The Legend Of The Evil Sweater
AN: pure AU this fic was for fun X3 I don't own YGO so nyah lol and enjoy!
A little later both had arrived at the dreaded clothes store or as Bakura called it 'the clothes store of DOOM' yes our beloved tomb robber didn't like clothe stores not at all. Ryou grabbed a shopping basket in one hand and Bakura in the other as he skipped off to the men's section.
Ryou looked around the different pants and T-shirts till he came to the sweater section. He would have moved faster but Bakura was dragging his feet along the floor like a small child that wasn't aloud any candy.
"Bakura! If you don't walk like a grown up I'll make you listen to Brittany Spears!" Ryou frowned and put his hands on his hips as Bakura sniffled and held back a tear.
"You're so cruel to me!" He put his hands together and burst into tears. Old people looked on in distaste as Ryou tried to calm the sobbing spirit down.
"Shhh it's ok after this I will buy you an ice-cream"
"Really?"
Bakura jumped up and grinned happily forgetting the evil he had just been threatened with. Ryou rolled his eyes as he followed his yami down the sweater section, he suddenly stopped as he heard a faint voice in the back of his head and he knew it wasn't Bakura because it wasn't saying 'OI YOU!' no not at all it was saying in a hypnotic tone 'Ryou... Ryou.. Over here.'
Ryou looked around to see where the voice was coming from it repeated its chant to try draw the teen in. Ryou frowned and looked all around him.
"God is that you?" He blinked.
'No you daft flippin' moron DOWN HERE!' It yelled.
Ryou looked down and saw a sweater, it was white with a blue stripe (the one in Duellist Kingdom) Ryou's eyes grew wide as the sweater glowed and had its sleeves out stretched waving them in a taunting manner which Ryou took as a sweaters way of saying 'SOD OFF!'
'Buy meeeeeeee' it hissed.
'Buy meeeeeeee'
He blinked and picked it up before hurrying off to find Bakura who was in the woman's section scarring little old woman by wearing a bra on his head and jumping out the boa section going 'I'M MICHAEL JACKSON!'
"Ok Bakura time to go"
Ryou looked around and saw his yami giggling with a bra on his head from his last scare. The teen sighed and walked over to him.
"Time to go I found what I wanted and unless you want to buy that bra it's time to go"
"I don't wanna!" Bakura cried and stamped his foot.
"We are going now!" Ryou glared.
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"YES!"
With that Ryou pulled the bra back and smiled evilly as it went 'twang' and smacked the evil spirit of the ring in the face. Bakura squeaked and fell backwards while Ryou smiled evilly and walked over to the till.
A little later.
Finally home Ryou hurried upstairs with a bag that contained the talking sweater. A talking sweater didn't seem odd to him at all I mean why would it? He knows two dead guys that are over 5000 years old, he's been turned into a card and seen his friends get turned into them too. There wasn't much Ryou doubted could happen least of all a talking sweater.
He sat on his bed and pulled the item of clothing out and half expected it to talk to him or at least call him a moron. He held it high above him and in front of him and he could have sworn he heard the music to the 'Lion King' playing as if it was Simba.
Bakura walked past the door to his and Ryou's room humming, he stopped, walked back a few paces and stared at what Ryou was holding.
"HIKARI! QUICK RUN FOR THE HILLS MARTHA STEWARD LEFT A DEATH TRAP! Er sweater" Bakura yelled bursting into the room in a panic.
"Oh calm down!" Ryou shook his head and laid the sweater on the bed.
"What IS that? It reeks of crappy evil!" Bakura whined.
"It's OUR new sweater!" Ryou beamed.
"OUR? Nuh uh! Nooooo 'Ours' only 'Yours'"
Later.
It was night time and Ryou and Bakura both slept peacefully well Ryou giggled in his sleep while Bakura grumbled and ranting how the government was making super frogs with power to burn holes in things. he had cheese to eat that night.
'Bakura...'
"Meh.." He snorted in his sleep.
'Oh Bakura...'
"Meeeeh"
'BAKURA YOU LAZY BLOODY SOD WAKE UP!' the voice screamed.
"MEEEH?" Bakura woke up and sat bolt right in bed looking around and blinking.
He suddenly heard a faint 'Dun' he looked around madly in the dark room and saw Ryou fast asleep he then heard another 'Dun' soon it was 'Dun dun dun dun dun dun' He held himself and shivered as the sound got closer. He saw a white sleeve creep over the side of the bed and he squealed as he saw the sweater crawling towards him. It seemed to evil eye him as it jumped at his face and wrapped its sleeves around his head.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed waving his arms around.
Next day.
Ryou sat happily on the breakfast table munching on toast and singing along to some random crappy song that has been played to death on the radio. Oh he also wore the sweater and he even thought it looked good and no kids he wasn't drunk, tone deaf yes, drunk no.
Bakura slumped into the room looking like he hadn't slept all night which was true, after the sweater incident he sat in the closet mumbling to himself about being safe and special and was sure the sweater was giving him evil looks but he had slept a little. Bakura then looked at what Ryou was wearing and screamed like a little girl and pointed at his hikari with a shaky hand.
"THAT THING!!" Bakura yelled.
"IT TRIED TO KILL ME!"
"I'm sure that's not true, might have tried to rape you but not KILL you? every one knows sweaters can't KILL people" Ryou shook his head and munched on more toast.
"Who knew they could even TALK?" Bakura raised an eyebrow hoping that had put Ryou in his place. He looked at the sweater and eeped in fear.
"What?" Ryou cocked his head to one side.
"It.. It. LOOKED at me!"
"Don't be silly! Woolly would never do such a thing!" Ryou tutted.
"WOOLLY?" The spirit squeaked.
"He said his name was Woolly"
"We have to BURN it!"
Ryou gasped and dropped his toast on the plate with an outraged cry.
"You can't just kill it!"
"Why not?" Bakura demanded.
"It has a NAME!" Ryou felt tears welling up in his eyes.
Bakura sighed and leaned on the wall a lot calmer now that he knew the sweater was taking over Ryou not himself. But mark Bakura's words. That sweater WOULD become nothing more then a fluffy remain at the bottom of the ocean.
Bakura looked at himself and realised some how he was in the same sweater it must have multiplied some how when he had let his guard down like when he was dreaming of doing all those. yeah any way. He pulled at the wool and dropped to his knees and raised his arms to heaven.
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo"
"Oh you look darling in it" Ryou giggled.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I'M EVIL NOT DARLING DAMN IT!" He wailed and tried to pull the sweater off.
"IT'S ATTACHED TO MY SKIN!" He squealed.
Ryou just sighed.
"Oh don't be so melodramatic!" He snapped.
Later Bakura had left the house clutching a small bundle as he ran down the path of his modern day home, slipping on a dog toy and skidding into the trashcans. Why there was even a dog toy on his path when neither white haired boy owned a dog was beyond him, all he cared about was the banana peel that was in his hair.
Cussing he left the trash cans with another rattle that started a dog off on its barking Bakura ran down the street still with some items of trash hanging from his hair. It seemed his hair liked trash as a few items sank deeper into the long sliver white strands.
"Soon you'll be history!" He laughed evilly and looked at the sweater in his arms.
After a lot of cussing from tripping over things in his haste Bakura finally got to the sea front. He looked at the empty peer and grinned, no one around to see the perfect crime. He saw a long row of rocks and decided to walk down them to finally get rid of the evil.
Standing in the centre of the long row the evil spirit of the ring took one last look at the sweater of ultimate evil and hurled it into the cold sea with a maniacal laugh that managed to set car alarms off and knock over trashcans not to mention made dogs bark.
"All in a nights work" Bakura sing songed happily looking at the waves.
As he turned to leave he suddenly heard a loud splash, turning back around he let out a high pitched squeal as the wet and mangled form of his and Ryou's sweater jumped out of the water in a classic 'free willy' jump style. Everything had gone in slow motion, the sweater started to fall and with a wet SPLAT it had attached itself to Bakura's face wrapping its sleeves around the white haired demons head.
Not looking where he was going Bakura slipped on one of the rocks and toppled into the sea with another splash..
Later..
Ryou hummed to himself as he shuffled around his kitchen wearing his apron that had a heart on it as he pulled out a pie from the oven. His tuneful hums were cut off when he heard small splats that passed as wet footsteps getting closer and closer to him. He looked up and dropped the pie he had been holding as he watched what he thought to be Bakura walk in.
Bakura was dripping from head to toe with sea water and the smell of both salt and fish was so overpowering that Ryou had to whip out the fan and turn it on full blast. Bakura also had his hair clinging to his face looking a lot like that dead girl from the ring, seaweed also hung limply over his lopsided spikes.
"What on earth happened?" Ryou cried and tried to stifle a shirk when a small crab scuttled from the tomb robbers pant leg.
"..Other then you have crabs" He added.
"Trust me you DON'T want to know" Bakura pouted and glared at the sweater that was now attached to his leg with a defeated sigh.
"Ok. well get clean and dry because we're going CLOTHES SHOPPING!" Ryou beamed with chibi eyes. Bakura parted his hair and his face clearly showed the horror he was feeling right now. He gripped his hair, turned around and started to curse in what people would say was seven different langue when it was only curse words. Ryou shrugged and went back to cooking.
~~ The End ~~
AN: pure AU this fic was for fun X3 I don't own YGO so nyah lol and enjoy!
A little later both had arrived at the dreaded clothes store or as Bakura called it 'the clothes store of DOOM' yes our beloved tomb robber didn't like clothe stores not at all. Ryou grabbed a shopping basket in one hand and Bakura in the other as he skipped off to the men's section.
Ryou looked around the different pants and T-shirts till he came to the sweater section. He would have moved faster but Bakura was dragging his feet along the floor like a small child that wasn't aloud any candy.
"Bakura! If you don't walk like a grown up I'll make you listen to Brittany Spears!" Ryou frowned and put his hands on his hips as Bakura sniffled and held back a tear.
"You're so cruel to me!" He put his hands together and burst into tears. Old people looked on in distaste as Ryou tried to calm the sobbing spirit down.
"Shhh it's ok after this I will buy you an ice-cream"
"Really?"
Bakura jumped up and grinned happily forgetting the evil he had just been threatened with. Ryou rolled his eyes as he followed his yami down the sweater section, he suddenly stopped as he heard a faint voice in the back of his head and he knew it wasn't Bakura because it wasn't saying 'OI YOU!' no not at all it was saying in a hypnotic tone 'Ryou... Ryou.. Over here.'
Ryou looked around to see where the voice was coming from it repeated its chant to try draw the teen in. Ryou frowned and looked all around him.
"God is that you?" He blinked.
'No you daft flippin' moron DOWN HERE!' It yelled.
Ryou looked down and saw a sweater, it was white with a blue stripe (the one in Duellist Kingdom) Ryou's eyes grew wide as the sweater glowed and had its sleeves out stretched waving them in a taunting manner which Ryou took as a sweaters way of saying 'SOD OFF!'
'Buy meeeeeeee' it hissed.
'Buy meeeeeeee'
He blinked and picked it up before hurrying off to find Bakura who was in the woman's section scarring little old woman by wearing a bra on his head and jumping out the boa section going 'I'M MICHAEL JACKSON!'
"Ok Bakura time to go"
Ryou looked around and saw his yami giggling with a bra on his head from his last scare. The teen sighed and walked over to him.
"Time to go I found what I wanted and unless you want to buy that bra it's time to go"
"I don't wanna!" Bakura cried and stamped his foot.
"We are going now!" Ryou glared.
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"YES!"
With that Ryou pulled the bra back and smiled evilly as it went 'twang' and smacked the evil spirit of the ring in the face. Bakura squeaked and fell backwards while Ryou smiled evilly and walked over to the till.
A little later.
Finally home Ryou hurried upstairs with a bag that contained the talking sweater. A talking sweater didn't seem odd to him at all I mean why would it? He knows two dead guys that are over 5000 years old, he's been turned into a card and seen his friends get turned into them too. There wasn't much Ryou doubted could happen least of all a talking sweater.
He sat on his bed and pulled the item of clothing out and half expected it to talk to him or at least call him a moron. He held it high above him and in front of him and he could have sworn he heard the music to the 'Lion King' playing as if it was Simba.
Bakura walked past the door to his and Ryou's room humming, he stopped, walked back a few paces and stared at what Ryou was holding.
"HIKARI! QUICK RUN FOR THE HILLS MARTHA STEWARD LEFT A DEATH TRAP! Er sweater" Bakura yelled bursting into the room in a panic.
"Oh calm down!" Ryou shook his head and laid the sweater on the bed.
"What IS that? It reeks of crappy evil!" Bakura whined.
"It's OUR new sweater!" Ryou beamed.
"OUR? Nuh uh! Nooooo 'Ours' only 'Yours'"
Later.
It was night time and Ryou and Bakura both slept peacefully well Ryou giggled in his sleep while Bakura grumbled and ranting how the government was making super frogs with power to burn holes in things. he had cheese to eat that night.
'Bakura...'
"Meh.." He snorted in his sleep.
'Oh Bakura...'
"Meeeeh"
'BAKURA YOU LAZY BLOODY SOD WAKE UP!' the voice screamed.
"MEEEH?" Bakura woke up and sat bolt right in bed looking around and blinking.
He suddenly heard a faint 'Dun' he looked around madly in the dark room and saw Ryou fast asleep he then heard another 'Dun' soon it was 'Dun dun dun dun dun dun' He held himself and shivered as the sound got closer. He saw a white sleeve creep over the side of the bed and he squealed as he saw the sweater crawling towards him. It seemed to evil eye him as it jumped at his face and wrapped its sleeves around his head.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed waving his arms around.
Next day.
Ryou sat happily on the breakfast table munching on toast and singing along to some random crappy song that has been played to death on the radio. Oh he also wore the sweater and he even thought it looked good and no kids he wasn't drunk, tone deaf yes, drunk no.
Bakura slumped into the room looking like he hadn't slept all night which was true, after the sweater incident he sat in the closet mumbling to himself about being safe and special and was sure the sweater was giving him evil looks but he had slept a little. Bakura then looked at what Ryou was wearing and screamed like a little girl and pointed at his hikari with a shaky hand.
"THAT THING!!" Bakura yelled.
"IT TRIED TO KILL ME!"
"I'm sure that's not true, might have tried to rape you but not KILL you? every one knows sweaters can't KILL people" Ryou shook his head and munched on more toast.
"Who knew they could even TALK?" Bakura raised an eyebrow hoping that had put Ryou in his place. He looked at the sweater and eeped in fear.
"What?" Ryou cocked his head to one side.
"It.. It. LOOKED at me!"
"Don't be silly! Woolly would never do such a thing!" Ryou tutted.
"WOOLLY?" The spirit squeaked.
"He said his name was Woolly"
"We have to BURN it!"
Ryou gasped and dropped his toast on the plate with an outraged cry.
"You can't just kill it!"
"Why not?" Bakura demanded.
"It has a NAME!" Ryou felt tears welling up in his eyes.
Bakura sighed and leaned on the wall a lot calmer now that he knew the sweater was taking over Ryou not himself. But mark Bakura's words. That sweater WOULD become nothing more then a fluffy remain at the bottom of the ocean.
Bakura looked at himself and realised some how he was in the same sweater it must have multiplied some how when he had let his guard down like when he was dreaming of doing all those. yeah any way. He pulled at the wool and dropped to his knees and raised his arms to heaven.
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo"
"Oh you look darling in it" Ryou giggled.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I'M EVIL NOT DARLING DAMN IT!" He wailed and tried to pull the sweater off.
"IT'S ATTACHED TO MY SKIN!" He squealed.
Ryou just sighed.
"Oh don't be so melodramatic!" He snapped.
Later Bakura had left the house clutching a small bundle as he ran down the path of his modern day home, slipping on a dog toy and skidding into the trashcans. Why there was even a dog toy on his path when neither white haired boy owned a dog was beyond him, all he cared about was the banana peel that was in his hair.
Cussing he left the trash cans with another rattle that started a dog off on its barking Bakura ran down the street still with some items of trash hanging from his hair. It seemed his hair liked trash as a few items sank deeper into the long sliver white strands.
"Soon you'll be history!" He laughed evilly and looked at the sweater in his arms.
After a lot of cussing from tripping over things in his haste Bakura finally got to the sea front. He looked at the empty peer and grinned, no one around to see the perfect crime. He saw a long row of rocks and decided to walk down them to finally get rid of the evil.
Standing in the centre of the long row the evil spirit of the ring took one last look at the sweater of ultimate evil and hurled it into the cold sea with a maniacal laugh that managed to set car alarms off and knock over trashcans not to mention made dogs bark.
"All in a nights work" Bakura sing songed happily looking at the waves.
As he turned to leave he suddenly heard a loud splash, turning back around he let out a high pitched squeal as the wet and mangled form of his and Ryou's sweater jumped out of the water in a classic 'free willy' jump style. Everything had gone in slow motion, the sweater started to fall and with a wet SPLAT it had attached itself to Bakura's face wrapping its sleeves around the white haired demons head.
Not looking where he was going Bakura slipped on one of the rocks and toppled into the sea with another splash..
Later..
Ryou hummed to himself as he shuffled around his kitchen wearing his apron that had a heart on it as he pulled out a pie from the oven. His tuneful hums were cut off when he heard small splats that passed as wet footsteps getting closer and closer to him. He looked up and dropped the pie he had been holding as he watched what he thought to be Bakura walk in.
Bakura was dripping from head to toe with sea water and the smell of both salt and fish was so overpowering that Ryou had to whip out the fan and turn it on full blast. Bakura also had his hair clinging to his face looking a lot like that dead girl from the ring, seaweed also hung limply over his lopsided spikes.
"What on earth happened?" Ryou cried and tried to stifle a shirk when a small crab scuttled from the tomb robbers pant leg.
"..Other then you have crabs" He added.
"Trust me you DON'T want to know" Bakura pouted and glared at the sweater that was now attached to his leg with a defeated sigh.
"Ok. well get clean and dry because we're going CLOTHES SHOPPING!" Ryou beamed with chibi eyes. Bakura parted his hair and his face clearly showed the horror he was feeling right now. He gripped his hair, turned around and started to curse in what people would say was seven different langue when it was only curse words. Ryou shrugged and went back to cooking.
~~ The End ~~