*sigh* More angst ahead… poor guys.
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Chapter 4
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Gojyo
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"I told you to get out of the way!" Goku glared at the young novice who was standing in front of the door.
"Please," the young girl looked terrified out of her wits. "Please, my lady said…"
"I want to see Sanzo!" Goku glared at her. "Let me pass now!"
"But I..."
"Goku, listen, you know that crazy monk gets mad if you wake him…"
"Shut up!" Goku turned to face me, eyes blazing with anger. "You didn't hear him calling for me, he's in pain and suffering! I can't just stay here!" He turned to the girl. "I'm sorry but I have to do this." Grabbing her, he literally threw her aside. I caught his arm, trying to stop him, but anxiety made him even stronger. He pushed me away as if I were nothing but a rag doll.
I cursed as he barged out of the door.
~~~~~
Goku was lying on the bed, sobbing his heart out. He lifted his tear-stained face and looked at me. "He's never been this bad," he sobbed and buried his face again in the bedclothes.
I sighed. I should have done something to stop him. Now it was too late. I didn't know what to tell him. He was right…I too felt death edging close, too close for my liking.
Damn you, you stupid monk. You always manage to make the saru miserable.
Hakkai was sitting up on another bed, opposite Goku. He was deep in thought, eyes downcast, stroking Hakuryu. Why didn't he go to the monkey and put his arms round him, tell him something which could comfort him? It was Hakkai who usually did that, I was no good at this kind of thing. But this time Hakkai seemed lost in his own world. I had only seen him like this on rainy days. I knew he was blaming himself for what had happened.
I crossed over to him, wishing that the saru would stop crying. Better to hear him whining for food than seeing him reduced to this state. Better to have Sanzo hitting me and stealing my cigarettes rather then watching him fight for his life. Anything would be better than this. I hated this sense of helplessness.
I sat down on the bed and took out a cigarette. I lit it, and inhaled deeply. "It's not your fault Hakkai," I said, softly. "You might as well blame me, or Goku. None of us knew what was going to happen."
He clenched his fists tightly. "No. But I should have been there. I was supposed to protect him. Like I was supposed to protect…" his voice wavered. Hakuryu nestled up to him, and he relaxed slightly, and caressed the small dragon.
He was tormenting himself endlessly, and what could I do, except offer senseless words of comfort, to which probably he wouldn't listen to anyway? I puffed at my cigarette. It would always be like this. Whatever happened Hakkai would always feel that he was to blame. He was no better at letting go of his past then the rest of us. "You managed to save him though. He would be already dead by now, if it weren't for you." I stubbed out my cigarette, and I stood up. "Stop blaming yourself. We'll get out of this like we got out of every damn scrape. You'll see. There is always hope."
His eyes met mine, probing deep into my soul. I held his gaze.
Without hope, we are doomed.
He stood up slowly, and Hakuryu flew to his shoulder. His emerald eyes shone with determination.
"You are right. There is always hope." He smiled briefly. "Thank you."
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Hakkai
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Must there always be someone to blame?
//It's not your fault.//
Was it my fault? Or not? Was I destined never to be there when people needed me most?
// He would be dead by now if it weren't for you.//
But he's not safe. He could still die.
When is he safe? We are always at risk.
But I could have been there, and I would have prevented this.
I could… I would… Perhaps… All doubts, signs of weakness. Now it is strength of spirit which is necessary to help him, not bodily strength.
Remember, he is still alive.
Remember, there are others who need you.
//There is always hope//
I have to believe.
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I stroked Goku's head gently. He had stopped crying, but now he was silent. His face was white, and his eyes lacked the spirit which always made him look so alive. He didn't respond to any comments I or Gojyo passed. He hadn't even moved when a novice had brought us some bowls of rice.
I was overcome with a sense of guilt. I had let him cry his heart out, while I had just stood there, thinking only of myself. How could I have been so selfish? I sighed. I did not know how to comfort Goku. Without Sanzo he seemed dead.
'Kyuu!" The little dragon settled on Goku's lap. Nothing. The boy remained as motionless as a statue. The little dragon tried to nestle up to him, and playfully licked his fingers, trying to obtain some sort of response.
"Leave me alone."
Both Gojyo and I started at the sound of his voice, dry and emotionless. Hakuryu flew off, and settled on my shoulder. I hesitated wondering what I should do.
A soft knock on the door was heard, and a novice came in. She looked nervously at Goku and then turned to me.
"My lady says you're to come to the sick room, alone," she said. Her voice lowered. "She also says that the other one must stay with the boy. We'll come to tell you if you are needed."
I looked at Gojyo and he nodded briefly. We both knew what this meant.
I followed her out, and closed the door before facing her.
"Is everything… fine?"
She did not answer, but walked onwards silently. Suddenly she spoke up, but her words offered no comfort.
"My lady says that he is between life and death. If by tomorrow he regains consciousness, then he will heal."
If not, he will die.
The words hung unspoken in the air. She opened the door to let me in, and then left, leaving me together with Sanzo and Shunrei.
~~~~~~~
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Shunrei
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He'd taken a turn for the worse.
His temperature had risen, and he was delirious. I had tried everything; herbs, medicines… even prayer. Now he had to fight it out alone. And I could only be a spectator, nothing more If he managed to survive the night, then, he could live.
The door opened, and the green eyed man came in. I could see that Aiya had told him about Sanzo. I motioned him to draw up a chair and sit beside me.
"How is the boy?"
"He is… worried, my lady."
Not worried. No. The boy loves Sanzo.
He is desperate, asking himself why this had to happen, why it couldn't it be him in Sanzo's place, wishing that he could have prevented this.
I should know. I feel like that too.
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Hakkai
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The priestess was pale and had dark shadows under her eyes. My heart sank at the look on her face.
"I can do nothing more." she said, her voice a mixture of sadness and despair. I was surprised, for I had not imagined that she cared so much. Had been wrong in judging her cold and unfeeling? I reached out and took her hand. She was startled, but did not draw away. Her face was troubled and unhappy.
"We must hope," I said.
The high priestess bent her head down.
Our night vigil had begun.
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Shunrei
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I prayed, I know not to what divinity.
Please don't let me lose my son again.
Don't tear him away from me.
I looked at his face, too careworn for one so young. Beads of sweat had formed on his forehead, and he gasped for breath.
Be strong. You have to make it.
For your companions.
For the boy, Goku.
For me.
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Hakkai
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Don't die Sanzo, don't leave us…
If he died, then all would be lost. It was he who kept us all together.
If one strand of the web breaks, then the entire web collapses.
Don't break the thread which ties us together.
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Will Sanzo make it? Or will he decide to give up? It's all in his hands now…
Angioletto-chan: What!!!! You're leaving me like this??!!!! Don't you dare kill off poor Sanzo!! Or I'll, I'll…
*Konzen smiles to herself*
Angioletto–chan: *mouth hanging open* You… you're smiling? Don't you have any feelings? Don't tell me you were just showing off your vocabulary when you talked about threads and webs and all that shit?
Konzen: What! That's mean of you! You're worse than Sanzo!!!!
Angioletto-chan: *Puts on a saintly look* Me? I'm an angel! It's you who's the heartless monster who's planning to tear away Sanzo from his newly found mother, his friends, and poor little Goku…
Konzen: *striking a thinking pose* Well , if you die young, it saves a lot of pain… ^_^
Angioletto-chan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!! *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*!!!!!!!!!