I do hereby announce that I do not own the rights to anything at all.
I'm just a normal guy.
A really bored normal guy.
Who thinks Depp is cool. Orlando, too. Though I like Legolas better.
Aaron McLucas
Chapter One
"Jack Sparrow," announced the ship's captain from far below, his hat's ridiculously large feather flapping to and fro in the sea breeze, "You have been found guilty of Piracy by the East India Company! How do you plead?" Jack Sparrow looked down gingerly, and felt a small lump form in his throat. He had stood on a mast's crossbar many times before, but suddenly it seemed very high and dangerous. Of course, the noose around his neck contributed greatly to this feeling. Sparrow's head snapped forward in it's usual exasperated fashion, and he allowed himself a small smile.
"I've always found your means of confession moving, Captain Morales!" said Sparrow in return. "Tell me, if I plead innocent of the aforesaid crimes, will I be released or will you just scurry along the nooseman?"
"You are far too loudmouthed," shot back the Captain. "What you should learn before anything else is how to keep your mouth shut when needs be!"
"Well," thought Sparrow out loud, "I don't think I have the time for a speech lesson at the moment, being tied up and all, but I might be able to make enough time for a couple of pointers, if you insist." Captain Morales' eyes narrowed and his lips pursed.
"I do insist. And here's your first lesson! Sailor, ready the release! Let this pirate scum dangle for awhile; then we'll see how witty he can be when he has no breath with which to speak!" The sailor\hangman made his way carefully to Jack's side, ready to prod him over at the next command.
"Poor bastard." said the sailor, and it seemed like he meant it. "You were probably just another sailor out to strike it rich, and got sucked into the wrong crowd. And here you died, penniless and alone."
"Watch the 'were' and 'died', mate," said Sparrow quietly. "The future's always in motion, savvy? Because the fact is," he looked sideways at him with a smile, "I'm not poor." A familiar low boom sounded, followed by a whistle and a deafening splintering sound. Sailors panicked below, and Captain Morales ducked for cover as one of his lower masts tumbled down like a felled tree, the sails collapsing in a bundled heap.
"And I'm definitely not alone!" Just inside cannon range a huge multi-sailed ship was in view. The entire crew of Morales' boat was so intent on the hanging of Jack Sparrow that no one noticed the other ship quietly slipping up port side.
"The Black Pearl!!" Morales immediately started barking orders. "Load the guns! Load the guns! Don't let them board! Tie up the front sail and bring us out of range!" Morales' arm lunged up towards the crow's nest, his finger pointing right at Jack like a slender pistol and his face beet red with anger. "And KILL THAT PIRATE!" The hangman tore his gaze away from the oncoming ship and back to his charge, only to find that Sparrow's hands were no longer tied. During the confusion, Jack had somehow managed to wriggle his spidery hands free from the ropes. The sailor stood shocked and wide-eyed for a moment; long enough for Sparrow to slip the noose around the poor man's wrist and gave him a shove. He fell a short distance before the rope went taut, where he held on for dear life.
Sparrow swung off the mast pole and slid down the very same rope. Using the hangman's body as leverage, he kicked off of him and was able to grab the mast netting.
"Sorry!" Sparrow called back to the sailor as he scrambled down the rope ladder. A group of four East India Soldiers waited for him at the bottom, some already taking aim with their shortmuskets. But instead of climbing down, Sparrow simply jumped off, using the soldiers for a convenient, soft landing spot. One musket went off, but the shot zinged harmlessly towards the sky. The men did not expect this move, and were momentarily stunned. By the time Jack regathered himself, however, so had they. Sparrow was pushed roughly up against the ship's railing, muskets pointed at his head. Hammers went back with a click. Then the soldiers realized the clicks hadn't come from their guns. They had come from the Pirates'. "I'm thinkin' you wanna drop those, mates." Said Barbossa. He, along with two other boats full of pirates, had rowed from the Pearl before the cannon shot had been fired. Seeing that the ship's crew had surrendered, the soldiers reluctantly obeyed. Barbossa handed Jack his sword and pistol. "You better be glad you got me as a First Mate, Jack. Without me you'd be a soggy piece o' flotsam by now!" Sparrow took his weapons and smiled. "Always knew you were the man for the job, mate. 'Sides, the plan worked perfectly. Isn't that right, Morales?" Jack spun to face the defeated captain and tossed him a grin. "I am an agent of the East India Company." Morales said sharply. "If you kill me the Company will put a price on your head so high every Agent, Pirate, and Corsair in the Vast Oceans will be tracking you down! Like a shark to blood! You will pay dearly, Jack Sparrow!" Jack sauntered up to Morales, stood inches from him. "CAPTAIN. That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. And now I'll give you a speech lesson, how does that sound?" Sparrow slowly turned Morales' head to the side and whispered pointedly into his ear. "Shut up." Jack stepped back and flitted Morales' feather with his finger. "Fact is, I don't want to kill you, mate. You have somethin' I want, and you're going to give it to me, savvy?" "You can't have it." Said Morales. "You don't understand the consequences. None of you do! You're all going to die!" Barbossa drew his cutlass and held it to the Captain's throat. "You'll be passin it over anyhow, scum!" he said sternly, giving his famous yellow-toothed smirk. "Whether it points North or no!"
Aaron McLucas
Chapter One
"Jack Sparrow," announced the ship's captain from far below, his hat's ridiculously large feather flapping to and fro in the sea breeze, "You have been found guilty of Piracy by the East India Company! How do you plead?" Jack Sparrow looked down gingerly, and felt a small lump form in his throat. He had stood on a mast's crossbar many times before, but suddenly it seemed very high and dangerous. Of course, the noose around his neck contributed greatly to this feeling. Sparrow's head snapped forward in it's usual exasperated fashion, and he allowed himself a small smile.
"I've always found your means of confession moving, Captain Morales!" said Sparrow in return. "Tell me, if I plead innocent of the aforesaid crimes, will I be released or will you just scurry along the nooseman?"
"You are far too loudmouthed," shot back the Captain. "What you should learn before anything else is how to keep your mouth shut when needs be!"
"Well," thought Sparrow out loud, "I don't think I have the time for a speech lesson at the moment, being tied up and all, but I might be able to make enough time for a couple of pointers, if you insist." Captain Morales' eyes narrowed and his lips pursed.
"I do insist. And here's your first lesson! Sailor, ready the release! Let this pirate scum dangle for awhile; then we'll see how witty he can be when he has no breath with which to speak!" The sailor\hangman made his way carefully to Jack's side, ready to prod him over at the next command.
"Poor bastard." said the sailor, and it seemed like he meant it. "You were probably just another sailor out to strike it rich, and got sucked into the wrong crowd. And here you died, penniless and alone."
"Watch the 'were' and 'died', mate," said Sparrow quietly. "The future's always in motion, savvy? Because the fact is," he looked sideways at him with a smile, "I'm not poor." A familiar low boom sounded, followed by a whistle and a deafening splintering sound. Sailors panicked below, and Captain Morales ducked for cover as one of his lower masts tumbled down like a felled tree, the sails collapsing in a bundled heap.
"And I'm definitely not alone!" Just inside cannon range a huge multi-sailed ship was in view. The entire crew of Morales' boat was so intent on the hanging of Jack Sparrow that no one noticed the other ship quietly slipping up port side.
"The Black Pearl!!" Morales immediately started barking orders. "Load the guns! Load the guns! Don't let them board! Tie up the front sail and bring us out of range!" Morales' arm lunged up towards the crow's nest, his finger pointing right at Jack like a slender pistol and his face beet red with anger. "And KILL THAT PIRATE!" The hangman tore his gaze away from the oncoming ship and back to his charge, only to find that Sparrow's hands were no longer tied. During the confusion, Jack had somehow managed to wriggle his spidery hands free from the ropes. The sailor stood shocked and wide-eyed for a moment; long enough for Sparrow to slip the noose around the poor man's wrist and gave him a shove. He fell a short distance before the rope went taut, where he held on for dear life.
Sparrow swung off the mast pole and slid down the very same rope. Using the hangman's body as leverage, he kicked off of him and was able to grab the mast netting.
"Sorry!" Sparrow called back to the sailor as he scrambled down the rope ladder. A group of four East India Soldiers waited for him at the bottom, some already taking aim with their shortmuskets. But instead of climbing down, Sparrow simply jumped off, using the soldiers for a convenient, soft landing spot. One musket went off, but the shot zinged harmlessly towards the sky. The men did not expect this move, and were momentarily stunned. By the time Jack regathered himself, however, so had they. Sparrow was pushed roughly up against the ship's railing, muskets pointed at his head. Hammers went back with a click. Then the soldiers realized the clicks hadn't come from their guns. They had come from the Pirates'. "I'm thinkin' you wanna drop those, mates." Said Barbossa. He, along with two other boats full of pirates, had rowed from the Pearl before the cannon shot had been fired. Seeing that the ship's crew had surrendered, the soldiers reluctantly obeyed. Barbossa handed Jack his sword and pistol. "You better be glad you got me as a First Mate, Jack. Without me you'd be a soggy piece o' flotsam by now!" Sparrow took his weapons and smiled. "Always knew you were the man for the job, mate. 'Sides, the plan worked perfectly. Isn't that right, Morales?" Jack spun to face the defeated captain and tossed him a grin. "I am an agent of the East India Company." Morales said sharply. "If you kill me the Company will put a price on your head so high every Agent, Pirate, and Corsair in the Vast Oceans will be tracking you down! Like a shark to blood! You will pay dearly, Jack Sparrow!" Jack sauntered up to Morales, stood inches from him. "CAPTAIN. That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. And now I'll give you a speech lesson, how does that sound?" Sparrow slowly turned Morales' head to the side and whispered pointedly into his ear. "Shut up." Jack stepped back and flitted Morales' feather with his finger. "Fact is, I don't want to kill you, mate. You have somethin' I want, and you're going to give it to me, savvy?" "You can't have it." Said Morales. "You don't understand the consequences. None of you do! You're all going to die!" Barbossa drew his cutlass and held it to the Captain's throat. "You'll be passin it over anyhow, scum!" he said sternly, giving his famous yellow-toothed smirk. "Whether it points North or no!"