Day Thirty-Nine,

I am a horrible person.

I was sitting on the bearing with Will today. He was spilling to me about how Aletté has been in his thoughts less and less the more he talks to me about her. I wasn't listening, though who could tell? I smiled and said "Uh-huh" in all the right places, but I was preoccupied.

Very preoccupied.

I was thinking about how Will's deep brown eyes are beautiful, like Jacks. I was thinking about how he speaks so eloquently, how he's so faithful and true. And honest. I thought about how much I would love to love him. And then suddenly that voice in the back of my head yelled at me to be reasonable.

I began to feel guilty. Really, really guilty. Jack was injured because of me. And when I should be helping him, here I was sitting next to someone, thinking about how much I loved them. And not in any brother-sister way either.

Will must've sensed my tension because he fell silent for a moment. "Morgan?" he prompted, "What's wrong?"

I had to know. Had to figure out if I loved him or not, if I loved him the same way I loved Jack. I had to quiet the little voice in the back of my head. And there is only one way to do that. One bloody bad way.

"Will," I said quietly, "I…" How could I explain this to him? "I…" He looked concerned. "I want you to forgive me."

And then I kissed him softly.

He didn't kiss me back. He was almost frozen in shock. I could feel it. And I knew the moment my lips brushed his that I loved Jack and nobody else.

Guilt took over. I pulled away from him, flew down from the bearing, and headed to find Jack. I feel so awful. Why did I have to do that? Why did I have to kiss one man to realise my undying love for another? I found Jack out on the stern. He greeted me normally, but I felt like a massive storm cloud had gathered over me. And once again, I know how to make it go away.

I have to tell him, God damn it.

Day Forty,

All hell has broken loose.

Jack hates Will, Will hates Jack, Elizabeth hates me, I hate Elizabeth who in turn hates Will, and yet Jack doesn't hate me. Which, by and by, makes me feel worse.

It started this afternoon, when I went down to Elizabeth's room with a note from Will. I knocked softly so as not to wake the sleeping baby Jack. She called from inside and asked who was there. When I said my name, she yelled "Go away!"

I paused. "I have a note for you from Will."

"Go throw it in his face!"

I slid the door oven a crack. "Is everything alright?"

She sniffed. "Get off my ship." When I didn't move, she spoke again, fiercely. "Don't EVER come near my husband again, now get OFF MY SHIP!" I surged with inexplicable anger. She saw me? I wanted to kill her for spying on me in the only place I thought I could be alone.

"You, Elizabeth Swann," I said angrily, "need to learn civil speech."

"And you, Morgan Land," she snapped back, "need to learn to stay with one man." I clenched my fists. "I swear, you and Jack are so alike.

My lip quivered feebly. "Please don't tell him."

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't… would you?" Fear grasped me. I didn't want Jack to know. Or at least I wanted to be the one who told him.

"I would." she breathed menacingly. And just as I thought my troubles were topped, enter Will and Jack.

"What's wrong?" Will ran to his wife but she pushed him away.

"Don't touch me. Go away, both of you."

Jack raised his hands questioningly. "But I can stay?"

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes. "Mr. Sparrow, I presume Morgan has not told you, then?"

"What?"

And just like that, she told him. His eyes turned from her to me, sort of pleading.

"Jack!" I gasped, "Jack-"

"I'm not angry, luv." He said softly, making me feel even worse. He turned to Will. "Never would've expected it outta you, mate." He shook his head disapprovingly.

"I never kissed her." Will spat.

"Oh really?" Elizabeth cocked one eyebrow.

"He didn't." I said. "He never did anything." Jack stared at me. "Jack I'm so sorry! I love you! I'm sure now that I-" He turned and left. As I watched him go, I noticed the painful angle at which he carried his right arm. All my fault…

Elizabeth slapped Will, and he desperately tried to explain. I turned to leave, then paused. "He didn't kiss me back, Elizabeth Swann, though your too pig-headed to care." And with that, I strode from the room.

I found Jack fumbling with the canned provisions in the dining room. His hand was cut where the sharp edge of the metal had sliced against his skin. I untied my belt and wet it in a water barrel. Then I gently took his hand and bandaged it again, leaning over my work, my black wavy hair falling into my face as I did so. He pushed it back with his good hand.

"We're even now, luv." he smiled at me and twisted a strand of hair around his fingers. "You squared the debt." I smiled back. He kissed me softly, but I stopped him.

"I still need to finish with your hand."

But he kissed me again. I felt so… well, I don't know how I felt. Like I was so in love, and so forgiven. Like I never wanted to know anything but him; his kiss, his touch.

"We come into port tomorrow, luv." He said. "It would be nice if I didn't have to raid it all by my onsies like every other time." He paused and kissed me again. "Care to come?"

I smiled. "I'd love to." When I finished tying up his bleeding hand, I kissed it gently. He placed his hands on mine. "Where did you come from?" I asked suddenly.

"Same place as you, luv," he paused dramatically. "the horizon!"

I laughed. "No really." I- well, I just realised I know nothing about the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow." He smiled at my request but said nothing. "Please?"

Why don't you tell me YOUR story?" He toyed.

"Only if I get yours in return."

He smiled. "We'll see."

That was as good a bargain as I was going to get. "Fine," I sighed. "I was born in England, and my mother sent me to be schooled in Belfast-"

"Explains your accent." He interrupted.

"-at a finishing school." I continued. "My parents crossed to the Caribbean three years ago, and then my mother sent for me. She said she missed me too much."

"And Geoffrey?" he pried.

"Geoffrey? Oh he's history. I was engaged to him when I was sixteen, but my rights as an Irish woman let me choose. So I called it off. And my parents were none too happy." I paused, "Now you tell me."

"Not so fast." he said, "What about Jasper Hughes, luv? Where does he come in?"

I was surprised that Jack remembered Jasper. So surprised, in fact, that I just told him without thought. "Well…" I paused, "I met him at Belfast harbour. I knew him a bit, and when his father captained our ship, I got to know him a lot more-"

"That must've been fun."

"Oh get off it!" I snapped.

"Did you ever-?" He trailed off and raised his eyebrows.

"Ever what?" I knew what he meant but I didn't want to answer.

"Did you two ever-?" He waved his hands suggestively.

"Does it matter?" Why did he care? Why was he asking me this?

"Just answer."

I raised my eyes level to his and smiled wryly. "We may have." I could tell he was surprised. Maybe he thought Jasper had just been courtly love. Whatever it was, he couldn't hide his astonishment. "Now tell, Sparrow. Where did you come from?"

"Not so fast." He paused and looked me straight in the eyes. I trembled. "With all this Jasper and Geoffrey, riches and power so to speak, why this? Why me?"

I wondered the same thing. Why did I choose this over my old life? Why Jack over Jasper? "Well…" I frowned, "I supposed that's true love." He scoffed at my explanation. "What?" I asked, "You don't believe in true love?"

"Never have, never will."

I tossed my head and fingered his beads coyly. "Well then, " he stared at me the way a dog begs for table scraps. "how do you explain us? What's between us?"

His answer was plain and simple. It kind of dismantled my faith in fate and destiny. "Large and inexplicable quantities of lust." It wasn't the answer itself that bothered me, it was the fact that he could be right- that we might not be in love at all. But maybe that'll change. And maybe I can weasel his history out of him somehow. I don't know why, I just have to know!

"You ruined my life, you know." I said bluntly. "You changed everything." He looked at me with puppy eyes, but I wasn't done yet. " Why would I fall in lust with you, after all you've done?"

"Because, luv," we kissed. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?" He reached for the lacing of my dress but I stopped him.

"Your not very tactful, Captain." I said indignantly. I rose and left the room. And thus I sit, alone, and write. Its not that I don't want Jack. Its just that I want him to answer my questions, and this is the only bargaining chip I've got.