Disclaimer: Don't own Saiyuki… and never will…

Full apology after this chapter… don't want to keep you waiting longer… So ENJOY!

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Chapter 11

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Sanzo

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"Koryou… perhaps it was indelicate of me to call you so." He sighed softly as he looked at me, dishevelled and bruised. I had been fighting the other novices… again. They hated me because I was no one, and yet had the favour of Komyou Sanzo.  I hated them because they were big and stupid and because they thought they were superior to me. And because… I needed someone to hate.

I shook my head slowly as I looked at him straight in the eyes.  "No master," I lied "I don't mind." I smiled trying to reassure him, but he didn't smile back. Instead he placed his hand on my shoulder, and looked at me with a worried frown on his face. 

"Tell me Koryou, do you wish to know your family? Are you curious to know who left you in the river?"

I looked down, unable to meet that kind gaze, full of pity and understanding. My family? I had always seen him as my father, mother… my only family. "No master. I don't care about them." It was true in a way

They didn't want me… so why should I want them?

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Perhaps it was only a dream… perhaps I had imagined everything. I was still dizzy and shaken after the fight. It had been only a trick of my imagination. Komyou Sanzo had been my only family, the only one who had been there for me. When he died, my family died. When he died, my ability to care died with him. I had no one. I wanted no one.

"I am your mother." She repeated it quietly, serenely. I stared back at her. How could she just stand there and tell me that she was the one who had abandoned me after giving birth to me?

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He brought his face close to mine, and he peered at me through his small eyes, as his grasp on my arms tightened. I tried hard not to wince, for young as I was, I hated showing any signs of weakness in front of them.

"Do you want to know why you were thrown in the river?" He looked greedily for a sign that I was listening, while the others made fun of me and laughed. I stared back at him. Although I knew I had been found in a floating basket, I never knew why I had not been brought to the temple like the others. I shrugged, feigning indifference but inside I was burning with curiosity.

He laughed at my silence. "I'll tell you anyway," he said. "I'll tell you why you're no one, one without family and without a name. I'll tell you." I could smell the stench of his sweat now as he got nearer, but I did not try to pull away. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "It's because… They wanted to kill you."

I stared at him in horror. "That's not true!" I gasped. Foolish child that I was… Their laughter rang in my ears, as my heart bled at the thought that who had given birth to me, had wanted me… had wanted me…

"You should be dead." His laughter was shrill and mocking. I kicked him in the groin and he squealed like a pig, letting go of me. I turned tail and ran, longing for a place in which to hide away from their satisfied smirks, and their cruel taunts… River drifter! Couldn't even die properly! Not even your mother could bear to look at your face….

I sped on until I came to the dark river, the same one which had carried me to my master five years before. I was young, and had never been out of the temple, but I had somehow gathered that a mother's love was something special. I had imagined that my mother had died, that I had been in some accident and the river had borne me away… but now, I knew the cold hard truth. I was so terrible that not even my mother had wanted me. Oushou-sama's vague explanation of why I had been in the basket, the monks' whispering behind my back, the initiates cruelty…. Everything fell into place. Childish tears full of self-pity, and full of anger for the mother I had never know streamed down my cheeks that day…

I swore that I would never think about her again. I hated her with all my heart.

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The childish anger I had kept hidden deep inside me for all these long years raced to the surface. I longed to wipe that tranquil look off her face. How dare she remind me of a woman I had sworn never to think about, whom I despised? It was not true…it could not be. My mother was dead to me.

"Liar." My voice was soft and dangerous. She started slightly, as though she had not expected such a reply. She passed her hand nervously through her golden hair, so like mine…

"I do not lie," she answered quietly, but I noticed that her hands trembled slightly.

"What do you think I am, stupid?" I growled. "I don't know what the hell you're thinking of, but I warn you, you'd better shut up."

"Sanzo…"

"Shut up."

"Sanzo, please, I know it's hard but…"

"I said SHUT THE HELL UP!" My voice rose as I felt anger surging through me. How dare she? Bitch. Bitch!! "I don't have a mother, she's probably dead, and if not I hope she rots in hell!" Her eyes widened, and she reeled backwards as though I had hit her in the face. She bit her lips and stepped forward in my direction.

"Listen to me, I…"

 "NO!" I yelled at her. It was all a lie. It had to be a lie. "Get away from me. You are not my mother!" I clenched my fists. "I've got no one! I don't need anyone!" I was panting heavily, and I felt sick. Only pure hatred kept me conscious, for I could have killed this woman who managed to make me remember what I had tried so hard to forget. Because of her, I remembered all the misery I'd felt when I was a child.

"You have to believe me." Her voice was pleading now, which only made me more furious.

"Why? Can you give me one good reason why I should listen to your lies?" I hissed

"Why shouldn't you?"

"You're a priestess? And you bore child?" I laughed bitterly.

"I'm a woman too." Her voice softened as she looked at me.

"And tell me, who was the father? Or was it a virgin birth?" I sneered.

"His name was Hiroshi. He's dead."

I stared at her. Dead? The pain in her voice was evident. Strangely enough I felt something stirring in my heart almost like… sorrow? But why? I didn't care did I? Surely I was not being fooled by her words? Surely I was not feeling regret for a father I'd never met?

"The red beads you had with you…"

"What?" How did she know about them? Inexplicably, my heart started beating rapidly.

"They were mine, you know." She was looking expectantly at me. I gazed at her in shock. The beads… I swallowed, as I tried to answer. She knew about the beads. The realisation struck me full force. It was true then.

She was my mother.

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Shunrei

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He was trembling, and the colour drained away from his face. He looked at the ground and did not speak. I stood waiting, hardly daring to hope. I prayed silently that at last he would accept me, that now he would believe me, that he would no longer reject me…

"So you're my mother." I nodded, slowly. He lifted his head. His eyes were cold and bitter.

"So why the fuck did you leave me to drown?"

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Sanzo

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Her eyes widened and she clutched her robes tightly. Her knuckles were white.

"I didn't… I never would have! I fainted… they told me you were dead but they stole you away…" Her eyes begged forgiveness for not having been able to protect me. For some reason this made me angry. How could she have been so weak so as to let them take me away from her?

"How am I supposed to believe you? You could just have decided that you didn't want a child, that life was too good to be spoiled by a one night stand…" I gasped as she slapped me on the face. She was livid, and her shoulders shook visibly as she stood in front of me.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" she hissed "A one night stand? I loved him more that I loved myself… I was willing to give up my life for him, but lost I lost him!" Her voice was full of pain and anger. I could not speak, for there was no mistaking the sincerity in her voice. Shunrei laughed, but it sounded high and unnatural. "I don't know why I'm telling you this… You don't know what love is, do you Sanzo?" she spat. "You're nothing but a selfish brat, who's never cared for anyone but himself." I winced, for she had struck home. I had cared, but I had lost.

Suddenly, I realised that I was angry with her for the same reason I was angry with myself. I blamed her for being weak, for having been unable to protect me, but I too had done the same thing….

She paced away furiously, but stopped suddenly with her back to me. "I still love him," she said quietly. I could tell she was trying hard not to cry. "When he died, I wanted to tear my heart out, for it hurt too much. But I had to live, for I bore his child." She looked at me over her shoulder. "When I lost you as well, I knew that I was being punished for having given myself to a man. But when you were brought here, I thought that perhaps, this was an end to my suffering." She turned her head away. "I was wrong. I fooled myself." she said softly. "It's always the same… I always get hurt in the end."

I always get hurt in the end.

Those words. So familiar. So true.

I stared at the woman who claimed to be my mother. She had started back to the temple, without looking back. I had sworn to myself never to care about what I could lose again, for it hurt too much.  But seeing her walk away from me, out of my life, this time perhaps for ever,  made me doubt, not for the first time, the wisdom of my decision…

"Wait."

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Shunrei

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I stopped short in my tracks. Had I really heard it, or was I simply imagining things?

"Wait." I turned slowly to meet his gaze. I bit my lip. Instead of the cold accusatory glare I had grown accustomed to seeing, there was something else. He seemed younger than his years, unsure of himself. The hard, embittered look in his eyes was replaced by the look of a lost child, searching… searching…

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. His amethyst eyes, so familiar, yet so strange did not leave mine. I felt a sudden hope. Could it be? I stepped forward hesitantly, but this time, no hard words spurned me back. Instead, I met with a pleading look.

"Don't leave me." His voice was barely above a whisper, but I heard every word.

I couldn't move. I stared at my son, hardly able to believe that at last he was accepting me.

I saw a flicker of pain in his eyes. When he saw I didn't answer, he looked away, golden bangs, covering the expression on his pale face. I gasped as I realized that he had mistaken my hesitation with rejection. I stumbled to his side, tears blurring my vision, longing to comfort my son, the only living being I cared for.

Hot tears trickled down my cheeks as I dropped on my knees in front of him. "Sanzo?" I asked hesitantly. He remained motionless, head bowed down. Slowly, I took his face in my hands and brought him to face me. His amethyst eyes met mine, full of anxiety and I smiled through my tears. "I'll always be there for you." I whispered as I pressed his forehead to mine. "I love you. I love you more than anything in the world." I closed my eyes, wishing only that Hiroshi could be there with us. Suddenly, I felt a hand on mine, caressing it gently. I looked at him to see his eyes bright with unshed tears, but full of unspoken joy.

At last, we were together again, mother and child.

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Sanzo

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She touched my face tenderly and for once I did not pull away.  For I had discarded the cold mask which I had worn for so long, and before her stood my soul barred naked… a child, yearning for acceptance, yearning for love. I caressed her hand, half afraid, wanting to be sure that she was there with me, that this was not only a dream. My heart was too full for me to speak. I was afraid I'd spoil this moment, so precious, so unique. Unconsciously, I had longed for this moment all my life.

I love you…

Never had any words sounded as sweet. Her love cloaked my shivering soul, warming my existence, filling me with a joy I thought I never would feel. She was there, and near or far, I could tell she'd always be with me. Always.

I love you too…mother.

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Ok….. ready? I AM VERY, VERY SORRY!!!!!!!!!! I uploaded this chapter much later then I had meant to. Sanzo was not being very cooperative, as he rejected every plot line I presented to him, as they weren't his style. (actually he didn't want to admit that she was his mother, but as you see, I had the final say on that… :p). School, tests, health, heart, nasty computers… everything was against me. So once again I apologise :)

THANK YOU to all those who reviewed (and even to those who read it but didn't review)

Angioletto: This chapter is dedicated to you… thanks for what you did ^_^

Roy: I guess I should have put down this story as suspense right? Thanks a lot for your comments! Love it when people start trying to guess the story line! Well you got part of it right…Don't worry, all the veggies in my fridge were used to stuff into Goku's mouth… that kid is getting too expensive….

Genjo Sanzo 1: Hope everything is ok!! Thank for your review!

annonymouse: Well… Sanzo isn't the kind of guy who says these things is he? Maybe someone else will get to know…

Azzie@Az & Thowra: Thanks for reviewing!! As you see… I didn't leave off there…. Couldn't let Sanzo off the hook so easily could I? ^_^

Fuuei, metalDRAGON2, M2000, Bright Wing Yume, Unseen Watcher & Chelle: Thanks for your comments people! Hope you liked this chapter :)

Last chapter will soon be up hopefully!