Disclaimer:I don't own Erik,Christine,Raoul de Chagny,le comte Philippe de Chagny,m-rs Richard and Moncharmin.Christine's mother and several other characters created by me.
Author's note:my sequel based on Gaston Leroux novel,but I changed many things and added new characters.I would like to know readers opinion about my story.
Chapter III
"Fate links thee to me for ever and a day!"
(continuation)
Erik laid Christine on the bed in her room-the room where she usually slept when she stayed in the house on the lake for several days.Then he droped his cloack on a chair and came up to the bed again.Christine was lying there,her eyes closed.Her wet dress needed to be put off.He did it not looking at her.After that she still wore her petticoats and chemise but he decided not to put it off and covered Christine with blanket.Doing this he suddenly saw her little feet were wounded with sharp stones,there was blood on her delicate skin.He looked at her face.It was as white as a pillow where her head was lying.Wet golden curls framed her pale face.One lock stuck to her forehead and Erik took it away.Her face was so close to his that moment...He wanted to kiss her so much...But he brought himself to stop and not to do it.
-Oh,my poor child,why did you come here?-he whispered.
He came out of the room to bring water and medicine.He washed Christine's feet accurately and covered wounds on her feet with medicine.Then he laid a fire in a fireplace and lit up a gaslight on a table.After that he sat down on a chair near Christine's bed and steeped in his thoughts.
He made a mistake.He really made terrible mistake when he stole Christine after "Faust",when he threatened her Raoul de Chagny's death to make her marry him...and maybe when he opened the mirror for her four months ago,let her see him and brought her to the house on the lake for the first time.Maybe it would be better if he remained only a "voice" for her.Maybe it would be better if he did not teach her at all.But her talent...She really has brilliant talent.But maybe quiet life is better for her-quiet life somewhere in Perros or in her Sweden.She could at least sing for her mother and for neighbours.Paris and this world of lies and intrigues which is hidden behind beautiful facade of Opera is not for her.She could survive in this world only having a protector, a ruler,someone who will help her,teach her,rule her,bring her through the storms of life.He could be this "someone" and he has been such protector for several months but...He is too terrible person for her.He remembered how she was crying when he brought her here after that chandelier story.She was almost in hysterics."Oh,maestro,I beg of you don't do such terrible things anymore!They were human beings,God's creatures!They wanted to live!Only God has right to take human's life!-To be honest,I don't care,Christine.What did they mean for me?Nothing.I'm not God,I took their lives because it was important for my deals,it was the way to solve the poblem.And you know I don't believe in God.-Please,you must stop this!-My little girl,are you serious?Do you really think you may tell me what to do?Do you really think I will do what you want?It's laughable,my little nightingale."
Too cruel...He is too cruel for her,too selfish.He was mad when he wanted to make her marry him.Can't he live without her?Of course he can.He has been alone for so many years...Twenty two years to be exact.Those three women meant nothing for him...He was alone...even when many people were around,even in the crowd he was alone...Always alone and he liked it.He did not need anybody.He has never loved anybody exept that damned woman and...That woman...He loved her so much...He trusted her so much...And she betrayed him,she left him...She wanted to kill him...That woman...He remembered...Large room with high windows lighted with plenty of candles.And woman in green dress sitting by the piano.And magestic sounds of Moonlight sonata which filled the room.Then woman in green stops playing and turns to him.She is beautiful and petite.She has auburn hair and grey eyes,very serious eyes which are still serious even now when she is smiling..."Erik!"she says."Come here mon cher and let me kiss you.Did you like my playing?"This beautiful picture was suddenly changed by another...The same woman,now in pink dress, standing on the stairhead.Now she is not smiling.Her face is cold,her eyes looks like frozen water. "Don't touch me you,freak."He felt hate and fury filled his mind.To kill her,this nasty creature...To strangle her,to break her neck...
He sent his memories away.It's enough now.It is not right time to remember about that woman.He looked at Christine's face again.Yes he has never loved any woman after that woman.Those three and others were only...And it was not because of that woman's betrayal, he simly did not need to love any woman and he also did not need any woman to love him.Untill he met Christine Daae.Certainly it was not love at first sight of course.It took him two weeks to know her well and one more week to fall in love with her.After third week he understood clearly he was in love.He wanted to help her,to protect her in this cruel theatre world.Sometimes when she was very upset by something which happened in the theatre or somewhere else he wanted to hold her and hide her.She was so young,so innocent,so pure,so talented,so lost and helpless...and so beautiful.But it was mistake to bring her through the mirror and let her see him.And it was crazy idea to marry her.What life she could have with him?He is cruel and selfish monster.And he will never change.But...what life she could have with Raoul de Chagny?She doesn't love Raoul,it's clear.That silly boy is sure she does but it is not so.She has never loved Raoul and never thought about him as her future husband.And could this boy be a husband?No,he can't.He is still a child himself and needs a nurse ,not wife.And he has the nurse-Philippe.Erik mentally laughed cruely.Philippe doesn't like his nurse role at all,it's clear.And Raoul...yes,he is silly boy and Erik was absolutely sure he will never become adult.And if Christine marries him it would bad for her not only because he is still a child and can'y protect and support her,but also because he really doesn't love her,Christine Daee.What he really loves is...But Erik was not going to analyze Chagny's brothers that moment.He thought about Christine.He was almost sure now she will not marry Raoul.That's good.But how to make her forget about him,Erik?How will she live without his permanent support?He will still help her,but he will be far from her.But he needs to leave.He must think what to do...
Suddenly Christine's eyelashes trembled and she opened her eyes.
-Where...-that moment she saw him.-Maestro...-she whispered.-You are here...You haven't left yet...I came in time,I...-tears ran down over her cheeks.
-Don't cry,my girl,everything is all right now,you are out of danger.
-Where?...
-Can't you see?We are in your room in the house on the lake.
-Oh,yes,I see now...Maestro,I...
-You need rest now.
-You are here...-she cryed again.-I thought you've already left...Forever.
He sighed.
-Yes,I am here,but why are you here?Why did you come now?
-He gave me your letter...Monsieur Persian...I mean monsieur Nadir...
"I knew it." he thought with anger.
-You need not explain,Christine.I've never cold him by name.For me he has always been just Persian or daroga.
-He told me tonight you have never been friends...
-Certainly we have not.-he answered dryly.-And tonight he did not follow my instructions.He had not to give you this letter till tomorrow morning.
-But why,maestro?!...-there was suffer in her voice.
"Poor kid." he thought.
-So why did you come here,Christine?-he asked again not answering her question.
-Because I...I must tell you I behaved silly.I had not to...
-When did you behave silly?-he interrupted.-When you did not want to stay here with me forever?When you wanted to return to your home?
To be honest Erik was not going to stay here if Christine marries him.He planned then to leave with her as now he planned to leave alone.But he did not want to tell her about it because he wanted her to return to her home.
-No,no,it is not so!...-she moaned.-I thought I was afraid of staying here but it was not so!I behaved silly,I was...-she hesitated.
-Have you seen le Vicomte today?-he asked.
-Yes,I've seen him...
-And?
-He...he wants to marry me.I did not know it,I did not understand he really...
-But now you understand,don't you?-he said quietly.
-I...maestro,did you know before that Raoul wanted to marry me?
-Certainly I did.It was written on his face so clearly.He can't hide his feelings.
-But I did not...
-You are very naive,Christine.So he proposed.Did it scare you?
-No,I..was so surprised.
-And what did you answer?-his voice was absolutely quiet.
-I...did not answer anything because...
-But what do you think?-his tone was paternal.-Do you want to be le Comtess de Chagny?
-No!-she yelled with such despair in her voice that he felt sorry for her again.She sat in bed.-No,I don't want to be Raoul's wife!I don't love him!I've never loved him!I wanted him only to be my friend but I understood tonight...I did not know him before...He turned out to be...so silly,so...empty...He can't understand...He did not want to...He was so...nasty!
"Yes,he is nasty in many ways." Erik thought."But am I not?"
-Be quiet,my girl,I understand what you mean.Be quiet.-his voice was soft.
Christine's eyes were full of tears.
-I'll never marry Raoul...
"Very well,now I can at least leave being sure that young Raoul will not destroy her life." Erik mentally told himself.
-If you don't love him and don't want to be his wife so you made right decision-not to marry him.So everything is right,don't think about it anymore.
-No,everything is wrong!...-she whispered.
-Why?What's the matter,tell me.
-Maestro,you are going to leave...
-Yes.
-I know it is not because of me...
-Certainly not.I have some deals.I need to leave.
-But...You wrote in your letter I will never see you again...
-Yes.It will be better for you.
-No!...It will not...it will be the worst thing for me...
She moved forward and the blanket slipped off exposing her chemise.The girl blushed and quickly drew the blanket up to her chin to cover herself looking at him fearfully.Erik pretented he did not notice all this.He did not want to confuse her.
-Why do you think it will be so bad for you,Christine?-he asked quietly.-Don't worry, I will still help you.
-But I will not see you...-she murmured.There was prayer in her eyes.-I can't live without seeing you.
"Oh,wandering child,what are you doing?"-he thought."An angel is yearning to Devil's guidance...Beautiful Margarita,your spirit longs with your Angel to rest...But your Angel is Mephisto..."
-Of course you can,Christine.-he answered softly.-Everything will be all right.You will return to your home,to your mother.You will forget this dark domain.
-I can't!-she repeated desperately.-I can't live without you!All I need is to be by your side...
"Everything is even worse than I expected."Erik told himself."Poor child.Poor child,I had not let you ever see me."
-Christine,think of it.Why need you to be by my side?And where?
-Anywhere.-she said weakly.-Wherever you go I need follow you to be by your side forever.
-You need not be by my side,my poor girl.Why need you?You are young,you are innocent.You need to live simple,quiet,honest life.You must go home and forget about me.It's difficult but you will be able to do it one day.
-No...No...
-And I will still help you with your career and support you though we will never meet again.But you must forget...
-Maestro,I love you!...
Though he knew Christine's thoughts very well those words really was that thing he did not expected at all.He made himself stay quiet and speak softly.
-Christine,do you understand what you are saying?
-Yes,I do!I love you,I can't live without you!I just didn't understand it before!But now I understand I love you!
Erik stood up,came up to wardrobe located in the corner,opened it and took the white dress out.
-Put it on,Christine.Then we we will speak.
He was standing with his back turned to her while she was dressing.He needed to think.It is terrible.Poor girl is sure she loves him.But it is impossible,it's an illusion.Yes,there were other women who loved him,but they did not see..And that women was not so innocent and pure as Christine was.So...
-Are you ready?-he asked at last.
-Yes,maestro.-she answered with trembling voice.
-So sit down and listen to me.
She sat looking fearfully at him.He stood in front of her.
-Christine,-he started very quietly.-what you've said is only your illusion.You can't love me.No,don't interrupt me till I finish.You know I don't like when somebody interrupts me.You can't love me.You are too innocent.You still can't imagine what is it to live with me.You still can't imagine it though you've seen many things I did.You can't live such life.You need go home.
-Oh,no,I can!Believe me I can live any kind of life if I'm by your side!
He came up very close to her and put off his mask.
-Do you really want to live with this ?-he asked coldly.-To see it every day?And you will not be able to go away and not to see it.Think of it.
But Christine looked at his terrible face without any fear.She at least saw it many times.There was another fear in her blue eyes-she was scared to death by possibility that he would not let her stay with him.
-Maestro,I was...afraid of it when I saw it for thr first time,but now I can't even explain my then fear!I'm not afraid of it,I...
-So what about other aspect?-his voice became even colder.-What about my soul(let's call it soul though I don't believe in God)?My soul is maybe even uglier than my face.Did you forget Joseph Buquet?Did you forget chandelier story?Did you forget Carlotta?-his voice was quiet as usual though the subject of his speech was terrible.-Or maybe you think I will regret my crimes and become good and kind person as it happens sometimes in romantic novels?Villain fell in love with pure innocent girl and became good Christian?No,Christine,life is not novel.And I will never regret my crimes-it is too late for me to regret.Too late.Too much blood is on my hands.I can't regret it.And I never will.I am a monster who will never change.And the most terrible thing is that I do not want to change.Do you understand?I accept myself as I am.I'm satisfied by myself and I am not going to change.And you are agree to live with it too?
...A picture from the past appeared in his mind that moment.A room and two men near the table.One of them was he, Erik.And he told that other man about his crimes,he threw terrible truth into that man's face...That man died because of that tale...And his death was what Erik wanted...And now he...did not even told but reminded Christine of his crimes.But this time he did not want anything bad.On the contrary,he wanted happiness for Christine.He reminded her those terrible things to make her go home and forget...
-Maestro,maybe it's a mortal sin,but...I don't care...-her voice broke.-I don't care any more.All I want is to be with you!...During our first meeting...I mean my first visit here...you said you...loved me...-her voice was unutterably weak.-I know you was not serious...you didn't mean it really...
"I was very serious but you mustn't know it,poor girl."he thought."It was absolutely right that I said it only one time and never repeated.You must return to your home and live normal life."
-Yes,I was not serious.-he answered.-I don't love you,Christine,so you can't stay with me.
-Oh,please...I know you can't love me,especially after...I behaved so silly...-tears ran over her cheeks again.-But please,let me be with you...as your servant...please...You can't love me,but I love you,please...
-It is your illusion.-he interrupted.-What a crazy plan-to be my servant.You need quieten now and go home.
-Please,please,I beg of you!
The girl fell on her knees and embraced his legs.Her curls fell down and covered the floor as golden mist.
-Please...I pray...Take pity on me...Please!...I love you...You are my light,my only reason for living...Please...I'll be your slave,I...Please!
Even man with stone heart would tremble that moment looking at her.Erik was shocked but he controled himself.He lifted Christine up and make her sit on a chair again.He wanted to embrace her,comfort her but he thought it was not best way that moment when he wanted to make her go.So he simply took her hands and said calmly.
-Christine,please,don't cry.Believe, me when some time pass you will be able to live without seeing me.You'll understand that your love for me was illusion.Don't be afraid,I will still support you,remember it.And now you need quieten and then I'll bring you home.
She clutched his hand.
-No,please,don't leave me...I love you,I adore you,I...
-Everything is all right,my girl.Now stop crying and have a rest.Later I will bring you home.
She did not answer.She did not seem to hear him.Tears ran over her cheeks and fell on the floor.
-Have a rest.-he repeated.Then he left the room.But he stayed behind almost closed door watching the girl secretly.Something in her condition worried him so much that he could not go to other room.Christine was sitting on a chair where he make her to sit.She was crying soundlessly but so bitterly that he felt strong heartache.
-It's my fault!...-she whispered suddenly.-I behaved so silly...It's my fault.If I behaved other way maestro would let me stay with him...As his servant at least...I destroyed everything...He doesn't love me but if I behaved not so silly he would let me stay...Everything is over now...He'll leave and I'll never...-she looked at something on the table.Erik's look followed hers and he understood she was looking at a knife lying on the table.When Christine stayed here for several days she sometimes had breakfast in her room so this knife was forgotten here some day.Christine looked at it as if it was something she was looking for.Then she stood up slowly,came up to the table and took the knife.
-That is the best way...-she whispered.-It's sharp,that's good...-her voice was colourless.I need only to put it straight into my heart...-she touched left side of her breast.-It's here.-she suddenly smiled weakly.-It's my only way...She cluthed the knife with her both hands and wanted to put it into her breast but that moment Erik rushed forward and cluthed her wrists.
-What are you doing?
She uttered worldless cry of despair.
-You decided to kill yourself.-it was not question.-Christine,it's madness.
-Please,let me die,I have nothing to live for...
-I will never let you die.
-But why?...I don't want to live anymore!...Let me die...
-Never.
-You don't want let me stay with you,I understand it.I accept it...It's right...Who I am to be by your side?...But now let me die for I've lost my reason for living...I want to die...
She tryed to free herself to do what she was going to do but he hold her wrists so tight that knife fell on the floor and Erik threw it away.
-You will not die.
-But why?...
He did not answer.He embraced crying girl and she instinctively pressed her face against his shoulder.They were standing there and he was looking at the wall over her golden head and thinking...
Yes,he made terrible mistake.He did not see...No,he did not want to see that Christine loved him.Poor girl also could not understand her own feelings.She was afraid of him but did it mean she could not love him?The fear can turn to love but fear also can be love's escort.And Christine loved her cruel mentor.It was not only fear,it was also love...And he had to understand it first and help poor girl to understand it too instead of kidnapping her after "Faust" and performing that silly play here with Chagny and Persian's participation.He has never made mistakes but he has made one here with Christine.His egoism did not let him see her love.But now he understands.No,he always will be egoist but...Now he will correct his mistake and fix the situation up.
He still could hear Christine's soft sobs.He took her chin and lifted her head up.The girl looked at him surprised through her tears.
-Christine,-he said with quiet,gentle voice.-I will never let you die.
Despair appeared in her eyes again.
-But I have nothing to live for...-she murmured.-I can't return to my home,I don't want...
-You will not return.
Despair in her eyes were changed by surprise.
-But what else can I do?...Not to die,not to return...What else?...
-To leave with me.
He could hear her intake of breath.
-To leave...with you?...
-Yes.Did not you tell me you would follow me wherever I go?
-Yes,but...
-I was wrong rejecting you.You will go with me.
-You...you really mean it?...
-Yes,I do.You will follow me.
-Oh,maestro thank you!...I don't deserve it,thank you!...I...
-But not as my servant of course.-he interrupted.-You can't be servant,it was craziness to talk about it.You will follow me...
-??...
-As my wife.-he finished the phrase.
Christine's eyes widened.
-As your...wife?...-she whispered beeing not able to believe it.
-Yes.You will be my wife,that is what I wish.And that is also what you wish my dear,isn't it?
-Your wife?...-she repeated.-But you...
-I love you,my dear girl.So I want you to be my wife.You are agree,isn't you?
-You love me...-she could hardly stand on her feet.-No,it's impossible...
-Really?It is funny situation,isn't it?Several minutes later it was me who did not want to believe you love me.And now you are doing the same.But you can change nothing.I love you,it is the truth.
-But you've said.
-I lied,because I was sure it would be better for you to go home;but now I see I was wrong.I did not want to understand you loved me...But I understand it now.I love you,Christine Daae,and nothing could change it.
-I don't deserve...-she whispered.
-My dear,let me decide it,-he answered ironically.-I love you,my little nightingale,my little northern fairy.I love you...Terrible Phantom loves you...
She was so so petite that the top of her head was on a level with his shoulder.He moved his head down to her.Their faces were so closed now...His fingers still held her chin.Her big blue eyes were full of dismay,disbelief and love...So much love was there in two blue northern lakes...
And she saw his cold grey eyes became warm.So warm...
-My beautiful child...-he whispered.-My love...
His amazing voice sounded as the music...There were gentliness and love in it,and many other things...His voice did not sound as single instrument,it was the whole orchestra consisted of many instruments.She listened to it and felt as if nothing existed in the world,only he and his magic voice and his arms,one of them embraced her the,the fingers of another held her little chin.She looked at that face so closed to hers,that dead mask with skin which looked like parchment covered with ugly wrinkles,deformed bloodless lips pronouncing those sweet,wonderful words;those ugly lips that produced that heavenly singing...And all this was so beautiful for her now...His breath touched her face.It was also warm.Only his fingers on her chin were cold...
Erik looked at her beautiful gentle face.Flattering child,you are mine now...You are mine,holy angel...Angel in Satan's embrace...But it must be so.That is right.
-Mon ange...-he said gently,caressing her cheek with his fingers.
Then he moved his face even closer to hers.His face skin could not feel touch very well but he could feel her fresh ,clear breathing.He also felt she was trembling in his arms.He knew she was kissed only once,by Raoul.So she was scared now.Their lips met.He did not feel her lips very clear but he felt how soft and gentle they were.Her little pink mouth...He deepened the kiss to intense the pleasure.Christine was his.He hold her tight.
Something filled the room.Something light as aroma of flowers.But it was aroma of love.