wow. looking back on some of the previous chapters i'm like, damn. i sure can't write.
on the other hand, if i can improve even within the bounds of one story, my learning curve can't have flattened out yet. so yes. silver lining. i guess the problem is i just don't know wtf i'm talking about half the time. and i don't have enough imagination to supply the lack. so, like, i have no idea what it feels like to be running through the trees with half a dozen killer youkai after me. or much anything about woods at all, or even riding horses, or to have a near-fatal gut wound. then again, gods know there's nothing about suburbs or college or eating disorders or being female in saiyuki, so that means i'm going to be pretty much out of my depth for this whole story *grin*
so thanks for putting up with my inadequacies ^_~ with enough practice, i might actually get good at this someday, ne?
enuff talk. chapter awaits. (anyone find these little random narrative blurbs odd?)
....................................
Immortals have a strange attitude towards reincarnation. As a part of the Cycle, they are intimiately familiar with its mechanics and its purpose. After all, they spent quite a bit of time engineering it. Practically speaking, however, most of them have about as much understanding of it as a fish has of a sand dune.
Born again, born different, and most importantly, i/ born not knowing who you are/i.
Aren't they frightened? Completely at a loss? they asked the Ruler of the Western Skies.
They get over it, She replied. And they manage to figure out quite a bit about themselves along the way. It's amazing what stays constant, even when the bodies get switched around. For example, She added with a sly smile, that nephew of mine has been reincarnated no less than nine times since going Below.
They waited patiently for Her to reveal how this was relevant.
She leaned forward conspiratorally. And twice he was a woman! she added, and laughed so hard that Her breasts jiggled in their transparent confinement.
What about Son Goku? the discomfited celestials asked, in the attempt to distract Her and stop the jiggling. Has he not been trapped in the same form for centuries, denied the possibility of rebirth and atonement?
Oh, yes. That one.
She paused. For effect or for thought, it was impossible to know, although those who knew her were aware that she went out of her way for the first but rarely bothered with the second.
Yes, Goku has never reincarnated. And yet--one long, sharp nail tap-tapped against the lacquered arm of the chair--he is not the child he was when Above, either, for to live Below is to change, and he has no memory of who he was. The same finger wound around the luxurious tumbling tresses as she said, But technically speaking, he has been Son Goku for all five hundred years.
Perhaps that's why he's so good at it, she added with a wink that sent the audience fleeing back to their pavilions.
....................................
He woke slowly. From where he was coming, consciousness was a long way off. And it came with a host of sensations that took him some time to sort out. A groggy head, a stiff neck, a soreness in his stomach, a dry mouth. Hunger, ripping at his insides. And underlying it all, a sense of unease.
It was too quiet. Grimacing, he swung his legs over the edge and stood up. Promptly sat down again, as blackness swamped his vision and his head throbbed. Took a few more breaths and tried again. This time his legs agreed to carry him and he wobbled his way to the door. The pitcher was still on the stand and he swallowed greedily, although his shrunken stomach warned him not to down the whole vessel in one go.
He felt a little disappointed. Somehow he'd expected Hakkai to be by his side when he woke up, or even the kappa. Sanzo was too much to hope for, but where were they, if not here? He tried the door to their common room, and found it locked. He pounded. "Oi! Gojyo! Hakkai!!" It was already noon, could they still be sleeping? Sanzo wouldn't stand for that. He banged again and was about to holler when the door swung open under his fist. A short, fat man whose neck bulged under his chin glared at him.
"Quit yer racket, there's folks a-tryin' to sleep in here!" The man's breath smelled bad and he stepped back involuntarily as the door swung shut. He'd seen a woman in the bed where Hakkai had been sleeping the night before--no, not the night before, the night before he'd been in the woods, only Hakkai and Gojyo had found him and brought him back here--his head spun.
How long had he been asleep? Where had the others gone? What were these people doing in their room? He struggled not to panic, reminding himself that he was NOT a stupid ape, and went downstairs. This village was small, the general store didn't even carry Sanzo's favorite cigarettes. They couldn't be hard to find. The innkeeper wasn't in sight, but his wife, a thin dark woman with wispy hair and a surprisingly loud voice, was wiping down the tables that wobbled in the corners of the room. He hesitated, unsure where to start. She looked up.
"Oh, awake, are you?" She dabbed at the wisp that dangled perpetually before her eyes. "That nice friend of yours told me to look after you when you came around." Nice friend was surely Hakkai. Sanzo didn't come across to many people as nice, and although women sometimes found Gojyo nice (for reasons he couldn't fathom, probably the stupid kappa was only polite to females), he somehow doubted the halfbreed had been flirting with this one. The town wasn't THAT small.
"Where did he go, do you know?" He tried to keep the worry from his voice. Surely they hadn't gone far. They would be back within the day, and Hakkai would apologize for having been absent.
"They paid their bill and some extra for you this morning. Don't know where they were headed."
Paid their bill. The words struck him like stones. He dashed into the yard. Jeep was gone, a few scraggly chickens pecking at the ground where its wheels had been.
"You!" He jumped. Laifu, the stableboy, was stomping towards him with a now-you'll-get-what's-coming-to-you look on his round, normally open face. He attempted a smile, but between his anxiety and a small nudge of guilt he could feel that it hadn't gone right. "You got me trouble with Uncle Shao!"
"Did he beat you?" he asked, momentarily distracted.
"'course he did! Knocked me down right hard and asked me what I was doin' sleepin' in the stables like a horse!"
"Ah--" he was stricken with guilt. "But it wasn't your fault! Do you want me to go beat him up for you?"
The boy gave him a look of disgust. "What, an' get in trouble fer that too?"
Laifu was right, he never thought things through, it was always getting him into trouble, that was probably why Sanzo had gotten tired of him--
"Oi, oi. You don't have to look so glum. S'ok, really, I get knocked down all the time, Uncle's got a pig's temper--"
"Laifu," he cut the boy short desperately, "Did you talk to my friends today?"
Laifu's brow wrinkled in thought. "What, them that came in with you? Nah, just once to tell 'em to get their--their--"
"Jeep," he supplied, his hopes rising.
"Right, outta the way, and they said they were just about to leave anyway. Say, where were they off to, an' so early too?"
"I... don't know."
The boy surveyed him in frank surprise. "What, they didn't say?"
"I was asleep," he said miserably.
Laifu seemed to soften at the sight of his woe. "Well, they did say you had a rough time of it, coming back all hurt like that. Come to think of it, one of 'em did give me something to give to you the day before. I meant to give it to you straight off, but I got so mad I clean forgot." He pulled out a note that looked none the cleaner for having been in his pockets, but at this point he could have pulled it from the privy and Goku wouldn't have cared. He almost tore it in his haste to unfold the creases.
It said, simply,
We left money under your mattress.
See you again in Chou'An.
He read it again, as if the second time it would reveal more information.
"You can read?" There was surprise in the question, and no small amount of respect. Mutely he nodded. Sanzo had taught him how to read, their first few years at the temple. It had been a slow process--he learned quickly but lost interest after a few words, and finally after many thwackings Sanzo had said that he'd wasted enough time and that animals didn't need to know how to read anyway. But by then he'd already mastered the basics and knew enough to get by. Usually he could guess at the words he didn't know.
He knew all of the ones they'd used in the note. They'd picked easy characters and written them neatly. He looked up. "Who gave this to you?"
"I don't rightly know his name, but he had really red hair--"
He felt a sudden lump in his throat as the image of the erogappa rushed to mind. Of all of them he'd thought that Gojyo would never again sneak off like this, leaving them behind. Only this time it was them leaving him behind. Maybe that made it ok in his mind.
See you again in Chou'An.
Like hell, he thought. He started back towards the inn. "Where ya goin'?" Laifu called after him.
He stopped and thought. "To eat breakfast," he replied.
.........................
It was an extremely tense ride. No one felt like talking, especially after Sanzo drew his gun out of his sleeve with a deliberate air. There wasn't even the saving grace of the radio; he didn't dare so much as reach for the knob. After almost sixty miles Hakkai said, almost absentmindedly, "Do you think we left him enough money?"
"It was almost everything the bank had," Sanzo said irritably. "We're lucky they even knew what to do with the card. Besides, we left thousands of dollars. If he can eat his way through that then he deserves to starve to death. I certainly can't afford him."
Hakkai looked almost on the point of saying something, then visibly shut his mouth a little tighter and drove on. It made him almost glad to be in the backseat, where it felt almost like a separate existence. At least forty miles had passed before he'd realized that he was free to stretch out, and when he had he'd felt guilty, then angry because it was ridiculous to feel guilty. The way Sanzo saw it, they were doing the kid a favor. He couldn't deny that it was getting more dangerous for all of them. But it was different for him and Sanzo and Hakkai. They'd known what they were getting into, or at least hadn't had a choice--hells, Hakkai was practically out on parole. Goku was always spoiling for a fight, but he'd just shown them even he could get in over his head. His mind flung back to the moment in the woods, when he'd seen the ape collapse and his heart had stuttered with fear.
And now that he'd developed a disturbing tendency to make stupid decisions on his own...
"No one should have to die a virgin," he said aloud.
Hakkai flicked a glance at him in the rearview. In the flat slice of the mirror his eyes looked almost startled.
"Maa ne."
-------------------------
They had left money for him, thick wads of notes. He rolled it up and stuffed it into his pouch. He'd need it for supplies, even if he wasn't going to be able to carry much. He'd already eaten everything that he could, but between his injury and his impatience to be off it hadn't been very much. (It had, however, been enough to make the innkeeper's mouth hang open ever so slightly.) He was rushing to get out, on to the road where he could start catching up to them. He was uncomfortably sure that if he waited he would realize how impossible it was to find them, and maybe even begin to think about doing what the note said and turning around.
Another hour found him jogging down the road, with the innkeeper watching him suspiciously as he cleared the stables. In the end he couldn't think of anything to buy, other than food and water. Hakkai had always taken care of the supplies before. Even so, the pack he'd purchased felt awkward against his back. He tried to tighten the straps so it wouldn't bang against him when he moved, then gave up and ignored the awkward, swinging weight. As he jogged he repeated the words in the short note they'd left under his breath, testing them out.
We left money under your mattress
See you again in Chou'An
If they came back at all.
He shook his head angrily. If they said they were coming back then they were. Sanzo was probably just mad at him for running off like that. Sanzo never lied to him, didn't think it was worth it to lie. He wiped his nose and walked faster.
Or maybe they'd just gotten tired of waiting for him to get up--according to the innkeeper he'd been out for at least four days. That was a long time for Sanzo, who got mad when he took more than half an hour to eat.
He quickened his pace a little. Amazing how much more effort it seemed to take. He'd only been asleep for a few days but his muscles felt like they'd dried up.
We left money under your mattress
Money and a two line note. Did they really think he would give up, just like that? This was probably some kind of test on their part, to see if he was really serious.
He ran a little faster.
See you again in Chou'An
And who knew how long it would take, and what if something happened to Sanzo on the way? What if he could have stopped it, if he'd been there? What if something was happening to him now? They were going through the forest probably, and he hadn't killed all of the youkai, he knew some of them had gotten away--
He began to run, ignoring the jolting pain in his side. It was a stumbling run. His limbs had barely come awake and he still felt dehydrated, the meal sitting inside of him and refusing to integrate. Within seconds, it seemed, he could already feel his heart hammering in his chest.
Come on, he told his body. This is not the time to be pathetic.
It wasn't what they'd said that hurt. It was more what they didn't say. Probably it was Hakkai who'd written the note so neatly. Hakkai was good at not saying things that way. Why did it take so long for him to get to a point further off? When they drove in Jeep it never took more than a few minutes to reach the points he picked out with his eyes. But now the treeline seemed to stay just over the next small hill, past the next bend in the road.
He reached it eventually, and kept running. He tried to find a pace that would be more comfortable, that wouldn't keep jolting him and burning up his energy, and that kept him busy until his lungs began to ache. He kept running, until his heart was pounding so hard he felt blinded by the thumping in his ears. He ran until his legs wouldn't support him when they hit the ground and jarred instead, then kept running until he got a second wind, and then a third. He fixed his eyes on a point and ran until he reached it, then fixed on another. He lost track of his winds. He ran until it seemed impossible to stop. His mind had flowed away somewhere and his body was left chugging on, locked in rhythm.
His foot snagged against a half-buried root and sent him sprawling to the ground. He couldn't do anything to stop or even soften the fall, and hit the packed dirt of the road almost on his chin. For a moment he lay there, dazed. Then he lay there because he honestly didn't think he could get up and move. He wanted to roll over and vomit into the leaves, but that took too much energy as well and so he simply lay where he was and tried not to feel miserable.
It was hard, because looming out of the grey fog of exhaustion were the mountains of despair. They were miles ahead of him, traveling in Jeep, and he didn't even know which way they'd gone. Sure, here there was only one main road in the right direction, but what would happen when it split? He didn't have any sense of direction and would probably get lost. And how would he ever catch up to them anyway, even if he knew where they were going? And what if they didn't want him back when he did?
The words thrummed through his brain.
We left money under your mattress
See you again in Chou'An
He closed his eyes, tried to slow his breathing.
There's money under the mattress
See you back in Chou'An
When he felt that he could manage he turned himself over and onto his back. If a cart came along it would probably smash him flat. He would let it.
Take the money under your mattress
Go back to Chou'An
Aware that his legs were on the verge of cramping painfully, he mustered the energy to flex his toes. He did it slowly, wincing as the muscles tightened against the cool earth.
Take the money
Now go back
He realized that his mouth was beyond dry, that the air knifed its way into his lungs with every breath. He wondered if it were wise to drink his water now. He had no idea where the streams were or if there even were any beyond this. Nor did he know where the next town was. Tired, he was so tired and he weighed a million pounds and he wanted to shut his eyes and just rest for a while.
Here Money
Now go away
Just a little while.
Go away
He opened his eyes, and clambered stiffly to his feet. And kept running.
........................
Why, he wondered, did they persist in picking topics disagreeable to him? He thought he'd made it perfectly clear that there was to be no further discussion on the subject, in fact, he'd stated that he would shoot the next person who tried. And yet for the past half hour it had been sporadic sentences, Goku this and monkey that. At the moment they were discussing his injuries.
"Why do you suppose the Shoureijuu was so painful for him?" Gojyo was asking. "I mean, Droopy-Eyes over there has shot both of us with it before and we were ok."
"Yes, but you must remember that Goku is not exactly the same as we are. You, for example, hardly have any youki at all--I suspect because of your mixed heritage."
"Because I'm a halfbreed bastard, you mean," Gojyo replied amiably. "Call a spade a spade."
Hakkai went on with scarcely a pause. "As for myself, I was lucky enough not to be hit in any vital organs. Besides, when my limiters are on, I'm hardly different from a regular human. Goku is a totally different matter. He radiates youki all the time. And when the limiter's off, well, it's like the sun on a summer day."
The halfbreed seemed to digest this for a moment. "So...you're saying...the kid's not really human? Or a normal youkai?"
He didn't like where the conversation was going.
"Of course not," Hakkai said smoothly. "Just look at the way he eats."
A snort from the backseat. "I swear, Hakkai, sometimes a guy really can't tell if you're joking or not."
He silently agreed.
"Of course, there's also the fact that the wound become infected, and that he was further injured within a day of receiving it."
Gojyo muttered something. Then, louder, "Stupid ape."
"I imagine, though, that he should have come around by now. I do wonder if he got the note."
"If not, whoever cleans the rooms is going to get one hell of a tip."
He couldn't take it any more. It was bad enough having to keep one ear cocked for that inaudible whine. He refused to be manipulated. "Enough."
"Enough what?" Hakkai seemed almost startled by his interruption, and this made him even angrier.
"We are NOT going back. I am NOT changing my mind. And if anyone mentions the monkey again he'll be breathing through a spare set of nostrils."
"Who said anything about going back?" Gojyo demanded, and perhaps it would have been the argument that had been simmering all day, except that Hakkai distracted them by slamming on the brakes.
In the moment of surprised silence that followed, they followed his gaze to where it rested, ten yards ahead and slightly above the road.
"Is this how they greet travelers in these parts?" Hakkai wondered aloud.
It twisted slightly from the thick branch where it hung. They stared at it until Gojyo broke the silence.
"Why is it that everywhere we go we seem to find dead bodies?"
-----------
tbc
and FINALLY--to all my reviewers:
new: angel baby, emerald phoenix, d-chan, and missy irene, sankyuu, sankyuu, i'm so glad you're enjoying this!! happy to have you along for the ride, and please don't hesitate to criticize if the boys get too boring or OOC...
old: sf--WAI!!!! new ficcy!! i'm torn between being intrigued and hoping that it won't stop you from updating ATA. *grin* would that i had your ability to manage multiple fics, and big fat ones too--my concentration span is just not up to par. and as for the rest of you faithful commentators, X-parrot (woohoo, the not-death-fic continues), krimson, Quantum (omg, your review for my last fic made my day), Ultra, Neko-san, gallatica, and K. Firefly (more of goku, juvenile delinquent!), thanks so much for sticking with me and giving me helpful feedback--heck, any feedback at all. ^^;; sorry if i shocked any of you (yoong!) by leaving the monkey behind. as you can see, he's coping with it...eheh...sorta.
is this going off the deep end? beware, because the next section should introduce the *gasp of horror* dreaded OC!!! maybe even more than one, to be honest. ^^;; please, don't run screaming away!! i only want to plaayyyy....
just kidding. no, but seriously, would you prefer that i spend more time writing one-shot shorts, like In Another Life and its ilk?
~Aki
on the other hand, if i can improve even within the bounds of one story, my learning curve can't have flattened out yet. so yes. silver lining. i guess the problem is i just don't know wtf i'm talking about half the time. and i don't have enough imagination to supply the lack. so, like, i have no idea what it feels like to be running through the trees with half a dozen killer youkai after me. or much anything about woods at all, or even riding horses, or to have a near-fatal gut wound. then again, gods know there's nothing about suburbs or college or eating disorders or being female in saiyuki, so that means i'm going to be pretty much out of my depth for this whole story *grin*
so thanks for putting up with my inadequacies ^_~ with enough practice, i might actually get good at this someday, ne?
enuff talk. chapter awaits. (anyone find these little random narrative blurbs odd?)
....................................
Immortals have a strange attitude towards reincarnation. As a part of the Cycle, they are intimiately familiar with its mechanics and its purpose. After all, they spent quite a bit of time engineering it. Practically speaking, however, most of them have about as much understanding of it as a fish has of a sand dune.
Born again, born different, and most importantly, i/ born not knowing who you are/i.
Aren't they frightened? Completely at a loss? they asked the Ruler of the Western Skies.
They get over it, She replied. And they manage to figure out quite a bit about themselves along the way. It's amazing what stays constant, even when the bodies get switched around. For example, She added with a sly smile, that nephew of mine has been reincarnated no less than nine times since going Below.
They waited patiently for Her to reveal how this was relevant.
She leaned forward conspiratorally. And twice he was a woman! she added, and laughed so hard that Her breasts jiggled in their transparent confinement.
What about Son Goku? the discomfited celestials asked, in the attempt to distract Her and stop the jiggling. Has he not been trapped in the same form for centuries, denied the possibility of rebirth and atonement?
Oh, yes. That one.
She paused. For effect or for thought, it was impossible to know, although those who knew her were aware that she went out of her way for the first but rarely bothered with the second.
Yes, Goku has never reincarnated. And yet--one long, sharp nail tap-tapped against the lacquered arm of the chair--he is not the child he was when Above, either, for to live Below is to change, and he has no memory of who he was. The same finger wound around the luxurious tumbling tresses as she said, But technically speaking, he has been Son Goku for all five hundred years.
Perhaps that's why he's so good at it, she added with a wink that sent the audience fleeing back to their pavilions.
....................................
He woke slowly. From where he was coming, consciousness was a long way off. And it came with a host of sensations that took him some time to sort out. A groggy head, a stiff neck, a soreness in his stomach, a dry mouth. Hunger, ripping at his insides. And underlying it all, a sense of unease.
It was too quiet. Grimacing, he swung his legs over the edge and stood up. Promptly sat down again, as blackness swamped his vision and his head throbbed. Took a few more breaths and tried again. This time his legs agreed to carry him and he wobbled his way to the door. The pitcher was still on the stand and he swallowed greedily, although his shrunken stomach warned him not to down the whole vessel in one go.
He felt a little disappointed. Somehow he'd expected Hakkai to be by his side when he woke up, or even the kappa. Sanzo was too much to hope for, but where were they, if not here? He tried the door to their common room, and found it locked. He pounded. "Oi! Gojyo! Hakkai!!" It was already noon, could they still be sleeping? Sanzo wouldn't stand for that. He banged again and was about to holler when the door swung open under his fist. A short, fat man whose neck bulged under his chin glared at him.
"Quit yer racket, there's folks a-tryin' to sleep in here!" The man's breath smelled bad and he stepped back involuntarily as the door swung shut. He'd seen a woman in the bed where Hakkai had been sleeping the night before--no, not the night before, the night before he'd been in the woods, only Hakkai and Gojyo had found him and brought him back here--his head spun.
How long had he been asleep? Where had the others gone? What were these people doing in their room? He struggled not to panic, reminding himself that he was NOT a stupid ape, and went downstairs. This village was small, the general store didn't even carry Sanzo's favorite cigarettes. They couldn't be hard to find. The innkeeper wasn't in sight, but his wife, a thin dark woman with wispy hair and a surprisingly loud voice, was wiping down the tables that wobbled in the corners of the room. He hesitated, unsure where to start. She looked up.
"Oh, awake, are you?" She dabbed at the wisp that dangled perpetually before her eyes. "That nice friend of yours told me to look after you when you came around." Nice friend was surely Hakkai. Sanzo didn't come across to many people as nice, and although women sometimes found Gojyo nice (for reasons he couldn't fathom, probably the stupid kappa was only polite to females), he somehow doubted the halfbreed had been flirting with this one. The town wasn't THAT small.
"Where did he go, do you know?" He tried to keep the worry from his voice. Surely they hadn't gone far. They would be back within the day, and Hakkai would apologize for having been absent.
"They paid their bill and some extra for you this morning. Don't know where they were headed."
Paid their bill. The words struck him like stones. He dashed into the yard. Jeep was gone, a few scraggly chickens pecking at the ground where its wheels had been.
"You!" He jumped. Laifu, the stableboy, was stomping towards him with a now-you'll-get-what's-coming-to-you look on his round, normally open face. He attempted a smile, but between his anxiety and a small nudge of guilt he could feel that it hadn't gone right. "You got me trouble with Uncle Shao!"
"Did he beat you?" he asked, momentarily distracted.
"'course he did! Knocked me down right hard and asked me what I was doin' sleepin' in the stables like a horse!"
"Ah--" he was stricken with guilt. "But it wasn't your fault! Do you want me to go beat him up for you?"
The boy gave him a look of disgust. "What, an' get in trouble fer that too?"
Laifu was right, he never thought things through, it was always getting him into trouble, that was probably why Sanzo had gotten tired of him--
"Oi, oi. You don't have to look so glum. S'ok, really, I get knocked down all the time, Uncle's got a pig's temper--"
"Laifu," he cut the boy short desperately, "Did you talk to my friends today?"
Laifu's brow wrinkled in thought. "What, them that came in with you? Nah, just once to tell 'em to get their--their--"
"Jeep," he supplied, his hopes rising.
"Right, outta the way, and they said they were just about to leave anyway. Say, where were they off to, an' so early too?"
"I... don't know."
The boy surveyed him in frank surprise. "What, they didn't say?"
"I was asleep," he said miserably.
Laifu seemed to soften at the sight of his woe. "Well, they did say you had a rough time of it, coming back all hurt like that. Come to think of it, one of 'em did give me something to give to you the day before. I meant to give it to you straight off, but I got so mad I clean forgot." He pulled out a note that looked none the cleaner for having been in his pockets, but at this point he could have pulled it from the privy and Goku wouldn't have cared. He almost tore it in his haste to unfold the creases.
It said, simply,
We left money under your mattress.
See you again in Chou'An.
He read it again, as if the second time it would reveal more information.
"You can read?" There was surprise in the question, and no small amount of respect. Mutely he nodded. Sanzo had taught him how to read, their first few years at the temple. It had been a slow process--he learned quickly but lost interest after a few words, and finally after many thwackings Sanzo had said that he'd wasted enough time and that animals didn't need to know how to read anyway. But by then he'd already mastered the basics and knew enough to get by. Usually he could guess at the words he didn't know.
He knew all of the ones they'd used in the note. They'd picked easy characters and written them neatly. He looked up. "Who gave this to you?"
"I don't rightly know his name, but he had really red hair--"
He felt a sudden lump in his throat as the image of the erogappa rushed to mind. Of all of them he'd thought that Gojyo would never again sneak off like this, leaving them behind. Only this time it was them leaving him behind. Maybe that made it ok in his mind.
See you again in Chou'An.
Like hell, he thought. He started back towards the inn. "Where ya goin'?" Laifu called after him.
He stopped and thought. "To eat breakfast," he replied.
.........................
It was an extremely tense ride. No one felt like talking, especially after Sanzo drew his gun out of his sleeve with a deliberate air. There wasn't even the saving grace of the radio; he didn't dare so much as reach for the knob. After almost sixty miles Hakkai said, almost absentmindedly, "Do you think we left him enough money?"
"It was almost everything the bank had," Sanzo said irritably. "We're lucky they even knew what to do with the card. Besides, we left thousands of dollars. If he can eat his way through that then he deserves to starve to death. I certainly can't afford him."
Hakkai looked almost on the point of saying something, then visibly shut his mouth a little tighter and drove on. It made him almost glad to be in the backseat, where it felt almost like a separate existence. At least forty miles had passed before he'd realized that he was free to stretch out, and when he had he'd felt guilty, then angry because it was ridiculous to feel guilty. The way Sanzo saw it, they were doing the kid a favor. He couldn't deny that it was getting more dangerous for all of them. But it was different for him and Sanzo and Hakkai. They'd known what they were getting into, or at least hadn't had a choice--hells, Hakkai was practically out on parole. Goku was always spoiling for a fight, but he'd just shown them even he could get in over his head. His mind flung back to the moment in the woods, when he'd seen the ape collapse and his heart had stuttered with fear.
And now that he'd developed a disturbing tendency to make stupid decisions on his own...
"No one should have to die a virgin," he said aloud.
Hakkai flicked a glance at him in the rearview. In the flat slice of the mirror his eyes looked almost startled.
"Maa ne."
-------------------------
They had left money for him, thick wads of notes. He rolled it up and stuffed it into his pouch. He'd need it for supplies, even if he wasn't going to be able to carry much. He'd already eaten everything that he could, but between his injury and his impatience to be off it hadn't been very much. (It had, however, been enough to make the innkeeper's mouth hang open ever so slightly.) He was rushing to get out, on to the road where he could start catching up to them. He was uncomfortably sure that if he waited he would realize how impossible it was to find them, and maybe even begin to think about doing what the note said and turning around.
Another hour found him jogging down the road, with the innkeeper watching him suspiciously as he cleared the stables. In the end he couldn't think of anything to buy, other than food and water. Hakkai had always taken care of the supplies before. Even so, the pack he'd purchased felt awkward against his back. He tried to tighten the straps so it wouldn't bang against him when he moved, then gave up and ignored the awkward, swinging weight. As he jogged he repeated the words in the short note they'd left under his breath, testing them out.
We left money under your mattress
See you again in Chou'An
If they came back at all.
He shook his head angrily. If they said they were coming back then they were. Sanzo was probably just mad at him for running off like that. Sanzo never lied to him, didn't think it was worth it to lie. He wiped his nose and walked faster.
Or maybe they'd just gotten tired of waiting for him to get up--according to the innkeeper he'd been out for at least four days. That was a long time for Sanzo, who got mad when he took more than half an hour to eat.
He quickened his pace a little. Amazing how much more effort it seemed to take. He'd only been asleep for a few days but his muscles felt like they'd dried up.
We left money under your mattress
Money and a two line note. Did they really think he would give up, just like that? This was probably some kind of test on their part, to see if he was really serious.
He ran a little faster.
See you again in Chou'An
And who knew how long it would take, and what if something happened to Sanzo on the way? What if he could have stopped it, if he'd been there? What if something was happening to him now? They were going through the forest probably, and he hadn't killed all of the youkai, he knew some of them had gotten away--
He began to run, ignoring the jolting pain in his side. It was a stumbling run. His limbs had barely come awake and he still felt dehydrated, the meal sitting inside of him and refusing to integrate. Within seconds, it seemed, he could already feel his heart hammering in his chest.
Come on, he told his body. This is not the time to be pathetic.
It wasn't what they'd said that hurt. It was more what they didn't say. Probably it was Hakkai who'd written the note so neatly. Hakkai was good at not saying things that way. Why did it take so long for him to get to a point further off? When they drove in Jeep it never took more than a few minutes to reach the points he picked out with his eyes. But now the treeline seemed to stay just over the next small hill, past the next bend in the road.
He reached it eventually, and kept running. He tried to find a pace that would be more comfortable, that wouldn't keep jolting him and burning up his energy, and that kept him busy until his lungs began to ache. He kept running, until his heart was pounding so hard he felt blinded by the thumping in his ears. He ran until his legs wouldn't support him when they hit the ground and jarred instead, then kept running until he got a second wind, and then a third. He fixed his eyes on a point and ran until he reached it, then fixed on another. He lost track of his winds. He ran until it seemed impossible to stop. His mind had flowed away somewhere and his body was left chugging on, locked in rhythm.
His foot snagged against a half-buried root and sent him sprawling to the ground. He couldn't do anything to stop or even soften the fall, and hit the packed dirt of the road almost on his chin. For a moment he lay there, dazed. Then he lay there because he honestly didn't think he could get up and move. He wanted to roll over and vomit into the leaves, but that took too much energy as well and so he simply lay where he was and tried not to feel miserable.
It was hard, because looming out of the grey fog of exhaustion were the mountains of despair. They were miles ahead of him, traveling in Jeep, and he didn't even know which way they'd gone. Sure, here there was only one main road in the right direction, but what would happen when it split? He didn't have any sense of direction and would probably get lost. And how would he ever catch up to them anyway, even if he knew where they were going? And what if they didn't want him back when he did?
The words thrummed through his brain.
We left money under your mattress
See you again in Chou'An
He closed his eyes, tried to slow his breathing.
There's money under the mattress
See you back in Chou'An
When he felt that he could manage he turned himself over and onto his back. If a cart came along it would probably smash him flat. He would let it.
Take the money under your mattress
Go back to Chou'An
Aware that his legs were on the verge of cramping painfully, he mustered the energy to flex his toes. He did it slowly, wincing as the muscles tightened against the cool earth.
Take the money
Now go back
He realized that his mouth was beyond dry, that the air knifed its way into his lungs with every breath. He wondered if it were wise to drink his water now. He had no idea where the streams were or if there even were any beyond this. Nor did he know where the next town was. Tired, he was so tired and he weighed a million pounds and he wanted to shut his eyes and just rest for a while.
Here Money
Now go away
Just a little while.
Go away
He opened his eyes, and clambered stiffly to his feet. And kept running.
........................
Why, he wondered, did they persist in picking topics disagreeable to him? He thought he'd made it perfectly clear that there was to be no further discussion on the subject, in fact, he'd stated that he would shoot the next person who tried. And yet for the past half hour it had been sporadic sentences, Goku this and monkey that. At the moment they were discussing his injuries.
"Why do you suppose the Shoureijuu was so painful for him?" Gojyo was asking. "I mean, Droopy-Eyes over there has shot both of us with it before and we were ok."
"Yes, but you must remember that Goku is not exactly the same as we are. You, for example, hardly have any youki at all--I suspect because of your mixed heritage."
"Because I'm a halfbreed bastard, you mean," Gojyo replied amiably. "Call a spade a spade."
Hakkai went on with scarcely a pause. "As for myself, I was lucky enough not to be hit in any vital organs. Besides, when my limiters are on, I'm hardly different from a regular human. Goku is a totally different matter. He radiates youki all the time. And when the limiter's off, well, it's like the sun on a summer day."
The halfbreed seemed to digest this for a moment. "So...you're saying...the kid's not really human? Or a normal youkai?"
He didn't like where the conversation was going.
"Of course not," Hakkai said smoothly. "Just look at the way he eats."
A snort from the backseat. "I swear, Hakkai, sometimes a guy really can't tell if you're joking or not."
He silently agreed.
"Of course, there's also the fact that the wound become infected, and that he was further injured within a day of receiving it."
Gojyo muttered something. Then, louder, "Stupid ape."
"I imagine, though, that he should have come around by now. I do wonder if he got the note."
"If not, whoever cleans the rooms is going to get one hell of a tip."
He couldn't take it any more. It was bad enough having to keep one ear cocked for that inaudible whine. He refused to be manipulated. "Enough."
"Enough what?" Hakkai seemed almost startled by his interruption, and this made him even angrier.
"We are NOT going back. I am NOT changing my mind. And if anyone mentions the monkey again he'll be breathing through a spare set of nostrils."
"Who said anything about going back?" Gojyo demanded, and perhaps it would have been the argument that had been simmering all day, except that Hakkai distracted them by slamming on the brakes.
In the moment of surprised silence that followed, they followed his gaze to where it rested, ten yards ahead and slightly above the road.
"Is this how they greet travelers in these parts?" Hakkai wondered aloud.
It twisted slightly from the thick branch where it hung. They stared at it until Gojyo broke the silence.
"Why is it that everywhere we go we seem to find dead bodies?"
-----------
tbc
and FINALLY--to all my reviewers:
new: angel baby, emerald phoenix, d-chan, and missy irene, sankyuu, sankyuu, i'm so glad you're enjoying this!! happy to have you along for the ride, and please don't hesitate to criticize if the boys get too boring or OOC...
old: sf--WAI!!!! new ficcy!! i'm torn between being intrigued and hoping that it won't stop you from updating ATA. *grin* would that i had your ability to manage multiple fics, and big fat ones too--my concentration span is just not up to par. and as for the rest of you faithful commentators, X-parrot (woohoo, the not-death-fic continues), krimson, Quantum (omg, your review for my last fic made my day), Ultra, Neko-san, gallatica, and K. Firefly (more of goku, juvenile delinquent!), thanks so much for sticking with me and giving me helpful feedback--heck, any feedback at all. ^^;; sorry if i shocked any of you (yoong!) by leaving the monkey behind. as you can see, he's coping with it...eheh...sorta.
is this going off the deep end? beware, because the next section should introduce the *gasp of horror* dreaded OC!!! maybe even more than one, to be honest. ^^;; please, don't run screaming away!! i only want to plaayyyy....
just kidding. no, but seriously, would you prefer that i spend more time writing one-shot shorts, like In Another Life and its ilk?
~Aki