Someone New (Hozier)
Brittany's POV
"What are you doing here? I don't remember us giving you a key. Did we give you a key?" I'd come home to have a quick shower and to change my clothes before picking up Izzy but stopped short when I saw Quinn asleep on the pullout sofa. All it took was me standing over her, asking questions for her to look up at me with a guilty smile.
"Hi. Are you just getting home? Where's Santana?"
"That's...wait, you didn't answer my question."
"Sandra had a set of your keys, I took them when the fighting started. I brought all of the kids here."
"All of them?"
"Yup, at least Quincy, your kids, and Norah. Sandra's kids knew better than to leave without her permission."
"Are they upstairs?"
"Yeah, it's early still, right?"
"It's 8. Izzy has a game in an hour. I came to get him."
"But where did you come from, and where is Santana?"
"What time did you get here?"
"Around 3:30. The house was empty."
We'd just left, probably weren't even off the street yet when she'd gotten to our house.
Go figure.
"Look, we just...weren't here. Would you mind getting Izzy up and ready while I take a shower?"
"Need to wash the blood off your hands?" She was snickering until I threw one last comment over my shoulder.
"It's definitely not blood." I watched her jaw drop, and this time I was the one snickering. "That's for being nosy."
"Please tell me that it was at least with your wife, B?"
"It was."
"Okay, good. The last thing that you two need is to be stepping out with other bitches, am I right?"
I hesitated on the top step with her just behind me, for only a split second, but knowing Quinn it was more than enough to get her mind going.
"Right. Thanks for getting Izzy ready. I'll be finished in fifteen minutes."
"Wait!" But I had already closed my bedroom door. There was nothing more to say.
At least not to Quinn.
I rushed through a shower and then getting dressed, before dropping to my knees and praying.
There wasn't much that I could really put words to, but I had read this story about a woman crying, and no one understanding but Jesus understood her heart.
Right then, I knew that's all I could do.
There was a knock on the door, then I heard it creak open.
I hoped it wasn't Quinn because I just didn't have time to answer her questions, but I was pleasantly surprised when two bodies knelt beside me.
"Dear Jesus, bless Mama, and Mami, and my brother and sister, and my cat, and my drums. Bless Beya and sissy in heaven, and all the sad people, and my whole entire family. Amen." Dani said before leaning against me. Izzy was whispering next to me so low that I couldn't hear him, then he said his "Amen" louder.
When I stood up, my kids were looking at me with big smiles.
Dani was still in her pajamas, but Izzy was dressed in his jersey and carrying his high-tops.
"Where's Mami?" Dani asked.
"She'll be home later. Titi Mari is picking you up in a bit to take you and Norah to get manicures and go shopping. Are you excited?"
"Yes!"
"Me too, pick a good color, okay?"
"Okay, Mama."
Quinn walked me to the door with Gia's monitor in her hands.
"Are you sure you're okay, B?"
"Thank you for watching Gia, we should be home in two hours. I'll let you know if we'll be any later." I kissed Q's cheek, and she frowned at me, but I didn't have the time. "Relax, I'm fine."
"Are you excited, Izzy?"
"Yes, Mama but where's Mami?"
"We are going to pick her up right now. She had a meeting."
"Oh okay, so she's coming to the game?"
"Yup."
"Awesome! You haven't come to my games together before." I looked back in the mirror and his face was all lit up.
"Well, that's going to change, Izzy. Now that we have this new home, me and Mami will try to come to all your games together if we can."
"But sometimes not, right?"
"Right, sometimes one of us won't make it because of work, but we will try our very best. Okay?"
"Okay, Mama. I get it, you have to dance and Mami has to have meetings, so I can't hog up all your time but I'm glad you're coming to my first one."
"Me too. You've gotten really good with dribbling."
"It's like soccer but with your hands, it's easy."
We pulled into the hotel parking lot, at first I hesitated on bringing Izzy inside but then I saw a guy come outside with a waffle hanging from his mouth as he fumbled with his keys.
I didn't think there was any harm, it's not like I was taking Izzy to the room.
"Are you hungry, buddy?"
"Yes!"
"Well, Mami's meeting place has breakfast set up. Want a good luck waffle?"
"Yes! That would be awesome, Mama."
"Then let's go."
I couldn't stop smiling while Ana cheered for Izzy from the sidelines.
This was his first game on the team but there Ana was encouraging all of the kids, calling them by their last names and patting their backs when they came off the court. She was the ultimate sports mom, and I seriously could watch her like that forever.
What made it even better was the look of pride on Izzy's face every time he did the right thing, and Ana screamed, "That's right, Lopez! Show 'em how it's done!" It was like he'd won unlimited waffles for life.
I could see how just a few weeks playing soccer in Lima had boosted Izzy's confidence more than New York ever had.
He had his own cheerleader.
She took every ounce of Cheerio that she had and put it into making our boy feel like he could do ANYTHING.
Izzy's team won by 26 points, and our son scored 10 of those points.
Ana picked him up and swung him around, not caring that he was sweaty.
I met them courtside and caught the tail end of the coach talking to my wife.
"You should be my assistant, these kids could use a cheerleader...someone to boost their confidence. Think about it."
"I'm not sure I can commit to all the practices. I have a lot on my plate."
"My number is on the game schedule, give me a call if you change your mind. The kids play best when parents are present and engaged."
"Thanks, my guy, I'll think about it." She said again before planting a big kiss on Izzy's cheek.
He grinned and then wiggled until she put him down.
"Did you see me, Mama?" He asked, jumping up and down in front of me.
"You are a rockstar, buddy!"
"I know...so does this mean that I can have a hoop?" He looked at us, preparing for us to say no but we were in agreement.
"Of course!" We both said and he whooped.
Ana held my hand as we followed Izzy out to the parking lot, she seemed steadier than she had been when I picked her up from the hotel.
Our children strengthened her more than anything else could because being a mom is what she did best.
It's what she was made to do.
Even though she'd barely slept and had to deal with something that could potentially break us, she was still showing up for Izzy.
Right there, she was answering a prayer that I had back when she was in rehab after the Elmo incident.
All I wanted was for her to show up for them.
The kids didn't ask to be here, she owed them a good life.
And she was definitely paying up.
Santana's POV
Watching Isaac on that court was like watching the best of me, Ian, and Britt combined.
He was so confident in himself and supportive of his teammates.
It was amazing to watch, and the idea of helping to coach him seemed like a dream.
My parents never showed up for me unless I was in deep shit, but for the good stuff they chose to work...or drink.
When Isaac asked me if he could play soccer in Lima, I vowed to always be there by any means necessary for whatever thing my kids decided to do.
Especially Isaac.
I wanted to be his cheerleader forever, because of all of our kids, he was the one that saved my life.
Without him, I'd be dead for sure, or I would have ended up back with Marco, letting him run me into the ground.
Isaac was the kid that made Britt stick around for me, and he was the one that I had nearly killed more than once.
So being able to stand on the sidelines and watch him thrive, felt better than anything I could have prayed for.
Even though I was exhausted, and sore from Iris' words, I didn't let any of that get in the way of being there for my son.
When we got to the car, I turned to Britt and said the only three words that I could think to say, hoping she'd understand. "I choose us."
Her eyes lit up, and she kissed my forehead. "Always and only you, Ana."
"And me?" Isaac said from the back seat.
Britt rolled her eyes. "Of course, you too, buddy...and your sisters. We have the best family."
"Yeah we do! So when can we get my hoop?"
I turned back to Isaac and touched his bouncing foot.
We'd already said yes but hadn't given him specifics.
From what I'd learned and witnessed, doing that to him made him spiral.
Open-ended answers made him fidget.
"First we need to go home, and you need to shower. You stink. Okay?"
"Okay, and then the hoop?" I rubbed his leg.
"After you shower and second get dressed, the third thing will be me pulling out my laptop so we can fourth, order your hoop. You remember how ordering works right?"
He rolled his eyes at me, just like I would. "Yes, just because you hit order doesn't mean it's coming right away. It takes time."
"Exactly. So, we will order it, and fifth I'll get Tío Saul to set it up when it comes but you have to be patient."
"Will you tell me the delivery date?"
"I will put it on the big board in kitchen."
He nodded, and then rubbed my hand.
"Thanks for explaining, Mami."
"You're welcome. So, remind me, what are we going to do first?"
"Go home to shower because I stink, second get dressed, third get your laptop, fourth order my hoop. Then I am patient until it comes, then fifth, Tío will set it up for me."
"Amazing!" I threw my hands up in triumph. "You hear your son, B, he's a genius like you!"
"Of course, he is, Ana, he's our kid."
Everything was going according to plan until it wasn't.
Isaac was lying flat on the floor, wailing like I'd punched him in the face and nothing I did was helping.
Britt was across the street at Sandra's picking up Gia from Quinn, and I was trying and failing to pay for a hoop.
I went through my entire wallet and card after card was getting declined.
Fuck.
What was going on?
"Isaac Aden, you need to relax once Mama gets home, I'll use her card. It will be okay."
"That wasn't the plan!" He yelled, and then lifted his head up before slamming it against the carpet.
"Hey, no!" I was on the floor with my hands holding his head still before he could even try that shit again.
"Get off me! My boundary. Get off, please?!" He yelled.
"You can't bang your head into things."
"Get off, get off, get off! My boundary, my boundary!" He kept yelling and it took everything in me to not lose it.
That's how Britt found us, with me straddling his back with my hands holding his head on the floor while he screamed for me to get off him.
"What are you doing, Santana?"
"He was banging his head on the floor, I couldn't let him."
"Izzy, when Mami gets up, you can't bang your head, okay. I need you to tell me you won't bang your head."
"Get off, please! I won't bang it, please, get off!"
I got up, and he curled himself into a ball, crying even harder.
"I'm sorry, Papa, I just...I just didn't want you to be hurt. I'm sorry." I leaned over him, and he flinched when I touched his face. "Mami's sorry." I whispered but he went still and wouldn't respond. I stepped back, feeling so fucking guilty.
We were so good. I felt like the worst.
All I could think of was him flinching from my touch. Had I become my father?
I didn't want my kids to EVER be afraid of me.
"Give him some space, okay. Just take the baby, I've got him." B said, shoving Gia into my arms.
I watched B get down next to Isaac and whisper to him, it was a callback to that time when he was being violent to her and all he wanted was me...except in that moment it was her that he needed.
He was in a rage, and she understood him.
Gia was watching with rapt attention while she chewed on a cookie.
Nosy.
It took B twenty minutes to get Isaac to sit up from the floor and talk to her.
When he did, his voice was shaking, and his eyes were on his slippers.
The last vestige of Elmo that he had left.
And that was like a gut punch.
Was he remembering that time in his life?
I honestly, hoped he would forget and that I never would.
That time in my life was fueling the kind of parent I had become.
So maybe jumping over him wasn't the best move but I wasn't hurting him, especially not more than he could have hurt himself, I was sure of it.
But that didn't stop me from tearing up a little.
The last thing I wanted was to hurt my kids-ever again.
Britt's joint cards all declined but her personal account went through immediately.
That's how I knew that something was up.
After I got Gia down for a nap, and Britt settled Isaac down in his room with his tablet after checking that he seemed okay. He'd had a concussion once before and wasn't showing any signs but she still called his doctor, as I stood there hovering, and the doctor gave us instructions to just monitor him.
For an hour while I got the baby settled, B played games with him and finally he asked her for some alone time to watch a basketball game. He called it his boy time, which only made me want to give him a brother, but I wasn't sure another pregnancy was the right thing.
After his breakdown, we weren't going to argue with him, especially since we still had baby camera monitors up in all the kids' rooms.
Britt loved basketball but she backed off, because he normally didn't want to be alone...if he was asking, he needed it.
We watched Isaac mimicking moves from the game for a while, until we were sure he was okay.
It was only then that B got me to lay down for a while because she was convinced I needed a nap, but I was wired.
"I can't sleep."
"You didn't even try, baby."
"Because I can't. Isaac hates me and my accounts won't work. Why does the universe hate me, B?"
"Izzy doesn't hate you. He told me he hopes the hoop comes soon, that's his focus. I asked him if he was okay, and he explained that you were trying to help him, but he was scared that he couldn't get his hoop. He didn't want to hurt you. When he used to lose control, he'd hurt me. He knows that and was scared he'd hurt you too. He sees you as this fragile thing that he wants to protect."
"But I'm his mom, he doesn't need to protect me."
"Well, he wants to, and I don't think it's a bad thing for him to want to protect us. He just needs to learn to communicate that. I told him that after his alone time, he should talk to you about how he feels, and he agreed. He doesn't hate you, his brain just was focused on the hoop, and then you were on him. He felt like he was losing control. That's it."
"Oh."
"Hey, you're not going to get being a Mami right 100% of the time but from where I'm watching, you're amazing, Baby."
"Thanks, B."
Britt sighed, snuggling closer to me so that our lips were nearly touching. I leaned forward and kissed her lips, feeling at peace just for that moment.
When I pulled back, B was smirking. "I missed your random kisses, never stop."
"You got it, B."
We kissed a bit more, and when she bit my lip I moaned. I was zoning out when she pulled away. I could understand the stuff with Isaac but that didn't explain what was going on with my money.
I wanted so much to be in that moment with her, but my mind was still whirling.
"Ana?"
"Hmm?"
"You're not going to let me enjoy having you in bed until you figure this out, are you?" She pouted and I kissed her lip.
"I wish I could let you enjoy this. Shit, I'm exhausted, B...don't you think I want to sleep but the world is falling apart. How can I sleep?"
"You just do it. The world will still be a mess later. You'll be better able to deal with it, if you sleep."
Her logic wasn't wrong, my brain did feel like it was at its limit.
"But what if Isaac needs the hospital, or the baby needs me...or my sisters break the door down?"
"I will get him to the hospital, you have backup for the baby, Quinn didn't want to let her go. If your sisters show up, I will kick them out. I was serious, I'm not going to let them back you into a corner."
"You're sure?"
"Yes."
"Will you hold me until I fall asleep?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
2 MONTHS LATER
JANUARY
Brittany's POV
"You're sure about this?"
"Yes, Mama." Izzy smiled up at me as we stepped into the cemetery. He clutched the roses in his gloved hand and was reading the tombstones as we walked the stone path.
Lima was still rebuilding, and with the help of all the money that Ana had paid out the cemetery was one of the first places that was restored to a place of beauty instead of morbid chaos.
A lot of the tombstones were blown to pieces, thankfully the bomb was on land and didn't bring any bodies out of the graves.
Still, people were having issues finding their families.
Thankfully, that was different by the time we needed to be there.
Izzy had to do a family tree project for school and wanted to know more about Ian.
Ana had pulled out pictures, and even a few videos of Ian playing football, and Izzy was soaking it all in.
He begged us to come to Lima so that he could see Ian's grave, he wanted to talk to him.
We'd flown all the way to Chicago, to stay with my parents because Ana didn't want to go back to Lima.
She didn't feel worthy of setting foot there, even though her money was helping to rebuild everything, but for Izzy she made an exception.
But he knew her.
Even at barely 7, he could see how much all of this was getting to her, so he'd gotten me up early in the morning, and asked me to bring him...just the two of us.
I'd asked Ana the same question that I'd asked him, after I told her that he wanted it to be the two of us and she didn't argue.
"I'll hang out with your mom and the girls, take your dad with you. Just in case. Okay? And call me when you get there. Take pictures, but don't let him know you're taking pictures." She kissed me over and over, then hugged me tight. "You're the best wife, I'm so glad that we got over that hump. I don't know what I'd do without you, Britt Britt."
My son had gotten dressed in his favorite button-up, and a bow tie for this.
Then he asked if we could meet up with Tori afterwards so that he could ask her some questions, luckily she was home on Christmas break.
"Yeah, actually if you want, if he's okay with it...maybe I could take him for a little while. I'd love to spend some time with my nephew."
When I told Izzy, he folded up his notebook with all the family tree information in it and tried to shove it in his coat pocket, but I ended up holding onto it.
I used to hate Ian for his place between me and Santana but seeing the kid that he had signed over to me...well, I couldn't have anything but love for the guy.
He wasn't that bad after all, I'd choose him over any other guy 100 times over.
It wasn't fair that the good guy was dead, and the crappy ones got to live.
As we walked closer to where Ana had directed me, I tried to not let my mind go down the rabbit hole because my sister should be around, growing up and experiencing all the goodness in life.
Getting her drivers' license, sneaking out to nerd parties, and loving up on her nieces and nephew.
Life wasn't fair.
Izzy shouldn't be visiting Ian in a cemetery and laying down roses at his grave but there he was with his fingers tracing over Ian's name well spelling it out loud.
"I-A-N P-E-R-K-I-N-S"
I stood back on the stone path, and let him have a moment, I sent a picture to Ana while he talked to the headstone.
She sent me back a broken heart emoji.
Tori told me she's taking him out to lunch. What are you going to do with your time?-Ana
Gonna walk around town with Dad. He hasn't been back either-Britt
Will you send me pictures?-Ana
You could always come meet us.-Britt
I shouldn't.-Ana
Why not, the bad guys are in federal prison. Far away from each other-Britt
I'll explain later. I promise!-Ana
Wyd?-Britt
Nails. :)-Ana
She sent me a picture of Mom and Dani with their feet in the foot spas, then one of Gia's hands getting painted pink.
They were having an actual girls day, without stressing.
Are you getting yours done?-Britt
Nah, I'm coming back with you tomorrow. Taking my baby mama on a date ;) We gotta celebrate our wedding anniversary in the place we got married!-Ana
Sounds like a plan.-Britt
I was grinning when Izzy called my name.
"Mama?"
When I looked up at him, my smile faded because he was crying.
"Yes, Buddy?"
"Can you take a picture, so I can put it on my poster?"
Anyone else would have questioned him, but I knew Izzy, he only asked if he had thought of something over and over.
He was trying to work through his intrusive thoughts, the ones that had him stuck in loops, so I knew he'd thought this through probably from the moment he'd asked to come.
I crouched down and made sure to get Ian's name in the picture, while Izzy stood there with his arm over the back of it with a rose in his hand.
He looked posed, which was something Ana did with the kids, teaching them how to 'serve face', which was one of our family silly things...walking an invisible catwalk and posing.
We did it so much that it was a habit now.
"Did you get it?" He asked after I snapped about ten pictures.
"Yup."
"Great." Then he touched the Ian's name again and bowed his head. "Thank you for giving me to Mami and Mama. I love you." Then he turned back to me and held out his hand, "I'm ready to go now."
"Okay."
"Did you want to say anything to him?"
"Maybe another time." Izzy seemed content with that answer as he began to walk, pulling me with him.
I wasn't sure we'd ever go back to that place, but I was happy that he'd gone there because he wanted to, and he had pictures as a reminder.
Ana pressed her ass back against me as she let the music overtake her.
The club was dark, and I felt sweaty, but she came alive...and it made me long for a timeline where she wasn't addicted, and we got to go out and enjoy our 20s.
But as my fingers trailed under her shirt, over her abs and stretch marks, I knew that this timeline was more than I could have asked for.
"I love you." I whispered in her ear as the song came to end.
She turned around and put her arms over my shoulders, smiling at me with dancing eyes.
"I love you too, Britt Britt."
When a crazy beat and piano riff came on, her eyes squinted and then her voice came blasting through the speakers.
Her jaw dropped when she watched people mouthing her words, dancing their hearts out all around us.
She'd been out of touch.
Some of it because the feds had been investigating our family connection to the Motta's, having frozen her assets indefinitely, and partly because she was avoiding Iris, who just wouldn't take no for an answer.
Mercedes had kept me in the loop though, her album went platinum, and the song she had with Ana was triple platinum.
Any time I tried to bring up her music, my wife would change the subject.
She'd been serious about giving it up, believing that's what killed Angel, and had been standing firm in her belief for nearly a year.
But I couldn't let that happen any longer.
She was Grammy nominated for a second time, and this time I was going to make sure that she allowed herself to enjoy it.
We stood in the center of the dance floor, my arms around her hips as I kept us moving while she just followed my steps and stared in awe.
"You did this for me, didn't you?" She asked when we were sitting in the cab a little while later.
"I did, you need to get back in the studio."
"No."
"Baby, you're made to be famous...you were born a star."
"Music has been a distraction. Marco and Papi were right all those years ago."
"No. They weren't."
"They were."
I pulled out my phone and did not care even a little bit that it was 5am in New York.
"Yeah?" Marco's groggy voice came through the speaker.
"Hi Marco, it's Brittany."
"Okay, everything alright?"
"Santana thinks that you were right about music being a distraction."
"If she believes that she's an idiot. Music is what she was put on this Earth to do. Not this little school thing, or the businesses, it's always been music."
"See." I said to her, and she groaned.
"Thanks, Moncho, keep it rolling. Bye!" She said before ending the call.
"Did you just say keep it rolling to a man in a wheelchair?"
She cackled and nodded, "I did."
"Oh baby, you're a mess."
"I'm your mess though, B."
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Good, besides that man will probably forget that conversation in the morning. I'm surprised he answered, he's always been a heavy sleeper."
"It was meant to be. I know you have legal stuff, and school but your piano is collecting dust. It makes me sad."
"But Angel..." She said, with so much doubt on her face.
"Is okay, in heaven with your mom and my sister. You didn't kill her, okay?"
"You say that, but you don't know."
"I do. You took daily walks, you ate right, and you went to all of your appointments. This happens because it happens, it's not on you."
"So, you're okay if I play again?"
"Yes, I'd also be okay if you never stopped."
MARCH
Santana's POV
"This is the one I want, Mami. Please can I have it?" Daniela was holding up a child sized guitar that she had been begging me for ever since she'd seen Coco.
The Feds had released only the money I had made from songwriting but were still holding onto my business assets, so while we had some money, we were on a strict budget...one that didn't include new instruments.
My sisters had gotten all of their money back, including their inheritance but I was still being investigated, and it seemed that until I was cleared I was on the family shit list even if no one said so.
Celia was cooped up in New Haven with Quinn, trying to hide her pregnancy from the family until she was out of the danger zone.
Mari was working on a new specialty so was at home less, leaving the kids with me or Sandra on nights that her and Saul both were on call.
And then there was Sandra, who had tried to warn me of what was coming while facing her own divorce battle, she was the one who it hurt to be cut off from the most.
Sometimes I'd catch her eyes while I was outside cheering on Isaac while he worked on his jump shot with Daniela, and each time Sandra looked like she wanted to say something but would just get in her car and leave.
I had wanted to keep the kids out of it, and thanks to Britt they were still getting together with their cousins, but I wasn't welcome, my sister had made that clear to her.
Celia and Mari didn't want to get in between me and Sandra, so all conversations were superficial.
And I was left to handle things on my own.
First living off the cash I'd stashed, and Britt's salary until her parents hit her up for help...then I had to figure my own way since their lack of money was my fault.
I sold some of my shoes, and purses...I rented books instead of buying them at school and we downsized to one car to save on gas which meant a lot of carpooling.
So, when Daniela asked me for the guitar for the millionth time while I searched for the cheapest music sheets I could find, I felt close to snapping.
But I looked into her eyes, the same ones that didn't mind when I told her that this year her Christmas gifts were also her birthday gifts, and I knew I couldn't deny her.
She loved music just as much as I did, and I knew that she'd use that guitar until it fell apart.
Her lessons in school had been stunted because they didn't have enough guitars for the class, so they each had to share with another kid, and when it was her week she played nonstop.
I kept feeding her excuses, with the intention of getting her the best guitar when my money was back, and now that a little chunk was, I felt like I couldn't deny her any longer.
"You'll practice every day?"
"Yes, Mami."
"And you'll keep it out of your sister's reach, right? You remember how she ripped your bongo, right?"
"Yes, Mami. I'll take good care of it. I'm older now. Please?"
"How much is it?" I asked as she caressed the thing.
I had to admit that it was beautiful.
"199.99." She said with sad eyes. I knew I didn't have enough. "I can find something else...if it's too much." She said, and I felt my heart melt. Leave it to MY child to pick up a mahogany Fender guitar. She had an eye for quality and came by it honestly.
I knew for a fact that B had just sent her father a thousand dollars, and then was scrambling to pay for sneakers for Isaac now that he was hitting a growth spurt.
This music money was supposed to carry us, and a 200 guitar was going to hurt our budget.
"Okay, go pick out a case while I pay for it." She gave me the guitar and ran to the other side of the store. "Walk!" I called after her, and she slowed down just as she was about to trip over the edge of a display that I could definitely not afford to replace. I hated needing to lean on other people, but in this case, I couldn't let her down.
Hey, I need a favor-San
What's up?-Q
Daniela asked for a 200 guitar. I can't say no.-San
Say less, sending it now.-Q
Really?-San
You paid for my degree, Santana. I've got your back.-Q
Thank you!-San
Tell her I want a private concert when I'm back in town!-Q
You got it. I'll pay you back!-San
It can be a gift from me, don't even think about paying it back!-Q
You sure?-San
Yes.-Q
Mami had been less help than I realized.
Sure, she'd gotten me off with contingences when I was in trouble, but the lawyer that took on my case as a favor to Sal was the real deal.
After months of investigation, the Motta's scapegoat was saddled with doing the dealings, and I had been found not guilty on 9 out of 10 charges.
There was just one that stuck, and there was no getting out of it.
I hadn't known any better when I first got in bed with Nico and Carmen and trusted them to use my building...the defunct New York Lima Bean to fight trafficking when I didn't know they had a hand in it.
They used it to launder money in my name.
My signature was on the documents that I didn't bother to read because I trusted them.
How my lawyer negotiated NO jail time and a misdemeanor instead of a felony, was inconceivable to me.
One year of community service, which I was already doing as an assistant coach, and restitution of 1 million plus court fees was all that I ended up with.
I had been in class when I got the call, and ended up crying in the hallway, because after all of that stress, and having to lean on other people to take care of MY family, I basically got a slap on the wrist.
Maybe God didn't hate me after all.
"Hey, are you okay?"
It'd been three months since I had ended things with Iris.
We'd slept together one time after that night, it'd been between classes and she'd been avoiding my chest like it was going to burn her.
That was all it took for me to tear into her.
Outside of a cordial relationship in class, I stopped talking to her and she seemed okay with it at first, but then when it was nearly our last time being lab partners, she'd taken my hand in hers and asked me to forgive her because she hadn't been sleeping.
She'd been torn up about how she'd acted, and I said that I forgave her, but I didn't want to be friends.
But she still called.
And texted.
And emailed.
The new semester started, and we had one class together, and it was just my luck that the call came while we were in it.
She stood in front of me with a glow to her skin, and her hair freshly highlighted.
"I'm fine." I wiped away my tears and shot a text to B and then my sister.
Just got good news, heading home early. I can pick you up at the train later-Ana
Awesome, baby, I should be there in a few hours. I'll let you know when I leave here. I can't wait to see you!-Britt
I love you!-Ana
I love you!-Britt
I'm on my way home. If you have time, I'd like to take you to lunch so we can talk. Are you available?-Santana
"I know you said that you don't want to be friends. I just...miss you, Santana." Iris reached for my hand, but I shoved it in my pocket and took a step back.
"That sounds like a personal problem. Nothing has changed. I'm still a mom, my kids and my wife come first. It was fun, but that's all it was. I need you to get over it, don't be pathetic, Iris. It doesn't suit you."
"Damn, that's rude."
"Well, what do you want me to say? You made me feel like shit on the bottom of your shoe, I've been that way too many times in my life...never again."
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, you are. I gotta go. Have a nice life. I wish so much for you. Bye Iris."
My phone buzzed as I began to walk away, and I felt like crying. I missed my sister so much.
I'd like that. Drive safe. I love you-Sandra
"Do you?" She called after me, and I thought to ignore her, but I was in a good mood.
I looked back and nodded, "I do. I wish you on yourself with a dash of self-realization, and when that day comes, I hope that the hurt you feel doesn't break you like it almost broke me."
"Oh."
"Bye." I went back into the class to grab my bag, before leaving for the day.
There was a conversation that I needed to have, now that I didn't feel like the lowest of low.
And there was about fifteen apologies I needed to give, because I couldn't hold Iris to a standard that I couldn't hold myself to.
It was time for the Santana G. Lopez redemption tour.
First stop, Sandra, and then Britt.
After that, I'd live my apologies instead of just making them empty regret announcements...I needed to be more intentional.
Not having money taught me that.
Watching my daughter play her heart out on her new guitar, because I had put aside my own pride taught me even more.
I hoped to God that I'd kept learning lessons from my family and my kids.
And that those lessons helped me grow.
I'd been stunted for long enough.
My sister sat across from me looking like a ghost of herself. From afar I hadn't seen the way that everything was having an effect on her.
She had dark circles under her eyes and had lost weight.
Even though she looked like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, she still looked at me with love.
"Talk to me, Santana. I'm listening."
"I'm sorry that I lied to you. I won't make excuses because those don't matter as much as the truth does. At my lowest, you supported me and the first thing I should have done when getting clean should have been to sit you down and tell you the truth."
"Are you prepared to do that now?"
I felt my heart race, because there was so much I'd done but I owed my sister the truth.
"Yes."
"Have you learned your lesson?"
"I've learned many. One of the biggest is that no matter how much I think I've got things figured out, I can't make deals that affect my family and friends just because I think I won't get caught. I need to do better than my parents, and I will."
"How can I be sure of that, Santana?"
"You let me handle my money even when you had control of it, I propose a do over. You resume control until I turn 30…or at least until I prove to you that I've turned over a new leaf. That means that I'll include you in every move from here on out."
"Not just me."
"Huh?"
"They froze Celia and Mari's money too, you include all of us in those moves."
"You want me to go through 3 people?"
"I think you need your own board of directors, so to speak, Santana. It's what CEOs have to do, answer to a board and for you that should be your sisters, Walker, and Rob. We have held you together, so if you are serious about proving that your intentions from here on out are pure, then you'll consult all of us when it matters most."
"Deal."
"And you'll make more of an effort to be a part of this family all the time, not just when your marriage is in trouble. Mari and I have been taking turns hosting family dinners. I think it's your turn."
"I'd like that too."
"One last thing, because I need you to know that I celebrate you."
"Yeah?"
"No more hiding your light under a bushel. You won a Grammy, your album is coming out soon, and you're killing it at school. Those are things to be shared with your family, not hidden away. Don't be Papi, guarding your secrets so much that it turns you bitter. You need to be better."
"I agree."
"Good."
"Can I ask something of you?"
"Okay."
"Stop carrying us so much, put down your load. Let us step in with the kids and let go of control. It's killing you, Sandra. Johnny is trash, he had a secret fucking family all these years and thinks he can divorce you to marry some trash…that's not on you."
"I was cold, Santana, he wanted to move to Miami, and I said no. I put you girls and our kids over him."
"That doesn't mean you need to be punished. You'll get through this, I will help however I can. Just don't hide your light either. You're amazing, he can't steal that away. Okay?"
"Okay, I'll try to stop taking on too much."
"Good."
"I missed you, Santana. I see you at Izzy's games and you're just amazing as the assistant coach. You've grown so much, keep it up. I'm proud of you."
I'd seen her at the games with the kids, all cheering for Isaac, and I would wave sometimes but she wouldn't meet my eyes.
"Oh God, I didn't wear the right make-up for this." I dabbed my eyes and smiled at my big sister. "Thanks. Hopefully, next season, you'll let Tito play right alongside Isaac."
"If anyone can get him to be excited about playing sports, I know it's you."
"Once a cheerleader, always a cheerleader."
A/N: Time jump up next. Fluff is the hardest for me to write, send me good vibes, homies. Hope you're well. Stay safe.-NR.