Title: Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 8
Author: Rhasa
Rating: PG-13
Category: Angst DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE ANGST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have been warned
Disclaimer: No money being made. Not my characters. Used without permission with no infringement intended.
Feedback: will force me to update sooner Rhasa4@yahoo.com
Summary: Max left Alec alone after their one night together. What's Alec to do?
Author Notes: at end
Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
Part 8
By Rhasa
To his credit, Alec had decided not to sneak up on Logan when entering his apartment unannounced late at night. But he was an X5 and even though he was not trying to be stealthily, he managed to surprise the older man nonetheless.
"Alec," Logan said in a slightly shocked tone
"Logan," Alec replied, curtly.
"What can I do for you?" Logan asked turning back to his computer screen, all but dismissing the younger X5.
"I'm looking for Max," Alec said simply. Perhaps any other time he would have thought to be more polite, maybe engage in a little idle chit chat, mention the not so lovely weather they were having, before launching in to the real reason why he was here. But not tonight. And not with Logan. They had never had that kind of relationship - not since the night Alec had been sent to kill him, if Max already laden with the retro virus hadn't beaten him to it.
Without looking up, Logan answered. "I haven't seen her," he said "Not since last night," he added.
Alec's heart sunk. He had spent the better part of a day trying to track Max down. And now he didn't know which was worse - still not being able to find her or knowing that she had been at Logan's before she had come to him last night. Somehow, knowing that she had been with Logan before she had come to him - before she had come to his bed - unsettled him.
"Have you tried Crash?" Logan suggested, then looked up when no answer was forthcoming from Alec. "Of course you have," Logan said, answering his own question. "Here's the last place you'd look."
Alec couldn't argue with that - since it was true.
"You know why I'm really here. Don't you," Alec said at last.
"I could hazard a guess," Logan answered. He was damned if he was going to say it out loud though. The last thing he wanted to hear was that Max had actually done what he had told her to do.
"It's what you wanted. What you pushed for," Alec said without guilt.
Logan looked up at him.
"And yet," Alec continued, eyeing Logan wearily, trying to gauge the secret confessions of the older man that stood before him. "And yet it's not what you expected, is it?"
Logan smiled, and shook his head slightly. "What I had expected?" He asked rhetorically, then chuckled. "It's not what I expected. It's not what I had hoped."
"What did you hope?"
"A thousand other things than this," Logan sighed. "I had hoped that Manticore and White and all that was threatening us would be in the past. I had hoped for a cure to the virus by now," he said with bitterness in his voice, then added softly, "I had hoped that I was wrong."
"Wrong?" Alec queried.
Logan looked up and straight at Alec. "Wrong about the way she felt about you."
Alec stared at his feet uncomfortably. "You were," he said in a soft voice.
"No. I don't think I was. You're standing here aren't you?"
"You don't see her *with* me though, do you?" Alec said, a little bitter himself.
"Doesn't matter," Logan shrugged. "I'm guessing she was *with* you last night."
"Only cause you made her-" Alec said unapologetically.
"Aw, come on, Alec. This is Max we're talking about," Logan said, angrily. "No one can make her do anything she doesn't already want to do!"
"Yeah well, if she really wanted this thing between us, this thing you keep pushing at, this thing you keep forcing on her, then why isn't she here right now? Why isn't she standing here beside me, before you, rubbing your face in it? Why isn't she laughing at you, like you seem to think she should, huh Logan?" He knew his arguments sounded childish. But that didn't make them not true.
Logan stood staring at him in silence.
"I'll tell you why," Alec offered, a little quieter. "Because, you may think you know what it is she wants. But she doesn't have a damn clue what she wants... Or who she wants. Not really."
"Well. I guess that makes it difficult for all of us, then. Doesn't it?" Logan sneered.
"It doesn't have to be," Alec offered, with a shrug that didn't come off as nonchalant as he would have liked.. "I came looking for her, to tell her I'm leaving."
"Leaving?" Logan asked, a little too hopeful for Alec's liking
"Leaving Seattle. For good," Alec said.
Logan stood and looked at him long and hard. "Despite what I might have thought about you in the past, Alec, I never really pegged you for a quitter."
"I'm not. But I'm not a sucker for punishment either," Alec said, uncomfortably as he raised a hand to rub the back of his neck.
"Is that what Max is doing? Punishing you?" Logan asked.
"More like torturing me." Alec said.
"I know the feeling," Logan said with a small sad chuckle.
Now Alec took his turn to look long and hard at the older man before him. He hated to admit it, but there were more similarities between the two of them than he would've liked. "I gotta hand it to you, Logan," he said.
"What's that?"
"I don't know how you can stand it. Being around her. Loving her, albeit from afar, and knowing that you can't have her."
"I could say the same thing about you," Logan told him. "Except there's one small difference. You have had her," he said factually, without the bitterness that Alec had expected to accompany a statement such as that.
"Had. Past tense," Alec explained. "Have? No. I don't have Max, and after last night, something tells me, I never will."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Logan assured him.
Alec looked at him quizzically.
"She'll come after you," Logan said in answer to Alec's silent question. "She won't let you leave Seattle on her account. She couldn't handle the guilt."
"She'll get over it," Alec shrugged, trying to convey an indifference that he didn't really feel. "And if she doesn't, I'm sure you'll help her."
"This isn't a competition, Alec."
"Isn't it?"
"No. This isn't about me. This isn't about you," Logan said. "It's about Max. It's about what she wants."
"And damn everyone else who gets caught in the crossfire?" Alec said cynically. "This is a dangerous game you're playing, Logan."
"It's not about games. It's about choices."
"Well. She made her choice. She left," Alec said bitterly. "Now I'm making my own choice. I'm leaving too."
"You can leave but that won't stop her loving you - or you loving her, for that matter."
"Haven't you heard, Logan? Time heals all wounds."
"How philosophical of you."
"Not philosophical. Practical," Alec replied. "I won't pretend that my leaving will stop me from loving her. You and I both know it doesn't work like that. But it will make the pain a little easier to bear."
"That's funny," Logan scoffed. "I thought X5 Alpha males have a high tolerance to pain."
Alec grimaced. "Without sounding too much like a hallmark card, not of pain of the heart. So, before this all gets way too mushy, I'm going to go," he said taking a few steps backwards. "It looks like you get the honours, Logan."
"Honours?"
"The honour of telling Max that I've gone - for good." Alec turned and walked to the door, before stopping. "Some advice, that once you gave me," he threw over his shoulder.
"What's that?" Logan asked curiously.
"Just treat her right."
"You've got my word on that," Logan assured him.
Alec nodded solemnly, seemingly accepting of Logan's promise.
He turned once again and opened the door finally ready to leave Seattle and everything and everyone it contained behind him - except blocking his way was Max.
TBC
Author's notes:
I want to apologise for the delay in posting this chapter. My mother had a very very bad accident and I have been totally preoccupied and rightly so.
Anyway, I know a lot of people want this resolved. But didn't I say a thousand times before that this will be an angst piece and if you don't like drawn out stuff you had better bale? Well you were warned.
I can't see this going on for much longer though. Maybe 2 more chapters. So if you stick it out until then you may finally get what you want.
As always, I would LOVE to hear your comments, opinions, suggestions (other than "end it already" - cause I already hear you on that one!) and any other thoughts you send my way at Rhasa4@yahoo.com.
Author: Rhasa
Rating: PG-13
Category: Angst DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE ANGST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have been warned
Disclaimer: No money being made. Not my characters. Used without permission with no infringement intended.
Feedback: will force me to update sooner Rhasa4@yahoo.com
Summary: Max left Alec alone after their one night together. What's Alec to do?
Author Notes: at end
Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
Part 8
By Rhasa
To his credit, Alec had decided not to sneak up on Logan when entering his apartment unannounced late at night. But he was an X5 and even though he was not trying to be stealthily, he managed to surprise the older man nonetheless.
"Alec," Logan said in a slightly shocked tone
"Logan," Alec replied, curtly.
"What can I do for you?" Logan asked turning back to his computer screen, all but dismissing the younger X5.
"I'm looking for Max," Alec said simply. Perhaps any other time he would have thought to be more polite, maybe engage in a little idle chit chat, mention the not so lovely weather they were having, before launching in to the real reason why he was here. But not tonight. And not with Logan. They had never had that kind of relationship - not since the night Alec had been sent to kill him, if Max already laden with the retro virus hadn't beaten him to it.
Without looking up, Logan answered. "I haven't seen her," he said "Not since last night," he added.
Alec's heart sunk. He had spent the better part of a day trying to track Max down. And now he didn't know which was worse - still not being able to find her or knowing that she had been at Logan's before she had come to him last night. Somehow, knowing that she had been with Logan before she had come to him - before she had come to his bed - unsettled him.
"Have you tried Crash?" Logan suggested, then looked up when no answer was forthcoming from Alec. "Of course you have," Logan said, answering his own question. "Here's the last place you'd look."
Alec couldn't argue with that - since it was true.
"You know why I'm really here. Don't you," Alec said at last.
"I could hazard a guess," Logan answered. He was damned if he was going to say it out loud though. The last thing he wanted to hear was that Max had actually done what he had told her to do.
"It's what you wanted. What you pushed for," Alec said without guilt.
Logan looked up at him.
"And yet," Alec continued, eyeing Logan wearily, trying to gauge the secret confessions of the older man that stood before him. "And yet it's not what you expected, is it?"
Logan smiled, and shook his head slightly. "What I had expected?" He asked rhetorically, then chuckled. "It's not what I expected. It's not what I had hoped."
"What did you hope?"
"A thousand other things than this," Logan sighed. "I had hoped that Manticore and White and all that was threatening us would be in the past. I had hoped for a cure to the virus by now," he said with bitterness in his voice, then added softly, "I had hoped that I was wrong."
"Wrong?" Alec queried.
Logan looked up and straight at Alec. "Wrong about the way she felt about you."
Alec stared at his feet uncomfortably. "You were," he said in a soft voice.
"No. I don't think I was. You're standing here aren't you?"
"You don't see her *with* me though, do you?" Alec said, a little bitter himself.
"Doesn't matter," Logan shrugged. "I'm guessing she was *with* you last night."
"Only cause you made her-" Alec said unapologetically.
"Aw, come on, Alec. This is Max we're talking about," Logan said, angrily. "No one can make her do anything she doesn't already want to do!"
"Yeah well, if she really wanted this thing between us, this thing you keep pushing at, this thing you keep forcing on her, then why isn't she here right now? Why isn't she standing here beside me, before you, rubbing your face in it? Why isn't she laughing at you, like you seem to think she should, huh Logan?" He knew his arguments sounded childish. But that didn't make them not true.
Logan stood staring at him in silence.
"I'll tell you why," Alec offered, a little quieter. "Because, you may think you know what it is she wants. But she doesn't have a damn clue what she wants... Or who she wants. Not really."
"Well. I guess that makes it difficult for all of us, then. Doesn't it?" Logan sneered.
"It doesn't have to be," Alec offered, with a shrug that didn't come off as nonchalant as he would have liked.. "I came looking for her, to tell her I'm leaving."
"Leaving?" Logan asked, a little too hopeful for Alec's liking
"Leaving Seattle. For good," Alec said.
Logan stood and looked at him long and hard. "Despite what I might have thought about you in the past, Alec, I never really pegged you for a quitter."
"I'm not. But I'm not a sucker for punishment either," Alec said, uncomfortably as he raised a hand to rub the back of his neck.
"Is that what Max is doing? Punishing you?" Logan asked.
"More like torturing me." Alec said.
"I know the feeling," Logan said with a small sad chuckle.
Now Alec took his turn to look long and hard at the older man before him. He hated to admit it, but there were more similarities between the two of them than he would've liked. "I gotta hand it to you, Logan," he said.
"What's that?"
"I don't know how you can stand it. Being around her. Loving her, albeit from afar, and knowing that you can't have her."
"I could say the same thing about you," Logan told him. "Except there's one small difference. You have had her," he said factually, without the bitterness that Alec had expected to accompany a statement such as that.
"Had. Past tense," Alec explained. "Have? No. I don't have Max, and after last night, something tells me, I never will."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Logan assured him.
Alec looked at him quizzically.
"She'll come after you," Logan said in answer to Alec's silent question. "She won't let you leave Seattle on her account. She couldn't handle the guilt."
"She'll get over it," Alec shrugged, trying to convey an indifference that he didn't really feel. "And if she doesn't, I'm sure you'll help her."
"This isn't a competition, Alec."
"Isn't it?"
"No. This isn't about me. This isn't about you," Logan said. "It's about Max. It's about what she wants."
"And damn everyone else who gets caught in the crossfire?" Alec said cynically. "This is a dangerous game you're playing, Logan."
"It's not about games. It's about choices."
"Well. She made her choice. She left," Alec said bitterly. "Now I'm making my own choice. I'm leaving too."
"You can leave but that won't stop her loving you - or you loving her, for that matter."
"Haven't you heard, Logan? Time heals all wounds."
"How philosophical of you."
"Not philosophical. Practical," Alec replied. "I won't pretend that my leaving will stop me from loving her. You and I both know it doesn't work like that. But it will make the pain a little easier to bear."
"That's funny," Logan scoffed. "I thought X5 Alpha males have a high tolerance to pain."
Alec grimaced. "Without sounding too much like a hallmark card, not of pain of the heart. So, before this all gets way too mushy, I'm going to go," he said taking a few steps backwards. "It looks like you get the honours, Logan."
"Honours?"
"The honour of telling Max that I've gone - for good." Alec turned and walked to the door, before stopping. "Some advice, that once you gave me," he threw over his shoulder.
"What's that?" Logan asked curiously.
"Just treat her right."
"You've got my word on that," Logan assured him.
Alec nodded solemnly, seemingly accepting of Logan's promise.
He turned once again and opened the door finally ready to leave Seattle and everything and everyone it contained behind him - except blocking his way was Max.
TBC
Author's notes:
I want to apologise for the delay in posting this chapter. My mother had a very very bad accident and I have been totally preoccupied and rightly so.
Anyway, I know a lot of people want this resolved. But didn't I say a thousand times before that this will be an angst piece and if you don't like drawn out stuff you had better bale? Well you were warned.
I can't see this going on for much longer though. Maybe 2 more chapters. So if you stick it out until then you may finally get what you want.
As always, I would LOVE to hear your comments, opinions, suggestions (other than "end it already" - cause I already hear you on that one!) and any other thoughts you send my way at Rhasa4@yahoo.com.