, and Malfoy froze. With a few more taps on the keyboard, Draco was engulfed by a puff of smoke. When it cleared, a donkey was standing in his place.
The donkey was still for a moment, but then it looked around. Seeing its furry body and hooves, it let out an indignant hee-haw.
Allee, Shawna, Cassi, and the Gryffindors burst out laughing.
"It describes you so well, too, Malfoy!" Cassi said.
Jake turned his head to Rachel. "He was on Crayak's side in the chess game, wasn't he?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"So he's not a nice guy."
"Probably not."
"Okay."
"Here's the rules of the game," Allee said. "The title is pretty self-explanatory, though. You try to pin the tail onto the Malfoy. As you can see, Draco here doesn't have a tail. Who here thinks he needs one?"
Fred and George grinned widely and raised their hands. They didn't know anything about the Muggle game this was a variant of, but it sounded like they were about to be able to torture Malfoy…
"I agree," Allee said, nodding to the Weasley twins. "Each of you gets to hold a tail…"
In everybody's hands appeared a long donkey tail. At the top of it was a very sharp, very long, very painful-looking pin.
"And each of you gets to chase Malfoy. Whoever pins their tail onto him first wins."
The donkey hee-hawed again, this time more nervous than angry.
"What exactly is the point of this game?" Ax asked.
"To torture Draco."
"Yes, but what's at stake this time? Whose future?" clarified Marco.
"Draco's. More specifically, Draco's butt's."
"But… Why?" Zsa-Zsa Billy Bob said. "It make's no sense!"
"I told you, the entire point of this fic is to torture you guys. While we wait for the next big contest to decide the future of a universe, can't we just have a little bit of good, clean, torturing Draco for no other reason than it's fun?"
Allee didn't even wait for agreement, though Cassi, Shawna, Harry, and the Weasley twins were nodding eagerly.
"Of course we can! So everybody have fun! Including you, Draco."
Malfoy hee-hawed pitifully.
"Oh, don't be so morose about it. You know you deserve it. But, just because I'm so nice, I'll give you a ten second head start. On your mark, get set, go!"
Malfoy glared at Allee for a moment before running as fast as his donkey legs could carry him. He wasn't planning on receiving any of those pins in his arse, no thank you.
Allee took a deep breath. "Ten! Nine! Eig-"
She paused.
"Why am I counting down for him exactly?"
"Because you're a stupid git?" answered Katie.
"That's what I thought. I want to see him poked just as much as all of you. Forget this. Go! Pin the tail on the Malfoy!"
Fred, George, and Rachel shared a gleeful grin, then sprinted after Draco. After a few seconds and some nudging by Allee, Cassi, and Shawna, the other players followed. At last, Allee, Shawna, Cassi, Remus, and Heinrich went. Heinrich didn't have a tail to pin, but his yodeling was punishment enough for Draco. Only Lenny was left, scribbling upon her parchment…
"My poor, dear Jared! I can't believe Allee made me do that! Oh, my God…"
***
Far, far away, in the Animorphs universe, a little girl in a pink dress and pigtails stamped her foot.
"It's just not fair! Not fair! Ellimist, why do we have to listen to her anyway? She thought she was more powerful than us!"
Ellimist snickered. "Well, Crayak, as my reply, I shall simply tell you to look at yourself."
"SHE'S NOT MORE POWERFUL THAN ME!"
"Crayak, you're now a little girl, and you can't do anything about it. She's definitely more powerful than you. And because she is more powerful than you, she is also more powerful than me, and thus I feel obliged to listen to her. Especially because she just so happened to give me control of the universe."
"It's not fair!"
"So you've said. Now, if you don't mind, I have a universe to run, so if you would kindly step away from the threads of space-time…"
"No! They're mine!"
"Step away from the threads of space-time, Crayak."
"No! No, no, no, no, no…"
Ellimist fluttered his wings impatiently. Just because he knew it would anger Crayak, he had been switching forms every few minutes. He was currently in the shape of a Ketran.
"Come on, Crayak. I don't have all millennium."
"…no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…"
"Alright, that's it. I'm sick of it. This is my universe now. You're out of here, Crayak."
"…no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…"
Ellimist once again switched forms, now taking the shape of a clown.
"AAAHHHH! No! Mommy!"
"I told you to leave, Crayak!"
"I'm leaving, I'm leaving! Darn you, Ellimist, you just had to go for what I was afraid of, didn't you? I hate you! I hate you so much!"
"I know."
Ellimist pulled a balloon out of the air and started shaping it into a mouse. He grinned at Crayak, his white makeup shimmering.
"AAHHH!!! Go away!"
Crayak backed away and tripped over one of the threads of space-time in the room. Far away, on the Hork-Bajir homeworld, sunset suddenly became high noon.
"I hate you, Ellimist! I hate!"
Crayak turned around and opened the door leading into the physical universe. As Ellimist laughed, she ran through space to the nearest black hole and dived in.
"I hate y-"
Her voice died as the matter that made up Crayak was superheated and condensed in the bottleneck so dense light could not even escape.
Ellimist looked back into the room just in time to see one of the threads coil into nothingness. Crayak was gone.
"Well, that's that. Hope she's not too much trouble to wherever she landed."
Ellimist rubbed his hands together and closed the door to the physical universe. He shifted forms, once again a Ketran, and turned on the radio. "Devil Went Down to Georgia" started playing.
Ellimist grinned and started dancing along. After a while, he finally sat back to relax. He hadn't had a chance for that in a long time.
***
Allee laughed maniacally. Poor Draco had multiple tails pinned into his butt, and he was walking rather gingerly.
"Now that is what I call a fun game!" Fred said. George nodded, apparently of the same opinion.
"Sad, but I have to agree," Rachel said. Most everybody acknowledged that she was right, even Zsa-Zsa Billy Bob.
Erek, however, hung his head sadly. He still held his tail; he had been unable to stick it onto Draco because of his programming.
"Let me help you," Harry offered. He took the tail and shoved it on top of the others, receiving a pained hee-haw as a reward.
Draco shot Allee an evil look, then picked up a stick that just so happened to be laying nearby. He began scratching words into the ground.
"Aww, widdle Draco is trying to say something!" laughed Cassi.
At last, Draco's writing, though quite messy, was complete.
"Pater niet," Heinrich said, glancing at the words, and then he continued his yodeling, even louder than before.
"'When my father finds out, you'll be in trouble!'" Shawna read. She grinned, too. "When your father finds out, Malfoy, Allee'll just turn him into an @$$, too. Oh, wait – he already is one."
Everybody snickered, and Allee froze Draco before he could attack. With a few more strokes of her keyboard, he disappeared.
"We don't need him any longer. Lenny? You finished with that letter?"
Lenny took a few steps forward. "Yeah… I think so… I still can't believe you put him in Azkaban, Allee."
"Well, he was annoying, and too darn tall, and besides, my little Heinrich dearest might have gotten jealous if I kept him around."
"No! I was talking about Jared! It's perfectly fine that Carl's there."
"Oh. Well, it was the Ministry of Magic that put him in jail, not me."
"You could get him out, though!"
Allee thought for a moment. "No, I don't think so. Him being in Azkaban is kind of crucial to the next few plot points. And watching him and Carl fight is just so amusing…"
Lenny frowned and handed Allee the letter.
"Good, good… 'My dearest Jared, I am so sorry for everything that's happened. Allee is insane, and I shouldn't have ever gotten you dragged into this. Don't worry, though, I'll bust you out of Azkaban if it's the last thing I do. I love you! Be safe, and don't let the dementors get to you. Love, Lenny.' Aww, Lenny, that's sweet!"
Lenny turned red as most everybody else snickered.
"Well, now that we have the letter, we can start the race! Accio, Hedwig!"
After a second, a white ball of feathers and talons hurtled into the Quidditch pitch. Hedwig squawked when she finally came to a halt, and she jumped over to Harry and started clucking at him.
"Sorry, Hedwig, don't blame me. It's Allee."
Hedwig continued scolding Harry for a few more minutes before she grudgingly jumped onto his arm.
Allee smiled and typed a few more words onto her computer. Suddenly, there was a perfect copy of Lenny's letter in Allee's other hand, leaving two. Allee began folding them both.
What are the letters for? said Ax.
"Isn't it obvious? Hedwig's here, so she's going to send them," Harry said. "But why two copies?"
"It's a race, she said!" Shawna replied.
"But…"
Finished folding the parchment, Allee looked up. "Alright, Tobias. Time for you to go hawk."
"What?"
"Morph hawk."
Tobias was confused, but quickly complied. If Allee could send people for a torture session with Taylor, who knew what she was capable of?
"Alright, this next game is simple," Allee announced. "We shall have a race. To put it simply, whoever delivers the letter to Jared in Azkaban first, Tobias or Hedwig, wins."
Kay13: THE LOONS WILL TAKE OVER!!!!!!! THE LOONS, I TELL YOU!!!!! THE LOONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!