Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 2
Author: Rhasa
Rating: PG13 later R
Category: Angst, angst and more angst - but still something for everyone -
at least for now.
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: No money being made, used with the upmost respect. No
infringement intended.
Ship: Do I really have to say at this stage??? Try this story, you might
just like it and it doesn't matter what ship you belong to - but there will
be a designated couple at the end - I think.
Summary: Max isn't the only one confused.
Feedback: Is the only reason I write.. Okay. Okay, it's not the only
reason, but it is a big BIG reason. I mean it's great having people say
nice things about something you've done, especially when real life tends
not to provide as many nice compliments.
I guess what I'm trying to say is please email me or review and let me know what you think. Rhasa4@yahoo.com.
Devil and the Deep Blue Sea By Rhasa
"Original Cindy gives credit where credit is due, and from what my boo just told me, I'm ready to say that Alec is definitely not the low down dog I thought he was, although..." she looked up at Max. "I always had my suspicions."
What O.C told Max was entirely truthful. Even without Max's rendition of her last conversation with Alec in which he had declared his feelings for her and in doing so, rejected Logan's offer of him being a convenient sex substitute during her heat sessions, O.C had held out hope for the guy. Ever since she had met the lovable transgenic rouge, and although she had busted his chops about his seemingly cavalier way of treating members of the fairer (and in O.C's opinion finer sex), she had always suspected that he was essentially a decent kind of guy, deep down that is. Had she known then what she knew now - that he secretly harboured a love and, dare she say it, a respect, for Max that was hard to come by in these post pulse days - she may have even cut the boy some slack. Maybe.
"You gotta hand it to him, " O.C continued, more to herself than to her best friend. "That's one boy who is full of surprises."
"It would be a lot easier if I could just hate him," Max replied. "You know, do what I always do - try and find a way for what I'm feeling to be all his fault.. For it to be totally unequivocally, entirely his fault... Maybe I can still do that," Max looked up at her friend hopefully. "I mean if he hadn't have rejected me, if he hadn't have thought of himself yet again - and what *he* was feeling - and if he'd agreed to do this.. Just to be there for me, then..then everything would be fine. Everything would be as it always is," Max nodded, seemingly in agreement with her own thoughts. "I would hate him, he'd be there for me, but I could still hate him and it would still be all his fault. It would be a lot easier if I could just hate him.." she reiterated.
"But you can't," O.C clarified for her, ignoring the contradictions in Max's ramblings.
"Right," Max sighed. "I can't. Because.."
"Because?" O.C prodded.
"Because he had to be him and go and mess everything up." Max said despondently.
"You mean, he had to go and fall in love with you," O.C corrected.
"Yeah. That too," Max said while taking another sip of her now warm beer, trying to drown out the words Alec had said to her.. trying to drown out his confession.. .. trying not to relive the moment when her world fell apart with a truth finally spoken..
"I'd want it all, Max," he had shouted at her in a last ditch effort for her to understand."I'd want the seduction and the foreplay and the kissing and the hand holding and the holding one another afterwards. The fucking I can get anywhere, anytime," he spat at her. "I'd even want those silly endearments that the ordinaries use. I want that sparkle in your eyes you'd get every time you'd see me, that blush to your cheeks when you'd be thinking about us, you moaning my name as you came - that's what an 'us' would be, Max. Not a late night explosion in the sack every couple of months where you'd leave money on the nightstand before you headed home to.. him!"
Max cringed at the memory of the venom and.. desperation in his voice. For Alec it wasn't about sex. She would never be just sex to him. He had as much said so when he'd later whispered while gazing down at her, his soul for all to see reflected in his eyes, "With you it could never just be like that."
And she knew. Max knew.. Perhaps she had always known, that it could never be like that for her either.... not with him. And so she had offered him something. Just what it was, she wasn't exactly sure, but it was all she had at the moment.
"I love Logan," she had told him. "I'll always love Logan... But that doesn't mean that we, you and I, can't have something together," she had offered.
Perhaps it had been a confession or maybe it had been a promise.. Whatever it had been, it was totally unexpected and maybe not quite as thought through as it should have been, but it had been enough - enough for him - enough to get him to stay.. At least for now.
And she wondered how could she hate him... and whether she could love him at the same time.. and whether it was some sort of sick co-dependence that defined their relationship. Or maybe she was keeping that defining characteristic for another relationship in her life.
She had told him, "I don't want to lose you, Alec. As infuriating as you are sometimes I need you in my life.. I want you in my life."
"And I want you in mine," he had confessed again. "But what we both want although seemingly similar is also so totally opposite."
She didn't really have anything to say to that. She knew he was right. She'd never admit to him that she wanted it both ways.
"I was wrong to ask you what I did," she had said after a few more moments of awkward silence.
"I know you were desperate. I know you love Logan. And you didn't know how I felt about you," he had told her with more understanding than she deserved.
"Yet you still didn't say 'yes'," she had said in disbelief.
And damn him, if he hadn't had replied, "It wouldn't have been real, Max," in a soft pleading voice, that had made her insides quiver.
Max sighed again, the memories both terrifying and exhilarating, a lump suddenly forming in her throat.
"It would be a lot easier if I could just hate him," she said once more to O.C, who looked back at her with nothing but empathy. "It would be a lot easier if I could just hate Logan," she said further. "But that's the thing, O.C," she said turning towards her. "I don't hate them. I love them.. I think I love them both."
TBC
Please please please, drop me a line Rhasa4@yahoo.com.
I guess what I'm trying to say is please email me or review and let me know what you think. Rhasa4@yahoo.com.
Devil and the Deep Blue Sea By Rhasa
"Original Cindy gives credit where credit is due, and from what my boo just told me, I'm ready to say that Alec is definitely not the low down dog I thought he was, although..." she looked up at Max. "I always had my suspicions."
What O.C told Max was entirely truthful. Even without Max's rendition of her last conversation with Alec in which he had declared his feelings for her and in doing so, rejected Logan's offer of him being a convenient sex substitute during her heat sessions, O.C had held out hope for the guy. Ever since she had met the lovable transgenic rouge, and although she had busted his chops about his seemingly cavalier way of treating members of the fairer (and in O.C's opinion finer sex), she had always suspected that he was essentially a decent kind of guy, deep down that is. Had she known then what she knew now - that he secretly harboured a love and, dare she say it, a respect, for Max that was hard to come by in these post pulse days - she may have even cut the boy some slack. Maybe.
"You gotta hand it to him, " O.C continued, more to herself than to her best friend. "That's one boy who is full of surprises."
"It would be a lot easier if I could just hate him," Max replied. "You know, do what I always do - try and find a way for what I'm feeling to be all his fault.. For it to be totally unequivocally, entirely his fault... Maybe I can still do that," Max looked up at her friend hopefully. "I mean if he hadn't have rejected me, if he hadn't have thought of himself yet again - and what *he* was feeling - and if he'd agreed to do this.. Just to be there for me, then..then everything would be fine. Everything would be as it always is," Max nodded, seemingly in agreement with her own thoughts. "I would hate him, he'd be there for me, but I could still hate him and it would still be all his fault. It would be a lot easier if I could just hate him.." she reiterated.
"But you can't," O.C clarified for her, ignoring the contradictions in Max's ramblings.
"Right," Max sighed. "I can't. Because.."
"Because?" O.C prodded.
"Because he had to be him and go and mess everything up." Max said despondently.
"You mean, he had to go and fall in love with you," O.C corrected.
"Yeah. That too," Max said while taking another sip of her now warm beer, trying to drown out the words Alec had said to her.. trying to drown out his confession.. .. trying not to relive the moment when her world fell apart with a truth finally spoken..
"I'd want it all, Max," he had shouted at her in a last ditch effort for her to understand."I'd want the seduction and the foreplay and the kissing and the hand holding and the holding one another afterwards. The fucking I can get anywhere, anytime," he spat at her. "I'd even want those silly endearments that the ordinaries use. I want that sparkle in your eyes you'd get every time you'd see me, that blush to your cheeks when you'd be thinking about us, you moaning my name as you came - that's what an 'us' would be, Max. Not a late night explosion in the sack every couple of months where you'd leave money on the nightstand before you headed home to.. him!"
Max cringed at the memory of the venom and.. desperation in his voice. For Alec it wasn't about sex. She would never be just sex to him. He had as much said so when he'd later whispered while gazing down at her, his soul for all to see reflected in his eyes, "With you it could never just be like that."
And she knew. Max knew.. Perhaps she had always known, that it could never be like that for her either.... not with him. And so she had offered him something. Just what it was, she wasn't exactly sure, but it was all she had at the moment.
"I love Logan," she had told him. "I'll always love Logan... But that doesn't mean that we, you and I, can't have something together," she had offered.
Perhaps it had been a confession or maybe it had been a promise.. Whatever it had been, it was totally unexpected and maybe not quite as thought through as it should have been, but it had been enough - enough for him - enough to get him to stay.. At least for now.
And she wondered how could she hate him... and whether she could love him at the same time.. and whether it was some sort of sick co-dependence that defined their relationship. Or maybe she was keeping that defining characteristic for another relationship in her life.
She had told him, "I don't want to lose you, Alec. As infuriating as you are sometimes I need you in my life.. I want you in my life."
"And I want you in mine," he had confessed again. "But what we both want although seemingly similar is also so totally opposite."
She didn't really have anything to say to that. She knew he was right. She'd never admit to him that she wanted it both ways.
"I was wrong to ask you what I did," she had said after a few more moments of awkward silence.
"I know you were desperate. I know you love Logan. And you didn't know how I felt about you," he had told her with more understanding than she deserved.
"Yet you still didn't say 'yes'," she had said in disbelief.
And damn him, if he hadn't had replied, "It wouldn't have been real, Max," in a soft pleading voice, that had made her insides quiver.
Max sighed again, the memories both terrifying and exhilarating, a lump suddenly forming in her throat.
"It would be a lot easier if I could just hate him," she said once more to O.C, who looked back at her with nothing but empathy. "It would be a lot easier if I could just hate Logan," she said further. "But that's the thing, O.C," she said turning towards her. "I don't hate them. I love them.. I think I love them both."
TBC
Please please please, drop me a line Rhasa4@yahoo.com.