Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Author's Note: Down at the bottom. Don't peek! Oh, and don't forget the two epilogues still coming!
Chapter 39
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**… anise, antiscorbutic codder, bismuth, ambergris, lung sien hiang, Halcyon eggs, zedoary, lesser galangale… Potter?...**
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**… red savina, eye of Caladrius, rue, yarrow, valerian root, jimson weed, bunyip scales, Squonk tears, nettle seeds… Potter. You're listening. I can feel it. Intriguing. Can you hear anything else? They're speaking to you. It's only polite to listen…**
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"…his books! Why would hearing his homework read to him make him want to wake up?..."
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"…better. His color is improving. Are his blankets charmed? Look at him. I think he's cold."
"Of course they're charmed. He's fine. Madam Pomfrey is taking good care of…"
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**… collyflower petals… Ah. Welcome back. They're talking to you. Actually, incessant babble is more like it. Would you please tell them to…**
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"… hear me. He's not conscious, but he's beginning to have awareness."
"I think it's time you began to give your own body the chance to heal, Severus."
"While I appreciate the sentiment, he's far from recovered."
"I know. Perhaps if you spent the nights here, but left your days free to catch up on the projected syllabus for this year."
"I already have it."
"You do?"
"It's been a bit boring, Albus."
"Ah. Something Harry has yearned for for quite a while…"
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"…shhh! You'll wake them up!"
"I am 'shh'ing! Harry? It's me. We brought you some things we thought you'd like."
"And we've been tormenting Percy for you."
"Fred! Dad told you to stop."
"Forget it. I can't figure out why you aren't as mad at him as I am. You're the one he…"
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"… father. You're so much like him in so many ways. Why do you have to be so damn noble? You…"
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"…listening, Harry. Snape told us you can hear us sometimes. You've got to wake up. Sirius is back. It took longer than dad thought, but…"
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"…missed you. How are you feeling? You're looking better. A lot better. Not that that's saying much. Great, give him a complex... You're looking good. Really. Especially compared to…"
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"… slept long enough. It's time to wake up. You're healing remarkably well, but you'll heal better when you're able to talk to us and tell us how you're feeling. Just think. Are you hungry? Think how nice a cup of hot chocolate would…"
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"… see the Mark is gone. There's no sign of it."
"But the others still have theirs, albeit quite faded. What do you think happened to yours?"
"I think Potter's spell hit me as well. We're lucky it didn't use me as a conduit."
"It's a shame the scars you made are so deep. One would never know you'd carried it at all."
"That would miss the point entirely."
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"… promised you that you'd never have to go back, and I've kept my word. You have a home, now, Harry. Well, not technically yet, but as soon as you wake up I'll find…"
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He drifted, deep within a sea. It was warm and quiet. His limbs felt weightless. Nothing hurt. He'd been here for a very long time. He could feel it. Every once and a while, noise drifted through. Words. Words? What words? Whose words? He didn't really care. But it was nice; the noise. Soothing. Vibrations ran through his head and echoed pleasantly. The silence was beautiful. He hadn't heard words before. He'd heard screams. He pulled back into himself. The silence was better. He didn't want to risk hearing more screams…
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He was warm. Comfortable. He floated, bobbing lazily on a dark ocean. He felt good. Better. Much better than he had in a long time. The faintest buzzing filled his ears, but it was nice. Like the sound of gentle waves lapping onto a sandy shore. He'd been here before… Heard those waves. No. The only ocean he'd ever seen had been on the way to… He withdrew, not caring how pleasant the buzzing sounded. He didn't belong here…
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Voices. He was hearing voices, and they sounded nice. Caring. Kind. Not at all like the Dursleys. But they wanted him to wake up, too. To do chores? He didn't think so. It was too early for chores. The bed felt nice. That was odd. The mattress on Privet Drive was lumpy and hard. Okay. This was good. He wasn't at Privet Drive then. It felt cozy here, and the voices were too gentle to hurt him. He let them lull him back to sleep. They didn't sound like they'd mind if he slept in a bit, and he was so tired…
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He was like a bubble, rising to the surface. He didn't bother trying to fight it anymore. It felt like flying. It felt like freedom. He let it carry him further up, and if he used his imagination, he could even feel the wind whipping through his hair as he tumbled topsy-turvy ever upward.
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The darkness dimmed, and he shut his eyes against the glow beyond his lids. Had they been open? Too bright. Voices burbled and danced around him. Were they bubbles too? They sounded familiar. If he tried real hard, maybe he could understand what they said. But maybe he'd save that for later. He was still so sleepy. He must have stayed up late. He drifted, just near the surface. Light glittered, refracted and reflected around him, but it no longer hurt his eyes. The voices washed over and surrounded him. They sounded familiar…
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It always seemed as if sound were the first thing to come back to him. Always? Conversations drifted just beyond his bed, but he didn't mind the noise. He didn't know why he recognized the voices, but he did. They made him want to smile. Instead his finger twitched. That wasn't quite what he'd been aiming for, but he didn't mind that either.
"His finger moved!"
"What?"
"His hand. I had his hand in mine, and I could have sworn it moved!"
"Are you sure? Harry? Harry, can you hear me? Did you just move your hand?"
Whoever they were, they were pushy. Harry let the words echo in his head, not really processing their meaning, just the tone. They sounded awfully anxious.
"Harry? Wake up. You're at Hogwarts. You're safe. Fudge is…"
"Don't tell him that!!"
"What? It's good news!"
"Sirius, I swear I'll hex you…"
Sirius. Harry let the name roll around for a little while. It sounded familiar. Nice. He liked that name. He thought he'd try to say it himself and see how it sounded. Instead his hand jerked. Close enough.
"You had to have seen that."
"Merlin. Harry, you're doing it. You're waking up. Poppy!"
"Remus, go get her!"
"Harry? You're doing great. I'll be right back."
"Open your eyes, Harry. Can you do that? I forgot what color they are, you see, so you'd be doing me the greatest favor," the voice said, and Harry realized that although the voice sounded happy, it also sounded as if it were crying, too. Harry tried to concentrate. If he tried to make his hand move, would he open his eyes? Things seemed to be working backwards. He swallowed. Closer.
"That's it, Harry. Are you thirsty? I'm sure you must be. You've had nothing but potions for weeks. That's got to be disgusting. I've got some ice cold water here. Come on. Open your eyes, Harry. Wake up."
Harry tried to open his eyes, but it didn't quite work. Instead, he felt his hand lift and get squeezed tightly. He didn't think he'd been the one to lift it, but one never knew.
"Squeeze my hand, Harry. Keep going. You're doing great," the voice said intently, and a face popped into his mind's eye. A wild man with black hair and blazing blue eyes.
"Sirius," Harry tried to rasp out. He coughed a little instead.
"Harry! That's it. Merlin, you're doing it. I love you, Harry. Gods, I've missed you," Sirius said, and Harry felt his world go topsy-turvy for real as Sirius scooped him up in his arms and held him close. Harry tried to open his eyes, but didn't quite succeed; blinking a few times before deciding closed was better. Too bright. He recognized this place.
"Put him down! Sirius, let me examine him!" a woman's voice said sternly, but she sounded out of breath, as if she'd been running. Harry's world stabilized once more as he was placed back on the bed. He swallowed again, wondering where that water was he'd been promised.
There was silence except for the sounds of more footsteps running towards him. Harry was rather relieved it had gotten quiet. One voice was plenty.
"He's awake. He isn't quite here yet, and he's very weak but he is awake. Well done, Mr. Potter. We've been quite worried about you," the woman's voice said warmly, and he jerked in surprise at the feeling of lips kissing his forehead.
"I'm sure you're sleepy, Harry. Get some rest. We'll be here when you wake," the woman's voice - Madam Pomfrey - promised, and Harry let Sirius' indignant protests drift away into a peaceful lullaby. He *was* sleepy, after all. He squeezed once more the hand he now knew to be Sirius', reassuring him, and sighed.
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White everywhere. Harry groaned as he blinked his watering eyes repeatedly. What had he done this time? He could barely remember Quidditch, so that couldn't be it.
"Harry?" a pale blob appeared in his limited field of vision. Harry tried to reach for his glasses, but found he could barely lift his arm. The blob smiled brightly, looking young and cheerful.
"Looking for these?" Sirius' voice asked and proceeded to try to place Harry's glasses on his face. He didn't quite succeed, but it wasn't like Harry was going to drop them any time soon. Not when he couldn't move properly.
"Harry, how do you feel?" Remus voice asked from beside him. Harry wearily rolled his head, blinking. His former professor looked exhausted but disgustingly cheerful as well. Harry closed his eyes for a moment, and realized he was trembling. He wasn't cold, so why was his body shaking? He opened his eyes and frowned, looking at Sirius.
"Can't stop… shaking," Harry croaked. It had taken up nearly all his energy to say three words. Whatever he'd done to himself, it must have been bad. He closed his eyes and felt a warm hand on his forehead, pushing his hair off his face.
"It's okay, Harry. You're doing a lot better than you were. Madam Pomfrey thinks you have a good chance of possibly making a complete recovery. It's just going to take some time…" Sirius' warm voice said. Harry tried to let his godfather's reassuring words comfort him, but there was something he couldn't quite remember. Something important. He yawned, blinking once more before settling back into the pillows. If it was really important, he'd remember it eventually.
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"Ghost? Can you hear me?" a little girl's voice invaded his dreams. Harry opened his eyes and found himself peering into a familiar face. Anne, his mind supplied. Anne… Harry gasped as memories of *how* he knew this little girl overwhelmed him. He hadn't been hurt at Quidditch, or even at Hogwarts. He had to bite his lip to keep the whimpers silent as weeks of time he'd tried to forget came cascading back to him. I don't want to remember. Please don't make me remember…
Harry was jostled roughly as Anne jumped up on the bed and settled herself next to him, nose to nose. He tried to blink back the tears, but it wasn't working.
"Are you crying, Ghost?" she asked. No, he wanted to say, but that was a lie. He nodded, chest heaving with sobs he refused to let out.
"Aren't you feeling better?" she asked. Well, that was certainly true. He nodded again.
"I've been bugging my aunt forever to let me see you. I wanted you to be the first to hear what I want to be when I grow up!" she said with a bright smile. Harry felt silly for the tears still streaming down his face, annoyed at his own lack of control. He forced his lips into a tremulous smile.
"What?" he whispered.
"I want to be an Auror!" she announced happily. Harry flinched, but thankfully he was already shaking, so Anne didn't notice.
"Why?" he asked softly.
"So next time I can rescue you," she said solemnly, and abruptly kissed his nose. She reached out and took his hand in both of hers. She was so small that both of her hands barely fit around his palm. So young. She'd lost her parents so early…
"They say you're here because of bad dreams," she stated authoritatively. Harry felt his eyebrows rise. Yes, that was a fair analogy. She nodded, as if she'd been waiting to hear *his* side of the story, then abruptly hopped off the bed.
She scampered out of sight for a second, and came bounding back. She leaped onto the bed, brown hair flying everywhere, and crawled back up to sit beside him. The sudden jostling made him queasy, but he stayed really still and thankfully the moment passed.
"I brought Herbert for you," she said, and proceeded to place a rather large lizard on Harry's chest. The reptile's claws wrapped around his nightshirt tightly, and Harry found himself eye to eye with the creature.
"Your pet?" Harry rasped. He was frustrated at having to speak in shorthand in order to communicate at all. Anne nodded.
"He looks scary, but he isn't. See, he's a chameleon. He changes colors. You should have seen him on your grandfather's robes!" she said excitedly. Grandfather?
"I met your family. They're really nice," she chattered on. My family? "They say your dreams hurt you, but I feel bad, because you dreamed of me," her eyes welled up with tears as she said this. Harry shook his head anxiously. Please don't cry.
"No," he protested and tried to reach his hand out to her. It flopped instead, but Anne seemed to understand what he was trying to do. She grabbed his fingers tightly, and Harry realized she felt ridiculously hot. Or was he chilled? "You were a good dream," he said intently, and knew the smile was small but genuine. She grinned happily, clearly relieved.
"Well, I haven't finished school yet, so I can't watch over you properly, but Herbert can. He needs lots of sun, fresh air, and bugs. See how his eyes move? It's neat, isn't it?" Anne chattered excitedly. The chameleon's eyes had rotated around to stare at Anne, even though his body was still facing Harry. It was actually rather unnerving.
"See? You need lots of sun and fresh air, too. But not bugs. You're too skinny, so you'd have to eat *way* too many bugs. But every time you feed Herbert, you've got to eat, too, okay? He likes to watch things, and he listens really well. I think he likes you!" she announced. Harry was feeling overwhelmed at the moment as he stared at the chameleon on his chest.
"Anne? Did you sneak in here?" a woman's voice he didn't recognize called softly from the door. Anne hunkered down next to Harry as if trying not to be noticed.
"I think Mr. Potter needs his rest, Anne," Madam Pomfrey scolded gently from the other side of the room.
"But he woke up, and I really needed to talk to him!" Anne protested, her lower lip protruding so far Harry knew it had to have been a fake pout.
"It was really nice of you to see him, but Harry is still very ill." Madame Pomfrey said as she began to wave her wand over Harry, probably reading his vitals. Anne sighed dramatically and was nose to nose with Harry again. She was giving him an acute case of vertigo.
"Herbert will scare the bad dreams away. And he doesn't mind being squished," she said seriously. Poor Herbert. Harry sent a silent promise not to squish the poor thing. An eye rotated back his way and he felt the urge to giggle.
"You sure?" Harry rasped. He didn't like the idea of Anne giving away her pet.
"My aunt doesn't like Herbert. She promised me a kitty," she admitted and began to scoot off the bed.
"Her loss," Harry said solemnly. Anne smiled brilliantly.
"Yes, I think so! I'll try to come back later, okay?" she asked, eyes flashing a brief moment of insecurity as she waited for his answer.
"I'd like that," Harry said. A full sentence. Progress.
"Bye, Ghost!" she called and quick as a flash she was at the door. Harry was exhausted just watching her. His eyes closed wearily and the strange lizard on his chest appeared to settle in. He dreamt of buoyant little girls rescuing him from burning buildings and chameleons taking swan dives into giant vats of hot chocolate. It was the nicest dream he'd had in years.
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"You have a growth on your chest," Sirius' dry voice invaded his dreams. That was okay, though. Things had begun to turn bad. A gaping pit had opened up at his feet, and he couldn't see the bottom of it. Everywhere he tried to step, it appeared.
"That's Herbert," Harry said. He wanted to joke, to tease him, but two words were all he could muster the strength for at the moment.
"Herbert is firmly attached to your nightshirt," Sirius observed. Harry opened his eyes and smiled wearily at his godfather. Sirius was currently trying to lift said lizard, but it wasn't budging from the death grip it had on Harry's buttons. "Anne's aunt has left you *ample* equipment to keep Herbert happy."
Not everyone appreciated a pet who could look two different directions at once, Harry wanted to say. "Her loss," he summarized breathlessly instead.
"How are you feeling?" Sirius asked, finally giving up and allowing Herbert to remain where he was. Sirius settled next to Harry on the bed and peered intently into his eyes. "Are you comfortable?" he asked. Harry tried to shrug.
"How long?" Harry asked. He never stayed awake long enough to ask all the pertinent questions.
"You were unconscious for two and a half weeks. You've been drifting for four days now. I think today's your best yet," he commented.
"Voldemort?" Harry rasped.
"It looked like your curse finished him, Harry," Sirius said, then hesitated just the barest second. If it weren't for the fact that Harry had been looking for it; that bit of bad news that was as inevitable as the changing of the seasons; he might have missed it entirely. Instead, Harry felt dread rise up in his throat. Sirius' sentence wasn't quite finished. No, no, no…
"But?" Harry choked.
"Harry, Dumbledore wasn't positive he is actually *dead*," Sirius said regretfully, placing a hand against Harry's forehead as if to try to sooth away the lines of rigid tension and leaning forward anxiously.
"No," Harry protested, his voice breaking. That was the point of the Killing Curse. He'd thought he was done. He thought it was over. He had never expected to live anyway. He'll come back. He did before. Harry desperately didn't want to have to do this again and felt tremors overtake him as overwhelming despair sank in. Please. No. Don't make me have to do this again. I can't. Why couldn't I have died?
"Harry?! Harry! Harry, listen to me!" Sirius nearly yelled and pulled Harry up so he was just inches away from Sirius' face. Harry's body felt like it was about to rattle apart and he couldn't stop the desperate sobs that choked him violently. I was done.
"Harry, listen to me! You broke Voldemort's hold on this world. Just because we're not *sure* if he was killed doesn't mean he will ever come back," Sirius said fiercely, his grip painful as he tried to break through Harry's rising hysteria. Sirius *seemed* to believe what he was saying... Harry tried to take deep breaths but failed. Instead, he gasped in frustration, shaking so badly he could barely focus on Sirius' face.
"Shh… You've done it, Harry. Shh... It's okay. Come on. Calm down," Sirius said and pulled Harry into a hug and rocked him back and forth, murmuring reassuring words into his hair. He rubbed Harry's back soothingly as he waited for Harry to calm. An idle part of Harry's brain realized gratefully that Herbert was indeed squishy.
Sirius' stubble scratched against Harry's ear as he held him close, and Harry's arms weakly wrapped around Sirius as well. His godfather still smelled of peppermint and aftershave, and felt far too bony against Harry's cheek.
Nonetheless, Harry's breathing began to ease as an exhausted sort of numbness crept in. Vaguely he remembered watching Ron squirm as Mrs. Weasley fussed over him, and just *knew* that he could never tire of such things.
"I understand, Harry. It's okay. I've got you. You're not going anywhere. You're safe. That's right. Keep breathing," Sirius murmured against Harry's hair, his own breath warm and smelling of pumpkin juice.
It took a while for the trembling to ease, and by then he was drifting back to sleep. Harry let his arms fall limply from Sirius' shoulders and sighed as his godfather continued to rub his back, speaking soothingly.
He dreamt of a man throwing a baby high up in the air, then catching him and swinging him around dizzily.
"Do you want to learn how to fly?" the voice asked, clearly not expecting an answer.
"Yes," Harry replied, and Sirius nodded.
"It's easy. You just close your eyes and jump."
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"Remus, he's waking up!"
"Is he?"
"Of course he is. I'm the expert. Get over here," Sirius demanded. Harry cracked open one eye. While he loved having his godfather there, his dreams were beginning to take darker turns now, and it took longer for Harry to collect himself when he woke. A little privacy would have been appreciated.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," Remus muttered, not sounding inconvenienced at all.
Harry stretched shakily and yawned widely. Reaching over for his glasses automatically, he was shocked to see Sirius dressed up in fine black robes, obviously new. His godfather's hair was pulled back in a black ribbon, and Harry thought he looked rather like he imagined a pirate would. Sirius was standing beside him with both hands behind his back, smiling toothily. Definitely piratical.
"Yes?" Harry asked with a faint smile after yawning again. This was a side he didn't see nearly enough of Sirius.
"Pick a hand," Sirius instructed as Remus came to stand beside him. Harry liked this game, although he'd only played it once with Ron. He frowned. Remus' face, as always, was inscrutable.
"The left one," Harry decided. Sirius beamed.
"Good choice! Excellent choice!" he pronounced dramatically and produced a scroll from behind his back. Harry automatically reached out to read it.
"No need, my dear fellow. Allow me," Sirius said theatrically, and cleared his throat as if to make a proclamation.
"Ruling on the eighth day of the Term of Arthur Weasley as Minister of Magic, the Ministry has found that the due process rights of Sirius Black have been violated and acknowledges that additional eyewitness testimony and the recent appearance of Peter Pettigrew's corpse on the shores of Azkaban show that Sirius Black's testimony under Veritaserum would have proved his innocence." Shocked tears welled up in Harry's eyes that he struggled to blink back but failed.
"Tell me you're not joking," Harry rasped breathlessly into the sudden silence. He'd found he could barely breathe. Sirius continued.
"Both committee and private investigations have found: numerous witnesses willing to sign affidavits with respect to Black's innocence; several witnesses who have since recanted their testimonies used to convict Black… (I'll tell you later, Harry. A couple of Muggles *did* see a rat scamper away)…; witnesses who have since identified the actual killer; and evidence disclosing the motive for the killing."
Harry was too stunned to do anything else but listen.
"This evidence clearly vindicates Black of the murder of James and Lily Potter. Section § 1495 & § 2513 of the Unjust Conviction and Imprisonment Act has been enacted to provide redress to Sirius Black who has been proven by clear and convincing evidence that he was unjustly convicted and imprisoned (Section § 8-b[1])."
"You're…" Harry began to ask. Remus raised his hand, gesturing to allow Sirius to finish.
"For the sake of this hearing, a summary of the Act states, in pertinent part, that this claimant is eligible to seek relief under this statute and as such, we hereby immediately relinquish hold of the Black estate and all other assets, with the promise for Sirius Black to be recompensed in an as yet undisclosed amount..." Sirius' eyes danced as he allowed the sentence to trail off.
"You're free?" Harry whispered, afraid saying it out loud would make it not true.
"And I'm sodden rich," Sirius agreed.
"Oh, he's not done. Read the last part, Sirius," Remus urged. Sirius cleared his throat, his voice suddenly not as sure as it had been before.
"There is tremendous concern about the way in which matters were handled at the time of Sirius Black's arrest and subsequent imprisonment. The lack of trial was a gross miscarriage of justice which will forever by this Ministry be deeply regretted."
No one said anything for long moments. Harry reached out his hand, and Sirius reverently placed the Ministry scroll within it.
Harry looked up at his godfather and said gently, "You're free."
"I'm free," Sirius agreed.
Harry's heart pounded wildly in his chest as he tried to believe the words he'd just heard. Unshed tears were making it hard for Harry to focus on all the details of Sirius' face. He wanted to freeze this moment in time, preserve it carefully, to pull out when the dreams got too bad or he was frustrated with being an invalid. This is worth it. Sirius would always be worth it.
When Harry was finally able to keep his own voice from breaking, he asked shakily, "What was in the other hand?" Sirius laughed, the sound shockingly loud in the infirmary.
"Oh, that! Just papers saying I've been awarded full legal custody of you until you come of age," Sirius casually said, waving a scroll he'd been holding behind his back dismissively.
Harry threw the scroll at him in frustration as he began to laugh and cry simultaneously. Sirius sat on the bed and pulled Harry close. It didn't take long before Harry had properly slimed Sirius' robes, but he didn't care. His godfather was free, and he finally had a home.
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"You realize you're going to have to talk about this eventually," Sirius' voice said directly beside Harry's ear. Sirius had his chin resting on his hands and his forearms flat on the bed, bringing him eye to eye with Harry.
"No I don't," Harry said stubbornly. So Sirius had noticed his nightmares. He would much rather not think about his dreams at all.
"Okay," Sirius replied. Harry frowned suspiciously at his godfather. Sirius raised both hands in the air innocently. "What?"
"Too easy," Harry rasped.
"I said it would be okay. You're just going to have two bedmates instead of one," Sirius stated.
"Two?" Harry asked.
"Snuffles and Herbert," he said. Harry shook his head.
"Poppy says today is the day you start on solid food," Sirius said, changing the subject and effectively closing the topic for discussion.
Harry was torn between his desire for comfort when he woke up ready to scream, and the need to retain at least some semblance of dignity. He hated that he alternately seemed to feel ready to laugh or cry almost all the time, and his perpetual fatigue did nothing to help things.
"Do I get to pick what to eat?" Harry asked. Sirius nodded.
"Within reason, though."
"Am I going to get better?" Harry asked. Sirius' expression darkened, but considering his face hadn't turned completely blank, Harry felt it was a good sign. He drifted so often still, and by the time polite conversation had the chance to turn to something deeper, he would fall asleep. It kept him anxiously unsettled as days passed and the Hogwarts year progressed.
"You already are. Haven't you noticed?" Sirius asked. Harry shook his head.
"You're staying awake longer, and the shaking has diminished quite a bit. Madam Pomfrey is impressed, and while she would wish your recovery to speed up a bit, you're still doing remarkably well," Sirius said truthfully.
"What am I going to do about Hogwarts?" Harry asked.
"It will be quite a while before you enter the Hogwarts mainstream again," Dumbledore's voice said regretfully as he entered the room. Sirius jumped, startled. Harry tried to figure out why he'd sensed the Headmaster's presence moments before he arrived.
"Will I be held behind?" Harry asked, amazed at the Headmaster's timing, as ever. What did he do, peek around corners and eavesdrop on conversations waiting for *just* the right moment to intervene? Harry had long ago stopped believing in coincidences.
"You won't be staying here at Hogwarts for much longer," Dumbledore replied. Harry closed his eyes wearily. He knew the price for Voldemort's incapacitation had not yet been completely paid. It never would be. *He* would never be free.
"You'll be staying with us," Remus' voice called from the doorway. Harry craned his neck to see his former professor. Remus had disappeared for the last couple of days, and Sirius had refused to answer Harry's questions as to where he was, saying only that he was feeling fine.
"Remus here has been house hunting," Sirius said with a mischievous smile. "I take it you've found something appropriately suitable for the hero of the Wizarding world?" Harry cringed at the title.
"And nearby *and* properly warded. The press is starting to get creative," Remus said dryly.
"And Hogwarts?" Harry prompted. He couldn't help the rising fear of losing Ron and Hermione simply because he no longer had any of the same classes or things in common with them anymore. They'd move on and forget about him, his mind kept promising.
He stopped trying to explain to his friends that he didn't care if they brought him into their conversations. He hated how awkward they seemed as they repeatedly tried to draw him out during talks. He preferred to listen to them banter and joke. Not like he wasn't in the room with them, but the way they used to, before things had gone so badly. Just being with them made him feel comfortable, and not quite so unstrung. The same went for Sirius and Remus.
Harry knew in his heart he couldn't handle Hogwarts emotionally, even if he could physically. But knowing didn't mean he wasn't furiously bitter to be left behind, a shaking shambling mess. Abruptly, Harry wondered how much of what he'd been thinking showed on his face, for Dumbledore was watching him somberly.
"In a month or so, you'll begin being tutored in all your respective classes," Dumbledore said gently. Harry flinched. "This is not an inconvenience or a burden, Harry. In fact, some of your fellow classmates have begun to excel in subjects they'd always performed mediocre in previously, just for the chance to participate in these tutorials."
"Ron," Harry smiled softly.
"And this was *before* being promised extra credit," Dumbledore stated with a nod.
"But what about Potions?" Harry asked. A Hogwarts education was largely hands on. Care of Magical Creatures. Defense Against the Dark Arts. Well, I should get extra credit in *that* class at least.
"Professor Snape, as well as all the other Hogwarts professors, have consented to test you privately, and will continue to provide the bulk of the lectures. With the proper study plans you will be able to keep up. We'll see to this, Harry. You have my word," Dumbledore said solemnly.
Harry closed his eyes for a moment and heaved a sigh. It was better than he feared, but he still hated being like this. He couldn't even stand. How long before he was a burden to Sirius and Remus…?
"Stop it!" Sirius snapped, making Harry jump. His godfather scowled and leaned in close, pointing at Harry's nose scoldingly. "You may be more mysterious than Remus here…"
"I beg your pardon," Remus said indignantly. Sirius ignored him.
"…but I'm starting to figure you out. Merlin, Harry, where on earth do you find the strength to carry all that guilt?!" Harry blinked. Dumbledore's eyebrows raised.
"Let me assure you, you will not be a burden. You've been sick, and you're getting better. It just takes time. I know you'd rather it be a day or two, but trust me when I tell you that no matter how bad the injuries, you will get better," Remus agreed quietly, and Harry found he couldn't argue with him.
"Besides, you seem to think our relationship is one sided. Do you think Moony and I don't enjoy your company?" Sirius asked.
"You're smart, you're clever, you're sensitive…" Remus began, ticking off points on his fingertips.
"You're too damn noble for your own good," Sirius interrupted.
"…you've got the most amazing knack for getting into things, and trust me when I tell you that's a fine Marauder trait to have," Remus continued, nodding approvingly.
"Let me spell it out for you, Harry," Sirius said earnestly. "You have a family. Remus and I. Arthur and Molly. Ron and Hermione."
Dumbledore rested a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Myself. Even Severus has a place for you in his heart," he said.
Harry couldn't suppress a smile. He hadn't been hurt that Snape hadn't visited. It would have been bizarre if he had. No words were needed between them anymore. The Potions Master could be as snarky as he wanted, but Harry knew Snape's secret.
At night, the Potions Master still fed Harry additional strength to speed his healing from the link they had yet to sever. Snape thought Harry wouldn't notice. It was odd to realize that Harry's way of showing Snape he cared was to not say anything about it.
"You're going home, Harry, to a real home. You're going to have a room of your own, and a field behind the house where you can practice Quidditch. You get two doting bachelors at your beck and call…" Sirius said.
"Who says I'm a bachelor?" Remus asked indignantly. Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Never mind. Go on," he instructed.
"And Molly Weasley twice a week to hover and stuff you full of food," Sirius continued. "You've got your fellow students coming to visit and tutor you…"
"At least Hermione will make sure you're actually learning," Remus approved.
"…and an in-house professor just *waiting* to stuff you full of knowledge."
"I would have chosen different imagery," Remus objected.
Harry blinked. He knew he was smiling, and felt something deep within him unlock a little, as if a little bit of tension had been released from a spring. It was true. He had a home. Harry let the thoughts drift in his head for a moment and looked around him expectantly. He held his breath. Sirius and Remus frowned at him.
"Yes?" Sirius prompted.
"There's no bad news?" Harry asked suspiciously. Remus sighed in faint exasperation and smiled gently.
"No bad news. Well, yes, there's the usual: The press is dying for an interview and going to great lengths to invade Hogwarts. There are still rabid Death Eaters out there who'd love to take you out… But how is that different from any other day?" Remus asked philosophically. Harry let out his breath.
"When do we leave?" Harry asked his godfather.
"After dinner," Dumbledore said. "Madame Pomfrey will check on you daily at first, then as you get better her visits will decrease. I'm sending Dobby with you to insure proper nutrition…"
"I'm a good cook!" Sirius protested.
"*cough* *No you're not* *cough*," Remus choked.
"Better than you," Sirius said.
"We'll let Harry decide that," Remus said with confidence, and turned to Harry, who'd begun to drift off to sleep yet *again*.
"See, you bored him!" was the last thing Harry heard until a warm furry body nestled next to his and began to snore.
…
…
…
"I feel like an Eskimo," Harry protested. They had him bundled up in so many blankets that his face barely peeked out.
"You look like one," Sirius agreed.
"I could try to walk," Harry protested lamely as Sirius carried him in his arms.
"I won't dignify that inane statement with a response," Remus said. Harry squinted at him.
"I don't want anyone to see me like this," Harry admitted.
"They won't. The halls are clear," Sirius said. "You've got Herbert?" he asked Remus. Remus patted his pocket in agreement.
"And Hedwig?" Harry asked.
"Dobby brought her to the house last night," Sirius said.
"I'm still coming back, right?" Harry asked softly.
"Don't you want to be with us?" Sirius asked, hurt. Harry flinched.
He didn't know how to express his fears that they'd tire of taking care of him, or that he would prove to be too much of a burden, without hurting their feelings. Harry *would* understand. He wanted to let them know up front, he'd still love them if they did.
"Harry," Remus said intently, as he stood next to Sirius, the both of them looking down on him. "Let me promise one thing right now: We're not going anywhere, and neither are you. You're stuck with us. You're not alone. And now we're going home, where Dobby already has a warm fire going, and you're going to have a real room all your own. I know words won't truly erase your fears, but try to let it go for now, okay? Only time is going to prove us right, and we've got plenty."
They all began to walk again, and far too quickly left the safety of Hogwarts for a carriage. Harry stared around him, stunned.
"It's fall," he breathed. Sirius frowned but said nothing. So much time had passed since he'd first left the Dursleys. In Harry's mind it was still summer, even though he knew Hogwarts had been in session for a while. The trees proved differently. Leaves crunched under Sirius' and Remus' feet, and Harry could see his breath in the air. A slight shiver ran up Harry's spine, and Sirius pulled him closer.
"See, it *is* chilly out here," Sirius said softly. Harry leaned his head against his godfather's chest.
"I love fall. It's beautiful," he said reverently. It had been so long since he'd seen the moon… Harry felt his jaw drop as he stared at Remus. "It's a full moon," Harry whispered, shocked. Remus smiled, and his face looked both old and young at once. His eyes shone with an inner fire that Harry couldn't begin to comprehend.
"Yes, it is," he agreed.
"Remus…" Harry whispered, not sure what else to say.
"We're going home, Harry. Say it once. Just try the words on. See how it feels," Remus gently teased.
Harry laughed softly as they settled him into the carriage. Sirius fussed and tucked every edge of the blanket around Harry until only his eyes and nose were visible. He watched as the two men settled beside him, and took this moment to really *look* at both Remus and Sirius while the carriage abruptly lurched forward.
They were quite the motley crew. A former werewolf. A pardoned convict. An orphan misfit. Yes, a place deep within him whispered. It's okay to hope. Harry smiled as he let his imagination speculate about what his room would look like. Home. He was finally going home.
The End
Author's Note: For all of you who've read this story, I cannot tell you properly how grateful I am for the input and support you've given me. You've taken an insecure closet writer and nurtured her growth.
You've taught me how to finish what I start, and that I can do whatever I set my sights to. You've turned a private labor of love into a passion, and your reviews have kept me laughing and nodding thoughtfully for over a year now. I promise to save your reviews and reread them often when I'm feeling insecure.
I haven't read OotP yet. I have two epilogues to do for this story before I set aside scroll and quill for a few days and indulge. One thing I've definitely learned, though, is that so much can change in an instant when you're playing in someone else's sandbox. Lesson learned. The next fic will be set in my own universe.
I won't say that I am never coming back to write more in this world. I adore the Harry Potter universe, and writing in it feels like coming home. So I may post more from time to time, but none of it will be nearly as large. 400 pages and 14 months are a bit much, don't you think? 8-)
But I leave you with this parting thought: It's been an honor to share this universe with you. I've been just as addicted to your reviews and fics as I was to the original series, and your companionship has been a reassuring presence in a tumultuous time in my life. Thank you.