Getting Off The Griefmobile
By Annakovsky
See part 1 for all relevant info and disclaimer.
***********
CHAPTER FOUR
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Faith was finding that she sort of liked spending time in the library. She liked the quiet. Ironic since most of her life pre-prison had been spent avoiding quiet. Sure, she still went out to clubs and stuff at night, dancing to pulsing music so loud you felt it in your gut and sometimes afterwards a one night stand, but in the afternoons, when the library was cool and hushed and nobody much was around, she liked being there.
Besides, she felt weird hanging around the Scoobs. They were doing this bonding thing, and it wasn't about her, which was cool and all, but, well, there weren't a lot of other people to hang out with. She and Buffy trained together, and everyone was nice and everything, but she wasn't one of them and she knew it. And it's not like she was going to go hang out with Dawn and Andrew instead. So she went to the library.
Giles was usually there too, but he was pretty quiet and unobtrusive. Faith hadn't thought about it before, but in some ways Giles was as much of an outsider to the group as she was. Of course he'd been there since the beginning, but he was the adult, not one of the gang. Who did he hang out with when he didn't want to play Dad?
One day she decided to just ask him if he minded being the only real grownup. He looked taken aback. "Well... that may have contributed to my moving back to England, honestly. But I don't mind at the moment. And soon I imagine there will be more adults here – I've been contacting the few scattered Watchers who are left around the world, and many will be here in September as we regroup."
"Oh. That's cool. So what about girlfriends?" He looked surprised again, but a little amused.
"I do all right," he said, smiling slightly as he put a book back on the shelf.
"Naw, I mean, you're decent looking, for an old guy. You should be doing more than all right."
"Well, thank you," he said dryly. "I'll put that in my personal ad. 'Decent looking, for an old guy.'"
"It sounded better in my head," she said, shaking her head at herself. "I suck at compliments. Sorry about the damning with faint praise thing." He raised an eyebrow. She smiled sheepishly. "Did some reading in the joint. She's not as dumb as she looks, believe it or not."
"I always thought you were quite intelligent, actually. Impulsive, but intelligent."
"Quit lying." He just smiled at her.
"So how are you, Faith? I've noticed that you haven't been spending much time with the others."
"They... well, Buffy and Xander and Willow, they're, you know... bonding. Or whatever. I don't want to get in the way."
"Really."
"Well... and Buffy doesn't much like me... taking her stuff. Or making friends with her friends. You know. And I was kind of crappy to her like that, with Angel and, uh, Riley. So I figure I should just, you know, stay out of their way for awhile. That's all."
"Hmm."
"I probably shouldn't be getting too cozy with you either, come to think of it." She shrugged, wryly. "Atoning for past sins kind of bites."
"I wouldn't worry about me," Giles said. "I wouldn't worry about any of it, actually. It's kind of you to think of, but you don't have to avoid everyone to atone." Then he tried to suppress a smile. "So what about Andrew and Dawn? There's no good reason to avoid them." Faith snorted.
"You serious?"
"No," he said, out and out smiling now. She grinned back and gave a shudder.
"All that puppy love gives me the willies."
"Not fond memories of your own first love?"
"Never been in love," she said lightly. "Don't know if I believe in it." Giles looked at her. She was carefully studying the titles of the books on the shelf nearest her.
"Well, you're young yet," he said mildly, putting another book back on the shelf.
"Hey, I've been around the block a few times, and I don't see that getting wrinkly means that people start caring about anything more than themselves, you know?" She meant to sound cool and detached, but could hear herself getting a little defensive towards the end and hated it.
"Faith. It wasn't a criticism."
"Yeah, I... yeah. Sorry," she said. She started to get up.
"Besides," he said, holding her in place with a look. "It seems to me that *you*, at least, care about more than yourself."
"Well, that's.. optimistic."
"Deny it all you like. But I've seen you. And I know it takes a great deal of courage to care about the world when it doesn't seem to care about you."
She couldn't think of anything to say. He shelved his last book and moved to walk past her to the door, putting his left hand on her right shoulder as he passed.
His hand felt like the Mayor's had, strong and loving and safe – the only two hands that had ever felt like that. But she had the feeling that Giles wouldn't follow it up by getting her to kill somebody so he could turn into a giant snake.
That was different.
****************
TBC...
By Annakovsky
See part 1 for all relevant info and disclaimer.
***********
CHAPTER FOUR
***********
Faith was finding that she sort of liked spending time in the library. She liked the quiet. Ironic since most of her life pre-prison had been spent avoiding quiet. Sure, she still went out to clubs and stuff at night, dancing to pulsing music so loud you felt it in your gut and sometimes afterwards a one night stand, but in the afternoons, when the library was cool and hushed and nobody much was around, she liked being there.
Besides, she felt weird hanging around the Scoobs. They were doing this bonding thing, and it wasn't about her, which was cool and all, but, well, there weren't a lot of other people to hang out with. She and Buffy trained together, and everyone was nice and everything, but she wasn't one of them and she knew it. And it's not like she was going to go hang out with Dawn and Andrew instead. So she went to the library.
Giles was usually there too, but he was pretty quiet and unobtrusive. Faith hadn't thought about it before, but in some ways Giles was as much of an outsider to the group as she was. Of course he'd been there since the beginning, but he was the adult, not one of the gang. Who did he hang out with when he didn't want to play Dad?
One day she decided to just ask him if he minded being the only real grownup. He looked taken aback. "Well... that may have contributed to my moving back to England, honestly. But I don't mind at the moment. And soon I imagine there will be more adults here – I've been contacting the few scattered Watchers who are left around the world, and many will be here in September as we regroup."
"Oh. That's cool. So what about girlfriends?" He looked surprised again, but a little amused.
"I do all right," he said, smiling slightly as he put a book back on the shelf.
"Naw, I mean, you're decent looking, for an old guy. You should be doing more than all right."
"Well, thank you," he said dryly. "I'll put that in my personal ad. 'Decent looking, for an old guy.'"
"It sounded better in my head," she said, shaking her head at herself. "I suck at compliments. Sorry about the damning with faint praise thing." He raised an eyebrow. She smiled sheepishly. "Did some reading in the joint. She's not as dumb as she looks, believe it or not."
"I always thought you were quite intelligent, actually. Impulsive, but intelligent."
"Quit lying." He just smiled at her.
"So how are you, Faith? I've noticed that you haven't been spending much time with the others."
"They... well, Buffy and Xander and Willow, they're, you know... bonding. Or whatever. I don't want to get in the way."
"Really."
"Well... and Buffy doesn't much like me... taking her stuff. Or making friends with her friends. You know. And I was kind of crappy to her like that, with Angel and, uh, Riley. So I figure I should just, you know, stay out of their way for awhile. That's all."
"Hmm."
"I probably shouldn't be getting too cozy with you either, come to think of it." She shrugged, wryly. "Atoning for past sins kind of bites."
"I wouldn't worry about me," Giles said. "I wouldn't worry about any of it, actually. It's kind of you to think of, but you don't have to avoid everyone to atone." Then he tried to suppress a smile. "So what about Andrew and Dawn? There's no good reason to avoid them." Faith snorted.
"You serious?"
"No," he said, out and out smiling now. She grinned back and gave a shudder.
"All that puppy love gives me the willies."
"Not fond memories of your own first love?"
"Never been in love," she said lightly. "Don't know if I believe in it." Giles looked at her. She was carefully studying the titles of the books on the shelf nearest her.
"Well, you're young yet," he said mildly, putting another book back on the shelf.
"Hey, I've been around the block a few times, and I don't see that getting wrinkly means that people start caring about anything more than themselves, you know?" She meant to sound cool and detached, but could hear herself getting a little defensive towards the end and hated it.
"Faith. It wasn't a criticism."
"Yeah, I... yeah. Sorry," she said. She started to get up.
"Besides," he said, holding her in place with a look. "It seems to me that *you*, at least, care about more than yourself."
"Well, that's.. optimistic."
"Deny it all you like. But I've seen you. And I know it takes a great deal of courage to care about the world when it doesn't seem to care about you."
She couldn't think of anything to say. He shelved his last book and moved to walk past her to the door, putting his left hand on her right shoulder as he passed.
His hand felt like the Mayor's had, strong and loving and safe – the only two hands that had ever felt like that. But she had the feeling that Giles wouldn't follow it up by getting her to kill somebody so he could turn into a giant snake.
That was different.
****************
TBC...