My Immortal
By: LunarDaffodil
A/N~ This is my first songfic so cut me some slack, kk?
I'm so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all of my childish fears.
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave,
Because your presence still lingers here,
And it won't leave me alone!
Queen Garnet Til Alexandros the 17th sat by her bedroom immersed in the memories of the past. So many things had come and gone in her life. So many things that would haunt her until the day she died. So many happy memories, but more than that, so many memories of the pain and sorrow she had endured.
Everyone thought the life of royalty was charmed. Nothing bad happened to you if you were born into the royal bloodline. What a lie. If only they knew how big a bluff that was.
Nothing seemed to go right in her life. Not since her sixteenth birthday when she escaped from the palace. That was when everything in her life seemed to go wrong. She had thought being trapped in the palace for her entire life was bad enough; she wasn't ready for what happened when she left it.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
Zidane… What was he doing now? Was he dead? Did he manage to survive the Iifa tree? Did he forget about her? Didn't he know she loved him with every fiber of being?
How could she even begin to ponder life without him? She had made it this far. Living each day as it came. But days had turned into weeks, weeks into months, and those months had turned into two long years. She didn't know how much longer she could last.
Her mother was gone, her kingdom was now flourishing, though she had watched as it was destroyed and many innocents had been killed. Through it all she had survived, because she had known that he was going to be there for her. The memories haunted her often as she slept. When she wasn't dreaming of Zidane of course, of all the terrible things that could have happened. Of the fact that he might possibly be lying broken and dead underneath the roots of the Iifa tree.
They had defeated Kuja and stopped his attempt to destroy them and the world with the Life Crystal. They had all made it out alive after Necron was defeated, though at the beginning things looked pretty grim. They had made it through all of it, and now he was gone.
When you cry I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you scream I'd chase away all of your fears,
And I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.
Despite all the pain she had been through, she was still the reigning Queen of Alexandria. She couldn't leave and go look for him as her heart screamed for her to do. She doubted that anyone else had now that they had all split ways. They all had their lives to get back to. She still saw Eiko quite often since she was staying with her Uncle Cid and Aunt Hilda.
Vivi had returned to Black Mage village the rest of the Black Mages and the newly added Genomes. He wrote occasionally to tell her how well the Genomes and Black Mages were faring. It seemed they all had accepted that one day they would stop.
Amarant was just as much a loner now as he was then. She hadn't heard from him since he left. Though Freya told her that he was staying in Madain Sari. How Freya had found that out was a mystery though.
Freya had returned with Sir Fratley to help restore Burmecia to it's formal beauty. She was sad however that he still did not quite remember their past together.
Quina was now working in the castle kitchen. With a grimace Garnet remembered the chaos it had caused in the beginning. It hadn't taken long for everyone to adapt to the new chef, especially since he/she cooked such great meals. That was a perk she thought, for a moment her thoughts turned to ponder for a moment at what they would have for dinner tonight before turning back to her more grim memories.
You used to
captivate me,
By your resonating mind,
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.
How would it be if Zidane suddenly came back to her? Would things be different between them? She had just realized the depth of her feelings for him right before he left her. She had wanted so desperately to run after to him, to refuse to let him leave. But she knew that she had to let him go. He would come back to her. But he hadn't…
A knock sounded on at the door, then the handle turned and the door opened a crack. "Your Highness?" Beatrix's voice called from the other side. "Dinner is ready."
"Alright," Garnet replied without looking up. The door shut once more, leaving Garnet alone with her memories. A silent tear ran down her cheek and her bottom lip trembled. She got to her feet and gently wiped the tear away with the back of her hand. She took a deep shuddering breath to regain control of herself and left the room. Her memories followed her. She couldn't escape them
Your face it haunts,
My once pleasant dreams.
Your voice it chased away,
All the sanity in me.
Zidane stood before her. He had just returned as if he had never left her. As if he hadn't left her alone these past two long years. Happiness bubbled up inside her and the tears she had previously refused to let anyone see poured down her cheeks as if they would never stop. He opened his arms, and she quickly entered his strong embrace. It was the place she had dreamed of being every night since the day he had left her.
"Why did you take so long to return to me?" she asked, there was no accusation in her voice, only pain.
"I'm so sorry, love. I never meant to be away for so long. It just took me a long time to get back to you," he said, pulling back. She reluctantly let him so she could stare into his deep blue eyes.
"What took you so long?" she asked.
"It's not important," he said, and she let it go at that. He pulled her close again and placed his lips upon hers. At that exact moment all the pain she had felt before simply disappeared as if it had never been there. Then once more he pulled away, this time taking several steps away from her so that they were on opposite sides of the room.
"You know I love you, don't you Dagger?" he asked, using her nickname. Happiness filled her heart at the name and she trembled to feel is touch once more.
"Yes," she replied, taking a step towards him.
He nodded as if that was all he wanted to know. Then staggered on his feet. She rushed forward to give him her support, her arms circling his chest. "What's wrong?" But he didn't answer. His breath was coming in jagged gasps, as if he fought for every breath he took. What was wrong with him?
As if to answer, she felt a sudden wetness under her hands. She tore her gaze from his eyes to glance down at her hand and saw blood stained his shirt. Numerous wounds had appeared across his body. He suddenly slumped, making it impossible for her to support him. She lowered him gently to the floor and held him to her chest, uncaring of the fact that his blood stained her dress. She could always get another one, she could never get another Zidane.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
Tears formed in her eyes as she stared down at him. He looked up at her with remorse in his eyes. "I'm sorry. Please… Don't forget me…"
A sob shuddered through her body. "I could never forget you, Zidane. I love you. I will always love you."
"I wanted to come back to you."
"I know that." Tears fell to land on his face, mingling with his own.
With a final effort he raised a hand stained crimson with blood from numerous cuts that had opened on his fingers and palms to her face. For a moment he cradled her face in his hand, before the effort became too much and his hand fell back across his chest. "I love you."
A spasm rocked his body and it took all she had to hold on to him. Then he was gone. Torn horribly away from her once more. And this time he wouldn't return. An angry scream ripped through her, resounding through the entire palace. She lowered her head onto his chest and hoped that the cruel fate that had taken him would take her too.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,
I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have,
All of me.
Garnet woke in her bed, drenched in sweat. She looked frantically around, but saw that everything was as it should be. It had only been a dream. The same dream she had had every single night since he had left her. The memories were too strong. And she knew that she couldn't escape them. She had to remain here, trapped in the stuffy palace, surrounded by people who looked at her with pity in their eyes.
Tears fell from her eyes and she sat up, pounding the bed with her fists. When was it going to end? When would she be free? The answer came to her unbidden. Never. She would never be free from the spell he had cast on her heart. "Please…Don't forget me…"
The door to her bedroom burst open and Beatrix entered, dressed in her nightgown and looking frightened. Her sword hung at the ready in her hand. "Your highness! Are you alright?"
Garnet turned her tear filled eyes on her friend, "I'll never be alright. Not until Zidane comes back to me."
Beatrix entered the room and shut the door behind her. She walked across the room and set her sword on the table near the bed. "Same dream?"
"Worse than normal."
Beatrix sat down on the bed and wrapped her arms around Garnet. "You'll be okay."
"How can I be? I love him so much. And he's gone. He's never coming back." Garnet said and then burst into the worst fit of sobs she had ever had. The vision of Zidane, dying in her arms, bleeding from horrific wounds caused by something unknown filled her mind. It would never leave her.
Beatrix held her until she once more fell into a troubled sleep, knowing that there was nothing she could do to help her friend. The fact hurt. She would do anything for Garnet.
The door opened again, soft enough not to wake the Queen. Beatrix looked up alert, and stared at surprise who looked at her. Garnet moaned softly and pulled away from Beatrix, who let her go without a word, numb with shock. After a moment she got up and left the pair alone, careful not to wake Garnet.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
But though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along.
Garnet woke the next moment and was immediately aware that there was someone else in the bed with her. Had Beatrix fallen asleep while trying to comfort her? Somehow she doubted it. She turned and stared into two deep blue eyes. For a long moment she didn't move, fearing that if she did, they would disappear and she would be left alone in her misery once more. Zidane stared back at her, a soft smile on his lips, his blonde hair falling across his face. He looked exactly the way he had when he had left her.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,
I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have,
All of me.
"Are you real?" she asked softly, stretching out a hand to touch him, but stopping herself bare centimeters from his pale flesh.
He laughed gently, "Of course I'm real. Why would I be?"
"I've dreamed of you. You always came to me, but it was never real." Tears welled again in her eyes at the memory. Would she ever stop crying? Would life ever give her the chance to be happy?
His eyes filled with concern and he pulled her into his arms, "I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I had trouble getting back to you."
As soon as she felt him put his arms around her she dared to let herself hope that this time it wasn't a dream. This time he really was with her. He raised a hand and wiped the tears from her face, "Don't cry…"
She shook her head, "It's okay."
"I didn't mean to make you cry. I—" He started but she silenced him with a kiss. No this time it wasn't a dream. This time he had really come back to her.