Dedication: To the Psycho Violinist of Silentwood for giving me the idea for the chapter title in your review. Hope you like the chapter. I know you probably didn't want him to dress up, but I guess Victoria and Cassidy thought otherwise.

Dikdiks Don't Play Tea Party

By Fanficworm

Chapter 2: Dressing for Tea

Though Victoria's and Cassidy's hands were not yet large enough to encapsulate his own, it was very clear who led whom. The girls led Dik Dik across the hallway, holding his hand and so forcing him to walk in a most undignified posture. All the while he mentally chanted It's only for an hour until he actually started believing himself. Across the chequered carpet and past the plain white doors they walked until they reached a certain room with a slightly open door.

It's only for an hour.

Victoria pushed open the door, revealing a bedroom nothing short of luxurious compared to Checkmate's bare cave. Kiki and the king chess piece had spared no expense to keep their eldest from growing up in the same type of room Checkmate did. Inside the room were cream coloured walls, a small bed, a dresser, a nest (a gift from Tyrannoclaw) and a collection of plush toys seated around a child-sized tea table, among other things.

Dik Dik took a closer look at the plush toys. His eyes widened in shock and horror at the sight. Oh, good lord. Was that makeup on their faces?

It's only for an hour. It's only for an hour. It's only for an hour.

Victoria released his hand and plodded over to the plastic tea set on the table. She picked up one of the plain white teacups. "Tea?" she offered.

Cassidy also released his hand. She stormed over to Victoria, took away the cup and placed it back on the table, frustrated. "Vicky—"

"Victoria."

Cassidy huffed. "Fine, 'Victoria'." She rolled her eyes. "You ain't s'posed to give Uncle Dik Dik tea yet."

"Wh—" Realisation dawned on Victoria's face, and she smiled at him, just as Cassidy smiled at him. "Oh, I forgot. Thy extra rules…" Somehow Dik Dik could tell this wasn't one of those regular girl smiles. This was the mischievous and slightly malicious one girls would always get when…

"You need a makeover, Unc," Cassidy proclaimed, somehow appearing with a makeup set in her hands at that moment.

Victoria bolted to her drawer, a few seconds later returning with a fistful of ribbons of various shades of blue (they matched the blue hair she inherited from Checkmate, after all). "Yes," she beamed. "You must dress for tea, just like our other guests." She pointed to the pitiful stuffed animals, which seemed to plead to him, "get out while you still can".

"I—uh…" Dik Dik stammered, eyes darting between the instruments of evil and the stuffed animals that suffered by them. Suddenly his heart went out to the plush toys. They had to watch in horror as two well-meaning girls mauled their soft cotton exteriors. He could defend himself, but those patented disappointed faces could control anyone. Even if those toys were alive, they would have yielded and gotten their exteriors mauled anyway.

And now it was his turn.

It's only for an hour. It's only for an hour. It'sonlyforanhourit'sonlyforanhour.

"Please take a seat, Uncle Dik Dik," Victoria motioned with Checkmate's eloquence and Kiki's grin to the vacant child-sized stool at the tea table.

Dik Dik meanwhile, took a step back towards the still-open door. It couldn't be too late to back out; he'd just have to make up a good enough excuse. But as he ran through the list of pleas he stored up in his brain, the sad faces made a comeback.

No. No. He was standing his ground this time. There was no way he'd sacrifice his dignity and manhood to appease two little girls, even though they were the daughters of two of his best friends…

Two friends who wouldn't be happy to find out he wasn't taking care of their children when he was supposed to… One seemed to be slipping into insanity already, the other already heated up over a criminal insulting his wife, and both could beat him to a pulp on their own…

On second thought, if the girls were quick enough, no one would find out about the makeover.

He eased himself onto the delicate stool, feeling unsure it could bear his weight. To his surprise, it did, though he might as well have been squatting. Within minutes Cassidy applied so much makeup he was surprised he wasn't hunching over. She then poked around Victoria's dresser looking for more things to make him look pretty while Victoria worked around the gazelle's naturally short hair by just decorating his horns with blue knotted ribbons.

"There," Victoria smiled, eyeing her creation with pride. "You are ready for tea."

"Not yet!" Cassidy called from her rummage of Victoria's formerly immaculate dresser.

"What art thou doing?" Victoria all but screeched, staring in horror as Cassidy scattered her possessions around the floor with the carelessness for a child who couldn't care less about messes.

"Fetchin'…" she thrust a circular metallic object into the air, "…this!"

"My crown? But—"

Plop.

With one Frisbee toss, Cassidy had flung the crown onto Dik Dik's head. Well, around his horns, anyway. It was a small crown, a scaled-down replica of Checkmate's in fact, and couldn't fit the circumference of his head.

The girls took one look at him. Victoria gasped. Cassidy giggled. Dik Dik shrank back in fear. He dared to open his lipstick-coated lips to speak. "What?"

They smiled. "You're beautiful."

"Beautiful"? Did they just say he looked beautiful? "Cute" he could handle, but "beautiful"? He could just imagine the looks of manly superiority over his friends' faces should they find out about that comment.

It'sonlyforanhourit'sonlyforanhourit'sonlyforanhourit'sonlyforanhour…

He couldn't believe it. Two girls, one six and one five-and-a-half, said that he, Dik Dik Van Dik, the number one graduate from the Hercules Factory and Chôjin Crown participant, was beautiful. And the way they said it, they meant the feminine kind of beautiful. Underneath his cake of makeup, Dik Dik felt a blush creeping—no, running—to his cheeks as he fought the strong urge to cry in utter misery. Things couldn't get any worse.

Cassidy showed him a mirror, smiling.

A complete stranger stared back at him, one who seemed to be on some sort of medication when applying makeup and tying ribbons. The ribbons were most definitely knotted, and it would have been impossible to take them off without cutting them, but they accounted for the least of his worries. Powder of all shades marred his perfect face, a blending of colours that definitely clashed and made him look like an abstract art project. On top of that, Cassidy seemed to have forgotten that lipstick was made for just lips, and could not replace eye shadow… or mascara… or war paint…

Things just got worse. Much worse. Much worse.

"Uh…" he stammered, trying to find something to say that wouldn't hurt their feelings. " Not… bad?"

They grinned, seating themselves with airs of pretend elegance. Whew. He had said the right thing, and now they wouldn't make things worse for him. He felt so proud of himself.

Victoria giggled. "Now you are ready for tea."

There was something in the way she said it that struck a chord of fear in him, and somehow, he knew things weren't going to just go downhill. In fact, he had a feeling the most embarrassing moment of the evening was still to come. But what could be worse than this? He braced himself.

It's only for an hour. It's only for an hour. It's only for an hour…

…Right?

To be continued...