Chasing Akane
By JDHGamer, based upon Ranma ½ and View Askew's: Chasing Amy
Author's Notes: Please note that the characters in this fan fiction are out- of-character most of the time, but are, as you will find as you go further and further into this fan fiction, based, at least partly, upon the characteristics and back stories of the original characters. However, some characters seem to bare absolutely no resemblance at all, however because of this their characters (hopefully) are more funny. Dimi-Chan and Silent Juton are characters created by myself and a girl who could be considered a co-writer of this fic, based in this case off of Jay and Silent Bob, however they will appear in future fan fictions that I release as simply Dimi-Chan and Juton. They are based on the co-writer and myself respectively. By the way, the co-writer's author-name is Dillim. Okay, some other stuff, for one Dimi-Chan and Silent Juton play a larger role then their "counterparts" in Chasing Amy, for various reasons chief among them being that this is their introduction. On one more note this fan fiction is based on the original screenplay of the film, and may include scenes that were either deleted or in some cases were never so much as filmed. Some of these scenes I removed myself, but others I kept in because I knew how to make them funny or because I could add another Ranma ½ character into it. Also, there is one scene, although not in this first part, that has a memorable moment from the original movie removed. The reason for this is because I couldn't really make it fit into the "Ranmafication" of the movie, plus I'm doing a rewritten version with all the heavy curse words replaced with minor ones so I can make this PG-13 and it'll be viewable by default. Please note, however, there is still some STRONGLY sexual humor in this fiction-however since it's mostly innuendo, I think it's acceptable for a PG-13 audience. Plus-you've been forewarned. lol
Script terminology Notes: EXT. stands for Exterior (meaning an outdoor setting) and INT. Stands for Interior (as in an indoor setting).
And on a final note, I'm going to tell you about two characters and who they represent from the original film, because it can be slightly confusing. All the other characters, however, should be obvious to anyone who's seen the film, and to anyone who hasn't, hell it shouldn't matter to them. lol
Akane=Holden Ryouga=Banky
Although there are occasions when Akane does slip into Aleysa's role and vice-versa, but one again, not in this first part.
Now, please sit back and relax as I bring you: Chasing Akane-Part 1
EXT. Quick-E Manga
Dimi-Chan and Silent Juton stand in their usual spots, having no idea what's going on inside the shop. Not like they care or anything, anyway.
Dimi-Chan (to a passer-by entering the shop): Yo! Wazzup dude?! Nice Card Captor Sakura dress!!
The GUY Heads through the entrance, not bothering to make eye contact. Dimi-Chan (to Juton): Man, there sure are a lot of transvestite cos-players at Quick-E-Manga today, more than usual. It's almost like they're having a Manga convention or something...
INT. Manga Convention signing booth Inside Quick-E Manga-Day
The guy from outside, you know, with the dress? Well, he leans forward, smiling.
Transvestite Fan: Could you sign it "To a really huge fan"?
Akane sits at a table. Across from the cross-dressing cos-player fan. She offers him a patronizingly kind, half-smile in return.
Akane: Yeah, sure.
We're obviously at a Manga show, and specifically a signing. Behind Akane is a large banner, that says "Akane Tendo & Ryouga Hibiki-Creators of 'Baka and Hentai'". Beside it is a large mock-up of the Manga cover which features two vaguely familiar neighborhood lemon readers. Akane hands the manga back to the fan.
Trans. Fan: I love this book! This stuff's awesome. I wish I was like these guys. I mean-yeah, I read lemons all the time but I don't fight super villains at the same time-or even separately for that matter.
Meanwhile, Ryouga signs the manga of another collector
Collector: So you draw this?!
Ryouga (signing the manga): I ink it, color it, and I draw all the pigs, but we both came up with the characters.
Collector: What's that mean.-you "ink it"?
Ryouga: You see, Akane draws the pictures in pencil, and then she gives it to me to go over in ink.
Collector: So you just trace?
Ryouga freezes up. After recomposing himself, he continues signing.
Ryouga: It's not tracing. I add depth and shading to give the image more definition. Only then does the image really take shape.
Collector: You go over what she draws with a pen-that's tracing.
Ryouga: Look, even if that were true-which it's NOT!!...Even then, I still actually draw all the pigs and I add color.
Collector: Color?! Dude, only the manga cover is in color!
Ryouga: Yes, but that's the part that catches the attention of a potential reader. And as I said before, I draw ALL the pigs. (He hands the manga to the collector) Next!
A little kid steps up but the collector lingers
Collector: Hey, kid. If somebody draws something and then you draw the same thing right on top of it, not going outside the designated original art, what is that called?
Little Kid (shrugs): I don't know. Tracing?
Collector (to Ryouga): See?
Ryouga: It's not tracing.
Collector: Oh, but it is.
Ryouga: I draw the pigs. (to the kid) Do you want your manga signed or what?
Collector: Hey-don't get all testy with us just because you've got a problem with your station in life.
Ryouga: I'm secure with what I do.
Collector: Then just say it-you're a tracer.
Little kid (grabbing the manga back): I don't want you to sign it, I want the girl who draws it to sign it. You're just a tracer.
Collector: Tell him, little guy.
Akane accepts a manga from another fan.
Akane (off comic): Who do I sign it to?
Before Akane can finish, a loud crash is heard. She looks to her left and freaks. Ryouga is throttling the collector from behind the table. The collector attempts to fight him off.
Ryouga: I draw the freaking pigs you son of a bitch!!
Security Guards attempt to pull them apart. Akane grabs Ryouga.
Collector: What the hell?! All I did was call him a tracer!
Ryouga: I'LL TRACE A CHALK LINE AROUND YOUR DEAD FREAKING BODY, YOU ASSHOLE!
Akane (to security guards): Could you get him out of here?!
The security guards drag the collector away.
Collector: Hey, wait a sec! He jumped me! And you're dragging me away?! (exiting) Freaking tracer!
Ryouga: YOU'RE MOTHER'S A TRACER!!
Akane: You draw some really good pigs, Ryouga.
Ryouga: I tried explaining that to him, but the asshole wouldn't listen!!
Akane: Well, I should remind you now-curtains in...(checks watch) ten minutes.
INT. Back room normally reserved for hentai mangas, converted into a convention lecture hall-day
Soun fills the frame. He comes off as a not-so-typical pro-yaoi, anti- straight gay Asian guy.
Soun: For years in this industry whenever a gay character-hero or villain- was introduced, usually by straight artists and writers-they got slapped with homophobic names that singled them out as gays: Pack-Man, Rectal Boy, just to name a couple.
We're at a panel discussion. The room is full, save for two seats which Akane and Ryouga walk over to and sit down on. Anyway, five creators sit at a long table, their names on cards in front of them. One of them is a red- haired girl; another is a heavy-set man wearing a bandana over his head pirate-style. The banner behind them reads "Minority Voices in Manga"
Soun (hold up manga): Now my manga, "Taoheye the Yaoi", doesn't have any of that bullcrap. The hero, of course, is Taoheye. He's a descendant of the gay tribe that established the first society EVER on the planet, while all you straight motherfreakers were still hiding in caves and crap, all terrified of the sun.
Girl in Crowd: How could they survive if they were a "gay" tribe?
Soun: Shut up you homophobic bitch! (pause) Anyway, he's a strong role- model that a young gay reader can look up to. I'm tellin' you, there aren't enough significant gay characters in mainstream anime and manga.
Ryouga (standing up): What about Kaoru from Evangelion? Wasn't he gay?
Soun: Yeah, but just as soon as he was getting close to Shinji, Shinji had to go and follow his asshole father's wishes to kill him because he was one of those freaking Angel things!
Ryouga: And Shinji was gay too, wasn't he?
Guy in crowd: Shinji's not gay!!
Soun: Yeah, right!! When he was in Rei's apartment, and she came out of the shower all naked and he fell on top of her, what did he do? NOTHING! If he was in anyway straight, he would've taken advantage of the situation.
Guy in Crowd: He was just fourteen years old, a confused teenager with self- confidence issues!
Soun: Yeah, sure believe what you will. But he lived in that apartment with a girl that any straight man would consider to be hot, in fact-one hot girl and one hot woman. Sure, one was a total bitch, and one was drunk half the time, but he could've rapped one and taken advantage of the others drunkenness. And he never did! If that doesn't make him gay, I have no idea what does, and I should be an expert being one myself!! And in any case, that doesn't change the way he was portrayed, which is, as you mentioned a confused boy lacking any self-esteem.
The first guy sits down, but another guy stands up.
Another guy: What about the lemons? Shinji has Asuka, Rei, Misato, and sometimes all of them at once!!
Soun: So...there are lemons of a similar nature involving Shinji and Kaoru, and sometimes Touji and Kenji join in the fun!! But in any case, that crap isn't official, so it's beyond the point!!
Soun: In my manga, the gay MAIN character is a man off strength and character!!
Ryouga: Yeah, like that'll sell millions!!
Soun: Huh? Well what about this?!
Soun pulls out a gun.
Soun: DO YOU THINK THIS WILL SELL?!
He shots Ryouga, who collapses. The rest of the crowd runs screaming out of the room, except for Akane, who sits there trying to contain her giggling, and of course Ryouga who's apparently dead.
Soun jumps over the table and raises his first in the air.
Soun; GAY RAGE! GAY RAGE! I'LL KILL ANY STRAIGHT FOLKS I LAY MY MOTHERFREAKIN' EYES ON!!
But the crowd is gone. Akane can no longer contain her self, and starts giggling like crazy. Soun steps off the stage and picks Ryouga's head off the floor.
Soun (breaking character): Such a riveting performance, I think I see some Academy Award Potential in you.
Ryouga: Why do those blanks have to sound so LOUD?!
Soun: I would've added a silencer, but it wouldn't be as potent.
Girl's Voice (from somewhere in the background): But pops!!
Genma: No butts, Ranma! That's my department, not yours!
Soun: Ah, that must be Genma-Chan and his sss-daughter, GENMA- CHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!
Soun glomps Genma.
Ranma's Voice: Must you always call him that?
Akane: Does that voice belong to the aforementioned daughter?
Soun lets go of Genma. Genma takes several deep breaths to get some air.
Genma: Ranma, stop hiding behind me!!
Ranma steps out from behind her father. Akane is suddenly stunned by her beauty.
Ranma looks back at Akane, appraisingly.
Ranma (thought): She's pretty cute, I guess...but why does she have that weird look on her face? Is there something on my face?
Ranma (out loud): Uh...hi...HI!
Akane (snapping out of it): Wha?...oh! Hello.
Akane blushes slightly, Ryouga just looks at her.
Ryouga: So, are you...you know-like your father?
Ranma: In what way?
Akane: I think he means the gay way.
Ranma: Well, sort of...
Akane: Sort of?
Ranma: I'm not exactly sure at this point in my life.
Akane: Okay, fair enough.
Soun: Well then, why don't we celebrate our success at the bar across the street?
Genma: Yeah, I'm starving!!
Soun: No, Genma-Chan, you have to stay here at clean up. Some people just aren't very good at controlling their bodily functions when there's a raving gay man pointing a gun around.
Genma: Damn....
EXT. Quick-E Manga-Night
Dimi-Chan: Yo, Akane-what's up?
Juton: Hi, Akane.
Dimi-Chan: Wow! He's finally acknowledging your presence, at least.
Juton looks down.
Akane: Are you sure he'll be alright?
Dimi-Chan: Oh, don't worry about him, he'll feel MUCH better after tonight.
Ryouga: What do you guys have planned this time?
Dimi-Chan: Oh, the usual-reading through a couple lemons then reenacting them.
Juton looks up and smiles briefly, then realizes what impression that might give and returns to his natural neutral expression.
Dimi-Chan: Oh, c'mon S-Jue! Everyone knows that we're a couple of lemon- heads! Why do you always have to act all ashamed and crap?
Juton looks down again.
Dimi-Chan: Like I said, he'll be in a much better mood. Although he'll probably go back to being like this as soon as we're outside again.
Ryouga: Well, we've gotta get going now.
Dimi-Chan: Yeah, me and Silent Juton-Chan need to get to our hotel room. So many lemons, so little time!
Dimi-Chan drags Juton along while he makes his best attempt at looking reluctant.
INT. Bar across the street
Ryouga: I don't care what you say, Ash and Brook weren't gay lovers!!
Soun: Just look at the show-it's so obvious! I mean, Misty was traveling with them all the time, and never once did he really show any serious romantic interest in her? No! And forget all the lemons, they don't count.
Ryouga: Oh, c'mon!!
Soun: Well, here's some money (hands Ryouga some money), so you can go down to the corner anime store and buy yourself a clue. I'll go with you to make sure you don't get lost.
Ryouga: Yeah, let's go buy all the season boxed sets so I can prove to you once and for all that Ash was all about the pussy. Come on!
Soun (sliding out of the booth): This boy is conflicted, but I shall show him the way. You two just sit tight. This won't take long at all.\
Ryouga and Soun exit, leaving Ranma and Akane alone at the table.
Akane: Well, that was an interesting discussion.
Ranma: Yeah, Soun starts stuff like that all the time. Oh why must my father be a homosexual?! Or could his lovers be just a little more down to Earth?
Akane: Need I say that I'm a homosexual? And that I think Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny had a "thing"? (laughs)
Ranma (a bit confused): Why weren't you on the panel?
Akane: Because I had to watch over Ryouga to make sure he didn't screw anything up. Plus, I'm not very good about writing speeches about my minority group. I also don't write a manga that focuses on lesbian in- particular, although they are a part of the universe-of course! So what were you representing, the red-head minority?
Ranma: Well, my old man was on the panel, and he invited me to go along with him.
Akane (looking to a DDR Max machine): Say, do you play Dance Dance Revolution much?
INT. Bar Arcade
Ranma and Akane are playing DDR and talking.
Akane: You know, most gay people aren't like Soun and your father. Take me, for instance, I'm pretty normal. I mean, I don't really freak people out, well, that is until I tell them I'm a lesbian, anyway.
Ranma: Yeah, well it didn't change my perception too much.
Akane: Our society doesn't seem to condone gay people, it's becoming more accepted, but it's still a bit of a bad thing-mostly due to the western influence of the bible and stuff. I'm not sure if anywhere in it there's something about it being directly wrong, except maybe that adultery part, but that's society's fault, not ours. But my take is that love is love and it shouldn't really matter who it is and what gender they are.
Ranma: And you said you couldn't do speeches very well.
Ranma: But I'll tell you one thing, you DEFINATELY suck at this game.
Akane: That so, huh?
Akane finally shows her true DDR Skillz, but so does Ranma.
Ranma: You think you have faster reflexes than mine? Ha! You've gotta be...you won...
And Ranma "Truly" isn't as skilled as Akane.
Akane: Hey, don't worry, it's only a game. How about next time I let you pick which one we play?
Ranma: Okay, but just remember that. (checks her watch). Well, I've gotta split. Good luck with your manga. (she shakes Akane's hand). Tell Soun I'll call him later, and tell Ryouga to calm down, he's not the only person Soun's engaged in that kind of a conversation.
Ranma exits into the night, Akane stares after her. Soun and Ryouga enter, carrying a huge bag full of Pokemon DVD boxed sets.
Ryouga: You're insane! Ash did not give Picachu a BJ!
Soun: Deny, deny, deny. (to Akane) Where's Ranma?
Akane: Wha? Oh, she left. She said she'd call you later.
Ryouga (off the description on the back of one DVD he has out): When they were alone together in that forest they were devising a plan on how to beat Team Rocket!
Soun: See between the scenes.
Ryouga (shoves DVD at Soun): Screw this! (to Akane) Let's go! (after no response from Akane) AKANE!
Akane (shaken, but not stirred): What?!
Ryouga: Let's go. We need to get back to the Quick-E Manga and pack our stuff up before going back to our apartment.
Akane: You go ahead, I'll catch up.
Ryouga starts going outside.
Akane: It's over there...
Akane points to the place right across the street.
Ryouga: Oh, I knew that!
Ryouga (miraculously) starts heading in the right direction this time.
Soun: You like her, don't you?
Akane: Who?
Soun: Miss Ranma Saotome.
Akane: She's alright.
Soun: As long as that's all. (finishes a drink we didn't even know he had) Maybe you can convince that pig-boy of yours to let you drop me off downtown before you head to your apartment.
After a moment. Akane: Picachu really didn't get a blow job from Ash, did he?
They start exiting.
Soun: Hello no!
Soun: Picachu was James's bitch!
To be continued.
Author's Notes: Please note that the characters in this fan fiction are out- of-character most of the time, but are, as you will find as you go further and further into this fan fiction, based, at least partly, upon the characteristics and back stories of the original characters. However, some characters seem to bare absolutely no resemblance at all, however because of this their characters (hopefully) are more funny. Dimi-Chan and Silent Juton are characters created by myself and a girl who could be considered a co-writer of this fic, based in this case off of Jay and Silent Bob, however they will appear in future fan fictions that I release as simply Dimi-Chan and Juton. They are based on the co-writer and myself respectively. By the way, the co-writer's author-name is Dillim. Okay, some other stuff, for one Dimi-Chan and Silent Juton play a larger role then their "counterparts" in Chasing Amy, for various reasons chief among them being that this is their introduction. On one more note this fan fiction is based on the original screenplay of the film, and may include scenes that were either deleted or in some cases were never so much as filmed. Some of these scenes I removed myself, but others I kept in because I knew how to make them funny or because I could add another Ranma ½ character into it. Also, there is one scene, although not in this first part, that has a memorable moment from the original movie removed. The reason for this is because I couldn't really make it fit into the "Ranmafication" of the movie, plus I'm doing a rewritten version with all the heavy curse words replaced with minor ones so I can make this PG-13 and it'll be viewable by default. Please note, however, there is still some STRONGLY sexual humor in this fiction-however since it's mostly innuendo, I think it's acceptable for a PG-13 audience. Plus-you've been forewarned. lol
Script terminology Notes: EXT. stands for Exterior (meaning an outdoor setting) and INT. Stands for Interior (as in an indoor setting).
And on a final note, I'm going to tell you about two characters and who they represent from the original film, because it can be slightly confusing. All the other characters, however, should be obvious to anyone who's seen the film, and to anyone who hasn't, hell it shouldn't matter to them. lol
Akane=Holden Ryouga=Banky
Although there are occasions when Akane does slip into Aleysa's role and vice-versa, but one again, not in this first part.
Now, please sit back and relax as I bring you: Chasing Akane-Part 1
EXT. Quick-E Manga
Dimi-Chan and Silent Juton stand in their usual spots, having no idea what's going on inside the shop. Not like they care or anything, anyway.
Dimi-Chan (to a passer-by entering the shop): Yo! Wazzup dude?! Nice Card Captor Sakura dress!!
The GUY Heads through the entrance, not bothering to make eye contact. Dimi-Chan (to Juton): Man, there sure are a lot of transvestite cos-players at Quick-E-Manga today, more than usual. It's almost like they're having a Manga convention or something...
INT. Manga Convention signing booth Inside Quick-E Manga-Day
The guy from outside, you know, with the dress? Well, he leans forward, smiling.
Transvestite Fan: Could you sign it "To a really huge fan"?
Akane sits at a table. Across from the cross-dressing cos-player fan. She offers him a patronizingly kind, half-smile in return.
Akane: Yeah, sure.
We're obviously at a Manga show, and specifically a signing. Behind Akane is a large banner, that says "Akane Tendo & Ryouga Hibiki-Creators of 'Baka and Hentai'". Beside it is a large mock-up of the Manga cover which features two vaguely familiar neighborhood lemon readers. Akane hands the manga back to the fan.
Trans. Fan: I love this book! This stuff's awesome. I wish I was like these guys. I mean-yeah, I read lemons all the time but I don't fight super villains at the same time-or even separately for that matter.
Meanwhile, Ryouga signs the manga of another collector
Collector: So you draw this?!
Ryouga (signing the manga): I ink it, color it, and I draw all the pigs, but we both came up with the characters.
Collector: What's that mean.-you "ink it"?
Ryouga: You see, Akane draws the pictures in pencil, and then she gives it to me to go over in ink.
Collector: So you just trace?
Ryouga freezes up. After recomposing himself, he continues signing.
Ryouga: It's not tracing. I add depth and shading to give the image more definition. Only then does the image really take shape.
Collector: You go over what she draws with a pen-that's tracing.
Ryouga: Look, even if that were true-which it's NOT!!...Even then, I still actually draw all the pigs and I add color.
Collector: Color?! Dude, only the manga cover is in color!
Ryouga: Yes, but that's the part that catches the attention of a potential reader. And as I said before, I draw ALL the pigs. (He hands the manga to the collector) Next!
A little kid steps up but the collector lingers
Collector: Hey, kid. If somebody draws something and then you draw the same thing right on top of it, not going outside the designated original art, what is that called?
Little Kid (shrugs): I don't know. Tracing?
Collector (to Ryouga): See?
Ryouga: It's not tracing.
Collector: Oh, but it is.
Ryouga: I draw the pigs. (to the kid) Do you want your manga signed or what?
Collector: Hey-don't get all testy with us just because you've got a problem with your station in life.
Ryouga: I'm secure with what I do.
Collector: Then just say it-you're a tracer.
Little kid (grabbing the manga back): I don't want you to sign it, I want the girl who draws it to sign it. You're just a tracer.
Collector: Tell him, little guy.
Akane accepts a manga from another fan.
Akane (off comic): Who do I sign it to?
Before Akane can finish, a loud crash is heard. She looks to her left and freaks. Ryouga is throttling the collector from behind the table. The collector attempts to fight him off.
Ryouga: I draw the freaking pigs you son of a bitch!!
Security Guards attempt to pull them apart. Akane grabs Ryouga.
Collector: What the hell?! All I did was call him a tracer!
Ryouga: I'LL TRACE A CHALK LINE AROUND YOUR DEAD FREAKING BODY, YOU ASSHOLE!
Akane (to security guards): Could you get him out of here?!
The security guards drag the collector away.
Collector: Hey, wait a sec! He jumped me! And you're dragging me away?! (exiting) Freaking tracer!
Ryouga: YOU'RE MOTHER'S A TRACER!!
Akane: You draw some really good pigs, Ryouga.
Ryouga: I tried explaining that to him, but the asshole wouldn't listen!!
Akane: Well, I should remind you now-curtains in...(checks watch) ten minutes.
INT. Back room normally reserved for hentai mangas, converted into a convention lecture hall-day
Soun fills the frame. He comes off as a not-so-typical pro-yaoi, anti- straight gay Asian guy.
Soun: For years in this industry whenever a gay character-hero or villain- was introduced, usually by straight artists and writers-they got slapped with homophobic names that singled them out as gays: Pack-Man, Rectal Boy, just to name a couple.
We're at a panel discussion. The room is full, save for two seats which Akane and Ryouga walk over to and sit down on. Anyway, five creators sit at a long table, their names on cards in front of them. One of them is a red- haired girl; another is a heavy-set man wearing a bandana over his head pirate-style. The banner behind them reads "Minority Voices in Manga"
Soun (hold up manga): Now my manga, "Taoheye the Yaoi", doesn't have any of that bullcrap. The hero, of course, is Taoheye. He's a descendant of the gay tribe that established the first society EVER on the planet, while all you straight motherfreakers were still hiding in caves and crap, all terrified of the sun.
Girl in Crowd: How could they survive if they were a "gay" tribe?
Soun: Shut up you homophobic bitch! (pause) Anyway, he's a strong role- model that a young gay reader can look up to. I'm tellin' you, there aren't enough significant gay characters in mainstream anime and manga.
Ryouga (standing up): What about Kaoru from Evangelion? Wasn't he gay?
Soun: Yeah, but just as soon as he was getting close to Shinji, Shinji had to go and follow his asshole father's wishes to kill him because he was one of those freaking Angel things!
Ryouga: And Shinji was gay too, wasn't he?
Guy in crowd: Shinji's not gay!!
Soun: Yeah, right!! When he was in Rei's apartment, and she came out of the shower all naked and he fell on top of her, what did he do? NOTHING! If he was in anyway straight, he would've taken advantage of the situation.
Guy in Crowd: He was just fourteen years old, a confused teenager with self- confidence issues!
Soun: Yeah, sure believe what you will. But he lived in that apartment with a girl that any straight man would consider to be hot, in fact-one hot girl and one hot woman. Sure, one was a total bitch, and one was drunk half the time, but he could've rapped one and taken advantage of the others drunkenness. And he never did! If that doesn't make him gay, I have no idea what does, and I should be an expert being one myself!! And in any case, that doesn't change the way he was portrayed, which is, as you mentioned a confused boy lacking any self-esteem.
The first guy sits down, but another guy stands up.
Another guy: What about the lemons? Shinji has Asuka, Rei, Misato, and sometimes all of them at once!!
Soun: So...there are lemons of a similar nature involving Shinji and Kaoru, and sometimes Touji and Kenji join in the fun!! But in any case, that crap isn't official, so it's beyond the point!!
Soun: In my manga, the gay MAIN character is a man off strength and character!!
Ryouga: Yeah, like that'll sell millions!!
Soun: Huh? Well what about this?!
Soun pulls out a gun.
Soun: DO YOU THINK THIS WILL SELL?!
He shots Ryouga, who collapses. The rest of the crowd runs screaming out of the room, except for Akane, who sits there trying to contain her giggling, and of course Ryouga who's apparently dead.
Soun jumps over the table and raises his first in the air.
Soun; GAY RAGE! GAY RAGE! I'LL KILL ANY STRAIGHT FOLKS I LAY MY MOTHERFREAKIN' EYES ON!!
But the crowd is gone. Akane can no longer contain her self, and starts giggling like crazy. Soun steps off the stage and picks Ryouga's head off the floor.
Soun (breaking character): Such a riveting performance, I think I see some Academy Award Potential in you.
Ryouga: Why do those blanks have to sound so LOUD?!
Soun: I would've added a silencer, but it wouldn't be as potent.
Girl's Voice (from somewhere in the background): But pops!!
Genma: No butts, Ranma! That's my department, not yours!
Soun: Ah, that must be Genma-Chan and his sss-daughter, GENMA- CHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!
Soun glomps Genma.
Ranma's Voice: Must you always call him that?
Akane: Does that voice belong to the aforementioned daughter?
Soun lets go of Genma. Genma takes several deep breaths to get some air.
Genma: Ranma, stop hiding behind me!!
Ranma steps out from behind her father. Akane is suddenly stunned by her beauty.
Ranma looks back at Akane, appraisingly.
Ranma (thought): She's pretty cute, I guess...but why does she have that weird look on her face? Is there something on my face?
Ranma (out loud): Uh...hi...HI!
Akane (snapping out of it): Wha?...oh! Hello.
Akane blushes slightly, Ryouga just looks at her.
Ryouga: So, are you...you know-like your father?
Ranma: In what way?
Akane: I think he means the gay way.
Ranma: Well, sort of...
Akane: Sort of?
Ranma: I'm not exactly sure at this point in my life.
Akane: Okay, fair enough.
Soun: Well then, why don't we celebrate our success at the bar across the street?
Genma: Yeah, I'm starving!!
Soun: No, Genma-Chan, you have to stay here at clean up. Some people just aren't very good at controlling their bodily functions when there's a raving gay man pointing a gun around.
Genma: Damn....
EXT. Quick-E Manga-Night
Dimi-Chan: Yo, Akane-what's up?
Juton: Hi, Akane.
Dimi-Chan: Wow! He's finally acknowledging your presence, at least.
Juton looks down.
Akane: Are you sure he'll be alright?
Dimi-Chan: Oh, don't worry about him, he'll feel MUCH better after tonight.
Ryouga: What do you guys have planned this time?
Dimi-Chan: Oh, the usual-reading through a couple lemons then reenacting them.
Juton looks up and smiles briefly, then realizes what impression that might give and returns to his natural neutral expression.
Dimi-Chan: Oh, c'mon S-Jue! Everyone knows that we're a couple of lemon- heads! Why do you always have to act all ashamed and crap?
Juton looks down again.
Dimi-Chan: Like I said, he'll be in a much better mood. Although he'll probably go back to being like this as soon as we're outside again.
Ryouga: Well, we've gotta get going now.
Dimi-Chan: Yeah, me and Silent Juton-Chan need to get to our hotel room. So many lemons, so little time!
Dimi-Chan drags Juton along while he makes his best attempt at looking reluctant.
INT. Bar across the street
Ryouga: I don't care what you say, Ash and Brook weren't gay lovers!!
Soun: Just look at the show-it's so obvious! I mean, Misty was traveling with them all the time, and never once did he really show any serious romantic interest in her? No! And forget all the lemons, they don't count.
Ryouga: Oh, c'mon!!
Soun: Well, here's some money (hands Ryouga some money), so you can go down to the corner anime store and buy yourself a clue. I'll go with you to make sure you don't get lost.
Ryouga: Yeah, let's go buy all the season boxed sets so I can prove to you once and for all that Ash was all about the pussy. Come on!
Soun (sliding out of the booth): This boy is conflicted, but I shall show him the way. You two just sit tight. This won't take long at all.\
Ryouga and Soun exit, leaving Ranma and Akane alone at the table.
Akane: Well, that was an interesting discussion.
Ranma: Yeah, Soun starts stuff like that all the time. Oh why must my father be a homosexual?! Or could his lovers be just a little more down to Earth?
Akane: Need I say that I'm a homosexual? And that I think Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny had a "thing"? (laughs)
Ranma (a bit confused): Why weren't you on the panel?
Akane: Because I had to watch over Ryouga to make sure he didn't screw anything up. Plus, I'm not very good about writing speeches about my minority group. I also don't write a manga that focuses on lesbian in- particular, although they are a part of the universe-of course! So what were you representing, the red-head minority?
Ranma: Well, my old man was on the panel, and he invited me to go along with him.
Akane (looking to a DDR Max machine): Say, do you play Dance Dance Revolution much?
INT. Bar Arcade
Ranma and Akane are playing DDR and talking.
Akane: You know, most gay people aren't like Soun and your father. Take me, for instance, I'm pretty normal. I mean, I don't really freak people out, well, that is until I tell them I'm a lesbian, anyway.
Ranma: Yeah, well it didn't change my perception too much.
Akane: Our society doesn't seem to condone gay people, it's becoming more accepted, but it's still a bit of a bad thing-mostly due to the western influence of the bible and stuff. I'm not sure if anywhere in it there's something about it being directly wrong, except maybe that adultery part, but that's society's fault, not ours. But my take is that love is love and it shouldn't really matter who it is and what gender they are.
Ranma: And you said you couldn't do speeches very well.
Ranma: But I'll tell you one thing, you DEFINATELY suck at this game.
Akane: That so, huh?
Akane finally shows her true DDR Skillz, but so does Ranma.
Ranma: You think you have faster reflexes than mine? Ha! You've gotta be...you won...
And Ranma "Truly" isn't as skilled as Akane.
Akane: Hey, don't worry, it's only a game. How about next time I let you pick which one we play?
Ranma: Okay, but just remember that. (checks her watch). Well, I've gotta split. Good luck with your manga. (she shakes Akane's hand). Tell Soun I'll call him later, and tell Ryouga to calm down, he's not the only person Soun's engaged in that kind of a conversation.
Ranma exits into the night, Akane stares after her. Soun and Ryouga enter, carrying a huge bag full of Pokemon DVD boxed sets.
Ryouga: You're insane! Ash did not give Picachu a BJ!
Soun: Deny, deny, deny. (to Akane) Where's Ranma?
Akane: Wha? Oh, she left. She said she'd call you later.
Ryouga (off the description on the back of one DVD he has out): When they were alone together in that forest they were devising a plan on how to beat Team Rocket!
Soun: See between the scenes.
Ryouga (shoves DVD at Soun): Screw this! (to Akane) Let's go! (after no response from Akane) AKANE!
Akane (shaken, but not stirred): What?!
Ryouga: Let's go. We need to get back to the Quick-E Manga and pack our stuff up before going back to our apartment.
Akane: You go ahead, I'll catch up.
Ryouga starts going outside.
Akane: It's over there...
Akane points to the place right across the street.
Ryouga: Oh, I knew that!
Ryouga (miraculously) starts heading in the right direction this time.
Soun: You like her, don't you?
Akane: Who?
Soun: Miss Ranma Saotome.
Akane: She's alright.
Soun: As long as that's all. (finishes a drink we didn't even know he had) Maybe you can convince that pig-boy of yours to let you drop me off downtown before you head to your apartment.
After a moment. Akane: Picachu really didn't get a blow job from Ash, did he?
They start exiting.
Soun: Hello no!
Soun: Picachu was James's bitch!
To be continued.