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"I'll wire these words together,
Hoping for a chance to think on time
And I'm tracing over your letter,
To see if your intentions are as good as mine."
- "Understatement" New Found Glory
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Chapter 2:
"Who Wears the Pants in This Relationship?"
"Buh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh... YAHIKO!" Yahiko practically shouted into his silver showerhead/ microphone, doing his best to imitate the tune of the Batman theme song he used to watch when he was about yay high, "Oh, when a fight breaks out all the cute girls shout for the good looking guy! When there's crime out there, he's gonna..." Yahiko flipped his head back, "comb his hair! 'Cause he's a good looking guy!"
Outside, Misao made a soft groan and rolled over onto her stomach, oddly disturbed by her boyfriend's endless serenading of the entire planet and trying to get back to sleep, she buried her face deeper into the soft white pillows at the top of their child sized bed. At the sound of Yahiko's booming Tarzan yell, she cracked open one eye to see that he had left the bathroom door wide open thus making his "beautiful" voice even clearer for her to hear.
"Under the sea! Dun duh nuh nuh! Under the sea! Darling, it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me!" Thinking it would add more emphasis to his little orchestra of Disney music, Yahiko started beating his hands to the song's rhythm on the walls of the tub and later, advanced to using the many number of shampoo bottles as drumsticks. "Out on the shore they work all day, under the sun they slave away... Um..." Yahiko suddenly trailed off as he realized that he didn't know the rest of the lyrics to the song and deciding that it wasn't worth the effort of waiting to remember it, he simply just shrugged his shoulders and skipped right over to the chorus again, "Under the sea! Dun duh nuh nuh! Under the sea!"
Again Misao shifted in her half-conscious-half-unconscious state, her hand grabbing at the nearest pillow to smother her face with and try to drown out her boyfriend's voice.
"Man, I'm good!" Yahiko exclaimed to no one in particular as he brought the soap bubbles up to his armpits and created a white batch of bubble hair. Watching as it slowly dripped down to his elbows, Yahiko made a face. "Eww... that's gross!" Turning to the open doorway, Yahiko looked out at his girlfriend, still lying in bed, trying her hardest to block out all sorts of noise from coming into her ears. In finding that his idiotic ideas were far more important than her ten hours of sleep every night, he hollered for her attention, "Hey, Misao! C'mere and take a look at the hair under my arms! It's pretty disgusting!"
"Yahiko..." Misao grumbled from underneath the pillow over her face, "Can't I just look at it later? I'm sure your armpit will still be there at ten o'clock and it'll probably still be pretty disgusting..." As another hint that she wasn't in the mood for gross hair observing, she turned to her side and threw the covers over her head with an overly loud and very exaggerated yawn.
"You sure you don't wanna see it now?" Yahiko called, sticking his head out of the shower curtain, his spiky head now covered with pink bubbles that smelled like cotton candy, "Misao? Misao? You awake?" Yahiko frowned as he found that his favorite band camp girl was nowhere close to dragging herself out of bed to look at whatever he thought was worth sharing a couple laughs over. Quickly rinsing himself off, he wrapped a large towel around his waist, letting his dark hair drip lightly onto the bathroom's floor. "Misao? Hey, you alright? You don't look so... WAAAAH!"
Stepping forward towards the door, Yahiko accidently slipped over the tiny puddle he had just created from his sopping wet hair and he went sliding across the bathroom floor, losing his towel along the way and ended up skidding across the entire bathroom on his bare bottom. Grabbing for the first thing he could to stop himself from flying out the door, Yahiko instead hit his hand on their ceramic toilet bowl. "Oh fuck!" Fortunately, the sink stopped him in his tracks. Yahiko cursed again... this time louder.
His sliding escapade finally over and his mumbles silencing, Yahiko was unsure which to do first: rub his sore butt or cradle his throbbing hand. Breathing roughly through his mouth, he slowly straightened himself and stood up, completely forgetting about putting his towel back on as he headed back over to where Misao still lay snoring on her side of the bed. Standing over her sleeping form, Yahiko gave her shoulder a small poke to get her attention, but received no response. He did it again, a little harder this time, but still Misao only turned onto her other side and murmured something under her breath about not wanting a slice of pie.
With a sigh, Yahiko turned away and scratched the back of his neck, bored out of his mind and unsure of what to do. But in looking around the room for something to occupy himself with, he caught sight of their full sized mirror in the far right corner of the bedroom and he paused in his searching to admire his reflection. Smiling, he moved closer to the mirror and gave the glass a friendly pat.
"You know, Yahiko," he said to himself, deepening his voice to make it sound like he was having a conversation with someone else in the room, particularly someone with Arnold Schwarzaneggar's voice, "you are one good-looking guy!" Changing his voice and facial expression, Yahiko did his best modest imitation, "Really? You think so? Well, Yahiko #2, you're not too shabby yourself!"
Switching back to his more "masculine" side and again obtaining his Australian-like accent, Yahiko turned to his right and flexed his arm for the mirror/ Yahiko #1 to see, "Yah, Yahiko numburr wuan, we arrre very good-lookin' peopule! Jus look at dese muscles! We can really keak some azz now!"
"Yahiko? What are you doing?" Misao suddenly interrupted from behind him, the bed sheets wrapped around her body in what she had tried to make like a toga but finished looking more like a person trapped in a big burrito, "And how come you're not dressed?"
"Oh, hey! You're awake!" Yahiko answered, laughing nervously at being caught talking to himself; after all, this wasn't the first time, "Eheheh... I was just... um... talking with... uh... you know... people..."
"Were you talking to yourself again?"
"Uh... maybe..." he said, shifting uncomfortably in his quite vulnerable position of being caught talking to his mirror stark naked with a horrible and very fake accent, "Or maybe not!" Crossing his arms over his chest to make himself look less awkward, Yahiko gave her the coolest look he could muster up with his small amount of dignity and stuck his nose up in the air, "I don't think I wanna tell you..."
Misao returned his stare with one of her own and she opened up her mouth to speak when suddenly their bedroom door swung open and someone barged in.
"Hey Misao, I just wanted to know if you and Yahiko were going to the..." Kaoru trailed off as she let the picture of what was before her sink in before both unexpected guest and nudist colony member let out a scream of bloody murder.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The first to stop screaming at Kaoru's unexpected and unwanted arrival, Yahiko hurried and lunged for cover behind the bed but flew a little too fast as he hit his knee against the dresser drawer beside the mattress, "Aw, fucking A!" Rushing to his aide, Misao knelt down beside him and threw a blanket over his nude body in hopes that Kaoru would stop pacing back and forth, hyperventilating and chanting all the while, "MY EYES! MY EYES!"
"Haven't you ever heard of knocking, Ugly?!" Yahiko scowled as he wrapped the sheet tightly around his torso and tried to ignore his third injury of the day, "You know, it's something that NORMAL people do!"
"Believe me if I knew you were standing around in.... in... in all your glory, I wouldn't have ever left the house today!" Kaoru shouted back and she turned away again, her hand going to slap herself on the forehead, "Don't you have anything better to do than flash the entire world with that..." Pausing for a moment, Kaoru pointed with a shaking finger at his groin area, "that... THING!"
"'Don't you have anything better to do than flash the entire world with that thing?'" Yahiko repeated with his best annoying Kaoru voice, complete with ridiculous-looking head shaking and finger pointing, "Aw, go get a face lift, Kaoru! This is my damn house, and I'll stand around naked as much as I want! Watch as soon as you leave, I'm dropping this blanket and I'm gonna run up and down the stairs! Wanna know why? Because I CAN!"
"That's disgusting!"
"No, you know what's really disgusting?" Misao finally interrupted her friends' quarreling and the two fuming people turned to face her as if they had just noticed she was still in the room, "Armpit hair."
Silence.
"So anyways..." Kaoru continued as she finally overlooked the unfortunate sighting she could've done without and remembered at last why she had come over in the first place, "Megumi wanted to know if you guys were coming to the reunion today over at her and Sano's. She wasn't sure if you got the invitation in the mail or not so she asked me to go find out in person."
"The reunion?" Yahiko repeated quizzically, "That's today?"
"Yeah, at three," Kaoru added, rolling her eyes at his slowness, "Are you two gonna go?"
"I don't think so..."
"Of course, we're going!"
Turning toward each other at hearing different responses to the same question, Yahiko gave Misao a questioning look and Misao arched an eyebrow at Yahiko.
"You wanna go?" he asked, as if it were the craziest idea anyone had ever thought of; well, the craziest idea besides women putting the toilet seat down. Yahiko had never understood that. If he could pee standing up, he didn't see the reason why everyone else couldn't.
"You don't wanna go?" Misao countered, "I thought you'd want to go see everybody at the reunion. It's been awhile since we saw Kenshin, Sano, and Megumi. We should go and see what they've been up to!"
"Yeah, you should come," Kaoru insisted, a bright smile on her face as she handed them a piece of paper that included directions to the apartment building, "We'll all meet up at Meg's and then head over to the park for some barbeque. Plus, me and Kenshin have some news for you guys."
"Crap, I knew this would come up..." Yahiko grumbled and he drew his hand over his face, letting it slide down all the way to his neck as he readied to talk, "Listen, Ugly, it wasn't Kenshin's idea to have the bachelor party, okay? Me and the guys just thought that he'd wanna have a little fun before he... you know... got chained down... so if you're gonna break off the wedding just because of Cindy, you should really rethink this."
"Break off the wedding? Why would I want to do that?" At first puzzled by his strange conclusion, Kaoru let his entire speech sink in before she added on another much more important question, "And who's Cindy?"
'Uh oh. This can't be good...' Yahiko thought to himself and he exchanged a knowing look with his girlfriend.
"What?" Kaoru repeated as she saw the quick glance Yahiko had stolen with her friend, "Who the hell is Cindy?"
"Uh... eheheh... Cindy's um... ," Yahiko started, lifting the index finger of his right hand up in the air as if he were about to make one of the world's greatest discoveries, "You know, I'm sure this is one of those things we're all gonna look back on ten years down the road from now and just laugh! Haha! You know, laugh? Like... happy kinda laughter? 'Cause uh... there's no reason why we shouldn't be HAPPY right now, right? Eheheh..."
"Ya-hi-KO!" Kaoru seethed, taking one threatening step towards the spiky-headed man that looked about ready to piss in his pants, "If you don't tell me right now who the hell this Cindy person is, I'm gonna...!"
"Hey hey hey! Look, Kaoru, Misao! Eheheh! The phone's ringing! Guess I better go pick that up!" Dashing towards the small cordless telephone near the door, Yahiko grabbed it off the hook and brought it up to his ear, turning so that he could watch Kaoru's every move and make sure she wouldn't throw a punch at him while his back was turned. "Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, it's me. Yeah, yeah, Kaoru's here, she just asked us. Sure, I guess. Yeah, no problem. Hey, Megumi, can I ask you a favor?.... No no no! It's not that kinda favor!... Yeah. Okay, um, is Kenshin there? He is? Okay, well uh... Kaoru really really wants to ask him something. Yeah, can you put him on? Okay, thanks." Pulling his face away from the phone for a moment, he carefully reached out the phone to Kaoru's hands, keeping his movements slow so as not to startle her. He had been watching National Geographic the other day and they had said to always move slowly and gingerly when around angry animals to avoid them attacking you; he figured that advice applied to ugly humans too. "Here you go, Kaoru, Kenshin's on the phone."
"Gimme that!" Kaoru practically snarled as she snatched the phone out of his hand and brought it up to her ear, "Kenshin, you there?"
"Yes, love?"
"WHO THE HELL IS CINDY?!!!"
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Clicking off the new and improved stereo system he had just gotten installed into his white sparkling jeep, Sanosuke rolled down the windows and let the cool early morning wind whip through his hair, taking in a deep breath of the crisp air. He hadn't gone home the other night since he had had to make up some lost work hours and had ended up falling asleep at the construction site at his desk.
'No worries though,' he thought, 'once I roll up in the driveway with my brand spankin' new jeep, Megumi will forget all about yelling at me for not coming home last night.' Taking a quick glance in his rearview mirror to check if anything had so happened to get stuck between his teeth and finding nothing, Sano gave his reflection a wink before directing his attention back to the road. 'Sano, you are a fucking genius! You're bringing home the bucks and a bright shining white jeep! Meg'll be all over me with the "I can't believe you did all this for me!"'s and the "Oh Sano, you're so wonderful!"'s! I can tell there isn't gonna be a lot of sleeping tonight... Heheh...'
HONK, HONK!
"What the...?"
Snapping out of his kinky thoughts of what mostly involved him and Megumi doing a little something-something on the kitchen counter of their apartment, he turned his head around to see who had had the nerve to honk at him and interrupt his oh-so-pleasant daydream. In seeing that the person behind him had tinted windows, therefore disenabling him from seeing their face for future reference so he could punch their lights out later, he settled on leaning one hand, or actually, one particular finger, out the driver's side window for the offender to see.
"Yeah, well... Up yours, asshole!"
Satisfied at last as he heard the person behind him gasp in shock at his interesting way of responding to their car's horn, Sanosuke crushed his foot down on the gas pedal and sped off, laughing as he realized that he was really the one at fault when he looked up and saw that he hadn't been moving even though the stoplight had already turned green. "Haha, whoops!" he said with a snicker, not really sorry at all since hearing the person gasp in surprise to his flipping them off was just pretty damn hilarious.
Seeing a police car on the opposite road, he automatically slowed down as he neared the corner street leading to the apartment complex, but in slowing down, Sano got one last look at his rearview mirror to check out the person in the car that had honked at him, curious as to just what the dumbass looked like. Watching as they pulled over to the side of the road, still in shock he guessed, a woman slowly stepped out of the car. Sanosuke almost did a complete double-take as he saw her round about to the car's hood. "Oh my god... I think that's..." he murmured softly under his breath, trailing off in disbelief. But before he could get a better look at the person's face, the light ahead of him changed and he was forced to continue on from gawking at the very familiar female now standing far back at the side of the road, making repeated cross signs with her right hand. "But it can't be..."
Shaking his head to clear out all thoughts coming on of deja vu, Sanosuke pulled up into the parking area of Drunker's Flamingo Apartments, the large sign holding up the title creaking with the wind. Some of the letters had been scratched off a while ago by a few crackhead teenagers so that the sign instead read: Drunk Flamingo Apartments; Sano had even seen them do it, but hadn't said anything in protest since he found it pretty funny anyway. Parking the jeep in the first empty space he saw, he made sure it was kept a bit hidden behind the shade of the complex's dumpster so it wouldn't eliminate the element of surprise later when he brought his girlfriend down to see what magic that Aoshi Shinimori had done on his once crappier-than-possible jeep.
Letting out a sigh of relief at making it home, Sanosuke paused for a moment and looked again at his reflection in the rearview mirror, mouthing to himself, "You da man!" before finally stepping out of the door. Slipping the keys into his right pants pocket, he walked, no, strutted, up to apartment building J, nodded politely to the mailman tossing his usual cigarette butts down the mail shoot, and excitedly hopped up the stairs leading up to room number forty-six, jumping two steps at a time. Completely confident in the thought that Megumi would be more than thrilled to know just what he'd been up to in the last twenty-four hours he was away, Sanosuke whipped out his house keys, flicked back a few bangs that fell into his eyes, and opened up the door with a low whistle.
"Hey Fox, I'm home!" Sanosuke called out, but only got the echo of his own voice resounding back to him. Not receiving an immediate response from the doctor-in-training, Sanosuke raised an eyebrow in question as he carelessly tossed his keys onto the closest tabletop he saw, "Meg, you home? Helloooo?"
A quiet thump coming from the bedroom made him turn and slowly, he ascended in that direction, his shoes squeaking against the hardwood floors as he called out her name for the third time.
"Megumi? That you?"
Another thump was heard from behind the door, a bit louder this time, and Sanosuke scratched his head in confusion, wondering what it was his girlfriend could be doing that could create such a noise.
'Maybe she's exercising...' Sanosuke suggested to himself, a large goofy grin crossing over his face, 'in those little tight black pants I love, or no, the short white shorts!' Just as he was about to go into more detail with his second daydream of the day, an even louder thump came from inside the bedroom, followed by a light squeaking of springs, 'Uh... or maybe... she's jumping on the bed? Well, that definitely doesn't sound right...'
His curiosity and eagerness to show off his passport to entire-day-of-Megumi-love, a.k.a his brand new jeep, getting the best of him, Sanosuke pushed open the bedroom door with a rough swing and took a few steps inside.
"Hey Fox, there's something outside that I really think you need to..." Sanosuke trailed off as his eyes settled on someone lying back against his bed, mumbling softly to themselves and much to Sanosuke's confusion, kept repeatedly hitting themselves over the head with a very large dictionary, "...see... Kenshin? What are you doing here?"
"No, honestly, I don't remember anyone by that name, that I don't... No really! Why would I lie to you? No no no, don't answer that!" Kenshin pleaded into the mouthpiece of the telephone in his hands and he uncomfortably switched to holding it with his right, "But I did hit myself, that I did! What do you mean, you didn't hear it? It was quite loud, that it was! But...! But I already hit myself! No, I did! Three times! Look, I'll do it again so you can hear, that I will!" Picking the book up again, Sanosuke watched, dumbfounded, as his friend brought it back up and smacked his face with it with a loud thud, which he guessed had to be the source making all the damn thumping sounds he had heard earlier. "Ororororo... There you see? I did it again, that I did.... YES, I DID!"
"Uh... Kenshin?" Sanosuke interjected, his right arm reaching back to scratch his head, "Do you need an ice pack or something? Or um... a psychiatrist maybe? What the hell are you doing?"
Large violet eyes stared back at him in surprise, noticing him for the first time in the five minutes he had been watching him make a fool out of himself and exclaiming his usual, "Oro?" the redhead momentarily dropped the enormous medical book onto the floor he had been hitting himself with and pointed with his left hand to his ear where he still held Megumi's pink phone to show him that he wasn't available to talk at the moment. Nodding silently in understanding, Sanosuke quietly mouthed to him, "Who is it?" But before Kenshin could open his mouth to answer, the person on the other line exploded into loud shouts that caused them both to jump away from the object in a panic and he dropped the phone on the floor. Yet despite the fact that the phone was now several feet away from either man, they could still hear exactly what the person was screaming about on the other end.
"You so did not! You're probably just hitting a wall or something! And what do you mean you don't remember anyone by the name of Cindy?! Don't you lie to me, Kenshin Himura! How could you do this?! You messed around with some slut at your bachelor party, didn't you?! Some stupid slut named Cindy! With huge breasts that are gonna sag down to her knees by the time she reaches forty! Forty, do you hear me, FORTY! And I bet you they're not even real either! Yeah! Yeah, that's it! They're not! They're fake and plastic and gross and in a couple years, they'll be SAGGY! But you messed around with her anyway, didn't you?! DIDN'T YOU?!!!"
"Ah, never mind," Sanosuke said, holding up his hands in the air to let Kenshin know he had no more need for an explanation and he slowly backed out of the room, giving his friend a thumbs up at the pleading look he had given him that had practically screamed, "Please kill me." Chuckling lightly to himself, he closed the door on his way out, feeling quite sorry for his old friend who had indeed, screwed himself over with this one.
'Good thing I don't have those kinda problems...' Sanosuke thought with a grin and as he turned back around to head over to the kitchen to grab something to eat, the front door opened up just in time to reveal the missing fox lady he had been waiting to see, her arms full with groceries and shopping bags and looking pretty flustered. Putting on his best smile, he watched as Megumi stood, unmoving in the doorway, staring at him as if trying to pinpoint who exactly he was. After a few silent moments of just standing there staring at each other, Megumi immediately dropped all the contents she had been carrying in her arms and walked towards him, a look of concern written all over her face. 'And I'm guessing this is the part where she tells me she's been worried sick about me... and how she couldn't sleep at all last night 'cause she thought some bad guys threw me off a train and I ended up sleeping in some ditch and then she's gonna go nuts when I tell her I haven't eaten anything since breakfast yesterday so she'll probably end up cooking me whatever I want... Then, after all the foods gone and I've thoroughly convinced her I'm okay, she's just gonna beg me to just pick her up and carry her over to the bedroom so we can...'
"Oh Sano..."
His grin grew wider as he outstretched his arms to receive his much anticipated attack of hugs, kisses, and all around crazy love notions as Megumi now stood before him with her head tilted slightly upwards towards his, her eyes turning glossy which Sanosuke concluded was because she was about ready to throw herself in his arms and cry about how much she missed seeing his stupid face, "Hey Fox... you know I missed you so much last night too you have no..."
SMACK!
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!"
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A/N: Okay, I've been forgetting to put disclaimers on this story so I better do them now. I don't own RK unfortunately or the original storyline of American Pie 1 or 2 and the song, "Under the Sea" and Batman doesn't belong to me either hehe. Also, I wasn't exactly sure how to spell Arnold Schwarzaneggar's name so I just kinda guessed, sorry if I was way off. On another note, I forgot to explain the setting of this story haha, silly me! This story actually takes place not too long after Japanese Pie 2, probably only two or three years afterward so in case you were wondering about how in the world Tokio and Saito had a kid, well... obviously she got pregnant before they got married which is pretty darn reasonable to me since throughout the entire story, sex just pops up everywhere! Someone was bound to get pregnant! Also, I think I might wanna explain the relationships a little bit. Kenshin and Kaoru are obviously engaged (I'll explain more about the wedding later and who knows... maybe I'll even put it in as a chapter ^^), Yahiko and Misao are living together as are Sano and Megumi, no real big announcements... yet. So who do you think the woman was that Sano flipped off? I hope someone gets it right. I actually have to go and change something from a previous story so it all fits in but go ahead and take a good guess anyway! Review if you want more, okay? And remember, I'm always open for suggestions for improvement or ideas! Thanks!