"All right, Caesar's Palace..." said Ichabod, holding up a giant, ludicrous
Map-Of-The-Stars'-Homes he'd picked up from a street vendor, "This doesn't
look like it'll be much help...Ooh, look! Sean Connery has a summer home in
the Luxor!"
"Could that gigantic, Roman themed hotel up ahead be it?" asked Sarah. They walked off towards the building, Shawn still grasping Ethan by the feet. Llama opened the door for them all, and they tramped inside, Shawn leaving bloody footprints on the carpet. A sneering bellman looked at them like he'd like to strangle them all slowly. Ichabod obnoxiously slammed the desk bell repeatedly, until a receptionist walked over to them.
"Name?" She asked, preparing her records.
"Well," said Shawn tensely, "We haven't got a reservation..."
"No problem." The lady smiled happily, tapped some more on her keyboard, "We've got the Presidential Suite available for $630 a night, and other rooms going down in price from there. What can I get for you?" Shawn sighed helplessly, dug into his pockets and signaled for the others to do the same. A pile of change spread over the counter.
"What can we get for that?" spoke up Ichabod.
"Well, you can sit in the corner, and use the potted plants for toilets." The lady replied sorrowfully. Then she was hit full-on in the face by Ichabod's beauty. He realized the power he now wielded, and smiled like an underwear model. She stuttered slightly,
"B-But I can't leave you FINE folks out in the cold, now can I? Customer service is what Caesar's Palace is all about, after all." She scraped their change into her palm, dumped it into the register, and signaled to a bellboy. "Follow Arthur. He'll show you to your...rooms."
They were lead off past lavishly decorated corridors, grand shopping pavilions and casinos, down a dark hallway. The bellboy produced a set of tarnished keys and shoved one into the lock.
"Cots are in section 8-D. You can grab yourselves some. Here's the spare key." He handed them another off the overloaded key ring, "Don't lose it." He walked off.
They found themselves faced with a gigantic concrete storeroom. Two nasty, stained cots sat across the room from them.
"Well, its better than the street..." commented Llama. Shawn put Ethan down.
"Jeeshush H Chrisht!" Ethan exclaimed, "What a shithole."
"This is what you get for free..." Ichabod said wearily as he and Shawn struggled to set up a cot. The door slammed open behind them, and two men staggered in. One was skinny, and looked a lot like Ichabod save for the fact that he was bald. The other was fat and ugly, with long unkempt black hair.
"Holy fucking rat bastard!" The skinny one cried, "That's a headless chicken, and its TALKING!" He ran over to Ichabod, and grabbed him by his coat lapels, "I haven't had mescaline in eight HOURS!"
"If you don't mind my asking, who the HELL are you guys?" asked Shawn.
"As your attorney, I advise you to take one of these to try and make it go away." The fat man said, fishing a small paper square out of his suitcase, "Hello. My name's Dr. Gonzo, and that guy over there is my client Raoul Duke. We're on the run from the police for unpaid hotel bills." He shook Shawn and Ichabod's hands, and smiled greasily at Leah and Sarah. Raoul ran back over to them, flapping his arms and making electric guitar sounds.
"GONZO, ITS NOT GONE! ITS NOT! WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Gonzo rolled his eyes, pulled out another small brown bottle and dumped some liquid on an American flag. He shoved it harshly at Raoul's face, and he crumpled to the ground, serene as a lamb. Gonzo smiled as if he'd done nothing more than hand Raoul a Rolaid.
"Sometimes the acid don't work. We gotta bring out the big guns. Ether." He stuck the bottle back in his bag. Raoul paused from drawing shapes in the air with his finger, and looked at his leg in horror.
"GRANDMA! NOOOO!" He began to beat his own leg senselessly. Shawn's eyebrows were raised in horror,
"So...we're going to be sharing this room with you?" Gonzo looked up at them. He had an acid square stuck to his forehead,
"Yep!" He smiled, "Looks like we're bunkies!" Then he fell over next to Raoul. Ichabod and Shawn wheeled their cots over to the opposite side of the room as fast as they could go.
"I'm scared..." Llama commented from his cot, "Who knows. They could go on an acid binge and kill us all in their sleep."
"I think they drug themselves so intensely that they can't do much of anything." commented Ichabod, where he lay with Leah on two cots pushed together.
"Truth," said Shawn, from he and Sarah's double cot.
In the morning, Llama awoke face-to-face with Raoul and Gonzo. Apparently they'd done their entire inventory of speed, and spent the night watching their roommates sleep.
"Um...hi guys..." Ichabod sat up, not bothering to pull on a shirt. A high pitched squealing sound emitted from Gonzo's lips, and Raoul pulled a Rubik's cube from his shirt pocket and completed it in two seconds.
"Well..." Shawn said, drumming his fingers, "Its been a slice, guys...But we'd better get going...Lots of...investigating to do..."
"DowehaveanymorespeedDuke?" asked Gonzo, "Itswearinoffman..."
"I got this from a guy in the casino..." He threw a bottle at Gonzo, "Weird guy. Didn't talk at all, and wore a really big coat." Something clicked in Ichabod's brain,
"Did you get his name at all, Raoul?" He spoke slowly, so Raoul caught his every word.
"Uh uh." Raoul shook his head, "You think I remember shit like that on a speed, mescaline, ether and acid trip? Coulda started with an H...or then again a G..."
"Je ne suis pas l'orange! Je ne suis pas l'orange!" Gonzo cried, rolling around on the floor.
"You shtoned bastard..." Ethan shook his neck from the bed.
"RoBERTO BeNIGni!" Gonzo said in response. Raoul looked inquisitively at Leah,
"Do they pay you to fuck that bear?" Ichabod glowered at him and yanked a shirt over his head,
"We've got to find this guy. I just know he's plotting SOMETHING..." Ichabod said, "Now Raoul. Can you remember ANYTHING else about this guy?"
"NO! I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU! NO!" Raoul stuck his head between his legs and began to hum the theme to Gilligan's Island. Ichabod rolled his eyes, and fished around in Gonzo's suitcase. His hand fluttered past cans and bottles and needles of all kinds, and came to rest on one of the acid squares.
"I'll give you thiiiis!" He shook it before Raoul, and his eyes widened. He tried to compose his thoughts,
"He's at the same table every night. Craps. And he ALWAYS wins...CAN I HAVE MY ACID NOW?" Ichabod sighed disgustedly and handed Raoul the little square, which he swallowed whole. He squished his lips like a fish's and fanned his arms around, his usual reaction upon doing a drug.
"Well...we've really got to...go now, so we'll see you later, OK?" said Sarah.
"We all live in a yellow submarine!" responded Raoul and Gonzo in perfect unison.
"Could that gigantic, Roman themed hotel up ahead be it?" asked Sarah. They walked off towards the building, Shawn still grasping Ethan by the feet. Llama opened the door for them all, and they tramped inside, Shawn leaving bloody footprints on the carpet. A sneering bellman looked at them like he'd like to strangle them all slowly. Ichabod obnoxiously slammed the desk bell repeatedly, until a receptionist walked over to them.
"Name?" She asked, preparing her records.
"Well," said Shawn tensely, "We haven't got a reservation..."
"No problem." The lady smiled happily, tapped some more on her keyboard, "We've got the Presidential Suite available for $630 a night, and other rooms going down in price from there. What can I get for you?" Shawn sighed helplessly, dug into his pockets and signaled for the others to do the same. A pile of change spread over the counter.
"What can we get for that?" spoke up Ichabod.
"Well, you can sit in the corner, and use the potted plants for toilets." The lady replied sorrowfully. Then she was hit full-on in the face by Ichabod's beauty. He realized the power he now wielded, and smiled like an underwear model. She stuttered slightly,
"B-But I can't leave you FINE folks out in the cold, now can I? Customer service is what Caesar's Palace is all about, after all." She scraped their change into her palm, dumped it into the register, and signaled to a bellboy. "Follow Arthur. He'll show you to your...rooms."
They were lead off past lavishly decorated corridors, grand shopping pavilions and casinos, down a dark hallway. The bellboy produced a set of tarnished keys and shoved one into the lock.
"Cots are in section 8-D. You can grab yourselves some. Here's the spare key." He handed them another off the overloaded key ring, "Don't lose it." He walked off.
They found themselves faced with a gigantic concrete storeroom. Two nasty, stained cots sat across the room from them.
"Well, its better than the street..." commented Llama. Shawn put Ethan down.
"Jeeshush H Chrisht!" Ethan exclaimed, "What a shithole."
"This is what you get for free..." Ichabod said wearily as he and Shawn struggled to set up a cot. The door slammed open behind them, and two men staggered in. One was skinny, and looked a lot like Ichabod save for the fact that he was bald. The other was fat and ugly, with long unkempt black hair.
"Holy fucking rat bastard!" The skinny one cried, "That's a headless chicken, and its TALKING!" He ran over to Ichabod, and grabbed him by his coat lapels, "I haven't had mescaline in eight HOURS!"
"If you don't mind my asking, who the HELL are you guys?" asked Shawn.
"As your attorney, I advise you to take one of these to try and make it go away." The fat man said, fishing a small paper square out of his suitcase, "Hello. My name's Dr. Gonzo, and that guy over there is my client Raoul Duke. We're on the run from the police for unpaid hotel bills." He shook Shawn and Ichabod's hands, and smiled greasily at Leah and Sarah. Raoul ran back over to them, flapping his arms and making electric guitar sounds.
"GONZO, ITS NOT GONE! ITS NOT! WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Gonzo rolled his eyes, pulled out another small brown bottle and dumped some liquid on an American flag. He shoved it harshly at Raoul's face, and he crumpled to the ground, serene as a lamb. Gonzo smiled as if he'd done nothing more than hand Raoul a Rolaid.
"Sometimes the acid don't work. We gotta bring out the big guns. Ether." He stuck the bottle back in his bag. Raoul paused from drawing shapes in the air with his finger, and looked at his leg in horror.
"GRANDMA! NOOOO!" He began to beat his own leg senselessly. Shawn's eyebrows were raised in horror,
"So...we're going to be sharing this room with you?" Gonzo looked up at them. He had an acid square stuck to his forehead,
"Yep!" He smiled, "Looks like we're bunkies!" Then he fell over next to Raoul. Ichabod and Shawn wheeled their cots over to the opposite side of the room as fast as they could go.
"I'm scared..." Llama commented from his cot, "Who knows. They could go on an acid binge and kill us all in their sleep."
"I think they drug themselves so intensely that they can't do much of anything." commented Ichabod, where he lay with Leah on two cots pushed together.
"Truth," said Shawn, from he and Sarah's double cot.
In the morning, Llama awoke face-to-face with Raoul and Gonzo. Apparently they'd done their entire inventory of speed, and spent the night watching their roommates sleep.
"Um...hi guys..." Ichabod sat up, not bothering to pull on a shirt. A high pitched squealing sound emitted from Gonzo's lips, and Raoul pulled a Rubik's cube from his shirt pocket and completed it in two seconds.
"Well..." Shawn said, drumming his fingers, "Its been a slice, guys...But we'd better get going...Lots of...investigating to do..."
"DowehaveanymorespeedDuke?" asked Gonzo, "Itswearinoffman..."
"I got this from a guy in the casino..." He threw a bottle at Gonzo, "Weird guy. Didn't talk at all, and wore a really big coat." Something clicked in Ichabod's brain,
"Did you get his name at all, Raoul?" He spoke slowly, so Raoul caught his every word.
"Uh uh." Raoul shook his head, "You think I remember shit like that on a speed, mescaline, ether and acid trip? Coulda started with an H...or then again a G..."
"Je ne suis pas l'orange! Je ne suis pas l'orange!" Gonzo cried, rolling around on the floor.
"You shtoned bastard..." Ethan shook his neck from the bed.
"RoBERTO BeNIGni!" Gonzo said in response. Raoul looked inquisitively at Leah,
"Do they pay you to fuck that bear?" Ichabod glowered at him and yanked a shirt over his head,
"We've got to find this guy. I just know he's plotting SOMETHING..." Ichabod said, "Now Raoul. Can you remember ANYTHING else about this guy?"
"NO! I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU! NO!" Raoul stuck his head between his legs and began to hum the theme to Gilligan's Island. Ichabod rolled his eyes, and fished around in Gonzo's suitcase. His hand fluttered past cans and bottles and needles of all kinds, and came to rest on one of the acid squares.
"I'll give you thiiiis!" He shook it before Raoul, and his eyes widened. He tried to compose his thoughts,
"He's at the same table every night. Craps. And he ALWAYS wins...CAN I HAVE MY ACID NOW?" Ichabod sighed disgustedly and handed Raoul the little square, which he swallowed whole. He squished his lips like a fish's and fanned his arms around, his usual reaction upon doing a drug.
"Well...we've really got to...go now, so we'll see you later, OK?" said Sarah.
"We all live in a yellow submarine!" responded Raoul and Gonzo in perfect unison.