Well, my suspicions have been confirmed. Arose at the usual time today, it
is impossible not to really with the noise Suzy makes upon entering a room,
and I am not one to lie in bed after I have awoken. I hate to scold her
for it though as she is a good girl really and I would hate to lose her.
She left soon after and I was passing the time before lunch in reading, I
received several novels as gifts at Christmas and I thought to take the
opportunity to begin making my way through them. It was not to be though,
as I had barely read a page when mother decided to pay one of her maternal
visits, and that was that.
After a few inanities concerning the weather and how well Tibb's has managed to tend the roses this year, she moved in for the attack.
"Are you looking forward to this evening, Virginia?" She asked, moving around my room inspecting the surfaces for dust as she spoke.
"Oh yes," I replied, answering the question she had asked rather than that which I knew she was really wanting to put to me, "I am very pleased to get the opportunity to see this piece, I have heard so much about it. You know how I like Garrick. And it will be delightful to visit the theatre again, I have missed it of late." I have to confess that I found it rather difficult not to smile at the barely suppressed sigh of frustration that followed my words, she should know by now that I can read her like a book. And sure enough, her next words revealed the true purpose behind her presence in my bedroom.
"And what of Charles? It is so good of him to invite you to accompany him, do you not think?" her voice was just a little too casual to be believable and I shook my head at her transparency. Lady Veronica Dewhurst would never have made a career on the stage.
"Yes it is good of him. I will be sure to thank him in an appropriate manner," I replied sweetly, quickly burying my head in my book again so I would not laugh at the expression on her face. Really, it is just too easy sometimes. My remark, as I expected, was met with silence, and when she had not spoken after a few moments I forced my face into a mask of daughterly innocence and looked up. I had not been expecting her to be watching me though and I started, struck by the sudden seriousness etched across her features.
"You know Virginia that you are approaching an age at which it is necessary to consider such things as. as what will happen when you eventually leave us here at Oakwood." She began, clearly uncomfortable with such a topic of conversation. I have to admit to not feeling all that happy with it either, but it was clearly something she felt had to be discussed and after a moment made up my mind to make it as easy for her as possible. I may not be the perfect daughter, but I like to think that I am not completely heartless.
"You mean marriage?" I asked, my voice even as I watched her closely for a reaction. She nodded, hazel eyes almost identical to my own meeting mine as she considered how to proceed. "Yes Virginia. Marriage. Surely you yourself have given the matter some consideration?" Her words made me pause. Had I thought about it? To be honest, I do not know that I have. I mean I have always known deep down that one day I will leave home, and that in order to do so I will need to take a husband. Besides, it is what young girls do unless they want to remain at home for the rest of their days at the mercy of disappointed parents and servants who smirk behind their hands at the dowdy old maid that no one wanted. I know this and I always have. It is just that I did not think the time would ever come, that somehow I could continue as I always have done, reading, singing, enjoying my days in whatever manner I choose without the burden of running a household to hinder or concern me. I sound selfish I know, but that is how I feel. I do not want to grow up, to become the lady of society that everyone seems so eager for me to be. I want to be young and I want, more than anything, to be free. And although I may not be entirely familiar with what marriage entails, I know that freedom is not something that I can hope to wish for.
"To be honest mother, I have not," I replied finally, hoping as I did so that I did not sound as confused as I was feeling. If there is one thing I will not allow myself to show to my mother it is weakness, especially where a matter of such importance as my future is concerned. Once I do, she will have complete control, and I cannot allow such a thing to happen if I am to obtain any amount of happiness.
"Virginia." she did not bother then to hide the exasperation I so often drove her to, and I felt my own defences rising. What did she expect me to say? Yes mother, I have done nothing but think of the man who is to be my jailer for the rest of my life when you finally find someone who you feel has enough money and a grand enough title to satisfy your unrelenting pursuit of wealth and recognition? So I said nothing, forcing myself to remain silent instead of giving in to the words that I longed to shout at her. It would achieve nothing to cause a scene at such a moment, there would be time enough for that in the future. My attitude of studied disinterest thankfully got through to her, and she left soon after, muttering something about ungrateful girls who don't know when someone is trying to help them.
I tried to read again, but to my annoyance found I could no longer concentrate, so decided to write this morning's events down in an attempt to make some sense of them. Charles will be arriving soon, mother has invited him to take tea with us before leaving for the theatre this evening. I will be polite, but nothing more unless I feel the desire to be otherwise. I can hear the sound of a carriage outside now, he must be early. I will go down now, the less time they get to discuss me behind my back, the better.
After a few inanities concerning the weather and how well Tibb's has managed to tend the roses this year, she moved in for the attack.
"Are you looking forward to this evening, Virginia?" She asked, moving around my room inspecting the surfaces for dust as she spoke.
"Oh yes," I replied, answering the question she had asked rather than that which I knew she was really wanting to put to me, "I am very pleased to get the opportunity to see this piece, I have heard so much about it. You know how I like Garrick. And it will be delightful to visit the theatre again, I have missed it of late." I have to confess that I found it rather difficult not to smile at the barely suppressed sigh of frustration that followed my words, she should know by now that I can read her like a book. And sure enough, her next words revealed the true purpose behind her presence in my bedroom.
"And what of Charles? It is so good of him to invite you to accompany him, do you not think?" her voice was just a little too casual to be believable and I shook my head at her transparency. Lady Veronica Dewhurst would never have made a career on the stage.
"Yes it is good of him. I will be sure to thank him in an appropriate manner," I replied sweetly, quickly burying my head in my book again so I would not laugh at the expression on her face. Really, it is just too easy sometimes. My remark, as I expected, was met with silence, and when she had not spoken after a few moments I forced my face into a mask of daughterly innocence and looked up. I had not been expecting her to be watching me though and I started, struck by the sudden seriousness etched across her features.
"You know Virginia that you are approaching an age at which it is necessary to consider such things as. as what will happen when you eventually leave us here at Oakwood." She began, clearly uncomfortable with such a topic of conversation. I have to admit to not feeling all that happy with it either, but it was clearly something she felt had to be discussed and after a moment made up my mind to make it as easy for her as possible. I may not be the perfect daughter, but I like to think that I am not completely heartless.
"You mean marriage?" I asked, my voice even as I watched her closely for a reaction. She nodded, hazel eyes almost identical to my own meeting mine as she considered how to proceed. "Yes Virginia. Marriage. Surely you yourself have given the matter some consideration?" Her words made me pause. Had I thought about it? To be honest, I do not know that I have. I mean I have always known deep down that one day I will leave home, and that in order to do so I will need to take a husband. Besides, it is what young girls do unless they want to remain at home for the rest of their days at the mercy of disappointed parents and servants who smirk behind their hands at the dowdy old maid that no one wanted. I know this and I always have. It is just that I did not think the time would ever come, that somehow I could continue as I always have done, reading, singing, enjoying my days in whatever manner I choose without the burden of running a household to hinder or concern me. I sound selfish I know, but that is how I feel. I do not want to grow up, to become the lady of society that everyone seems so eager for me to be. I want to be young and I want, more than anything, to be free. And although I may not be entirely familiar with what marriage entails, I know that freedom is not something that I can hope to wish for.
"To be honest mother, I have not," I replied finally, hoping as I did so that I did not sound as confused as I was feeling. If there is one thing I will not allow myself to show to my mother it is weakness, especially where a matter of such importance as my future is concerned. Once I do, she will have complete control, and I cannot allow such a thing to happen if I am to obtain any amount of happiness.
"Virginia." she did not bother then to hide the exasperation I so often drove her to, and I felt my own defences rising. What did she expect me to say? Yes mother, I have done nothing but think of the man who is to be my jailer for the rest of my life when you finally find someone who you feel has enough money and a grand enough title to satisfy your unrelenting pursuit of wealth and recognition? So I said nothing, forcing myself to remain silent instead of giving in to the words that I longed to shout at her. It would achieve nothing to cause a scene at such a moment, there would be time enough for that in the future. My attitude of studied disinterest thankfully got through to her, and she left soon after, muttering something about ungrateful girls who don't know when someone is trying to help them.
I tried to read again, but to my annoyance found I could no longer concentrate, so decided to write this morning's events down in an attempt to make some sense of them. Charles will be arriving soon, mother has invited him to take tea with us before leaving for the theatre this evening. I will be polite, but nothing more unless I feel the desire to be otherwise. I can hear the sound of a carriage outside now, he must be early. I will go down now, the less time they get to discuss me behind my back, the better.