Changes (Black Sabbath)
OCTOBER
Santana's POV
"Are you sure you want to come, B?"
"You've asked me that about six times. I told you already that I should still pay my respects even though I didn't get along with Marco all the time. He gave us Gigi and Angel even when we weren't on good terms, and even though it wasn't his plan, he gave us Dani."
"I know; it's just that the last time I was in DR, it was my honeymoon with him. His family will be there, and I don't want you to be uncomfortable."
Britt sighed and stopped packing her suitcase, throwing her hands up instead. "When you heard they were doing the funeral in the Dominican Republic, YOU asked me to be there to support you. Didn't you, or am I just imagining that?"
"No… you're right, I did ask."
"And I said yes without complaining, right?"
"Right." I shrugged.
"Then please stop asking me if I'm sure about going because I've already told you my answer. We are going as a family to support Dani and Gigi. The tickets are booked, our passports are updated, and we already told Aurelio we'd be there."
"Okay, shit, I'm sorry, okay?" I said as I covered up my face to hide the fresh tears that I hadn't been able to overcome since Aurelio had identified the body.
Britt wrapped her arms around me and kissed my face. "Let it out; stop pretending you're not upset."
"He hurt me so fucking bad for so long. I shouldn't be upset like this."
"But it's okay that you are. Feel what you need to feel."
I pulled back and looked into her eyes, "What about you, Britt? What are you feeling?"
"I'm a little sad. Marco was like my rival. I think once he became a priest and stopped being so psycho, he became a better guy. I just wish I realized that before I tried to bash his head in."
"Let's not think about that one bad moment anymore, B. He came around in the end and was kinder to you."
"Yeah, I know, and I was kinder to him too."
"He noticed, and so did I; that's why he backed off visitation once you were home for good. He felt like the kids had the stable parent back."
"That's rude of him to say."
"Well, he wasn't a saint." I chuckled.
"Ohhh, that's a good name. We should tell Dani that." Britt perked up, but I shook my head.
"No. Our grandbaby already has Nico and Carmen for grandparents, and Sugar too…he needs a normal name."
"Saint is beautiful."
"And an omen. Giving your child a strong name gives them a lot to live up to."
"Like you."
"Yeah, I guess so, I'm named after a saint, and my life has been shit."
"Not all of it."
"I know, B, because of you and our kids, it's been pretty fucking spectacular lately."
"We are pretty awesome." She said and then began humming.
I rested in Britt's arms as she danced us around the room, I began to sing the words to Songbird as she hummed it, and when the tears came this time, I let them.
Even Marco deserved to be mourned.
"My son was born with his eyes wide open and mouth closed. The doctors made him cry, but he didn't stay that way. He was kind to animals, to children, but most of all, to his mother. For the first eight years of his life, he followed her around like she was a God. For many people, who met him after Sofia's death, it's hard for them to imagine him as a sweet boy."
"That's for sure." Britt muttered, and I elbowed her ribs as we sat by the lake on Aurelio's property.
Aurelio looked our way, gave a curt nod towards Britt, and then continued.
"Marco Aurelio Vega was a powerhouse attorney, a loyal friend, and a servant of our Lord, but the title that meant the most to him was Papa. He left behind two beautiful daughters and a host of godchildren, and an ex-wife who he loved until the day he died."
Now Aurelio was looking at me, and I didn't cower; instead, I kept my head high. People looked at me as I sat in the front row with my wife and our children, but I didn't look at anyone but Aurelio.
And when he held the black urn towards me, I got up and held it close to my body.
A million thoughts went through my mind as I thought of my long history with my ex-husband. The scales had balanced out. He'd done something equally amazing for every terrible thing he'd done to me. How could I put that into words without sounding crazy?
Britt smiled at me, and the little bit of fidgeting I'd been doing faded; that amazing smile seemed all I needed to remember my words.
Gia was sitting on Isaac's lap, holding tightly to the teddy bear Marco had gotten her for her birthday. Daniela looked nauseated as she held tightly to Britt's hand.
"Hi, I'm Santana Lopez; I am the ex-wife, as many of you know. Marco was never an easy man to love, and he liked it that way. He was complicated but incredibly easy to understand if you got close enough to pay attention. He carried the weight of his mother and his prima, Ariana, to the end. He once told me that there are few people that he LOVED more than his own life. I was counted in that number, as were all three of my children. He fathered my daughters but always paid special attention to my son from the beginning. When I needed counsel about anything, he was there for me. I hated him most days, but I could never deny my love for him. Without drugs or the losses he suffered, I could see the man that he had the potential to be. For the girls, he gave his best self. His demons, though, are the same ones I deal with because of him, they won in the end, and I know he's pissed off about it wherever he is. I'll miss being able to call him out and how he had my back when the chips were down. You were a pendejo, but you were mine. Thank you for being what I needed in the end. Rest easy, Viejo." I said, and then just as Aurelio had asked, I tipped some of the ashes into the lake.
I stood at the water's edge, thinking of the many times I was near death in my 32 years; it ached how many people I had to say goodbye to.
Life was just too short.
Tomorrow wasn't promised, and I needed to be better because of it.
The worry I felt at Marco's family judging Britt was unfounded.
It was like she was fucking royalty when she walked into Aurelio's house. Everyone wanted to meet the woman who had gone to jail after beating Marco's ass.
Everyone wanted to know the real story, and when Britt saw Ari's mom, they hugged for ten minutes straight after Britt showed her a picture of Ari's pointe shoes hanging up in her studio.
Gia was running around with her little cousins, and Isaac was standing side by side with Aurelio asking him questions while he cooked.
Marco would have loved to see all the love being shared on his behalf; all the laughter and joy that permeated the house was indescribable.
It was like without the heaviness that Marco could bring to a room; everyone seemed lighter and more like Mami's family.
How long had it been since I visited my family in PR?
My kids knew very little about my extended family because I had assumed they would judge our two-mom family, so I hadn't even given them a chance.
Maybe it was time to change that.
Daniela sat at the kitchen table playing dominoes with a few of Ari's brothers when her face went pale.
"Mamita, are you okay?"
"Bathroom." She said softly, and Ari's brothers pointed towards the back porch.
I watched Daniela sprint out the back door and knew the secret of her pregnancy that she had begged us to keep for as long as possible was about to be out in the open.
With Britt still having story time, and the kids all occupied, I followed Daniela to the bathroom.
She hunched over the toilet with her hair in her fist as she vomited.
I filled a paper cup with water and held it out for her, but she shook her head as another wave hit her.
She was shaking and then sobbing between the waves.
"Papa should be here." She finally said after a few moments when everything seemed to pass.
"I know. I'm sorry that he's not."
"He overdosed in a fucking gutter." She said, closing the toilet seat before sitting down on it.
I flushed it and handed her the cup again. "Drink it, trust me."
She nodded and gulped down the water before shaking the cup at me.
I refilled the cup as often as she needed, then crouched in front of her, taking her hands in mine.
Her chestnut-colored eyes were so vulnerable as she stared at me. "How clean are you, Mami?"
"Ouch."
"I'm serious, Papa was slipping, and I knew it, but I didn't check in on him as I should have. I won't make that mistake again, so please, how clean are you?"
"Squeaky clean, Beba. I haven't touched drugs in years."
"How many?"
The truth was after I hit five years, I stopped keeping count, but I knew I needed to give her a number.
"Eight years."
"And your cravings?"
I couldn't lie to her. "Truthfully, I want coke every moment of every day. Sometimes just a little, and other times, a lot, but I don't shove down those feelings anymore. I go to meetings and church, and I'm honest with my sponsor on bad days."
"Have you had a lot of bad days?"
"Well, the night before we came here was a bad day. It was the anniversary of your Abuelo's death, and for some reason, even though it's been 13 years, I felt like it had just happened."
"So, what did you do?"
"I called my therapist and then went in for a session. She went with me to a meeting, and then I called Walker. I did everything an addict needs to do to keep their head above water. When I felt less crazy, your Mama took me to her theater and had me play the piano while she danced."
"That's beautiful, Mami."
"I want to be here for you, Beba. It's more important than ever that you know that I am here, and I'm working every day to be better for myself and for you kids."
"I love you, Mami."
There was a knock at the door, and Daniela looked panicked. "I love you too, Beba. Want me to distract people while you have a moment?"
"Please?"
"Say less, I gotchu." I kissed her face and then slipped out onto the back porch.
Britt stood there looking concerned. I leaned up and kissed her worried face, then hugged her tight.
"Everything okay?" She said as she hugged me back, rocking us a bit.
"Morning sickness, there's a lot of scents in there with the food and all the colognes; she was overwhelmed."
"Oh. Well, Aurelio kicked everyone who's not staying here out. He said Dani gave him a good excuse to send them packing."
"B?"
"Yeah?"
"Tell me everything is going to be okay."
She buried her face against my neck and inhaled before pulling back and smirking at me. "Everything is going to be okay, Ana Banana."
"Thank you."
"Anytime."
We stood guard outside the bathroom until Daniela came out a few minutes later with a freshly washed face and a small smile. "Thanks, goobers." She teased.
"Don't listen to her, B; she's still grumpy that Nikolai couldn't come with us."
"He was Papa's godson; he should have been here." Daniela insisted.
"See what I mean, totally a grump." I said, and Britt grinned.
"A grumpus!" She declared, and Daniela rolled her eyes.
"The grumpiest grumpus." I added, and Britt grinned.
It wasn't often that I gave into my silly side, but right then, when I felt the weight of everything on my shoulders, I had to give in even if Daniela thought we were weird.
"You two are total dorks."
"Hey! We are two-thirds of the unholy trinity; you take that back!" Britt said, and Daniela rolled her eyes.
"It's not a trinity if you don't have a third." She said, and that hit way too hard.
I pulled away from Britt. "Not cool." I said as the tears began to flood my eyes.
Not wanting to seem like a total wuss, I walked away from them to catch my breath.
With my back to them, I wiped my tears as I leaned against the railing. I hated that Quinn's dismissal of me had my emotions so out of whack.
There was no doubt that I was losing Q, and there didn't seem to be anything I could do about it.
And Daniela knew how I felt, which is why I was fuming because bringing up the fact that Quinn was not talking to me was a sore subject.
And I was not ready to hear anyone joke about it.
"See what you did. Go inside and see if your Abuelo needs help." Britt scolded Daniela, and my stubborn kid did as she was told without an argument for once.
"Ana?" Britt called me.
"Just leave it, B."
"No. You need to tell me what happened between you two."
"It's just like I said; she chose Celia. My sister who fucking beats her gets higher priority."
"Didn't you choose me over her time and time again?" Britt countered, but I wasn't hearing it.
"I'm tired, B. I just want to go to bed. Can we do that after dinner?" I turned to her and could see her typing on her phone. "B?"
"Answer your phone, talk to her; I'll be inside waiting." She kissed my face and then walked away as my phone chimed.
I thought she was getting Quinn to talk to me, but it was my sister.
Celia had been back from rehab for only a few months, and from what I knew, she was back in Connecticut working on her sobriety while Q stayed in New York, but I could never be sure.
I thought having Quinn across the hall would be a great opportunity to reconnect, but she was like a ghost.
Younger versions of ourselves would be so fucking disappointed in what we'd become.
"Hello?" I said as I sat on the back steps that overlooked the rest of Aurelio's land.
"How's DR?" Celia asked, sounding zoned out.
"It's okay, half vacation, half mourning…it's a little odd."
"I haven't made amends to you yet, have I?"
"There's no need. You weren't in your right mind when we fought."
"Not about that."
"Then what?"
"I blamed all my marital problems on you and your kids because I felt inadequate. I did everything possible to break up your friendship with Quinn, and now I'm paying the price."
"We both are." I said as I picked at my nails, wishing like hell that I had a file.
"For what it's worth, I told her that she should talk to you."
"I think me and Q are past talking, Ceily. There's a lot of shit that has gone unsaid; it's made her bitter. It's not all on you."
"Well, just know that I won't interfere. You two are adults, and I can't keep seeing you as those same high schoolers, who were half friends, have fuck buddies."
"We never were…we kissed, but I promise you, Ceily, we have only had sex four times."
"Four?"
"Does she say something different?"
"Yeah, she says a dozen."
"Well, that's a fucking lie. I know you don't want to hear, but the first time was when we were 12 and had no idea what we were doing. The second time was in my treehouse, and the third was in her shower after Marco made me have sex with him with Q in the car. On the fourth, I was half out of my mind. That was the last time."
"She says that she took care of you every time Marco hurt you, which was way more than four times. Don't even get me started on her spanking you when you needed her too."
"Well yeah, but that wasn't sex. It was Quinn holding me and cleaning me up when I was at my lowest; it wasn't sexy or carnal. Trust me, nothing about her comforting me when I was all jacked up was sexual."
"Oh well, that's not how I understood it. I can't for the life of me understand how you and Britt didn't just date her instead of Sugar."
"It's complicated besides, Sis. I begged you two not to get together. Do you remember that?"
"Yeah, I do."
"I knew back then that she and I had a complicated history, and I didn't want you wrapped up in it. I didn't want to see you hurt. The only time we had sex when you were together was the last time, and I regret it. I broke my marriage vows, and that act led me to break my sobriety. I nearly killed myself after that. Never again have I gone there with her."
"Well, I feel like an ass."
"Did you make amends with her?"
"She won't hear it."
"No?"
"No. Q quit her job and is planning to move the kids to Spain or some far-away place."
"What?"
"It's what I deserve; she nearly lost her ability to walk because of my dumb ass. I get what you mean when you say you lost your mind when you crossed the line because I think I did more than once. I wanted to die that day that I crashed the car, and I wanted her to die with me."
"That's fucked up."
"Yeah, I know…thank you for bailing me out and dragging my ass to the hospital. I shouldn't have hit you then, and I shouldn't have gone after you the next day, either. I'm sorry."
"Thanks."
"Let's go for a run when you get back, then maybe we can hit up a meeting together."
"I'd like that."
"Great, and Ana?"
"Yes?"
"She may never forgive me, but keep at her, Q may think she can do life alone, but she needs you way more than she'll ever admit."
"Yeah?"
"Yes…now go be with your family. I have a painting to finish."
"I'm proud of you, Ceily…I know how hard this is. No matter what, I'm here. Got it?"
"Got it."
Quinn's POV
For seven long months, I stayed locked away in that penthouse while the world moved around me.
My wife was in rehab for four months and had chosen to sequester herself in Connecticut once she was out.
Our kids were being shuffled back and forth between us by one of her sisters every few days, but we hadn't spoken.
She'd been so calm when she picked me up from work back in March, and she didn't even smell like alcohol, but then the barrage of insults started.
I had forgotten Quincy's art showing and had taken someone's shift.
She said I'd embarrassed her because she had to go alone and pretend I was on my way after I hadn't told her I had taken the shift.
When she drove us towards the tree and then cut the wheel at the last second, all I felt was pain before I blacked out.
And when I woke up, I felt even more pain.
But then San was standing at the end of my bed, looking at me with so much pity, and all I wanted was for her to comfort me, but the look in her eyes was too overwhelming.
And then Ceily was there and cursing San for standing there looking at me with so much love.
She stood toe to toe with Santana and screamed in her face, "She's MY wife. Back the fuck off! We don't need you."
San had looked at me, waiting for me to say something, and I turned my face from her because I was pathetic and terrified.
I was a shell of myself, and it made me feel sick.
San left that day, but once Celia was in rehab, she was back, helping me learn to walk again.
And when they started talking about billing, San handled it.
In every way, my wife should have stepped up, Santana was, and I hated her for it.
Why couldn't she have chosen me?
Sugar had replaced me, and it hurt.
Once I lived across the hall from San and Britt, I kept my distance as much as possible because I knew that if I ever went back to Celia, she'd ask me how often I landed in their bed.
Everything San did to make my life easier at that moment would only stoke the flames later.
Dani coming to me with her pregnancy fears was the perfect distraction to get my kids and go, but I knew I had to be smart about it.
And then Marco, the demon spawn, died.
The moment the pregnancy and Marco consumed them, I called Celia.
"Yeah?" She said, sounding buzzed.
"I want to come home. Is that okay?"
"Oh, should I leave?"
"No, that's your home too. I just can't be here anymore; it's a lot. Can I come home?"
"So, you decided that our home is finally enough?"
"Ceily, please, I don't want to fight."
She sighed, and then I heard the sloshing of liquid.
I'd become my mother, submitting to my father. The only difference between Judy and me was that I wouldn't let Celia drive me to drink like Father had done to Mother.
For my kids and my sanity, sobriety was the only way.
Somehow Gladys got Aden to treat her with respect even though he was an abusive alcoholic, so I figured I could do it too.
Celia had stopped selling paintings because she didn't have the flexibility to run her gallery when most of the parenting fell on her since I worked 80 hours a week.
I knew she wanted me to give up medicine because even that had San all over it.
Even Santana funding my education was a sore spot.
After months of sitting on the sidelines in that penthouse, sometimes watching them move about in their place from the dark patio, I knew that if I stayed another moment, I'd give in and become an addict or a psychopath.
Neither option was viable, so I was prepared to give Celia what she wanted.
"And when do you start working again?" The bitterness seeped through the phone, but I chose to ignore it.
"I quit."
"I don't believe you."
"Call my resident director if you must, Celia, but it's the honest to God truth. I want to focus on the kids and fixing our marriage."
"You're serious?"
"Yes."
"Then come home, Luce."
Luce.
It'd been forever since she'd called me that.
I smiled and gave in to the idea that we'd be okay.
I'd given her space for nearly a year; surely, she was better.
Maybe she was just drinking water, and I imagined that she was buzzed.
I kept thinking of who we used to be and how we could be if only I could get over myself and be the woman she needed me to be.
After all, it was my actions that had ruined us in the first place.
Terminating that pregnancy that nearly killed me had ended the love between us, and I had been clawing my way back into her good graces ever since.
The temporary peace we'd come to after Lima exploded had lasted long enough to bring Simone into this world, but things changed after my maternity leave ended, and she was left with taking care of our kids on her own.
We grew apart, but I was still determined to try. All I had to do was stay away from Santana, which was getting easier and easier as time passed.
Letting go of my oldest friend no longer hurt the way it once did.
Despite what my wife thought, I did love her more than anyone else, and it was time to put action behind my words.
For the first two weeks back at home, everything was lovely.
We still hadn't returned to being intimate because my cane was unattractive, but she was at least holding me at night.
She seemed to be on edge every day, but once she was sure I was just staying home, she got comfortable.
Too comfortable.
The first time she snapped at me was after Mercedes called me from London to ask me about an obscure Diana Ross song she had just heard about.
Celia didn't believe it because surely a black woman would know Diana Ross better than me, but that was idiotic.
My addiction to Motown had turned Mercedes on to Diana Ross, who she used to believe was overrated.
As if!
"Who was that really?" Celia asked me after I ended the call and returned to washing the dinner dishes.
"Mercedes."
"She's a rock star, Quinn. You really want me to believe that you two are such good friends that she'd call you on a whim to talk about Diana Ross."
I dried my wet hands and unlocked my phone before handing it to her.
She shook her head and put the phone on the counter.
"If you don't believe me, just ask her."
"No. I am just in awe of you, that's it." She said, and what I thought was anger turned to playfulness.
That night was the first time we had made love in a year, and she left love bites on my neck to mark her territory.
I let that be a good sign, one of progress.
The second time she got out of line was when Izzy called me, looking for his passport because they were going to DR to spread Marco's ashes.
I found it in my safe and rushed to the city to deliver it in person.
When I got back home, Celia was drunk, yelling at Quincy's bedroom door.
I had taught him to lock himself and Simone in his room with a chair wedged under the knob if Mami made them feel unsafe.
When I got to the top of the stairs and Celia demanded that he let her into the room, and I told her to stop, she slapped me so hard that my ear rang for two days.
Once she got that slap out of her system and saw me cower, she kept her hands to herself, but that didn't stop her from screaming at me about what she'd found in my safe.
My escape plan before the accident was three open-ended tickets to Spain and two bundles of euros.
"You're leaving me? Did you bring them home to prove I am a shitty mother?"
"No. I wanted to work on us."
"Past tense?"
"Want to. These are from before the accident."
She gripped me by my hair and grabbed my chin, "Swear to me that you're telling the truth."
"I swear."
"Swear it on your precious Beth."
"Ceily, please don't." I begged.
"Swear!" She said, and through my tears, I did as she commanded.
"I swear on Beth that I'm telling the truth."
She let me go, and my hip hit the edge of her easel.
Her eyes went wide as her current work in progress, which was still drying, fell half off and tore down the middle.
I knew enough to get the fuck away from her then.
While she was stunned, I ran down the hall and banged on Quincy's door until he let me in.
I curled up in the bed with our kids while Celia swore and broke things all over the house.
The kids fell asleep against me while I sang at the top of my lungs the only song that I could think of, the one that Mercedes had just covered, and all I could think about was how sweet my love used to be.
The morning after Celia's breakdown, we woke up to music playing and lots of laughter.
I left the kids in bed and tiptoed to our bedroom, which was cleared of whatever mess she'd made.
One look in the mirror showed that she'd bruised my chin when she grabbed me.
I leaned over the banister and could hear that Sandra and Mari were downstairs.
Thank God!
I had never been happier that my sisters-in-law were there.
Celia got her ass in gear when they were around.
I grabbed my makeup bag and returned to Quincy's room to get the kids dressed for the day.
The best way to get them to keep the night before to themselves was if they woke to me being normal.
So, I showered and put on makeup to cover the bruises before I woke them up with a smile, just like Mother used to do.
And when we went downstairs to see that it was more than just the sisters but Norah and Solomon, I was even happier.
Celia was tender touches and sweet words for the entire day and night that her sisters were over.
And the next day, when it was just the four of us in the house, she was still okay.
Until she called Santana while in the middle of a new painting.
The kids were in bed for the night, and Celia had been in the zone while she worked. I was cleaning the kitchen when I heard the phone go on speaker.
Of course, my name came up.
And San had to fucking talk about our sexcapades which were definitely more than four times, but as Brittany could tell you, my love for San had been unrequited. What she saw as comfort, I had 100% taken as sexual.
By my calculation, we'd had sex at least 50 times over the years, but she had whittled it down to four times, and if she was trying to get me to talk to her, that wasn't the way to do it.
I listened as San vowed to have her sister's back and how Celia had played along, saying everything she knew that San wanted to hear.
And then, that call ended and with it, any peace that Celia had reached.
I had been trying to sneak upstairs when she found me.
And she slapped me again, then kicked and punched me for good measure.
I curled up in a ball, just like I had taught San to do back when her father started getting violent with her.
I had always stressed protecting your internal organs to her, and once Aden was dead, I thought the need for those lessons had passed.
But I was at the foot of my stairs getting my ass beat by Aden's daughter…and I nearly bit through my lip to keep from screaming.
I took the beating until Celia tired herself out. She turned on music after that, opened a bottle of wine and began to paint again.
For months I had worked to stop using my cane, but after that night, there was no getting around without it.
I crawled up the stairs and crawled into bed.
Until then, I had suffered in silence, but I couldn't do it anymore.
I had to call someone, and even though I was jealous of her, I called the only person I knew who could safely get me out of that house.
I called Sugar.
Brittany's POV
"So, you have my schedule, flight number, and the hotel's name, right?"
Ana was pacing back and forth across our bedroom, ignoring her half-empty suitcase so she could fuss over getting on a plane.
The day after we got back from the Dominican Republic, Mercedes called and asked Ana to come to London for a few days to help with some tracks, and Ana said no.
I snatched the phone from her and told Mercedes she could be there in the morning.
"Ana, look at me."
She stopped pacing and turned towards me, looking pitiful.
"I'm so sorry about this, B. I promised to stick around…please don't be mad."
"I must be doing a terrible job as your wife if you feel you need to apologize for living your life and going after your dreams."
Ana knelt between my knees and wrapped her arms around me. "You're the best wife, B."
"Not possible."
"Why not?"
"Because you are, duh." I teased, then kissed her face a few times until her frown turned upside down.
"So, you're okay?"
"I'm the one that said yes. Look, you just had a loss, and things are going to get crazy soon with the move to the big house and with Dani's pregnancy. Get this out of your system before you are too tied down to leave."
"Thanks, B."
"The kids are asleep; how about you thank me properly." I teased, and she nodded.
"How do you want me?"
"On your back, legs spread." I said, and she looked confused.
I'd always liked her on her knees or bent over something, but right then, I wanted to make love to her slow and sweet like old times.
Ana stood up and started to strip for me, nice and slow. She got as far as taking off her shirt when my phone rang, cutting through the fog of lust.
It was the middle of the night, and all our kids were home, so I couldn't imagine who could be calling.
Ana, though, knew that when it came to our luck, it could be any number of bad things.
"Answer it, B."
I groaned and reached for my phone. When I saw Sugar's name, I felt nervous.
When Sugar had called me a week before to ask me for some money to help get someone out of a jam, I had tapped into my savings to do it.
And when she called a day later and told me that she was planning to help Quinn escape Celia and asked me to make sure building security flagged Celia from the building, I did it.
When Ana was indicted, the building went back into my name, so I knew no one would tell her.
I couldn't let my wife be mixed up in this because it was her best friend and her sister; she shouldn't be made to choose.
So, when I saw Sugar's name pop up while my wife stood half naked in front of me, telling me to answer, I knew I couldn't take the call.
"It's not important." I declined the call and tossed my phone onto my nightstand.
"Who was it?" Ana said, and I tried to be cool about it.
"Sugar, it's not a big deal. You know how she forgets what time it is."
"It could be important." She went to grab my phone, but I swiped it.
Ana's nostrils flared, and I knew I had just fucked up. "Ana, please, your plane leaves early in the morning. Let's not worry about it."
My wife was always way smarter than me, her eyebrow arched.
"Are you sending me away, Brittany Susan Lopez?"
Shit.
"NO!"
"You know that you have a tell too?"
"I don't."
"You so do. You're lying to me. What's going on?"
"How would I know? I never answered the phone."
My phone buzzed again, and Ana snatched it from my hand.
She put the phone on speaker as she moved out of my way.
But I didn't reach for her or the phone. I just sat there waiting.
Sugar had always said to never let people know what you're thinking, so I didn't.
"Sweetie, why are you calling so late?" Ana said.
The call ended, and when Ana tried calling back, it went to voicemail.
Which could only mean one thing, it wasn't Sugar calling. It was Quinn.
"Ana, let it go." I said, "Maybe she called by accident."
"No. Sugar Motta does not call by accident two times in a row. Something is wrong."
"Santana." I said, and she froze, looking at me with terrified eyes. "If something is wrong, I will handle it, but nothing is more important than you getting in this bed so I can make love to you before you leave for a whole week."
She hesitated before handing me my phone, "You'd tell me if it was something important, right?"
"Yes."
"Okay, B." She released the phone and went back to her strip show. I turned my ringer off and tossed my phone to the side again.
Once she was beneath me, I slowly drew out her moans.
Halfway through eating her out, I noticed that her moans had gone silent, and when I lifted the blanket from over my head, I saw her with my phone in her hand.
I slapped my hand on her thigh, and she yelped, dropping the phone on her face.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"You and Sugar have been talking all week, but not a single text message?"
I groaned. "This again?"
She rolled off the bed. "I'm canceling with Mercy. I can't leave with whatever the hell is going on happening. Is this about you wanting us both?"
"No. I told you that you are enough for me."
"But you love her!"
"I know."
"It's over, B."
"I know."
"Then why are you two having secret calls?"
"We're not. We are friends. Why is that a bad thing?"
She began going through my phone, and I knew from her face that she'd opened my text string with Q.
I deleted my conversation with Sugar, but not the one with Q.
Ana's face got tight, and then she pressed a hand to her chest, moving her fingers up and down the faint scar line from her open-heart surgery just after Dani was born.
"You and Q still talk every day?" She asked as she read the messages.
"She's my best friend too, Ana."
"So, it's just me that she's iced out?" She was still reading, and I was nervous for when she got to the most recent convo.
"She doesn't want you to choose between her and Celia."
Ana dropped the phone, ran her hands through her hair, and then dropped them to her sides.
"I choose Quinn. I love my sister, but I choose Quinn; I wish she understood that."
"Can I have my phone please?" I said as I stepped into her personal space.
She looked up at me and raised her eyebrow, trying like hell to get me to back down, but she was naked, so her intimidating glare did nothing to convince me she was serious.
"Tell me what's going on, Britt." She demanded.
"I can't because I know you won't go on your trip, and I need you to go."
"So, you set this up?"
Why was I on trial?
"No. Mercedes calling just worked out. Things are going on that are better for you to know nothing about because it will only make them worse."
"Me?!"
"Santana." She flinched but didn't back down.
"Brittany."
"How about this? Let me take care of this while you go be awesome in London, and as soon as there's no way to pin this on you, I'll call and tell you everything."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
"Fine." She shoved my phone into my hand before storming into the bathroom and closing the door.
She was giving me a pass, but it was obvious that until I told her the truth, she was going to ice me out, just like Quinn was doing to her.
So be it.
Ana left on a Friday morning after the kids were in school. Dani had been homeschooling with Ana, but now that she wouldn't be here, I wouldn't let Dani be home alone, so she would be at the theater with me instead.
Dani hugged Ana tightly and asked her to send samples of any songs she was working on; then, she waited silently at my side until her Mami had headed to TSA.
"Niko told me Dama has been at the house a lot."
"That's none of your business, maybe your Mami is okay with you acting like an adult, but I'm not."
"You're the fun one!" She said, looking at me like I'd betrayed her.
"I used to be, but this situation happening between your Titi and Dama is something you need to stay far away from."
"Why?"
"You tell Mami everything, Dani. If I won't tell her what's going on, why would I tell you?"
"What makes you think that I don't already know?"
"Do you?" I asked as I waved down a cab.
"Sweetie isn't telling Niko anything; all I know is that Dama has been there almost every day."
"And I'm going to need you to keep that bit of information to yourself."
"Is it bad? Did Titi hurt her again?"
I sighed and rubbed my face; Ana had been telling Dani a little too much information about things she didn't need to be involved in.
She was pregnant at 12, but that didn't mean she was a grown woman.
"Daniela, I'm going to say this once, and then the topic is not open for discussion, okay?"
"Yeah, okay."
"Right now, your Dama needs support and understanding. Not pity or guilt. I've been here before when it was your Abuelo and your Mami. I learned that people knowing what's happening and fixing what's happening are two different things."
"Okay."
"Nothing you can do will fix what's happening, so knowing doesn't help anyone."
"I'm just worried, Mama."
"I get that, which is why I'm telling you."
"Thanks for telling me."
I sighed and nodded as we slid into the cab. Dani rested her head on my shoulder and held tightly to my hand.
"So, Dama has been living in Connecticut again, and your Mami hasn't noticed because they barely talk. Today, Dama is moving back to her penthouse, and she has a black eye. If Mami or your other Titi's saw it, things could get worse, and Dama doesn't want that. So, knowing that, we will give her space until she's ready, and when she comes around, we'll give her love. That's it."
"So don't tell Mami, then?"
"Exactly."
"What about Izzy?"
I sighed, hating that I had to be honest about something I didn't even want to know about. "Izzy has seen her like this before."
"You're kidding!" Dani's mouth dropped, and then her eyes lit up with understanding. "Is that why he's so attached to her?"
I nodded, and Dani shook her head. "Mami would be so pissed that Dama went to Sweetie."
"I know."
"So, what's Dama's plan?"
"I don't know, but for as long as she is across the hall, we won't ask. Only support. Got it?"
"Got it."
"Great, now you and I are going to head to the midtown house because I took off today to be there for Dama. Mami doesn't need to know."
"Okay."
"Repeat it, Dani."
"Mami doesn't need to know."
"Thank you."
When I opened the kitchen door, the last thing I expected was to hear Quinn's laughter, but there she was, with thick makeup and a smile.
Sugar was sitting on the counter while Quinn flipped a pancake while she was in the middle of a story about Izzy.
When Sugar saw me, she hopped down, hugged me tight, and pinched Dani's cheek. "How's our squish?" She said, reaching for Dani's belly.
"Fine. Whoa, Dama, you look way better than I thought you would." She blurted out, and Quinn's smile vanished.
"I'm going to blame that on your hormones. Get yourself set up in the office and start your schoolwork." I said, and Dani pouted but mumbled an apology before leaving the three of us in the kitchen.
"You didn't have to send her away, B. I'm okay." Quinn said, "I'm a big girl."
Q was tough about it, but I could see that Dani's words had gotten to her. She flipped her next pancake a little less happy.
"I'm going to take my squish some pancakes." Sugar said, stacking pancakes onto a plate and leaving me alone with Quinn.
She took the pan off the stove and crossed her arms over her chest. "You told her."
"I didn't know how you'd be, so I told her you might have a black eye. That's all."
"Does San know?"
"No."
"Why don't I believe you?"
"Because with everything you've got going on, you are finding it hard to trust me. You should trust me, though, because I love you, and I don't want Santana wrapped up in this almost as much as you don't."
"I just don't want her running to her sisters, Celia included."
"For what it's worth, last night she told me that if she had to choose, it would be you."
"She talks a good game, Britt, but her actions are a whole different story." Q shrugged and went back to cooking. "Are you hungry?"
"Yeah."
"Good."
"Do you need anything, Q?"
"Just a friend, can you be that?"
"Sure can!"
Sugar returned a few minutes later with a smile and opened her arms to me.
When she went to kiss me, I turned my face because Ana was a little too serious about things being over, and I wasn't going to go against her when I was already lying about Quinn.
"Wow, so it's really done then?" Sugar stepped back, looking dejected. "She put her foot down?"
I glanced towards Quinn, who had her back to us and was too still.
Me not inviting her into our marriage was still a sore spot, and I didn't think rubbing her face in it was a good idea.
But Sugar didn't care about people's feelings.
"The pancakes smell amazing, Q." I said instead of responding to Sugar.
Q put plates onto the table and then smirked.
"You know, if you had picked me as your third like God intended, San would have never needed to put her foot down, and I wouldn't be getting my ass beat all the time."
Sugar covered her mouth to hide her grin, but I could still see the laughter in her eyes.
"Would you have been satisfied having to come second to me?" I asked Q before taking a big bite of the third most delicious pancakes I'd ever had.
"It would be no different from all of high school, B."
We sat in the kitchen booth, me on one side with Sugar and Quinn on the other.
"She has a point." Sugar threw in.
"Tell it like it is, B…you were afraid that she and I would fall in love, and YOU would be the third wheel."
"Ohhhh, I take it back; Quinn has a point. I've always been cool just holding Santana in my arms while you went to town on her, Britt, but Q wouldn't have been that way. I've had sex with you more than I have, Santana."
"You're not helping." I said to Sugar, and Quinn laughed.
"Look, I realize it's too late for me to be anything for either of you since I'm so entwined with Celia. The family would have a fit, but it would have been nice to be considered."
"Well then, it's nice." I said.
"What was that?" Q said, and Sugar cackled.
"What she means is that you were absolutely considered." Sugar said, and I kicked her under the table.
"Okay, spill!" Q was grinning now, and if I had to embarrass myself to keep a smile on her face, then I was prepared to do that.
"It was way back when we lived here, and you were sleeping on the floor between the cribs…remember that?"
"Yeah, I had just broken San, and even though I knew you'd kick my ass, Izzy was wheezing, and I stayed with him all night."
"Well, that's when I considered letting you be with us officially, but then Ana lost her mind and had to go to rehab. You started pulling away and wanted Celia back. There were a million bad things happening, and I knew that if you became our third right then, it would only become one more problem."
"And San?"
"If she had her way, Ana would have made you our third way back in high school, but I was so insecure about her picking you over me that I couldn't go for it. I told her anyone but you."
"Wow."
"Is it really too late?" Sugar asked, and I nodded.
"Ana and Q are way too broken, they're barely friends, and I don't think Ana would ever cross that line again."
"She almost did at Ari's repast." Q said.
"Because I was in jail. Trust me, she's changed…all she really wants is to run away and live her dream. If she could do it all over again, I don't even know if we would have ended up together." I admitted, and they looked at me, stunned.
Ana would never admit it, but I could see how she pushed me towards Sugar in her absence.
"That's not true, B. It was always you, I tried to make her want me, but in the end, it was always you." Q said, and I smiled to myself.
From Quinn's lips, anything to do with that time in our lives was the truth.
Back then, she knew my wife better than I ever could.
"If I could do it over again, Q, I'd do things differently." I admitted.
"That means a lot."
"I know it's hard for you to connect with her, but she loves you more than anyone, Q. You should try talking to her."
"I don't want her to have to choose." Q said.
"And I told you, she chooses you, Q."
Quinn sighed and nodded. "For now."
"So right now, we are trying to keep Quinn out of the house as much as possible." Sugar said as I washed the dishes.
"Won't that make Celia angrier?"
"It does but with the kids both in school now and her thinking that I have a new job in the city, she's been working too. By the time I get home, she's too tired to fight with me." Q said as she rubbed her bruised wrist.
"But she just hit you last night; that's why you were calling me."
"It was the first time in a while, and it didn't have anything to do with me in the city. I got home to her and the kids watching tv, and Celia was drinking rum straight from the bottle. I took it from her, and she snapped."
"In front of the kids?" I was hot.
I was twice as strong as Celia when I was in my right mind.
I could easily whoop her ass, even if it counted as a second strike; it was worth it for Quinn and her kids.
"Yes. Quincy begged her to stop hitting me, and she did."
"Yeah, we need to get you out of there safely." I said, feeling the tears threatening to come. "Does she know you plan to start staying at the penthouse?"
"Yes. I told her that staying here during the week with my new job would be easier, and she agreed."
"So, you'll only have to suffer through weekends then?" I hated that idea.
"There are only a few weekends between now and Thanksgiving, I can manage that."
"But you shouldn't have to manage, Q."
"Yeah, I know."
Ana would be heartbroken.
Maybe we should have chosen Q.
Now it was too late.
"Sugar has a plan. Thanksgiving, you and San will host at your new house, and the whole family will be there. I'll say I have a morning shift, and I'll meet Celia there, but instead, I'll be getting on a plane and heading to Spain."
"What about the kids?" I asked, and Quinn's eyes got sad.
"It's safer for them to stay with her…they keep her sober, and she'll be forced to move closer to the sisters. Once I'm safely away, you'll tell them what she's done and that she's put her hands on the kids. Once you do that, there's no way she'll be able to hurt them."
"But, Q, after Beth, I thought you wouldn't want to be away from your kids, plus she was drinking with them there just last night."
"After Quincy being upset last night, I don't think that'll happen again."
"I don't understand how you are okay to do things this way."
"No offense but you don't need to understand; just trust me when I tell you that it's better this way."
"If you say so."
"I do. Say you'll help me, B."
"Haven't I been doing that?"
"Yes, but this is different. Not only would you be lying to Santana, but you'd also be manipulating her as well."
Sugar nodded and raised her eyebrow.
She'd had an inside look at our marriage for the last few years and knew for a fact just how bad this could get between Ana and me, but this was for Quinn, and if I'd learned anything in all these years, it was that when it came to Quinn, the rules didn't apply.
"If I'm going to do this, I need you two to have my back when she finds out the truth."
"Absolutely." Quinn said.
"I got you, B." Sugar said before hugging me tightly
It was just what I needed at that moment as I prepared to betray my wife for what I hoped was the last time.