Day Thirty-Two,

This you have to see to believe. I'm getting married. Yeah, I know it's the least likely thing, but it's the truth! And how it happened is stranger than fiction…

When I went upstairs this morning, everything was just as Papa always had it. I dragged the supply crate out from inside the old armoire and grabbed a can of dried salt meat. I'd only just sauntered over to the table when I felt arms slide around me from behind.

"Sleep well, luv?" Jack's voice said from behind me. I spun backwards to face him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He kissed me softly and quickly. "I'll get you some breakfast if your hungry." We kissed again.

"Thank-you." I smiled. He leaned me back over the table and kissed me again. And again. And again. And then he began to undo my dress. I stilled his hands. We kissed again. And again he tried to undo the lacing up the front of my beige shift.

I placed my hands over his but he didn't stop. I didn't want him to make love to me. I wanted us to be married. Or at least intending to be. He still wasn't stopping. I spun onto my side. He fell from the table and landed painfully on the floor, knocking down several chairs in the process.

"What was that for?" He winced in pain and brushed himself off. I glared at him and indignantly began to re-tie my dress. "Right…" he said, "I'll go make breakfast then."

After he'd served us both small plates of salt meat and dried corn, we began to eat. Silently.

I felt like I owed him an explanation. He had no clue as to why I was keeping him at such a distance. He had a right to know. "I'm sorry." I said quietly. He smiled, and I knew I was forgiven. "I just wanted us to be married before I… before we…"

His smile faded. "Married?"

"Yes."

"Uhhh…"

"Jack?" I pried.

He put down his fork. "I cant commit like that."

I bit my lip. "But Jack…" My voice faltered and trailed off. He looked at me with his sweet puppy-like eyes. My heart began to melt, but I needed an answer. "If you don't plan on marrying me then why did you come back for me?"

"Because…" he paused, "I love you."

Somehow these words didn't sound quite as genuine as the first time he said them. I dug my nails into my sash. "Well if your not serious about being FAITHFUL to me then there's no point in me staying." I stood up.

Jack sighed. "Your not making things any easier, Miss Land." he said coolly.

"When did I ever?" I paused. "I need a commitment from you."

He stood and stared at me longingly. "Okay," he breathed, "Fine."

I smiled an icy kind of pupated smile. "Fine."

"Fine." he said a bit louder.

"Fine!" I cried.

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

I turned on my heel and stormed from the dining room, my skirt swishing behind me.

And now I'm getting married.

Funny old world, isn't it?

Day Thirty-Three,
This evening I wanted to be alone, but The Imprintor has a rather sparsely-trimmed bearing, so I went and sat in the crow's nest. It's a bit too windy up there. My dark wavy hair blew around my face wildly.
"Bloody wind!" I turned around to see Jack standing behind me, his dark dreadlocks blown about, making him bear a strange and ironic resemblance to a sparrow.
"You can sit down if you want." I said as I slid over to make room for him.
"Actually, luv," he paused and held out his hand. "stand up." I took it and he pulled me awkwardly to my feet.
Once I was standing he dropped to his knees and looked up at me, his brown eyes making my heart flutter. "I love you, Morgan." It was the first time he'd said my name right to me. It made me want to kiss him so badly. He clasped my hands and slipped a somewhat bulky pewter ring onto my left ring finger. I gasped and admired it for a moment. Then I noticed the crew watching from the deck below.
"Jack…" I said softly, "would you mind getting off your knees?" He stood up, and as he did so his arms slid around me and held me close to him. "You didn't have to do this." I whispered to him.
"You could've told me that." He leaned close to me and kissed me softly. I heard someone whistle from below. He let me go and I blushed. Then I examined my ring more closely. It was a pewter rose with a tiny fiery red crystal inset in the centre of the flower. The band was shaped into two sweeping leaves. It was beautiful.
I never thought I'd say this, but I'm in love, and I'm happy. Really, truly happy.
I am in love with Jack Sparrow.

Day Thirty-Four,

This morning I woke up to a horizon not entirely empty. Its been told to me that Jack has the gift of tracking, and thus we found the Ebony Swann so very quickly. No sooner had high-noon past, when Will sought me out.

I probably should explain that our ships are joined with a gangplank, and our sails are down, so we're not going anywhere very fast.

Back to my original point; Will came to find me. We climbed up to the bearing where we've spoken so many times before. But this time he was the one in need of guidance.

"What's wrong?" I asked. His eyes looked so troubled.

"I…" he hesitated, "I love Elizabeth, don't get me wrong here. Its just…"

"Just?"

"Ever since SHE came on board she's been in my thoughts."

"She?"

He sighed. "Aletté."

"Oh." I said. "But what about Elizabeth, Will? Don't you love her more?"

"I… I don't know if I love her more, or maybe I just feel in her debt."

"In her debt?"

"Because of baby Jack." He paused thoughtfully, "I just don't know where to go from here. The whole IDEA of true love…" he trailed off.

"True love?" I questioned, "Like whether your love was the second girl or the first?" He nodded. "Will, I think you really love Elizabeth. And you know, underneath everything, love is a choice."

"Is it, Morgan?" He interrupted me. "Do you really believe that?"

I stared intently at my ring and wondered if maybe you don't get choices as far as love goes. Jack kidnapped me, tore me away from my old life, plundered everything I had, got me shipwrecked on an island, and nearly cost me my life. Did I love him despite all that, or was that WHY I loved him?

"Will," I said softly, "you have an obligation to Elizabeth and to your son. I don't think you really love Aletté. I think your just scared of a new life and your emotions want to jump ship."

We were silent for awhile. Then Will spoke. "Thank you." He looked so broken. His shoulders sagged and his eyes held an awful tormented look, like a caged bear. I reached over and hugged him tightly, feeling his pain as I did so. I desperately wanted to free him from his torment, but there was nothing I could do but listen.

What I didn't know as I sat there with Will, was that Jack could see us from where he stood on the crows nest of The Imprintor. And from where he stood, he thought I had kissed Will.

Day Thirty-five,

Everything is so mixed up, when yesterday it was so clear. How could I have known something like this would befall me?

When I went to find Jack yesterday after my conversation with Will, he seemed distant, sort of removed. He wouldn't kiss me. He wouldn't touch me. It was all I could do to get him to talk to me, and when he did, his answers were vague and nonchalant.

So left him to his own devices for a while. Maybe he just needed some space. But when I went to find him later, I only just spied him through the frosted glass windows of the dining room.

I saw enough. Him and Aletté on top of each other says enough in itself. But I didn't echo past instances; I didn't fly into a blind rage. I went and waited on the bed in his room.

Not a minute later, he joined me, looking distraught. "I said I needed a commitment from you!" I shouted the second he entered.

He stared at me as if he was looking down on me, the same way one might look at a dead rat. The same way my father would look at Jack. "Maybe I should've asked the same of you." He said evenly.

"You wouldn't have to ASK me, it wouldn't make a difference."

"You don't have to prove that, luv."

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" I demanded.

He glared at me. It felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart. "I saw you and your dearest William." He paused, and then went on with a touch of malice in his voice. "Tell me, did you throw yourself at him to spite me, or was it Elizabeth you were trying to hurt?"

I wanted to murder him. "Who are YOU to talk about infidelity?" I hissed, "You cant go ten minutes without trying your luck on the barmaid. Were you trying to make me jealous or did you just want to spite Will?"

He frowned. "What does Will have to do with Aletté?"

I clapped my hand over my mouth and gasped. Why did I let that slip? I fought the urge to pull out my pistol and threaten him to secrecy. Maybe his anger would make him forget.

It didn't. He started to get confused. "Wait, if will loves Aletté then why did he kiss you, luv?"

"Will didn't kiss me!" I said, puzzled at his statement. "I HUGGED him because… well, never mind why, but I don't love him and he doesn't love me. He loves Elizabeth and up to a few moments ago I thought I loved you!"

His eyes became gentle again. I sank down onto his bed and sighed in exhaustion. He spoke. "You didn't kiss the blacksmith?"

I shook my head. "You didn't kiss the barmaid?"

He sank down on the bed beside me. She spilled all the rum!" He paused and looked at me longingly. "Bloody hell, I was trying to save some and-"

"Yeah, okay, I understand." I drew close to him and his arms held me tight around the waist. "We fight too much for our own good." He laughed. I twisted my ring around on my finger, and the fiery crystal glinted in the light from his foggy window.

Then he kissed me and began to undo the lacing of my dress. And this time I didn't stop him.

Day Thirty-Six,

When I was sixteen my parents decided it was time for me to marry. They betrothed me to a young captain named Geoffrey Royale. He was rich, handsome, respected, educated, and only four years older than me. Oh, and he was the most conceited man I had EVER met! So thus came about my refusal to wed him. English women might be treated like property, but Irish women are free. And thank God.

Today I realised why we never sail slowly. A navy fleet gained on our petty two-ships, catching us around noon. Enter Geoffrey Royale, now a commodore, and an asshole to boot. He boarded the Ebony Swann first, and then The Imprintor.

He lined us all up on the deck of The Swann, and strolled pompously down our ranks, pausing when he got to me.

"Well, well." He said in a sinister voice, "Morgan Land. I expected I'd find you on one of these bilge-rat ships, though I cant say I'm not surprised."

I scowled. "Go home, Geoffrey."

He smiled and cocked one eyebrow haughtily. "And why would I do that?" He looked me up and down. I gritted my teeth.

"Your way out of your league here."

It was true; no matter what kind of impossible situation we ended up stuck in, Jack had luck, and that's something that always wins out over logic in the end.

"Indulge me," Geoffrey continued, "how do you, small, innocent Morgan Land being who you are and a woman on top of all that, possibly merit any control over myself or my men?"

I smiled, a bitter, mocking smile. "I've always been able to control YOU. Now get out of here before I make this your dying day." His crew catcalled my threat, as if it had come from a child.

Geoffrey stopped smiling. "Your fathers been sending out legions of ships. If its not me who catches you it'll be someone else. Your mother would be just as worried," he paused, "were she alive."

I didn't know what to say. On one hand, he could be lying, but I knew, somehow, that he wasn't. Mother hadn't been in good health when I left. It made sense…

He continued his 'speech' bitterly. "She died of fever not four days ago. Isn't it tragic that her only daughter didn't see it fit to be there by her side?" I grabbed the handrail and gasped for breath. He drove on mercilessly. "I find this all very fetching. It almost makes me wish you were this strong-willed when I had you." His crew catcalled me again.

I wanted to slap him, but that would bring about unfavourable consequences. I bit my lip. "With all due respect, commodore, you've never had me."

He scowled. "Well perhaps that can be arranged then." His goons grabbed me and dragged me towards him. Jack lashed out at him and it took seven men to hold him back. I kicked and struggled, but there were four of them and one of me, and I was in a dress.

Geoffrey came closer to me. I scowled. "You sicken me." He drew me against him, and suddenly I had a flash of idea. I reached into his holster, grabbed his pistol and shot him in the gut.

No hesitation.

Nothing.

What happened after that is a blur. I shot several other redcoats, and the crew did their usual incomparable combat. After a long and tiring while we were able to slip away from the fleet, thanks to a favourable change in the wind. Gibbs has a broken leg, and one man died. Jack's hand is badly hurt, but I bandaged it for him this evening.

The crew is mourning the loss of one man. I am mourning the loss of my mother.

This evening the poor fallen sailor was given a true pirates funeral. His shrouded body was thrown into the sea. This was also the fate of Torrennes, I am told, who was killed by Jack in blind fury. Except that her body wasn't shrouded and nobody mourned there loss.

I feel like a black widow spider. Every man who's ever loved me, I've killed. Therego Jasper and Geoffrey. Which makes me wonder if I will ever kill Jack. Lord, I hope not. I'm not sure what I'd do without him.

Day Thirty-Seven,

I'm cursed. Poor Jack, his hand is badly hurt. I bandaged it for him but it must twinge painfully whenever he moves it because he holds his arm at an odd angle now. Its all my fault! He only lashed out at Geoffrey because he wanted to protect me.

I tied up his hand with a piece of fabric from my sash and a stiff pole, but I wish I could heal it. He lies when he says it feels fine, because he didn't put his arms around me when I kissed him this morning. And he ALWAYS does that.

I fell so bad.

Day Thirty-Eight,

Now I feel worse.

I feel guilty because, well let me explain. Jack cant do much with his right hand, so he needs help opening food tins (among other things). And today I went to stroll the decks with Will. As we spoke, a little voice in my head told me I needed to go help my fiancé, my love, but I wanted to speak with Will so much more than I wanted to see Jack.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph did I just write that?

Maybe I'm just being stupid. I love Jack. I know that. And besides that, Will's married. Yes, yes I'm just fooling myself. Its stupid, really. I'm just having doubts, that's all. Jitters and doubts. That's normal… isn't it?