Getting Off The Griefmobile
By Annakovsky
See part 1 for all relevant info and disclaimer.
***********
CHAPTER EIGHT
***********
Andrew couldn't believe he had a girlfriend. An actual, living, breathing, non-magically-controlled girlfriend. A girl, a pretty hot girl, *liked* him. This was seriously the best summer ever. Holding hands with Dawn under the dinner table, surrounded by Buffy and all her friends, actually a part of the group, the Slayer's inner circle... dating the Slayer's younger sister. The beautiful, oft-neglected younger sister whose raven-dark hair shone in the sunlight. A true fighter for good who deigned to bestow her glances upon him, one who had gone astray but now sought to redeem himself in the battle against evil.
Holy cow, he felt pretty sure he was just going to explode with happiness at any second and they'd spend the next month cleaning pieces of him off the walls.
"Andrew, what's with the sighing? Because it is seriously annoying," Buffy said. Dawn immediately let go of his hand and stomped on his foot. Because their love was a secret... for now.
"Ow!" he said, but Dawn glared at him and he turned it into a fake cough instead. He hadn't even noticed that he'd been sighing, that's what being this happy will do to you. "Um, nothing," he said. "Sorry." Buffy gave Dawn a withering look.
"Can't you keep your boyfriend under control?" she asked her. Dawn actually choked on her food and started coughing.
"My what?" she finally managed to get out.
"You heard me," said Buffy. Andrew felt a little panicky and looked around to see how everyone else was taking the news. No one looked surprised, though. Most of them looked very, very amused. Giles was cleaning his glasses intently, unsuccessfully suppressing a smile.
"Oh, he's not... we're not..." Dawn stammered. Buffy raised an eyebrow at her. Dawn swiveled her head to glare at Andrew. "Andrew, you *told* her?!? You *promised*..."
"No, no, no, I didn't say anything, I swear!" Andrew said.
"Dawn, honestly," said Buffy. "I figured it out all on my own, as I do, in fact, have half a brain. It's no big deal. Pass the potatoes, will you?"
Dawn, looking mortified, did so.
"Buffy," started Andrew. "I just have to say that I appreciate your confidence in us and want to assure you that my intentions are..."
"Andrew!" Dawn almost shrieked, turning beet red. "Please, I beg of you, stop talking."
"Okay, honey, I just wanted..." he trailed off when Dawn groaned in embarrassment (sometime around the word "honey") and leaned her head on her hand so that no one could see her face. "... never mind," Andrew finished. "So, um, Buffy, what's the plan for dealing with the First?"
Buffy grinned, but had mercy on her sister and let Andrew change the subject. "Well, like I told you guys, I talked to Angel and his, um, law firm? Or something like that, I didn't quite follow it – anyway, they're working on getting us in touch with someone who can get us in touch with the Powers That Be. And while we're waiting on that, all the Slayers we know of are on high alert and as soon as Willow gets her spell done we'll send a couple of people out to tell them all that they're Slayers and that they need to be careful, and that we'll be sending them Watchers soon. Maybe regional Watchers since there's a little bit of a shortage, but Watchers, anyway."
"So who's going to go out as the Slayer-finder-and-teller?" Willow asked.
"I don't know," said Buffy. "I kind of don't feel like I can spare any of you."
"Hey, Dawn and I could do it," suggested Andrew. "The two of us, traveling around the world...."
"Sure," Buffy laughed. She looked at him. "Oh, you were serious?" She laughed again. "Yeah, okay, Andrew, keep dreaming."
"What about Giles? He has a lot of experience telling Potentials about their calling," said Xander. "How exactly do you do it, anyway?" Giles had his mouth full and went to swallow and answer, but Buffy jumped in.
"Well, in my experience you act really creepy and then slam a big book with "Vampyr" – spelled wrong – on the cover. It's really a great way to ease your new Slayer into it." She looked at Giles, teasing. He cleared his throat.
"Yes... well. I was young and, er, enthusiastic. Besides, you already knew about your destiny and all that." She gave him a look. "I'm willing to admit it may have been a bit heavy-handed," he said. "You'll be pleased to know I'm much more tactful these days."
"Well, that's a relief," said Buffy. "Okay, so Giles will do the informing-new-Slayers-thing. I think he should have a partner, though."
"Ooh, and maybe they can hand out copies of the Watchtower, too," said Dawn sarcastically. She was still smarting from all the earlier perceived humiliation.
"No, partnering is a good idea," said Willow. "If Giles were on his own and the First got to him... it's too dangerous, even with most of the Harbingers and uber-vamps out of the picture at the moment. He needs someone to watch his back. Someone who's a good fighter. And I think maybe the new Slayers would be reassured if they could talk to someone who's been a Slayer for awhile, knows how to handle it." She looked meaningfully at Faith. Faith's eyes widened.
"Uh, did you say 'knows how to handle it'? 'Cause I think with me, past events may not bear that out. Not that I don't appreciate the thought and all."
"Hey, I think that's a great idea, Willow," said Buffy. "Having a Watcher/Slayer combo would be a much easier way to break the news. If you're willing to do it, Faith. But I for one think you'd do a really good job."
"I..." Faith looked around the table before shrugging. "Hey, whatever. If you guys want me to, I'm in, but don't say I didn't warn you."
"You'll be great," Buffy said sincerely. Faith shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed. All of a sudden she got very busy cutting up her pork chop. "Well, that's good, then," said Buffy. "Then me, Willow, Xander and the lovebirds will hold down the fort and do whatever we can when we get this meeting or whatever set up. And we'll deal with any Hellmouth issues as they come up." Dawn was brick red again over the lovebirds comment.
"May I be excused?" she asked. "I forgot that I have to go crawl into a hole and die."
"Oh, get over it," said Buffy. "If you can handle dating him, I think you can handle the teasing. So is everybody okay with the plan, inadequate as it is?" Everyone nodded.
"Thanks for asking," said Xander quietly, but sincerely. Buffy gave him an apologetic smile.
"That's the way it should always be. You're my council of war, not the troops." They all smiled but didn't really look at each other. Feelings from the past year were still a little too raw, despite how far they'd come.
"So what's my job in the council of war?" asked Andrew, breaking the slightly awkward silence. "Can I be the guy in charge of deploying our nuclear armaments?" They all laughed a little.
"Andrew, as soon as we get some nuclear armaments, you're our guy," said Buffy. "I think I can safely promise that."
"Cool," said Andrew.
**
Willow got the spell to work that night after dinner. She yelled triumphantly and they all came running.
"You guys, I got it! I actually got it!" she said, very excited. A long spreadsheet was open on her laptop, a perfect list of names and addresses.
"Willow, you're a genius!" Xander said, hugging her. She was a little red and flustered right after the hug, but Andrew figured that was from being excited over getting the spell right. Dawn scrolled down to the bottom of the list. It ended with #438 – Zimmerman, Jessica, age 16, of Portland, Oregon. Willow had of course made her spell alphabetize.
"So this means Giles and I head out soon, huh?" said Faith. "Where are we going?" She started scrolling through the list. "I've never heard of some of these places. Where the hell's Burkina Faso?"
"West Africa," said Willow.
"Oh," she said, still scrolling. She began to read them out loud. "China, India, Bangladesh, Brazil, China, France, Afghanistan... would this be a bad time to mention I've never actually been out of the country before?"
"Ah, other countries are overrated anyway," said Xander.
"Where have *you* ever been?" asked Buffy, surprised. She thought she, Xander, and Willow had all been stuck in America guarding the Hellmouth forever, except for Willow's evil-rehab trip to England.
"Oh, you know... Mexico," he said. "Once. But it's way overrated."
"Guess I'll get to see for myself," said Faith. "Seven new Slayers there. Ninety in China. Hope your Chinese has gotten better, Giles."
"So do I," he said. "So do I."
***********************
TBC...
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Notes: Apparently more than 12 million people live in Burkina Faso, but I swear I'd never heard of it before. 12 million is enough to get it a Slayer, though. I actually went through the estimated population of every country, found out what percentage of world population was in each, and then distributed the 438 Slayers proportionally. Really. I have a whole spreadsheet on it now. It's ironic that I'm being this precise, since 438 is a number I just picked at random, but still. (If you're interested, the top 3 countries are China, with 90 Slayers, India, with 73, followed by the US, in third place, with a mere 20. In the rest of the English speaking world, Canada has 2, the United Kingdom 4, and Australia just 1. More than half the Slayers (263, to be exact) live in Asia. Actually, more than that, since I counted Russia with Europe even though most of it's in Asia. Oh, and if you're REALLY interested in all this, I'll be happy to email you the spreadsheet.) I have no idea if any of this will ever appear in the story, but hey, there it is.
This is how much I care about you, the reader. Also, I seem to get very excited when things can involve spreadsheets and graphs. I'm not quite sure why.
Of course, this is all assuming that the number of Slayers in each country is proportional to the number of people in the country. This assumption is in blatant disregard of canon, since all but one of the Potentials shown onscreen in Season 7 were from the English speaking world. But I'm gonna fanwank that this was because the Scoobs were better able to rescue those Potentials who were English speakers.
Also, the show is hopelessly Amero-euro-centric. Ha! Take that Joss! Wait, no, don't sue... damn.
By Annakovsky
See part 1 for all relevant info and disclaimer.
***********
CHAPTER EIGHT
***********
Andrew couldn't believe he had a girlfriend. An actual, living, breathing, non-magically-controlled girlfriend. A girl, a pretty hot girl, *liked* him. This was seriously the best summer ever. Holding hands with Dawn under the dinner table, surrounded by Buffy and all her friends, actually a part of the group, the Slayer's inner circle... dating the Slayer's younger sister. The beautiful, oft-neglected younger sister whose raven-dark hair shone in the sunlight. A true fighter for good who deigned to bestow her glances upon him, one who had gone astray but now sought to redeem himself in the battle against evil.
Holy cow, he felt pretty sure he was just going to explode with happiness at any second and they'd spend the next month cleaning pieces of him off the walls.
"Andrew, what's with the sighing? Because it is seriously annoying," Buffy said. Dawn immediately let go of his hand and stomped on his foot. Because their love was a secret... for now.
"Ow!" he said, but Dawn glared at him and he turned it into a fake cough instead. He hadn't even noticed that he'd been sighing, that's what being this happy will do to you. "Um, nothing," he said. "Sorry." Buffy gave Dawn a withering look.
"Can't you keep your boyfriend under control?" she asked her. Dawn actually choked on her food and started coughing.
"My what?" she finally managed to get out.
"You heard me," said Buffy. Andrew felt a little panicky and looked around to see how everyone else was taking the news. No one looked surprised, though. Most of them looked very, very amused. Giles was cleaning his glasses intently, unsuccessfully suppressing a smile.
"Oh, he's not... we're not..." Dawn stammered. Buffy raised an eyebrow at her. Dawn swiveled her head to glare at Andrew. "Andrew, you *told* her?!? You *promised*..."
"No, no, no, I didn't say anything, I swear!" Andrew said.
"Dawn, honestly," said Buffy. "I figured it out all on my own, as I do, in fact, have half a brain. It's no big deal. Pass the potatoes, will you?"
Dawn, looking mortified, did so.
"Buffy," started Andrew. "I just have to say that I appreciate your confidence in us and want to assure you that my intentions are..."
"Andrew!" Dawn almost shrieked, turning beet red. "Please, I beg of you, stop talking."
"Okay, honey, I just wanted..." he trailed off when Dawn groaned in embarrassment (sometime around the word "honey") and leaned her head on her hand so that no one could see her face. "... never mind," Andrew finished. "So, um, Buffy, what's the plan for dealing with the First?"
Buffy grinned, but had mercy on her sister and let Andrew change the subject. "Well, like I told you guys, I talked to Angel and his, um, law firm? Or something like that, I didn't quite follow it – anyway, they're working on getting us in touch with someone who can get us in touch with the Powers That Be. And while we're waiting on that, all the Slayers we know of are on high alert and as soon as Willow gets her spell done we'll send a couple of people out to tell them all that they're Slayers and that they need to be careful, and that we'll be sending them Watchers soon. Maybe regional Watchers since there's a little bit of a shortage, but Watchers, anyway."
"So who's going to go out as the Slayer-finder-and-teller?" Willow asked.
"I don't know," said Buffy. "I kind of don't feel like I can spare any of you."
"Hey, Dawn and I could do it," suggested Andrew. "The two of us, traveling around the world...."
"Sure," Buffy laughed. She looked at him. "Oh, you were serious?" She laughed again. "Yeah, okay, Andrew, keep dreaming."
"What about Giles? He has a lot of experience telling Potentials about their calling," said Xander. "How exactly do you do it, anyway?" Giles had his mouth full and went to swallow and answer, but Buffy jumped in.
"Well, in my experience you act really creepy and then slam a big book with "Vampyr" – spelled wrong – on the cover. It's really a great way to ease your new Slayer into it." She looked at Giles, teasing. He cleared his throat.
"Yes... well. I was young and, er, enthusiastic. Besides, you already knew about your destiny and all that." She gave him a look. "I'm willing to admit it may have been a bit heavy-handed," he said. "You'll be pleased to know I'm much more tactful these days."
"Well, that's a relief," said Buffy. "Okay, so Giles will do the informing-new-Slayers-thing. I think he should have a partner, though."
"Ooh, and maybe they can hand out copies of the Watchtower, too," said Dawn sarcastically. She was still smarting from all the earlier perceived humiliation.
"No, partnering is a good idea," said Willow. "If Giles were on his own and the First got to him... it's too dangerous, even with most of the Harbingers and uber-vamps out of the picture at the moment. He needs someone to watch his back. Someone who's a good fighter. And I think maybe the new Slayers would be reassured if they could talk to someone who's been a Slayer for awhile, knows how to handle it." She looked meaningfully at Faith. Faith's eyes widened.
"Uh, did you say 'knows how to handle it'? 'Cause I think with me, past events may not bear that out. Not that I don't appreciate the thought and all."
"Hey, I think that's a great idea, Willow," said Buffy. "Having a Watcher/Slayer combo would be a much easier way to break the news. If you're willing to do it, Faith. But I for one think you'd do a really good job."
"I..." Faith looked around the table before shrugging. "Hey, whatever. If you guys want me to, I'm in, but don't say I didn't warn you."
"You'll be great," Buffy said sincerely. Faith shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed. All of a sudden she got very busy cutting up her pork chop. "Well, that's good, then," said Buffy. "Then me, Willow, Xander and the lovebirds will hold down the fort and do whatever we can when we get this meeting or whatever set up. And we'll deal with any Hellmouth issues as they come up." Dawn was brick red again over the lovebirds comment.
"May I be excused?" she asked. "I forgot that I have to go crawl into a hole and die."
"Oh, get over it," said Buffy. "If you can handle dating him, I think you can handle the teasing. So is everybody okay with the plan, inadequate as it is?" Everyone nodded.
"Thanks for asking," said Xander quietly, but sincerely. Buffy gave him an apologetic smile.
"That's the way it should always be. You're my council of war, not the troops." They all smiled but didn't really look at each other. Feelings from the past year were still a little too raw, despite how far they'd come.
"So what's my job in the council of war?" asked Andrew, breaking the slightly awkward silence. "Can I be the guy in charge of deploying our nuclear armaments?" They all laughed a little.
"Andrew, as soon as we get some nuclear armaments, you're our guy," said Buffy. "I think I can safely promise that."
"Cool," said Andrew.
**
Willow got the spell to work that night after dinner. She yelled triumphantly and they all came running.
"You guys, I got it! I actually got it!" she said, very excited. A long spreadsheet was open on her laptop, a perfect list of names and addresses.
"Willow, you're a genius!" Xander said, hugging her. She was a little red and flustered right after the hug, but Andrew figured that was from being excited over getting the spell right. Dawn scrolled down to the bottom of the list. It ended with #438 – Zimmerman, Jessica, age 16, of Portland, Oregon. Willow had of course made her spell alphabetize.
"So this means Giles and I head out soon, huh?" said Faith. "Where are we going?" She started scrolling through the list. "I've never heard of some of these places. Where the hell's Burkina Faso?"
"West Africa," said Willow.
"Oh," she said, still scrolling. She began to read them out loud. "China, India, Bangladesh, Brazil, China, France, Afghanistan... would this be a bad time to mention I've never actually been out of the country before?"
"Ah, other countries are overrated anyway," said Xander.
"Where have *you* ever been?" asked Buffy, surprised. She thought she, Xander, and Willow had all been stuck in America guarding the Hellmouth forever, except for Willow's evil-rehab trip to England.
"Oh, you know... Mexico," he said. "Once. But it's way overrated."
"Guess I'll get to see for myself," said Faith. "Seven new Slayers there. Ninety in China. Hope your Chinese has gotten better, Giles."
"So do I," he said. "So do I."
***********************
TBC...
***********************
Notes: Apparently more than 12 million people live in Burkina Faso, but I swear I'd never heard of it before. 12 million is enough to get it a Slayer, though. I actually went through the estimated population of every country, found out what percentage of world population was in each, and then distributed the 438 Slayers proportionally. Really. I have a whole spreadsheet on it now. It's ironic that I'm being this precise, since 438 is a number I just picked at random, but still. (If you're interested, the top 3 countries are China, with 90 Slayers, India, with 73, followed by the US, in third place, with a mere 20. In the rest of the English speaking world, Canada has 2, the United Kingdom 4, and Australia just 1. More than half the Slayers (263, to be exact) live in Asia. Actually, more than that, since I counted Russia with Europe even though most of it's in Asia. Oh, and if you're REALLY interested in all this, I'll be happy to email you the spreadsheet.) I have no idea if any of this will ever appear in the story, but hey, there it is.
This is how much I care about you, the reader. Also, I seem to get very excited when things can involve spreadsheets and graphs. I'm not quite sure why.
Of course, this is all assuming that the number of Slayers in each country is proportional to the number of people in the country. This assumption is in blatant disregard of canon, since all but one of the Potentials shown onscreen in Season 7 were from the English speaking world. But I'm gonna fanwank that this was because the Scoobs were better able to rescue those Potentials who were English speakers.
Also, the show is hopelessly Amero-euro-centric. Ha! Take that Joss! Wait, no, don't sue... damn.