Too much OCCness? Hmm… will try to arrange this in the following chapters… but you can't really expect the Sanzo-ikkou to behave normally… Sanzo is delirious, and the others are faced with a catastrophe :p

By the way I AM evil *proudly shows her "Member of Evil Fanfic Writers Club" badge*. And about Sanzo dying… hmm… seems no one wants him to die…

Sanzo: *grins* See? I told you my fans would kill you if you dared kill me!

Konzen: *sighing* Ah well… accidents do happen… I can't be blamed if you trip on a banana skin which Goku left in your room…*looks around, hoping that there aren't any 'I'm- ready-to-kill-you-if-you-kill-Sanzo' people around*

Sanzo: *grows pale* You're nasty! Why do you always pick on me??

Konzen: *smiles* Cause you're my favourite character!

Sanzo shudders thinking of what she would have done to him if she hated him…

Read on…

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Chapter 5

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Sanzo

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I'm tired. I keep longing to drift into a deep sleep, but voices keep on calling, waking me up each time. It would be so easy to let go. But they won't stop. I can't shut those voices away. Gojyo's voice, angry and irritating, Hakkai's voice, tired and pleading, Goku's voice, persistent and afraid… and a woman's voice, soft and unfamiliar. Who was she? Ch… I don't care. I just want them to leave me alone.

//Wake up you stupid monk!//

//Don't break the threads which bind us together..//

//Don't leave me…//

//Be strong. You have to make it.//

Why won't they all go away? It's none of their business what I do! Damn idiots! I am sick of the pain and suffering… sick of risking my life because of a mission which I don't care about, for gods in which I don't believe. Their eyes… they haunt my dreams… fear, pain, guilt, anxiety… Why do they care if I die? I don't. I'm sick of all this… what have I got to live for? Nothing… I failed my master as soon as my finger pulled the trigger the first time… I was never meant to be a Sanzo…

A mission which I had been forced to take, companions whom I had been made to drag along… endless battles, continual killing… and what for? For a mission which was doomed from the start.

I am not strong. I never was.

//You promised! You promised you'd never leave me!//

His golden eyes glared at me, glistening with tears. I had seen him like this only once… when I had almost lost him… I hesitate. But I'm tired, tired of suffering…

Shut up Goku… I want to rest…

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Goku

~.~.~.~

My sun could not set.

I stood staring out of the window, where the sun was slowly disappearing at the horizon. The world was no longer a multitude of colours, but was now tinged with red and golden hues.

Golden, like his hair. Red, like the blood which gushed out of his wounds.

My sun. My life.

I shuddered. What would I do without Sanzo? We'd never been apart for longer than a day or so, ever since he had taken me in. I never seriously thought that he'd die. He was Sanzo! He had to make it!

The sun disappeared completely, and the world was enveloped by darkness. There was no moon tonight, and a lone candle burnt valiantly in our room, giving out a dim light.

The smell of fresh blood pervades my nostrils. I feel sick.

It is not only youkai blood. His blood has been spilt too.

Gojyo lay on the bed, sleeping, or at least pretending to. Hakkai was in the sick room with Sanzo, where I should be. Like I should have been there when he'd been attacked. Instead I was in the kitchen. Eating while he'd been in danger, I thought bitterly. The very thought of food made me feel sick.  Sanzo would say it was one advantage. He'd always told me I eat too much. I longed for the sound of his voice, the impatient tone when he wants to leave, the anger when I'd do something wrong, the softness on those rare occasions when I'd know that he cares.

You lied to me. You said you'd never leave me.

I hadn't really believed her when she thought he could die. But now that I'd seen him, now that I'd seen his face, his eyes…

They say he will survive. But I sense their fear, their doubts. They are lost, like me.

You can't leave me! You can't!

We have a mission remember? We have to go on with our journey!

Sanzo? Sanzo!!

The candle flickered and went out, leaving the room in utter darkness.

His spirit is waning. I can barely sense his presence… There is no hope. He's going to die.

My fault. I hadn't been  there to protect him.

Bringer of misfortune. That's what I was. Golden eyes… a heretic… a bringer of misfortune… I couldn't erase those words from my memory… I had heard them somewhere, but I never really took any notice. But, they were right. I should have stayed in the cave… That way Sanzo would never have been hurt.

I hated myself. I was only a stupid saru, with a stomach in the place of a brain, just like the kappa said. A good-for-nothing who tagged along with the others. Why couldn't I have been hurt instead of him? Why? Why? Why? It wasn't Sanzo who should die.

I bent my head down, willing death to embrace me, to let me join him.

Without you I do not have a reason to live.

You're not a father, nor a brother. Not even a friend.

You are my sun. And just as living creatures need the sun to live, I need you.

My soul cried out to him, yearning for forgiveness, wanting to be reunited with him.

Sanzo, I'm sorry. I'll never leave you again.

I'm ready to die with you.

//Damn you saru. You never shut up do you?//

I jerked my head up at the sound of his voice in my head. It was weak, but there…

Light penetrated the room, and I felt a sudden warmth on my skin.

The sun was rising.

He was alive

//I already told you I'll never leave you…//   

I smiled to myself at the sound of that voice, relief spreading through my body. For the first time in days, I found myself at peace. The sense happiness which bathed my soul was something I thought I'd never feel again.

He would live. He'd stay with me, always. I wiped away the stupid tears which had trickled down my cheeks. There was no need for me to cry anymore. He would live.

Leaning my elbows on the windowsill I rested my head. I felt tired, but now I knew I could sleep. I smiled again, wanting to share my elation with the world. Before I closed my eyes, I watched the sun rise.

The sun sets. But then it rises again.

There is always hope.

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"Goku?"  I felt a light touch on my arm. I stirred, and opened my eyes slowly, blinking as the sun's strong rays blinded me.

"He'll make it saru! The monk decided he liked this world too much to leave it for the next!" Gojyo was grinning exultantly while Hakkai smiled serenely, eyes glowing in relief.  I nodded slowly. I had known that he'd survive. Perhaps they hadn't heard Sanzo before.

"Well?" Hakkai was looking at me strangely.

"I know, he told me he wouldn't leave earlier." I said quietly. They looked at each other, bewildered. Gojyo shrugged his shoulders. I smiled at them, feeling a sudden burst of energy coursing through my veins. I felt more alive than I had felt in days.

I suddenly heard my stomach grumbling, and blushed. "Hakkai, can we go to Sanzo and then find something to eat? I'm hungry!"

"Now I know everything's back to normal," said Gojyo. For once, he didn't tease me. He was probably too relieved that Sanzo was alive. Before I followed them out of the room, I looked out of the window at the sun. It was high up in the sky, strong and indestructible.

I'll never leave you again Sanzo. I promise.

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Sanzo: That sucked by the way.

Konzen: I know, I know… But you don't have to be so direct! You could say… I think you could do better… or don't worry, you'll improve some day, or something of the sort!!

Sanzo: Ch… baka…

Konzen: *with tears in her eyes* And I even let you live!!

Sanzo: *dryly* Oh, thanks a lot.

Konzen: No need to thank me… I don't object to torturing you, but killing you off is too much… :p

Gojyo: That's right! What would we do without the gold card?

Konzen: *while trying to stop Sanzo from killing Gojyo* Thank you to all you reviewers! If you're authors, you'll understand what I mean when I say that reviews are very much appreciated!! For those who are not authors… you'll have to take my word for it that they are!!!!!!!!

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