Back inside, Buffy went back upstairs to the bedroom and closed the door as forcefully as she could without waking up anyone else in the house. In the room, Angel still slept, still as the dead man that he was, in the big bed they shared. She gave herself a few minutes for her heart to calm down from the shock of seeing Spike again. Thank god Angel was asleep again; awake, he would have already heard her heart beating faster and demanded to know what could have gone wrong on a simple trip to the backyard. He would be less than delighted to know it was seeing Spike again that had her all... all... well, she didn't know what she was, but she didn't like it. Angry, she told herself firmly, I'm angry. What else could she be?

Almost against her will, her mind slipped back to that time, during Willow's little reign of terror, when she brought Dawn to the crypt, only to find out that Spike had vanished into the night without a word to anyone. Well, at least without a word to her. He had, she reminded herself, been more than happy to tell Clem what he was up to. She didn't even know why she had bothered to be surprised all those years ago, didn't know why she didn't feel anything but vindicated when he vanished right before she actually needed something. And she didn't know now why she felt a tickle of the same little rush of excitement that always accompanied an appearance by Spike.

I'm delusional, she told herself firmly as she firmly tamped down any wayward relief at the fact that he hadn't say, staked himself or gone looking for the sun after he vanished that second time. She was only relieved because no one wanted to think that someone they used to sleep with offed himself. It had nothing to do with real feelings, nothing to do with anything. She had a real life now, a life like nothing Spike could have offered her, even if he had ever wanted to.

Quietly, so as not to wake the sleeping vampire in her bed, Buffy crossed the room and lay back down. Reminding herself that it was well after midnight, and she had work in the morning, she stretched her body out in the bed and tried to convince herself that she was tired. If she really concentrated, maybe she could will herself to sleep.

"Buffy?"

Startled, she jerked away from the half sleep she had just managed to reach. "Angel?"

"Who else?" asked the wry voice next to her. " You okay?" A cool hand and arm wrapped around her waist, pulled her closer.

"Yeah, just, you know, all with the awakefulness. Sorry about dragging you into my war with the sandman."

"The more time with you, the happier I am," he said sweetly, nuzzling her hair.

Then she could feel his body stiffen against her and she cursed her bad luck in constantly choosing vampires as boyfriends. A normal, human guy would never have noticed anything out of the ordinary. But Angel's senses were only about a thousand times more acute, and she knew with a sinking feeling in her gut, that he could smell Spike on her skin despite the fact that the other vamp had only touched her for about 30 seconds.

"You run into trouble out there?" he asked, unhappy at not being able to be her knight in shining armor.

"Just some stupid newbie vamp, too dumb to know the Slayer when he saw her," she lied glibly. If he couldn't tell that it was Spike he smelled, she was hardly going to be the one to tell him. Angel would not be happy to know that Spike was back in town, and that was without her ever having told him about the fact that Spike had once upon a time been more to her than a vamp that wanted to kill her.

She was still begging the powers that be that he believed her as she turned to face him just in time to see his nose wrinkle. "You sure? Smells... almost familiar... but I can't place it."

"Smelled one vamp, you've smelled them all," she said, and curled against the cool solidity of his body again. She didn't want talk, she didn't want any reminders of a life that she had that didn't include him. She wanted to remember all the reasons that she loved him, all the reasons she stayed with him. "No more work talk," she chastised, hoping he would just leave it well enough alone, "bed talk."

"Now that idea I like," he agreed, and bent a bit to press a kiss against her throat. "You have any particular conversation in mind?" he teased as he kissed first her shoulder and then her collar bone. She felt the first frisson of heat, the same heat she always felt from him, comfortable, safe. So what if it was no longer the same intoxicating rush that had consumed her when she was a teenager? There was something to be said for familiarity. She told herself that every night.

"Ummm," she sighed, leaning into his kisses. "Your choice," she murmured and laughed as he pulled her into her arms and rolled her beneath his body. Really, sex was over rated. What they had was enough, she didn't need anymore than what Angel could give her. Honestly, she didn't.

Ever since she and Angel had gotten back together, she had done her damnedest to forget that they had ever made love. She didn't want to remember that they had ever had more than what they had now. There was no point to it; she had made her choice. Some nights, though, it was harder than others, and tonight was one of those. Her mind kept taunting her with visions of the one and only time she and Angel been together, the exquisite care he had taken with her, the way he had breathed her name out at the end. To add to the fun of that, those old and familiar memories were now warring with ones she thought she had banished for all time, memories of all her nights with Spike, when they had done a million things to each other and with each other, none of which had anything to do with love.

"You're an animal," she could almost hear his old, cocky voice whisper too, and she remembered the bruises she left on his body. It was better that it had ended; no matter what she thought she might have felt once, the only thing they ever had to offer each other was pain.

She fought to shove the memories of Spike away even as Angel touched her gently, with the adoration and awe he always had when they were together evident in every caress. This is better, she told herself as he trailed kisses down her spine and she moved beneath him. This was all she wanted.

And then Angel's mouth moved lower and she forgot all about any time except this one.

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