I was too exhausted to write in here yesterday, and besides, I was in such
a foul mood for the most part of it that I would have only written things
that I would surely come to regret at a later time, so I think it was of
the best for all concerned that I should wait until today to report upon
the events of the preceding 24 hours.
To begin with I rose at a normal time, something which meant I was out of sorts from the very start as I could have quite happily spent a few hours more in bed after the lateness of which I retired the previous night. Unfortunately it had completely slipped my mind that I had promised mother I would accompany her to Middleton Hall the next time she went calling, and having chosen that day to repay her visits, I was duty bound to go with her. To make matters worse, Suzy was also in a rather sluggish state for some reason for another, and it was considerably later than the time we had originally intended to leave when I was finally dressed and ready to go downstairs, where I was met with instant maternal disapproval.
"Virginia, really." she began, in that tone of voice just calculated to drive me to distraction even when I am in a pleasant mood, and which did nothing to improve my temper that morning. She immediately set about fussing with my bonnet, tugging and jerking at everything until I felt as if I wanted to scream. I did honestly try not to show my annoyance, although from the expression on her face I do not think I was particularly successful.
"I suppose that will have to do," she commented finally, giving one final pull to the ribbons and almost strangling me in the process before sweeping out to the carriage which, as she informed me over her shoulder, had already been waiting a good ten minutes. Grumbling under my breath I followed her, although I was sorely tempted to tell her that she could go on her own and flounce back to my room. I am glad that I did not though, as I do feel that 17 is too old to be giving in to childish tantrums anymore, even if the occasional loss of temper can be somewhat satisfying in clearing one's mind.
We had hardly been moving five minutes when the questions started. I had been expecting it really, but I had hoped that the attack would wait until I had more time to prepare myself. I should have realised by now though that if that woman can find a way to unsettle me, she will manage it.
"Did you enjoy yourself at the theatre last night?" she asked casually, the very innocence of her tone putting me on my guard immediately. I played along though, refusing to show that I knew what she was up to.
"Yes, we had a most enjoyable time, the performance was breathtaking," I told her calmly, smiling calmly at her for a moment before turning my gaze to the window. She said nothing more for a while, and I almost believed that maybe Charles had not spoken after all and that this was nothing more than a rare motherly display of interest. However, as I had feared, I was wrong.
"That isn't quite the story I was told," she informed me icily. I kept my eyes fixed on the passing scenery outside, waiting until I was certain of being able to keep my voice steady before replying.
"Oh?" I managed finally.
"I heard that you had a small incident upon leaving the theatre?" she pressed, just in case I had not managed to understand what she was referring to. Mentally cursing Charles in what I have to confess to being a rather unladylike manner I forced myself to look at her, striving for an expression of childish innocence and bewilderment.
"Incident?" I questioned, resisting the urge to toy with my fan as I spoke. Mother would have noticed my agitation in an instant, and I was not about to let her see that I cared what she was saying.
"Yes, with a young gentleman," she prompted, a little testily. Feigning a look of surprise I considered a moment before answering, being careful to keep my tone light as I did so.
"Oh, you mean Mr. Kennedy?" I responded, sounding, I hope, as if I had not given the matter a moment's thought since the episode had taken place. Which of course I had not, apart from to record events in my journal that evening - it was only the fact that Charles and Mother chose to make such a fuss over it that I am even writing this now. But I digress. The look on Mother's face at my answer made me wish that I had gone with my earlier instincts and remained at home, as it was clear that she was far from happy with me.
"Yes, Mr Kennedy," she replied, watching me closely to gauge my reaction. I could not help my cheeks colouring somewhat, but I do not think anyone else in my situation would have reacted in a dissimilar manner. I simply disliked being cross examined over something that really should have been of no consequence whatsoever, and failed to see why such a to-do was being made over it when it was, by all accounts, well and truly in the past.
"It was nothing Mother - some high spirits caused by a most splendid performance, that is all. Mr Kennedy apologised like a gentleman and we conversed briefly before he and his companions left for whatever entertainments they had planned for the remainder of the evening. No harm was done, and to be honest, I had entirely forgotten about it until you brought up the topic. I really do not see why Charles felt the need to worry you so, it was really not at all necessary," I told her, hoping as I spoke that she would accept my explanation and vowing to give Charles a piece of my mind the next time I happened to see him.
She watched me a moment longer and as I felt myself colouring again in a most annoying manner I pretended not to notice and returned my gaze to the houses and people we were passing on our way. With relief I noted that we were almost at our destination, and as she would not be able to question me in front of Lady Forecastle, I felt that I would be safe for a while at least. However, as I was soon to discover, she had not finished with her little lecture.
"You really should take more care over who you are seen speaking to Virginia," she informed me coolly, her lips pursed so tightly together that they had almost disappeared. I shook my head, unable to stop my reaction to this latest evidence of my mother's snobbishness.
"As I have already said, he was a perfect gentleman Mother. I do not think that even you could have faulted his manners. Besides, he was clearly of some breeding and means, and I have seen many a man dressed worse at Grace Tapling's before now!" I commented sharply. I had hoped to dissuade her from any further comments, but despite myself I had allowed my temper to rise, and she was not slow in noticing the fact.
"That is neither here nor there Virginia, as you should well know by now!" she informed me tartly. "You know nothing of the Kennedys or their position in society, and I would be grateful if in future you would leave such judgments to those who are more capable of doing so. You will have nothing more to do with that boy, do I make myself clear?" I flushed, unable to stop myself from feeling anger at the presumptuousness of her words. I almost told her right there and then that I had no intention of ever seeing, much less speaking, to Mr. Kennedy ever again, but something caused me to choke back the words as I let my anger get the better of me.
"I believe I am perfectly capable of choosing whom I wish to converse with Mother," I snapped, no longer caring that my tone was less than polite. "I do not need either Charles or yourself making such decisions for me, and I would appreciate it if." I do not know what I would have added if the conversation had been allowed to continue, but thankfully at that moment the carriage came to a halt, indicating that we had arrived. Quickly I climbed down, leaving Mother to follow, and tried to calm my ruffled nerves. I do not know what I dislike more, that she can upset me so or the fact that I allow her to do so.
The visit was long and tedious, Mother and the rest of the simpering group of ladies that she chooses to associate with discussing everything under the sun but still, somehow, managing to avoid talking about anything of even a modicum of interest. I almost remarked on this peculiar phenomenon, but decided such comments would not be well received in the present company, so kept such thoughts to myself. Eventually, the afternoon drew to a close and I waited impatiently while goodbyes and promises of undying friendship were made in the usual meaningless manner before gladly climbing into the awaiting carriage.
The journey home was quiet and uneventful, as Mother, clearly still annoyed with my earlier behaviour, refused to talk to me. I went to bed almost as soon as I got inside after pleading a headache in order to escape dinner, and have remained in my room ever since. I think I may venture outside in a moment though, it is not healthy to remain cooped up indoors for such a length of time without fresh air, and I can feel a genuine headache coming on. I will write more when there is something of note to report.
To begin with I rose at a normal time, something which meant I was out of sorts from the very start as I could have quite happily spent a few hours more in bed after the lateness of which I retired the previous night. Unfortunately it had completely slipped my mind that I had promised mother I would accompany her to Middleton Hall the next time she went calling, and having chosen that day to repay her visits, I was duty bound to go with her. To make matters worse, Suzy was also in a rather sluggish state for some reason for another, and it was considerably later than the time we had originally intended to leave when I was finally dressed and ready to go downstairs, where I was met with instant maternal disapproval.
"Virginia, really." she began, in that tone of voice just calculated to drive me to distraction even when I am in a pleasant mood, and which did nothing to improve my temper that morning. She immediately set about fussing with my bonnet, tugging and jerking at everything until I felt as if I wanted to scream. I did honestly try not to show my annoyance, although from the expression on her face I do not think I was particularly successful.
"I suppose that will have to do," she commented finally, giving one final pull to the ribbons and almost strangling me in the process before sweeping out to the carriage which, as she informed me over her shoulder, had already been waiting a good ten minutes. Grumbling under my breath I followed her, although I was sorely tempted to tell her that she could go on her own and flounce back to my room. I am glad that I did not though, as I do feel that 17 is too old to be giving in to childish tantrums anymore, even if the occasional loss of temper can be somewhat satisfying in clearing one's mind.
We had hardly been moving five minutes when the questions started. I had been expecting it really, but I had hoped that the attack would wait until I had more time to prepare myself. I should have realised by now though that if that woman can find a way to unsettle me, she will manage it.
"Did you enjoy yourself at the theatre last night?" she asked casually, the very innocence of her tone putting me on my guard immediately. I played along though, refusing to show that I knew what she was up to.
"Yes, we had a most enjoyable time, the performance was breathtaking," I told her calmly, smiling calmly at her for a moment before turning my gaze to the window. She said nothing more for a while, and I almost believed that maybe Charles had not spoken after all and that this was nothing more than a rare motherly display of interest. However, as I had feared, I was wrong.
"That isn't quite the story I was told," she informed me icily. I kept my eyes fixed on the passing scenery outside, waiting until I was certain of being able to keep my voice steady before replying.
"Oh?" I managed finally.
"I heard that you had a small incident upon leaving the theatre?" she pressed, just in case I had not managed to understand what she was referring to. Mentally cursing Charles in what I have to confess to being a rather unladylike manner I forced myself to look at her, striving for an expression of childish innocence and bewilderment.
"Incident?" I questioned, resisting the urge to toy with my fan as I spoke. Mother would have noticed my agitation in an instant, and I was not about to let her see that I cared what she was saying.
"Yes, with a young gentleman," she prompted, a little testily. Feigning a look of surprise I considered a moment before answering, being careful to keep my tone light as I did so.
"Oh, you mean Mr. Kennedy?" I responded, sounding, I hope, as if I had not given the matter a moment's thought since the episode had taken place. Which of course I had not, apart from to record events in my journal that evening - it was only the fact that Charles and Mother chose to make such a fuss over it that I am even writing this now. But I digress. The look on Mother's face at my answer made me wish that I had gone with my earlier instincts and remained at home, as it was clear that she was far from happy with me.
"Yes, Mr Kennedy," she replied, watching me closely to gauge my reaction. I could not help my cheeks colouring somewhat, but I do not think anyone else in my situation would have reacted in a dissimilar manner. I simply disliked being cross examined over something that really should have been of no consequence whatsoever, and failed to see why such a to-do was being made over it when it was, by all accounts, well and truly in the past.
"It was nothing Mother - some high spirits caused by a most splendid performance, that is all. Mr Kennedy apologised like a gentleman and we conversed briefly before he and his companions left for whatever entertainments they had planned for the remainder of the evening. No harm was done, and to be honest, I had entirely forgotten about it until you brought up the topic. I really do not see why Charles felt the need to worry you so, it was really not at all necessary," I told her, hoping as I spoke that she would accept my explanation and vowing to give Charles a piece of my mind the next time I happened to see him.
She watched me a moment longer and as I felt myself colouring again in a most annoying manner I pretended not to notice and returned my gaze to the houses and people we were passing on our way. With relief I noted that we were almost at our destination, and as she would not be able to question me in front of Lady Forecastle, I felt that I would be safe for a while at least. However, as I was soon to discover, she had not finished with her little lecture.
"You really should take more care over who you are seen speaking to Virginia," she informed me coolly, her lips pursed so tightly together that they had almost disappeared. I shook my head, unable to stop my reaction to this latest evidence of my mother's snobbishness.
"As I have already said, he was a perfect gentleman Mother. I do not think that even you could have faulted his manners. Besides, he was clearly of some breeding and means, and I have seen many a man dressed worse at Grace Tapling's before now!" I commented sharply. I had hoped to dissuade her from any further comments, but despite myself I had allowed my temper to rise, and she was not slow in noticing the fact.
"That is neither here nor there Virginia, as you should well know by now!" she informed me tartly. "You know nothing of the Kennedys or their position in society, and I would be grateful if in future you would leave such judgments to those who are more capable of doing so. You will have nothing more to do with that boy, do I make myself clear?" I flushed, unable to stop myself from feeling anger at the presumptuousness of her words. I almost told her right there and then that I had no intention of ever seeing, much less speaking, to Mr. Kennedy ever again, but something caused me to choke back the words as I let my anger get the better of me.
"I believe I am perfectly capable of choosing whom I wish to converse with Mother," I snapped, no longer caring that my tone was less than polite. "I do not need either Charles or yourself making such decisions for me, and I would appreciate it if." I do not know what I would have added if the conversation had been allowed to continue, but thankfully at that moment the carriage came to a halt, indicating that we had arrived. Quickly I climbed down, leaving Mother to follow, and tried to calm my ruffled nerves. I do not know what I dislike more, that she can upset me so or the fact that I allow her to do so.
The visit was long and tedious, Mother and the rest of the simpering group of ladies that she chooses to associate with discussing everything under the sun but still, somehow, managing to avoid talking about anything of even a modicum of interest. I almost remarked on this peculiar phenomenon, but decided such comments would not be well received in the present company, so kept such thoughts to myself. Eventually, the afternoon drew to a close and I waited impatiently while goodbyes and promises of undying friendship were made in the usual meaningless manner before gladly climbing into the awaiting carriage.
The journey home was quiet and uneventful, as Mother, clearly still annoyed with my earlier behaviour, refused to talk to me. I went to bed almost as soon as I got inside after pleading a headache in order to escape dinner, and have remained in my room ever since. I think I may venture outside in a moment though, it is not healthy to remain cooped up indoors for such a length of time without fresh air, and I can feel a genuine headache coming on. I will write more when there is something of note to report.